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-Last week was the third Democratic debate,
where 10 presidential hopefuls went head-to-head.
You know, I was actually going to make a joke about this story,
but I don't think it needs a joke.
I think it needs to be slow jammed.
You know what I'm talking about, Tariq?
-Yeah, Jimmy. I think you're saying
you want to slow jam this news. -That's right.
I want to slow jam the news, and I'm not the only one.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hi.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, hello.
I am Senator Kamala Harris,
and I, too, would like to slow jam this news.
-Well, hit me six times!
♪♪
-During last week's debate,
I told the American people why I'm running for president.
I'm a public servant, a civil-rights leader,
and the second African-American woman in history
to be elected to the United States Senate.
[ Cheers and applause ]
At the core of my campaign is my 3:00 a.m. agenda,
my plan to solve the issues that keep Americans up at night.
I'll implement healthcare for all
and even give middle-class families $500 a month
right in their pockets.
And let me tell you something, I'm just getting started.
-Oh, yeah.
Kamala Harris is just heatin' up.
She's thinkin' about you late at night when you're trying
to put that sweet restless body of yours to bed.
Is that $500 in your pocket
or are you just happy your healthcare is free?
With Kamala, it's both.
-♪ Ever since Barack left, we've been off track ♪
♪ But Kamala is trying to get us back to black ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now, here's a question for you, Kamala Cabello.
[ Laughter ]
This country's got a whole lot
of hot-button issues that we can touch on.
But what's the first thing we need to do
to give us all some relief?
-Well, let me start by saying this.
Climate change is the single greatest threat
facing our world today.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's why I'm committed to passing a Green New Deal,
creating clean jobs,
and finally putting an end to fracking once and for all.
-Mmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Mamala Kamala just don't give a frack.
She took a good look at Mother Earth and decided it's a MILF.
A Mother I'd Like to Fix.
[ Laughter ]
-♪ The planet is a MILF now ♪
♪ All right ♪
-All right.
-♪ When it comes to climate, she's a real front-runner ♪
♪ She's heatin' up like it's still hot girl summer ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I like the way you work it, K. Higgity.
But I gotta ask.
Lately this country has been so divided,
sleeping on opposite sides of the bed.
Why do you think we can't all just come together?
-Well, it's my opinion that we need a president
who fights for the best of who we are.
And over the past three years,
Donald Trump has done the exact opposite.
-Hold up.
So what you're trying to say is that Trump's the bad guy?
♪♪
-Duh.
♪♪
-Now, tell me this, Kama Kama Kama Kama Kamala Harris.
By now, we've seen the Democrats
get down and dirty on the debate stage.
What about debating President Trump?
Do you think you could deliver the goods
against the commander in cheese puff?
-Well, Jimmy, if I do debate President Trump,
I'm sure it'll be a competitive faceoff
where either one of us could end up on top.
-Really?
-No. I'd wipe the floor with him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, all right.
One last tango in Harris before this interview's over.
Now, we've got an audience
jam-packed with college students here tonight.
So what would you tell these curious coeds
that you haven't already?
-Well, just that together,
we can create the America we believe in.
We can uplift vulnerable communities,
and we can finally recognize that crippling student-loan debt
is a burden on all of us.
That's why we need to make college debt-free
for every American to attend.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow.
Now, that's someone who knows how to play to a college crowd.
Well, guess what. Two can play at that game.
Oh, yeah. White Claw fall.
Ow!
-Jimmy. Jimmy.
Uh, do less.
-♪ Kamala just dropped a bomb-a-la ♪
-It's time for a leader who leads with their heart.
-We must stand together, or we'll all fall apart.
-♪ The nation is down, but we can rebound ♪
♪ The future is female, and her time is now ♪
♪ This girl is on fire, don't step on the fuse ♪
-And that is how we slow jam the news.
-Oh, yeah.
-Give it up for Senator Kamala Harris!
[ Cheers and applause ]
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Slow Jam the News with Senator Kamala Harris

12 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2019 年 10 月 18 日
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