♪ They're creepy and they're kooky

♪ Mysterious and spooky

♪ They're altogether ooky

♪ The Addams family

♪ The house is a museum

♪ When people come to see 'em

♪ They really are a scream

♪ The Addams family

MAN: Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

♪ So get a witch's shawl on

♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

♪ We're gonna pay a call on

♪ The Addams family ♪

(GRUNTING)

Lovely day, isn't it?

Yes.

The chill goes right through you.

Look at them.

Oh, they have such good times together.

Well, here we are.

Is this the Addams house?

Yep. Are you sure this is the place you wanna go to?

Why, yes.

Okay. You know, it's not too late.

I could still take you back into town

and turn you over to those Travelers Aid.

No, thank you.

Okay, lady.

(FOGHORN SOUNDING)

I wonder who that could be?

It may not be a who. It may be a what.

You optimist.

A relative.

Morticia? It's me.

Cousin Melancholia!

Oh, darling!

Gomez, you remember Melancholia.

Who could forget that face?

I know I should have called,

but everything happened so fast.

Everything?

It's Fred.

My intended.

He jilted you.

Well, I can't really say.

He just took back his ring, sold his farm

and joined the Foreign Legion.

That is kind of indefinite.

I just didn't know what to do.

I'm glad you came to us in your hour of trial.

And you remember Mama?

I always said that you'd grow up to be a beauty.

Oh, Mama, you haven't changed a bit.

And you haven't lost a bit of your looks.

The vain old thing takes hours to get herself together.

It certainly shows.

Darling, why don't you go upstairs and freshen up

and we'll talk it all over later.

Follow me.

Oh.

It's so good to be where you feel at home.

I'd better make her a nice hot cup of henbane juice.

MORTICIA: Thank you, Mama.

Gomez, is there anything we can do to help Melancholia?

Well, if we can't help her, who can?

We have to find her a man.

But where?

Darling, you have so many vast business interests,

you must know someone.

Well, let's see now.

There's old Charlie Carlisle the accountant.

No, he's dead.

He wouldn't be right.

Melancholia needs someone dashing, handsome, charming.

Like you, darling.

Carinito, you're really making it tough.

Now, now, now, Cleopatra,

you're much too young to take tea.

GOMEZ: Yes, indeed. That's right.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, she'd make a perfect wife.

Yes, I see.

Uh-huh.

Well, then, it's obvious I have the wrong number.

Any luck?

Seven refusals.

Fortunately, three of them were wrong numbers.

We just have to keep trying.

What about Ed Franzen, the fellow who works at the monument company?

Much too flighty.

You're right.

Even when he's carving those inscriptions he can't stop giggling.

Darling, have you tried your salt mine?

No, by Jove!

They used to have a pretty lively crowd down there.

I just know this is gonna work.

It's got to, I'm running out of companies.

Hello? Sutton? Addams here.

Say, we've got a ravishing young cousin here

who's just dying for some company.

Oh, well, thanks anyway.

Keep the salt rolling.

Nothing?

Nothing.

But don't despair, we'll find someone.

How about a marriage broker?

Capital idea! I know just the one.

Hasty Marriage.

Mmm-hmm.

The same one we got for Cousin Gripe.

Hasty Marriage?

How are you fixed for grooms?

Really?

He says they've got a complete selection.

How romantic.

Tell them to send over a few,

and then Melancholia can take her pick.

How about sending over a few samples?

Oh, you know, one tall, one short, one fat, one thin.

Uh, uh, better make that two thins.

The name is Addams.

(PHONE CLICKS)

Hello?

Hello?

I think we were disconnected.

It's just as well. I think we should get one of our own.

You're right, we should.

Lurch.

Oh, dear, not Lurch.

He's such a playboy.

That's all an act. You'll see.

(GONG RESOUNDING)

You rang?

Lurch, have you ever given thought to

the blissful joys of marriage?

(GROANING)

You see? Underneath that devil-may-care, he's a sentimental softie.

Lurch, we have a lovely girl for you.

Sweet, soft and soulful.

I thought you wanted him for Melancholia.

I'm talking about Melancholia.

(GROANING)

Now, now, Lurch, control yourself.

You mustn't appear overanxious.

Now, about the wedding date.

(GROANING)

Obviously he prefers a long engagement.

Nonsense.

Two people so ideally suited. Why wait?

How about eloping tonight?

Please.

Well, it is a bit hasty. How about tomorrow night?

We'll all go together.

We'll make it a combination elopement and picnic.

(GROANING)

Darling, somehow I don't think Lurch takes to the idea of an elopement.

All right, forget the elopement, we'll just go on the picnic.

It's a lovely idea!

But I do believe Melancholia would rather be married.

No.

By Jove, Morticia, I'm beginning to believe you were right.

He is a playboy.

Very well, Lurch, you may go.

But, remember, there will never be another Melancholia.

Never.

(SIGHING)

They would have made a lovely couple.

I just love weddings.

They always make me cry.

Oh, thank you, Thing.

Thing?

Have you ever given thought to the blissful joys of marriage?

The Things of today.

Forget it.