I grew up hearing that a lot.

我長大的過程中聽過很多。

Bad or like the enemy.

不太好，有點像敵人。

If I were to be fat then I would feel less about myself.

如果我很胖，我會對自己比較沒信心。

I feel like my entire life I've been running away from fat.

感覺我一輩子都在逃避肥胖。

The word fat is very hurtful.

這個字很傷人。

You can call anybody fat if you want to, and it doesn't feel good on the inside.

如果你想要你可以說任何人胖，但對那個人來說一定不好受。

Uh, disgusting.

嗯，很噁心。

I kind of associate weight gain or high BMI with just being lazy and not caring.

我有時會將體重增加或很高的 BMI 跟懶惰與不在乎畫上等號。

And I associated skinniness with being happy, and I associated being bigger with being unhappy.

而且我會覺得瘦的人比較開心；身形較大的人則比較不開心。

Which is also bullshit because you're super unhappy when you have an eating disorder.

這都是屁話，因為當你飲食失調時肯定過得超級不開心。

Me.

我。

That's pretty much what I've been all my life.

這是我一輩子都在經歷的。

Afraid.

害怕。

With bulimia it's really hard because the thing I fear most is being fat.

得了貪食症真的很辛苦，因為我最怕的就是變胖。

I think of like, body shaming.

我會想到「身體羞辱」。

Fat on me feels like a failure.

對我來說，肥胖是一種失敗。

I don't feel that way about other people, and I'm sure that's not how other people feel.

我不會這樣看待別人，而我很確定別人一定不是用這種方式看待我。

Failure, unlovable.

失敗的、不被喜愛的。

I guess now after I've been recovered for a little bit, I see fat as, it's not so negative anymore.

我的態度現在已經改善許多了。我不再把肥胖看得那麼負面。

There are lots of good fats, and I don't think fat on your body is a bad thing.

還是有很多好的脂肪，我不認為在身上的脂肪是壞東西。

And I don't think fat in your food means fat on your body, but it's been used as hate speech.

我也不認為食物裡的脂肪代表身上的脂肪，這都是人們常說的仇恨言論。

Fat can be a hateful word.

肥胖可以是個充滿恨意的字。

It can destroy some people.

它可以使一個人毀滅。

But in some ways fat can be good.

但就某些方面來說，肥胖可以是好的。

And depending on how you image yourself, your fat can actually be great.

這取決於你怎麼塑造自己的形象，就算胖了一些也未嘗不是好事。

I see a lot of mothers with their daughters say, "don't eat that or else you're gonna get fat."

我看過很多媽媽告訴她們的孩子：「不要吃那個，不然會變胖。」

It's like, is that really the one thing that you don't want your daughter to be?

這真的是你對小孩唯一的要求嗎？

Labeled.

被貼標籤。

One's self worth is wrapped around a label.

一個人的價值被標籤纏住了。

It starts when you're young by the people that are around you.

這從你小時候身邊的人開始形成。

And you can keep that label, and you can fight changing that label your entire life.

你這輩子可以保有這些標籤，也可以為了改變它而努力。