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  • The Addams family

  • Darling, do you think you did the right thing

  • by joining that Zen-Yogi society?

  • Obviously.

  • Nothing more important than physical culture.

  • True.

  • Ever see anything more restful on the feet?

  • No, I can't say that I have.

  • Does your head feel good, dear?

  • Darling, you can't have everything.

  • That's true. I never thought of that.

  • I wish you'd get Uncle Fester to join up.

  • He wouldn't even listen.

  • Something's come over him lately.

  • He's been acting sly, secretive.

  • Dear Uncle Fester.

  • He just improves with age.

  • Oh.

  • How do you like this?

  • Oh, yes.

  • But I'm not sure about the neck.

  • Oh?

  • Too low?

  • Too wide.

  • For Cousin Eustace?

  • I take it back.

  • (GROWLING)

  • Ah, 2:00. The afternoon paper should be in.

  • I'll get it. Alley-oop! Oop!

  • Don't be long.

  • I won't.

  • I'll wait for you in the conservatory.

  • Morticia.

  • Time has stood still for you, angelito mio.

  • You look even lovelier than the day I first laid eyes on you.

  • Bubele.

  • That word. I'd better go.

  • (BLOWS WHISTLE)

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Lurch, did you pick up the paper?

  • No, sir.

  • Someone's been stealing it the past

  • four or five days. Any idea who it is?

  • Fine loyalty.

  • (THING KNOCKING)

  • (TAPPING IN MORSE CODE)

  • Uncle Fester.

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • If it weren't for you, this place would be a madhouse.

  • Is mother's baby hungry, hmm?

  • (SLURPING)

  • (SLURPING)

  • (GULPS) Yeah.

  • There.

  • (CHIRRUPING)

  • Morticia.

  • Oh, Gomez.

  • The most touching thing has happened.

  • Your carnivorous plant put its tentacle around you again.

  • Tish, I think you've been feeding them altogether too much hamburger.

  • No, no, no, sweetheart.

  • It's the trailing arbutus and the creeping midnight crawler.

  • They're embracing.

  • Isn't that sweet?

  • They fell in love and intertwined.

  • But the creeper went to the left

  • and the arbutus went to the right

  • and they choked each other.

  • What a way to go.

  • Morticia, I must tell you, Uncle Fester is not himself.

  • Oh, is that bad?

  • Maybe not.

  • But he has been interfering with the children's upbringing lately.

  • Against my express wishes he promised little Pugsley a Gila monster.

  • Darling, it's healthy for children to have pets.

  • Gila monsters?

  • Why not?

  • They're so expensive.

  • Dear Uncle Fester. Generous to a fault.

  • (WEDNESDAY WHOOPING)

  • WEDNESDAY: Mommy, Daddy, come look, come look.

  • Look what Uncle Fester got me.

  • He had it made especially for me.

  • A black widow spider village.

  • Isn't that lovely?

  • Just like a society of small humans.

  • Yeah, they do nothing but fight.

  • That's life.

  • But is this anything for our child?

  • Of course not.

  • She already has many more spiders than she'll ever need.

  • Have fun, dear.

  • Still think we should talk to Uncle Fester.

  • Maybe, but gently.

  • The last time we scolded him,

  • he went into his closet and didn't come out for weeks.

  • It was an act, my dear. He loves his closet.

  • Interesting, yes.

  • Very interesting.

  • (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

  • Come in.

  • Was that you talking to yourself, Uncle Fester?

  • You've been doing that quite a bit lately.

  • Well, only when I'm alone.

  • Uncle Fester...

  • I, I know what you're going to say.

  • I've been spoiling the children.

  • I guess I like to feel wanted.

  • But you are wanted.

  • And needed.

  • Needed?

  • You wouldn't even let me fix that leak in the roof.

  • And my finger fit it perfectly.

  • Uncle Fester, I told you, that's my favorite leak.

  • And what about you?

  • There was a time you'd never think of

  • using your electric shaver without connecting it to me.

  • Well, Gomez felt you've been a bit run-down lately.

  • Run-down?

  • (BUZZING)

  • And I can still make it blink, too.

  • (BUZZING)

  • You call that run-down?

  • Well, the truth is, Uncle Fester,

  • uh, my new shaver is AC and you're DC.

  • Excuses, excuses.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Well, you don't have to be.

  • I've been scanning the lonely hearts column.

  • You haven't.

  • You sly old fox, you.

  • Well, under the circumstances, I, I thought I'd take a bride.

  • Uncle Fester, you just can't take one.

  • You're supposed to find your own.

  • It's the sporting way, old boy.

  • You'll be fighting the women off with clubs.

  • Clubs?

  • Yeah.

  • I think I'd like that.

  • Well, I better get on with the letter.

  • Oh, Gomez.

  • This morning when I woke up and the sky was all dark and cloudy,

  • I knew right then and there that this was going to be a lovely day.

  • But I can truthfully say I have never let breeding, social position,

  • or looks go to my head.

  • And I'm looking forward to meeting someone of the opposite sex

  • with these same qualities.

  • Signed, Modesty.

  • Got it?

  • Excellent.

  • You have a very delicate handwriting.

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • Uncle Fester, we have a surprise for you.

  • A surprise? For me? I know I'm gonna cry.

  • Close your eyes.

  • All right, Gomez.

  • I just know I'm gonna cry.

  • You can open them now.

  • Oh.

  • We saved it from our wedding.

  • It's beautiful.

  • And you made such a handsome couple.

  • I do hope my bride will be worthy of all this.

  • I better mail this...

  • Do you think I ought to send a snapshot along?

  • I believe so.

  • How about that nice one the city took?

  • The time you fell asleep on the park bench

  • and they carried you off to the morgue by mistake.

  • Oh, no, no, no. I was thin then and I had hair.

  • I do look better now, don't I?

  • Much.

  • I'll have a new one taken.

  • Yes.

  • But it's imperative that it show your character,

  • your strength, your nobility.

  • We'll have it touched up.

  • That won't be necessary.

  • I'll take the picture.

  • Ready?

  • No, no, Uncle Fester. You're smiling.

  • Oh, pardon me.

  • Just show the natural Addams charm.

  • Gotcha.

  • Much better.

  • Much. Now, now for the character.

  • Beautiful.

  • Now let's see that strength.

  • Magnificent.

  • Now the piece de resistance, your nobility.

  • Breathtaking.

  • Oh, hurry, Gomez, get it before he loses it.

  • All right.

  • Hold it, hold it now. Hold it! Ready?

  • Perfect!

  • I wonder what Uncle Fester's bride will be like.

  • He once went with a girl who looked like a walrus.

  • Darling, beauty isn't everything.

  • You're right.

  • He's talking about moving after the wedding.

  • He's found a home in a nice condemned section.

  • I wonder what their children will be like.

  • Doesn't matter about the boys,

  • but I hope the girls look like Uncle Fester.

  • I do wish Grandpa Squint and Aunt Vendetta were still alive.

  • They'd get such a thrill out of the wedding.

  • Darling, they are alive.

  • They are? They don't look it.

  • I'd better check.

  • You'd better.

  • How do you like it?

  • Like what, old boy?

  • Can't you tell?

  • Ah, a new collar.

  • Certainly not.

  • How can you improve on genuine matched gopher?

  • You're parting your hair just...

  • No, that can't be it.

  • Come on, take a real close look.

  • I've got it. You've had your head waxed.

  • Yes.

  • Oh, you men.

  • You're much fussier than women.

  • It's hard coat. Won't crack, scuff or stain.

  • It's very becoming.

  • I thought you'd like it.

  • Oh, has the mail come in yet?

  • Now, now, control yourself, old boy.

  • You know the mail doesn't come along until later.

  • I just can't help it.

  • I'm a lovelorn swain wandering around in a lovely black cloud.

  • Oh darling, you can't expect an answer to your letter yet.

  • You only mailed it yesterday.

  • Oh, you never know.

  • There may be someone out there as eager as I am.

  • Dear Uncle Fester.

  • I haven't seen him this happy since he blew up the guesthouse.

  • Mother, Mother.

  • (BRUNO GROWLING)

  • Oh, hush, Bruno.

  • You've been so grumpy lately.

  • I wish you wouldn't shout so.

  • Your father's trying to take a nap.

  • Oh, that's all right, I just can't seem to sleep anyway.

  • Guess I'm excited about Uncle Fester's wedding.

  • I wanted to show you the present I have for him.

  • You like it?

  • But, darling, I don't see anything.

  • You're not supposed to.

  • Uncle Fester says it's the thought that counts.

  • I'm thinking of a nice friendly cobra.

  • Isn't that clever?

  • If we put our minds to it, we can save a fortune.

  • (THING KNOCKING)

  • Yes, Thing?

  • Why, thank you. For Uncle Fester?

  • What is it?

  • Come on, now. You can tell me.

  • I won't tell anyone.

  • (TAPPING IN MORSE CODE)

  • A shrunken head.

  • Just what he wanted.

  • I do hope your brother Pugsley

  • hasn't forgotten his dear uncle.

  • He is going to buy something.

  • He's upstairs getting the money out of his piggybank now.