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  • The Addams family

  • (CROWD CHEERING ON TV)

  • Oh, these conventions, they're so exciting!

  • I remember the first time I voted.

  • 1906.

  • Now, Mama, you know there was no woman suffrage in 1906.

  • That didn't stop me.

  • You're a real Addams.

  • What's all the noise?

  • The conventions, Morticia, the conventions.

  • Oh, I do wish they wouldn't shout so.

  • It keeps little Pugsley's octopus awake.

  • The poor thing's getting rings under his tentacles.

  • And my African strangler, too.

  • It just loses all desire to strangle anyone.

  • (VOLUME DECREASES)

  • Oh, thank you, Thing.

  • Dear Thing.

  • It sets such a good example for us.

  • Show-off.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Oh, I'm sorry.

  • Now, you know I don't like petty jealousies.

  • Where's Gomez?

  • He's down in the playroom hanging pictures.

  • Oh, dear. I do hope he isn't hanging the picture of Cousin Grisly

  • facing the firing squad down there.

  • It looks so right in the hall.

  • What are you doing, darling?

  • Just getting the playroom into the election spirit.

  • Is he running again?

  • No, but I thought I'd bring out the pictures of the men

  • we Addamses have supported in the past.

  • Very appropriate.

  • We really backed Landon to the hilt.

  • Yes. I must say he was a very good loser.

  • No better than Al Smith here.

  • Or Wendell Willkie.

  • Or Adlai.

  • Uncle Blight masterminded their campaigns.

  • Old "Kiss-of-Death" Blight, they called him.

  • I never quite knew why.

  • Grandpa Squint says it's an old family nickname.

  • Grandpa knew his way around the political arena, too.

  • Abe Lincoln begged him for his support.

  • But there's the man who got it.

  • Stephen Douglas.

  • Darling, with all this natural political talent,

  • shouldn't you be running for public office?

  • No, we Addamses prefer to think of ourselves as king-makers.

  • The man I've decided to throw my support to, in every way,

  • is Leonard G. Quimby.

  • Howdy, neighbor.

  • How do you do?

  • -Well, I see you've picked your man. -Yes, I have.

  • Even heard you made a substantial contribution to his campaign.

  • It's only money.

  • Good.

  • George Bass is my name.

  • Addams here.

  • Is all this yours?

  • Well, we go back to the cemetery.

  • We all do, sometime.

  • It's nice to see citizens taking an interest in the election,

  • even if they have backed the wrong man.

  • Quimby? Why, he's our insurance man.

  • Got us off the hook when my son, Pugsley,

  • accidentally blew up the garage.

  • But that's neither here nor there.

  • (STUTTERING) You're right.

  • My man promises to modernize the city,

  • put in more streetlights, drain the swamps.

  • Drain the swamps?

  • That and more.

  • Well, maybe I have been a little hasty.

  • Do you have a picture of your man?

  • Do I have a picture of my...

  • There he is, the voice of progress.

  • That's Sam L. Hilliard.

  • Why, he's an old friend.

  • I hope the L stands for Lucifer.

  • Uh, it does, it does.

  • Good. He's a fine man.

  • Last time he was around here, he went away with the shakes.

  • I wondered why.

  • Uh, overworked. Then you'll vote for him?

  • We'll do better than that.

  • We'll go out and campaign for him.

  • Wonderful! Wait till I tell Mr. Hilliard.

  • Here.

  • Welcome, fellow campaigner.

  • Sorry, Quimby.

  • You can sprinkle later, Tish.

  • Take a look at this.

  • I could have sworn he was bald.

  • My dear. That's another man.

  • That's our old friend from the School Board, Sam L. Hilliard.

  • I've changed horses in midstream.

  • That's the Addams way.

  • Of course.

  • The L stands for Lucifer.

  • Very appropriate for a politician.

  • But, darling, look at his platform.

  • "Modernize the city, put in more streetlights,

  • "drain the swamps!" Drain our lovely swamps?

  • The man's an extremist.

  • Querida mia, our swamps are safe.

  • Mr. Hilliard won't do any of those terrible things.

  • Don't you realize politicians always make extravagant promises?

  • Fortunately I can see through their little games.

  • Darling, you're so clever.

  • I'm sure Mr. Hilliard will be very happy

  • we've decided to join his campaign.

  • (EXHALES) I can just see his face.

  • No, no, no.

  • I want no part of that Addams family.

  • But they're good for a nice campaign contribution.

  • You get it.

  • Look, the public likes personal contact with the candidate,

  • you know, the old handshake, the baby kissing.

  • You've got to go over and welcome them officially.

  • I'd rather lose.

  • You may, if you don't lay your hands on some more campaign funds.

  • Seriously?

  • Seriously.

  • It's still not worth it.

  • (GOMEZ READING)

  • (GRUNTING)

  • Community pride, public service, civic duty.

  • I wonder if we're doing the right thing.

  • Don't you want to save our lovely swamps?

  • Oh, that is a good cause.

  • Besides, elections are fun.

  • We should vote more often.

  • How's this one?

  • (READING)

  • That's nice, Uncle Fester, and very original, too.

  • Yours is nice too, my dear.

  • Thank you, darling.

  • You left the R out of "friend."

  • I thought it looked better that way.

  • By Jove, it does.

  • I wonder why Mr. Hilliard hasn't called to thank us for joining his campaign.

  • Busy, no doubt. That reminds me.

  • I think I'll send Lurch over and invite Hilliard to a little strategy meeting.

  • Our candidate. Welcome.

  • Ah, Mr. Hilliard, how nice of you to join us.

  • We've been up nights just planning and planning for you.

  • What are you planning?

  • Show him the wonderful sign you painted for him.

  • "Everybody's fiend?"

  • I didn't think you'd notice.

  • Sit down, Mr. Hilliard, I'll have Lurch serve some refreshments.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Name it, Mr. Hilliard. Coffee, tea?

  • Brew?

  • Oh, no, thank you.

  • Won't you sit down, Mr. Hilliard?

  • Mrs. Addams and I would like to discuss

  • some campaign strategy with you.

  • Look, I just remembered a speaking engagement.

  • Yes, thank you.

  • Now then, what's the key to every successful political campaign?

  • Money.

  • Exactly.

  • Gomez is such a brilliant strategist.

  • She really knows me.

  • Sure, sure. Well, why don't you just

  • make out a check for, say, uh, $5,000?

  • A drop in the bucket.

  • $10,000?

  • $20,000 or nothing.

  • $20,000?

  • We insist.

  • Well, if you put it that way.

  • We do.

  • But more important than money is how it's going to be spent.

  • We have some wonderful ideas.

  • Uh, like that sign?

  • Better.

  • Well, why don't you just make out a check

  • and leave the campaigning to us.

  • But these are sure-fire strategies.

  • Number one: We wanna get our butler, Lurch, on television.

  • We feel he'll appeal to the women's vote.

  • Camera moves in. It's a close-up of Lurch.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • Lurch expresses himself on the candidacy of Sam L. Hilliard.

  • (GROANING)

  • Animal magnetism. You can't top that.

  • (GROANING)

  • Tell you what? Uh, make it $10,000.

  • Our children can appeal to the junior voters.

  • Junior voters? Kids don't vote.

  • By George, you're right.

  • Uh, how about $5,000?

  • Gomez, darling, we'll still have to let

  • the children go on television.

  • They'll be so disappointed.

  • Besides, they wrote such brilliant speeches.

  • $2,500.

  • You'll forget all about money when you hear the song

  • that Uncle Fester wrote for you.

  • A campaign song.

  • $1,000.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Uncle Fester, sing your campaign song for Mr. Hilliard.

  • Ah, this will kill you.

  • Oh, no.

  • (GONG CLANGING)

  • You...

  • To the harpsichord, Lurch, we're gonna do the song.

  • It's the kind of song that gets you right here.

  • (GROANS)

  • $500.

  • (SCRAPING)

  • (PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

  • Don't be a hog help clean up the bog

  • Vote for Sam L. Hilliard

  • He'll stick to the issue he may even kiss you

  • So vote for Sam L. Hilliard

  • Honest and fearless Sam L. is peerless

  • He's a man for always to come

  • So don't be a goat and just cast your vote

  • For the pride of our city's swamp

  • Well, what do you think?

  • I think we've got more money than we need.

  • Uncle Fester can do the song with special effects, too. He lights up.

  • Lights up?

  • (BUZZING)

  • Don't worry about the flickering.

  • We'll have him recharged.

  • (RATTLING)

  • I better go.

  • Oh, you haven't seen anything yet.

  • -Please, I-I-I'll give you a little money. -Oh, nonsense.

  • -I'm really unworthy of your support. -Twaddle.

  • I'm a grafter.

  • You mean all your campaign promises are phony?

  • As a $3 bill.

  • I got a lot of $3 bills.

  • I'm not going to do anything about the streetlights.

  • Aha.

  • The streets stay dark and gloomy.

  • Wonderful.

  • And the bogs and marshes, I'm gonna make them even boggier.

  • Capital!

  • I knew you'd appreciate my leveling with you.

  • We do! We do, Mr. Hilliard.

  • Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Our party mascot!

  • We don't need a party mascot.

  • Oh, yes, we do.

  • The Democrats have their donkey,

  • the Republicans have their elephant.

  • Guess what we have?

  • I couldn't begin to.

  • We have Kitty cat.

  • Kitty. Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

  • (GROWLING)

  • (YELLING)

  • (YELPING)

  • Don't frighten the poor dear.

  • I'll send you a letter of apology first thing in the morning.

  • Forgot your hat.

  • Keep it!

  • Well, it looks like we backed the right man.

  • No question about it.

  • I'm just sorry about one thing.

  • What's that, dear?

  • I forgot to register.

  • "In the course of human events,

  • "there are many moments that try men's souls.

  • "There are moments of crisis, of tragedy, turmoil,

  • "doubt. There are even moments..."

  • (GROWLING)

  • (SNORING)

  • I've put Kitty to sleep.

  • What does it matter, darling?

  • He doesn't vote, anyway.

  • No, no, it's my speech.

  • Let's go through it. Start at the beginning.

  • "My friends..."

  • Hold it. That'll never go, dear.

  • Get right to the issues.

  • You're right.

  • "One of the major issues of the day is peace."

  • Well, that's true, dear.

  • But everybody wants peace.

  • Even Mr. Quimby.

  • You're right.

  • "And now, to the matter of taxes.

  • "Shall we have high taxes? Or shall we have low taxes?"

  • Isn't that a dangerous position?

  • You're right.

  • "Which brings us to the question of education..."

  • Nope, much too controversial.

  • You're right.

  • "Also the question of social welfare?"

  • "Now we come to the biggest,

  • "the most burning issue of the day,

  • "the question of..."

  • You make that out?

  • "Question of swamps."

  • Oh, yes.

  • "As to the matter of swamps..."

  • Darling, the less said about that the better.

  • Very clever, querida, very clever.

  • "I thank you."

  • Well...

  • I know what you're going to say.

  • After such an enlightening and courageous speech,

  • I shouldn't thank them, they should thank me.

  • I agree completely.

  • (SNORING)

  • Now, you all know what you're supposed to do?

  • Lurch, you hit the swanky Oak Knolls section.

  • Roger.

  • Mama?

  • Oh, I get off in the business district.

  • You parade up and down the street with your placard and you blow your bugle.

  • Uncle Fester, is your assignment clear?

  • I sing, light up and pass out $3 bills.

  • Remember, the secret word is "dignity."

  • All right, Lurch, blast off.

  • (BLOWING HORN)

  • (ENGINE BACKFIRING)

  • Don't they make a fine-looking group?

  • Mr. Hilliard is as good as elected.

  • Oak Knolls is in the bag, huh?

  • Great, keep in touch.

  • Well, everything looks good so far.

  • Polls say you're a shoo-in.

  • I wouldn't be if I hadn't gotten rid of that Addams family.

  • Oh, please, let's not mention them again.

  • You're right.

  • -Now hop on down to the polls and keep an eye on things. -Right.

  • If anything goes wrong, call me.

  • Right.

  • Boss? Bass. You better get over here to the Fourth Ward.

  • The Addamses are loose.

  • ANNOUNCER: As I told you before, ladies and gentlemen,

  • we're speaking to you from the busy intersection of Broadway and Main.

  • Well, I've seen election campaigns, but this one beats them all.

  • Looks like we've done it.

  • Our on-the-spot broadcast today features... Wait a minute.

  • There's candidate Sam Hilliard,

  • and he's chasing a campaign wor

  • down the street with a stick!

  • Isn't that Uncle Fester?

  • Uncle... Yes, he just lit up!

  • I better return you to our studios KBHL.

  • I'm beginning to see things.

  • Thank you, Mel, and there you see...

  • Why would Mr. Hilliard chase Uncle Fester with a stick?

  • Nonsense, dear. Didn't you hear

  • the reporter admit he was seeing things?

  • Oh, of course.

  • Hilliard will probably be along any minute to express his gratitude.

  • Boss, you can't go in there. It's, it's suicide.

  • That's my mood exactly.

  • But...

  • I've got to get those Addamses off the street or I'm sunk.

  • Well, I'm not going in.

  • That's the first intelligent thing

  • you've said in the entire campaign.

  • Get down to the polls and see what's going on.

  • Right.

  • Bass.

  • Boss?

  • Call my mother and tell her not to wait up for me.

  • Good idea.

  • (FOGHORN SOUNDING)

  • -Hilliard, we've been expecting you. -I should think so.

  • I'll take your hat.

  • No, no, no, I'm holding on to it this time.

  • Come on in.

  • Mrs. Addams...

  • Oh, please don't say it.

  • I will, too, say it!

  • Mr. Addams and I find expressions of gratitude so embarrassing.

  • Expressions of gratitude?

  • Your election will be our reward.

  • I'm going to turn this whole thing over to a lawyer.

  • A lawyer?

  • Yes.

  • My card.

  • Gomez is responsible for putting more criminals behind bars

  • than any other man in the United States.

  • You, a prosecuting attorney?

  • Attorney for the defense.

  • Well, I don't need you for my lawyer

  • and I don't need you for my campaign manager.

  • You see, our man's a politician of the old school.

  • Not only forgets his campaign promises, he forgets his campaigners.

  • Ah, I knew we backed the right horse.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING)

  • Excuse me.

  • Thank you, Thing. Addams here.

  • Oh, yes, he's here too.

  • It's for you. Probably your opponent, Quimby,

  • conceding the election.

  • (SCREAMING)

  • Only a case of election day jitters.

  • I hope so.

  • Why don't you answer it?

  • You answer it.

  • Of course, old boy.

  • Addams here. I'll take the message.

  • Oh, hello, Bass!

  • Really? Some of the first returns are in.

  • Oak Knolls, eh?

  • Uh-huh. Good. I see. Good work, Bass.

  • It's a landslide.

  • For Hilliard?

  • For Quimby. 76 to nothing.

  • I knew it, I knew it.

  • Oh, those early returns.

  • Of course, the Oak Knolls section, upper class snobs,

  • always contrary to the main trend.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING)

  • I'll get it.

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • Darling, you look a little tired.

  • Why don't you just relax?

  • Hello. This is Mrs. Addams speaking.

  • Yes, he's here.

  • It's for you again.

  • I'm not going near that thing.

  • I'll take the message.

  • Oh hello, Mr. Bass. Really?

  • It's the 9th Precinct.

  • Oh, well, that's much better.

  • Hilliard 6, Quimby 110.

  • See? You're beginning to gain.

  • I'm ruined. Ruined!

  • Oh, come now, Mr. Hilliard, that's the 9th Precinct.

  • Nothing but lower class people.

  • That's not where your strength is.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING)

  • If that's for me, I don't wanna talk to anybody.

  • Addams here. Bass, what's the word?

  • Come, now, Bass, you can think of another word.

  • I see.

  • Well, the middle class section is the most important.

  • Fine.

  • All right, let me have it.

  • If I were you, I'd demand a recount.

  • Oh, no.

  • Hilliard 5, Quimby 204.

  • Not bad, really. You only lost one vote.

  • I'm sure there's been some fraud.

  • Oh, yes, Bass admits it.

  • Too bad they caught him.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING)

  • I'll get it.

  • Hello, Mrs. Addams speaking.

  • Oh, yes, Mr. Quimby.

  • Mr. Hilliard's here. I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now.

  • What?

  • Mr. Quimby, I'm sure you're mistaken.

  • Electronic computers do not vote.

  • Mr. Quimby is claiming victory.

  • Wonderful.

  • What's wonderful about it?

  • Can't you see, old man?

  • The trap. The Achilles' heel.

  • The Waterloo of every politician.

  • Overconfidence.

  • (GROANING)

  • Oh, the poor dear.

  • The sweet smell of success must have been too much for him.

  • I'm so glad you joined the Zen-Yogi society, darling.

  • Right, querida.

  • After a strenuous campaign, at least you can relax.

  • Every man should learn to relax this way.

  • It's a wonderful gift.

  • Oh, it says Mr. Hilliard is quitting politics.

  • Really?

  • Must be his health.

  • Must be.

  • Because it says he's thinking of leaving town, too.

  • As a matter of fact, it says he's thinking of leaving the country.

  • Poor man, I was so sure he'd win.

  • I guess we got into the campaign too late.

  • Gomez, I'm afraid we failed.

  • Not according to Quimby.

  • He says if it wasn't for us, he wouldn't have won.

  • What a generous thing to say.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING)

  • Why, thank you, Thing.

  • Maybe we should have gotten Thing into the campaign.

  • No, I guess not.

  • Hello? This is Mrs. Addams speaking.

  • Why, hello, Mr. Hilliard.

  • Really? Isn't that nice.

  • Well, thank you. Goodbye.

  • That was that nice Mr. Hilliard.

  • He says he's glad he lost.

  • The Mayor appointed him head of the School Board.

  • It's a much better position.

  • In that case, I'm proud to have served.

  • Alley-oop! Oop!

  • Where are you going, darling?

  • To the playroom.

  • To add Mr. Hilliard to our illustrious collection.

The Addams family

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政客戈麥斯 (全集) | 美高梅 (全集) (Gomez, The Politician (Full Episode) | MGM)

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    邱于嘉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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