Mom, it's a viola.

[ 1. 健忘的媽媽 ]

Vi...viola?

兒子啊, 要好好練小提琴唷, 你拉得很棒

Wait, since when did you play the viola?

(又來了)

Mom, I've been playing the viola for the last five years.

媽, 這是中提琴

Five years?

中, 中提琴?

I thought you played the violin, I remember you taking your violin class.

等等, 你什麼時候改拉中提琴的?

Why are you playing the viola now?

媽, 我已經拉了五年的中提了

My teacher made me change from violin to viola.

五年!?

Because no one wanted to play viola.

我以為你拉的是小提琴 我還記得帶你去上小提琴課啊

Stop! Stop right there.

你為什麼現在在拉中提琴?

Your B is out of tune, in fact your intonation's all over the place, your rhythm's all over the place

老師逼我換的

Why are you not practicing with the metronome?

因為沒人想拉中提

You just started practicing, you shouldn't have been playing your pieces.

[ 2. 音樂家媽媽 ]

You should be doing slow scales and long tones.

停! 給我停下來!

Your contact point's all over the place, your vibrato...

你的B不準! 事實上你全部的音準都飄來飄去

What are you even doing? You call that violin playing?

拍子也不對

Get out of here

你為什麼不用節拍器?

It's okay, we still have time for the next Menuhin Violin Competition.

你才剛開始練 不應該直接練曲子

Just do five hours of scales every day,

你應該要先慢練音階, 還有長音

I'll be listening.

你的弓亂飄, 你的抖音...

One second

你到底在幹什麼?! 這樣叫拉琴嗎?!

Hold up

滾!

Son, you remember in the lesson last week,

沒關係, 距離下次曼紐因大賽還有時間

your teacher said that

每天給我練5小時的音階

The bottom G should be a little bit more fuller in the bottom of the chords,

我會在旁邊聽

and the...

[ 3. 超級投入的媽媽 ]

the sem-

等一下

seemeekwavers (semiquavers), the quick notes.

等等

The teacher told you to make it more...

兒子, 你記不記得上個禮拜上課

Rubayto (Rubato).

老師說

So yeah I'll be making sure to remind you and take notes every lesson.

和弦裡最低的G要拉得...飽滿一點

Son, you're playing very good.

還有...

But you gotta understand

十..

Music is not about the notes or the accuracy. Just...

十六份音符 (分啦)

You need to put more feeling into it.

就是很快的那些

Music, the music, I'm not feeling the feeling.

老師叫你速度要更那個...

You need more presence,

魯貝頭 (Rubato彈性速度)

Confidence.

對, 我會記得提醒你 每一堂課我都會抄筆記

Every time you pull that string,

[ 4. 不會音樂又"很懂"的媽媽 ]

It's like pulling on the heartstrings of people.

兒子, 你拉得不錯

That's what music is about.

但你要知道

Hey mom, I've got a competition next week.

音樂不只是講求每個音符精準正確而已

Can I play for you?

你要投入更多感情

I don't know much about music anyway,

音樂, 音樂性, 我感受不到

but I'm sure you'll be fine.

你要更有存在感

Okay. I'll just go practice then.

更有自信

Oh and by the way,

每一次的拉弦

Don't you think it's a little bit late to practice right now? Like...

都要如同拉動人們心弦一般

You might piss off the neighbors.

這才是音樂該有的樣子

Mom it's 11 o'clock...

[ 5. 漠不關心的媽媽 ] 媽, 我下禮拜要比賽了

in the morning

可以拉給你聽嗎?

Oh my god!

反正我又不懂音樂

Son, you sound so good!

我知道你沒問題的啦

So talented!

好吧, 那我回去練習了

I'm so lucky, I have such a sweet, talented young boy like you.

(你沒在乎過)

The world is your oyster.

喔對了

You're the best!

你不覺得現在練琴有點太晚?

(Asian mom noise)

(媽你在講三小?)

Why you still play out of tune?

你會吵到鄰居

It's been one year already la

現在是11點耶, 媽

You still sound like crap!

早上11點

What happened?

[ 6. 正能量破表媽媽]

I told you, Ling Ling already win the Menuhin Competition, you know?

(距弓尖15公分)

Now he practice 72 hours a day

我的天

You still practice nothing!

兒子你拉得好好聽!

You still sound like this?

好有才華!

Last time I kung pao your chicken.

我好幸運 有一個這麼貼心又有天份的小孩

This time I sichuan your pepper, and mapo your tofu.

全世界都為你傾倒

I ran into Ling Ling's mother the other day,

你最棒了!

in Chinatown.

(不要忘了還有...)

You know what she say?

[ 7. 虎媽 ]

She said Ling Ling already doctor la!

你為什麼還在拉錯音? [ 7. 虎媽 ]

Ling Ling save life, what you doing huh?

已經練一年了內

HUH?

聽起來還是像殺豬!

Why you always making so many mistakes in your playing, huh?

花生什麼事!?

You think it's okay to make mistakes in playing?

我跟你講, 霖霖已經拿到曼紐因大賽首獎了 知道嗎?

Every time you play one note out of tune,

現在他一天拉72小時的琴

it's like you make mistake in surgery.

你現在還在拉這些五四三

If you perform surgery the way you practice your scales,

什麼鬼有夠難聽

the patient already dead la.

上一次宮保雞丁伺候

You embarrass me!

這次我要給你四川辣椒! 還有麻婆豆腐!

Oh hey, by the way,

我前幾天在中國城遇到霖霖他媽媽

come, come, come come come. Here, come here.

你知道她說什麼嗎?

Everybody!

她說霖霖現在是醫生了啦!

You should hurry up and go buy the practice shirt right now.

霖霖在懸壺濟世, 你在幹什麼蛤?

Everybody, look how handsome,

蛤?!

how beauty,

你為什麼一天到晚拉錯音, 蛤?

how good quality cotton it is.

你覺得拉錯音沒關係嗎?

Go buy!

你每拉錯一個音

But mom, it's not out yet.

就像手術犯個錯一樣

What do you mean it's not out yet?

如果用你練音階的方式開刀

Cause it launches on the 18th of May.

你的病人早掛了啦

Aiyo, doesn't matter la.

你真是丟臉丟到家!

People need to see!

母親節快樂!!

The 18th or the 8th, doesn't matter.

喔, 對了

Every dollar count.

來, 來, 來來來 來這裡

Look, see, even say practice!

(自信歸零) 大家注意

Ling Ling's mother make Ling Ling wear the shirt all the time.

現在趕快去買練琴T恤

That's why he practice so much.

大家看, 多麼帥氣

But why you still no practice huh?

多麼美麗

Don't want to s-

多麼高級的純棉T

Stupid!

快去買!

Anyway, go buy the shirt right now.

媽, 這件還沒上市

It comes out...When does it come out?

什麼叫還沒上市?

18th of May.

5月18號才開賣

Yeah, yeah! Practice!

唉唷, 沒關係啦

Go buy the shirt right now.

給大家看有什麼關係

Good value!

18號和8號都一樣

Look how beauty,

賣一件算一件

Look how Gucci!

你們看, 上面寫「練琴」

Oh, all the LV mothers be jealous now!

霖霖的媽每天強迫他穿這件

Ho ho ho ho

所以他才能練這麼久

Now Tiffany and...

啊你為什麼沒在練琴蛤?

Hey! Why you still here, huh?

懶得講你...

Go practice!

笨蛋!

Done! Get out of here.

總之, 現在趕快去買T恤

Huh!

開賣日期是...什麼時候?