Can you please come over, and bring the Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup?

妳可以來看我嗎？順便幫買個 Campbell 的雞湯麵？

For your son?

拜託，為了妳的兒子？

I'm sick.

我病了。

How did I get sick?

我是怎麼生病的？

I take a multi-vitamin every day, I get enough sleep every night, I wash my hands religiously.

我明明每天吃綜合維他命、早睡早起，也有規律洗手。

Where did I go wrong?

我做錯了什麼？

Is there no justice in this world?

這世上還有公理嗎？

According to WebMD, I either have a cold, or death will be upon me at any moment.

根據網路醫生網，我不是感冒，就是死到臨頭了。

No, stop!

不，不要！

You can't take care of me!

你不要照顧我！

I'm supposed to be taking care of you.

應該是我要照顧你的！

I don't need to go to a doctor for a cold, all right?

區區感冒，我不用去看醫生，好嗎？

I've got my old fashioned remedy right here.

我有準備自己的傳統療法。

Just like my Aunt Hilda used to give me when I was a toddler.

就像 Hilda 阿姨從小給我的那樣。

No, I have got to go to work today.

不行，我今天一定得去上班。

They are gonna fall apart at the office if I don't show up!

我不在的話，辦公室的大家會分崩離析的！

Now, question for you, how much of this is too much?

現在，回答我，這個藥吃多少會過量？

Because I think I'm starting to reach that point!

我覺得我快到臨界點了。

I'm not skipping my workout just 'cause of a little cold.

我才不會因為一點小感冒就不去健身。

No days off, bro.

兄弟，我沒在休息的。

I go hard.

我都盡力的。

Okay, all right, I'm taking the day off.

好吧，我休一天好了。

I'm not gonna be coming in today, I really don't feel well.

我今天不會到，我身體不太舒服。

I've got a headache, fever, chills, and I threw up right before I made this phone call, but that was just because I was nervous about calling in sick.

我頭痛、發燒還畏寒，就在打這通電話之前我還吐了。但那只是因為我對於打電話請假感到緊張。

Yeah, I'm sick.

對，我有點感冒。

Sick of all you suckas at the office.

對你們這些辦公室的爛人們感到感冒。

Ha ha, gotcha!

哈，耍到你們了吧！

Actually no, I have diarrhea, so I'm not coming in today.

沒啦，我拉肚子，我今天不會去上班。

A sick day is a perfect opportunity to catch up on some reading.

生病修養的日子，就是一個閱讀的大好機會。

Or to just watch YouTube for eight hours.

或是看 8 小時的 YouTube。

Specifically the Frank James channel.

尤其是看 Frank James 的頻道。

Dora!

Dora!

Dora, you idiot!

Dora，妳這笨蛋！

Swiper's right next to you!

Swiper 就在妳右邊啊！

He's literally right there!

他就在那邊！

Oh my gosh.

我的天！

You suck at exploring.

妳超不會探險。

It hurts to much to move my body.

連移動身子都感到劇痛。

But I gotta get up and get that video game controller, or this will have been a wasted sick day.

但我得起身，拿到那電動手把，不然今天這個病假就浪費了。

Time to regain my strength the only way I know how... arguing with fools online.

是時間恢復體力了，用我熟知的方法。那就是和網上的白痴爭論。

Look at you, you're a mess!

看看你，糟透了！

You're gonna let a little cold stop you?

你要讓一點小感冒停下你的腳步？

Pull it together, man!

給我振作起來！

♪ When you've got a cold ♪

♪ 當你受風寒 ♪

♪ And you're feelin' low ♪

♪ 而你情緒低 ♪

♪ Just remember when ♪

♪ 請謹記在心 ♪

♪ Your sinuses were clear ♪

♪ 你的鼻子終究會通 ♪

♪ And then make yourself ♪

♪ 屆時，給自己來碗 ♪

♪ Some chicken soup ♪

♪ 雞湯吧 ♪

All I have done today is rest and take my medication at the appropriate times.

我今天唯一做的事情就是休息，還有在適當的時間吃藥。

So why can't I stop pooping?

那為什麼我還是在拉肚子？

Mom!

媽！

Mom!

媽！

It's me!

是我！

I have a headache, chills, other stuff.

我頭痛、畏寒，什麼的。