(GULPING)

Now, now, Cleopatra, chew your burgers.

Don't gulp them.

(CHOKING)

Darling, now you see what happens when you gulp?

Quite enough lunch.

Well, what do they look like?

Oh, just ordinary moving men. One's tall, one's medium.

No, darling. I mean, the new neighbors.

Oh, I haven't seen them yet.

They have some interesting things, though.

Really?

GOMEZ: There's an item you could do things with.

Oh, I do hope they're imaginative.

The real estate man said they were newlyweds.

At least they're romantic.

Really? How nice.

I know just how they feel.

The joy of moving into a new house.

I'll never forget my first night in this lovely house.

We thought it was haunted.

Well, you can't have everything.

I only hope they'll be half as happy.

How could they be anything else?

With us right next door.

Horrible house next door.

You suppose anybody lives in it?

Honey, I didn't even know that house was there.

As I remember, the renting agent

had the shutters closed on this side.

Married by a Justice of the Peace, and, and no honeymoon

and now I spend my wedding night in this house.

Well, it could have been worse.

You might have had to spend it in that house.

(EXPLOSION)

What was that?

I-I-I-It was an explosion from--from that monstrosity.

I-I-I-I'll go over there and see what's happening.

I-I-I-I'll go with you.

In sickness and in health, for better, for worse,

we're stuck in this thing together.

There we are now, down you go.

Mmm-hmm. Huh?

There we are. You see them yet?

No.

Maybe they'll see us and come over.

I still think we should just have gone over and introduced ourselves.

Oh, darling, no. That's much too forward.

This is better.

Here they come.

Mmm.

Oh, how do you do?

I'm Gomez Addams.

This is my wife, Morticia.

How do you do?

Hubert Peterson. This is my wife, Amanda.

We, we were just married.

Oh, how exciting!

You do that again...

Never mind the small talk. Find out what blew up.

Oh, yes.

Uh, we were just wondering about those little explosions.

What explosions?

(EXPLOSION)

Those explosions.

Oh, that must be Uncle Fester playing with his new dynamite caps.

What?

He got them at the discount house.

They are not up to par.

You mean there's somebody exploding dynamite inside your house?

Where else would he do it?

Well, I see you're washing your pup.

Oh, good heavens. That isn't a pup.

It's an octopus.

You have an octopus for a pet?

Oh, no.

It's our son's pet.

Go ahead, shake his tentacle.

Take it away.

Darling, dry it first.

Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

There we are.

He's really very friendly.

(WATER BUBBLING)

Let's get out of here.

Yes, well, nice meeting you both.

Nice meeting you.

Seems like a nice chap.

She's a bit odd.

Little high-strung.

It's their wedding day, a new house.

And, Aristotle, you were very, very bashful.

(BUBBLING)

Time to dry.

I had so hoped she'd be someone

I could exchange recipes with.

Hubert, you never should have rented this house without letting me see it.

Honey, remember the fantastic deal we got.

Well, I guess I'll just have to pretend they're not there.

That's my dear, brave girl.

(KNOCKING ON FLOOR)

(KNOCKING ON FLOOR)

What was that?

What was what?

You know what.

Those sounds under the house.

Uh, termites?

I knew it. The house is crumbling.

It came from over there.

(GASPING)

Howdy.

I'm Uncle Fester, from next door.

Gosh, Hubert, he's that dynamite nut.

He'll blow us up.

I just came over to say hello.

Nail that shut.

Goodbye, Hubert. I'll call you.

Where are you going?

Out.

Oh, but, honey, this is our wedding day.

Enjoy it.

But, honey...

Oh, Mr. Wentworth, thank goodness you're here.

And here's your lease, all signed and sealed.

For a year, this happy honeymoon cottage is all yours.

Hubert, either get me another house or get yourself another wife.

Now, come down, honey, calm down.

Perhaps Mr. Wentworth will cancel the lease?

Oh, I'm only the rental agent.

Well, where do I find the owner?

Right next door. His name is Addams.

What'd they hit you with, Fester?

I don't know.

I just opened up the trap door and said, "Howdy," and wham!

Don't sound very friendly to me.

You must have frightened them going through Pugsley's tunnel.

Next time, Uncle Fester, knock.

I did.

Really?

Gomez, we have ourselves some very peculiar neighbors.

Peculiar? They're a couple of nuts.

There's only one thing to do.

Get rid of them.

I can't. I signed the lease this morning.

I'll get rid of them.

I'll go with you, Fester.

Right, Mama.

I haven't used this beauty since the taxman was here.

Fester, Mama, control yourselves.

Yes, think of what you're doing.

You know, they're right.

We better not go over there in broad daylight.

They're liable to ambush us.

We'll wait till it's dark.

You will do no such thing. They're our neighbors.

(FOGHORN SOUNDING)

Excuse me, my dearest.

Probably them, coming over to apologize.

We'd better go out in the backyard and practice, anyway.

Just in case.

Ah, Mr. Wentworth, how nice to see you again.

And it's always such a...

(STUTTERING) Such a thrill to see you, Mrs. Addams.

My! That's a new dress you're wearing.

How kind of you to notice.

Glad you dropped in, Wentworth.

Those new tenants, have they signed the lease yet?

They want to break it.

Leave that lovely cottage?

With its view of this fine old mansion?

Well, they're young, rattlebrained.

They did seem a bit nervous.

But it's their wedding day.

I shook, too, remember?

Yes.

Anyway, the lease is signed,

and they'll just have to learn to live with you.

Uh, it.

We'll try to make them as happy as possible.

Ah, you're real people.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Addams.

Wentworth.

Mrs. Addams.

Those poor Petersons.

What can we do for them?

I think I know what their trouble is.

They are lonely.

You may be right.

Oh, Gomez, we've been very selfish.

After all, they're newlyweds.

I should have been over there a long time ago.

With a pot of henbane soup,

some of my dwarf's hair cobbler and marital advice.

Let's go over right now.

No, darling, I have a better idea.

Let's invite them over tonight for a game of bridge.

You think they'll wanna play bridge on their wedding night?

Of course, it'll relax them.

(GONG RESOUNDING)

You rang?

Lurch, go over to the Petersons'

and invite them over for bridge tonight.

And, Lurch, use the front door, not Pugsley's tunnel.

Yes, Mrs. Addams.

I hope they're sharp players.

Oh, so do I.

We haven't had any real competition

since the Thompsons were taken away.

You think they'll come?

Oh, I'm sure they will. Lurch is very persuasive.

(AMANDA SCREAMING)

You see? They've accepted.

I do hope everything goes well tonight.

How can it fail, my dear?

You're such a perfect hostess.

Darling.

And if the bridge gets dull,

you can do your animal imitations.

Do them now, Tish.

Oh, darling.

Please.

Very well.

(IMITATING ROOSTER)

Now the bullfrog, Tish.

(CROAKING)

That bullfrog, it drives me wild.

Let's not play cards tonight, Tish.

I feel like honeymooning myself tonight.

Darling, you're so impetuous.

Bridge first, bullfrog later.

(EXPLOSION)

Isn't it a little late for Uncle Fester

to be playing with his dynamite caps?

It's not dynamite, that was a gunshot.

Came from the playroom.

Better not miss, Fester.

Morticia hates bullet holes in her wall.

Don't worry. I'm aiming way down lower at the pigeon's feet.

What's going on down here?

Well, if you insist on inviting those barbarians

from next door over for bridge,

I just want to be prepared.

Fester's very handy with that gun.

He shot a pigeon right through the eye.

It wasn't even the one I was aiming at.

Oh, Uncle Fester, I'm sure we're not going to have any trouble

with that nice young couple.

Oh, no?

Well, this little beauty mark wasn't

caused by a mosquito bite, you know.

All this fuss over a bump on the head.

I think it's rather attractive.

That's true, Fester.

I guess anything's an improvement.

Mama will serve the refreshments.

I'll serve it to them, right over their heads.

You?

The soul of graciousness and charm?

Well, that's true.

Couldn't I just spill some coffee in their laps?

Not a drop.

Well, how about a little cream down their backs?

Remember, you're an Addams.

Oh, you're right, dear.

All this hostile talk,

and those two poor dears are sitting over there

just dying to be friendly.

No, no, no! I'm not going over there!

Look, we've got to go.

Do you expect me to be nice to those, those spooks?

Oh, be reasonable!

If we break the lease, he'll sue us. But...

But if we butter them up, they may let us out of the lease.

Now, come on.

Must I?