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  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID CHOE: China's a huge place.

  • The landscape keeps changing.

  • It goes from vast canyons to sand dunes to, like, these

  • desolate zombie towns, where there's huge complexes where

  • there's just no people living there.

  • Things like that, they make you think about

  • your position in life.

  • We go into these towns and these worker bees, these

  • people are working for pennies doing these huge

  • construction projects.

  • I mean, it makes me think about shit.

  • It's like, I spill paint on these expensive rugs and then

  • sell it for shitloads of money.

  • And if I was born in this shithole town and I had to

  • paint that whole thing and I spilled a drop of paint, then

  • I'd get fired.

  • It's fucking crazy.

  • It's life circumstance.

  • But I don't know.

  • Hopefully life on the road, us expressing ourselves through

  • dance and music and hitchhiking, maybe we'll start

  • some kind of a revolution.

  • But probably not.

  • Let's go.

  • So we're outside of a town called Xi'an.

  • It's our next biggest city.

  • There's a bus.

  • We're just going to get on.

  • I guess we're just going to get on.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Let Homegirl know we don't have any money.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: We're drifters.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: We inherently don't pay for rides.

  • It's against the religion of the road.

  • No money.

  • I got a jizz tissue and some dust.

  • We got to get off?

  • So mean.

  • OK, OK.

  • Shit.

  • Moving.

  • You're very cute, you know, in this life.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • So they were kind enough.

  • That was a 10-cent ride.

  • I guess we could have fucking faked it and paid for it.

  • But sort of goes against my religion.

  • It goes against everything we believe in at Thumbs Up.

  • And then--

  • Look at this.

  • Jump-- let's go.

  • Get in.

  • Jump in.

  • Squeeze in.

  • Yeah!

  • Hi.

  • Hello.

  • [CHINESE].

  • What are your names?

  • What are your names?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Jiang Ho.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Jiang Ho.

  • DAVID CHOE: What up, Jiang Ho?

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Jiang Ho, what's up, what's up?

  • DAVID CHOE: What's up?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Hey, ask him if he knows Street Fighter, the

  • video game.

  • Street Fighter.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Chun Li.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Does he know Chun Li from Street Fighter?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • All right.

  • Thank you.

  • [CHINESE].

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I've often wondered why Chun Li from

  • Street Fighter had huge thighs.

  • Every time I got to take a dump, I got to squat like

  • this, because all the toilets are squatter-style.

  • But the chicks, they got to squat every time they got to

  • pee or shit.

  • They get the hugest hamstrings and calves.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

  • HARRY KIM: All right.

  • DAVID CHOE: Party.

  • HARRY KIM: Yay.

  • DAVID CHOE: Party, party, party, party.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Give us a ride, dude.

  • Be cool.

  • Be cool.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Whether you give us a ride or you don't give us

  • a ride, it'll never change the fact--

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: --what a handsome devil you are.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Ah, come on.

  • Come on.

  • Come on.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, yeah?

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Come on.

  • Come on.

  • Get in.

  • Get in.

  • Get in.

  • Get in.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, yeah.

  • You, sir, are a handsome devil.

  • I like you.

  • Yeah!

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Look at that smile.

  • I want to fucking kiss you right now, man.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Kiss him.

  • Kiss him.

  • DAVID CHOE: No, you kiss him.

  • I'm not going to kiss him.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You're the best.

  • One, two, three.

  • Go!

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah.

  • [EXCITING ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID CHOE: We're in Xi'an.

  • It's our first big city after Beijing.

  • I got the shits.

  • Had to take a dump, and I had a accident on my shirt.

  • We came out.

  • These guys looked pretty cool and hip.

  • The dude with the orange hair, he looks like a freak, so we

  • just sat down and ate with them.

  • We had a delicious meal.

  • It turns out they're punk rockers.

  • They're in a rock band called Echo Rush.

  • We're giving them massages right now.

  • They're going to go out and party tonight.

  • So you guys ready to rock?

  • Yeah?

  • All right, let's do it.

  • Echo Rush.

  • [PUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID CHOE: I love this guy.

  • [PUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah.

  • [PUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID CHOE: Echo Rush.

  • We fucking rock China so hard.

  • China!

  • Fucking love China.

  • I come to China, and the fucking

  • girls have little mustaches.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I like it.

  • I fucking like it.

  • I saw it, and I was fucking scared.

  • I was scared when I saw the mustache, and now I

  • fucking love it.

  • Do you know how to love?

  • Do you love, or do you fuck?

  • MALE SPEAKER: Yes, I love.

  • DAVID CHOE: Who do you love?

  • What's the last name?

  • HARRY KIM: Do you fuck?

  • DAVID CHOE: Do you know what love is?

  • Do you know what love is?

  • Do you know what love is?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: You're the lead singer.

  • You should fuck everybody.

  • Fuck everybody.

  • MALE SPEAKER: OK.

  • DAVID CHOE: There's no time for love.

  • There's no time for love.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Don't be a bitch.

  • Fuck everybody.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Fuck from China all the way to Russia.

  • MALE SPEAKER: You can help me?

  • DAVID CHOE: I'll help you.

  • HARRY KIM: Oh god, you can do it.

  • DAVID CHOE: I'm not that shit, but I'll do it for this guy.

  • All the fucking Chinese bitches with mustaches, I'll

  • fuck them all.

  • I love this guy.

  • [COUGHING]

  • DAVID CHOE: That's not water.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: I'll be right back, OK?

  • DAVID CHOE: So we're still in Xi'an.

  • It's a city that's known for the Terracotta Warriors.

  • And this guy, I can't travel with this guy if he looks like

  • shit all the time.

  • So we're going to get him a haircut right now.

  • I don't know.

  • There's not much we can do with it.

  • But let's go check it out.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Sausage party, all you can eat.

  • That's what last night was.

  • With the good-looking dudes in a rock band.

  • And once again, it took Harry to show rockers how to rock.

  • My band, KGB, Koreans Gone Bad, with my brother Harry, we

  • formed this shit years ago.

  • We get on stage.

  • The guy writes a song.

  • It goes, ching chong China, ripping a vagina.

  • I mean, I know I get pissed at Harry sometimes.

  • I know I yell at him.

  • But you know what's worse in life than being mad

  • and pissed at Harry?

  • It's not having Harry in your life.

  • So today I'm going to treat Harry to a day at the spa.

  • Get a haircut.

  • This is what you call traditional-style

  • Chinese bowl cut.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • HARRY KIM: Hey.

  • DAVID CHOE: Look good, man.

  • HARRY KIM: Hey.

  • DAVID CHOE: Remember that baby we saw in that little village?

  • We want this haircut on this guy.

  • All right, we're going to do Harry up one up

  • better than this one.

  • Yeah, finish it off.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: So in the entire hair salon, Harry's getting

  • his hair cut by the one girl that is not certified, and has

  • never done a haircut before.

  • We think she's the receptionist.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: She's a little nervous right now.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, don't be nervous.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: If you guys are bored watching this, how about

  • we read this girl's shirt while Harry's

  • getting his hair cut?

  • It says--

  • HARRY KIM: OK.

  • Here, man.

  • DAVID CHOE: I know Harry hasn't been picking up too

  • much road pussy on this trip.

  • That's all about to change after this haircut.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • HARRY KIM: Oh.

  • Hey.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, excuse me.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Would you ever date a guy

  • that his this style?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: You like this kind of look?

  • No?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: The irony being, she's not into guys that have

  • this kind of style.

  • But the fact is, Harry would fuck her better than any

  • fucking guy she's ever been into, better than any of them.

  • And she'll never know that pleasure, because she's

  • judging him.

  • HARRY KIM: Yeah.

  • DAVID CHOE: So I'm sorry.

  • I'm sorry.

  • You will never know.

  • You will never, ever, ever know.

  • You will never know.

  • You will never, ever know.

  • Sorry, Harry.

  • I tried.

  • HARRY KIM: It's all right.

  • [HONKING]

  • [SHRIEKING]

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: How-how for Echo Rush, whose favorite drummer

  • is Usher's drummer.

  • Total sweetheart.

  • Total cutie.

  • He let us stay, the whole band and crew, at his grandmother's

  • house last night.

  • And then even better, their fucking tour

  • driver, Jacob, aka Hong--

  • hi.

  • JACOB: OK, hi.

  • DAVID CHOE: Echo Rush just finished their tour, so he's

  • heading-- what's that city?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I can't pronounce it.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: And it seems to be south, so he's nice enough to

  • give us a ride.

  • Jacob?

  • JACOB: OK.

  • DAVID CHOE: You're on the road a lot with these punk bands.

  • So is it lonely on the road?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I mean, those guys in that

  • band were pretty young.

  • When you're giving a ride to all these young bands, are

  • they annoying?

  • Do they get on your nerves?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: So since he's all over China, does he have like

  • a girlfriend in every city?

  • There's a lot of girls on the road?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Road pussy.

  • Road pussy.

  • Jacob, you know what I said, come on, man.

  • The girls everywhere, all over China.

  • Road pussy.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Called Mimis.

  • Called Mimis.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, Mimis.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Do you have a girlfriend?

  • Are you married?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: See, they're-- he's separated right now.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, wait.

  • So that's very interesting.

  • Jacob, I've been in a very long relationship myself also.

  • But the road kills all.

  • In the end, you can only choose one--

  • love or the road.

  • If you love the road, that will destroy any

  • relationship you have.

  • And if you choose love, you get love, but you have to stay

  • at home and be boring.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Because that's why after five

  • years they did separate.

  • He chose the road.

  • DAVID CHOE: Jacob, the road destroyed me.

  • The road destroyed Harry.

  • Or not us, but our love lives.

  • But in the end, after the dust settles, we're

  • totally gay for the road.

  • So it doesn't matter.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: He says he chooses the road as well.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, yeah!

  • JACOB: Yeah.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, dude.

  • JACOB: Fuck you.

  • Fuck you.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • DAVID CHOE: The road is long and hard, like Harry's shit

  • this morning.

  • But we just got the longest ride on

  • Thumbs Up China so far.

  • In my experience of all my years of traveling, when you

  • get rides like this, people either pick you up because

  • they want you to keep telling them stories to keep them

  • awake while they're driving, or they want to spill all

  • their shit on you, like you're a roadside psychiatrist, and

  • they confess all their sins.

  • Jacob, my main man, did what few drivers

  • usually let you do.

  • And that is sleep.

  • And I mean, we've done everything to offer this guy--

  • cigarettes, Red Bull, coffee.

  • He is a fucking driving machine.

  • And I just wanted to ask, because we're almost to the

  • town he's going to drop us off in, does he have any words of

  • wisdom or advice that he would like to give to us?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: He says, my good words to you are that

  • there are beautiful bitches waiting ahead for you.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah!

  • Yeah.

  • All right.

  • JACOB: Fuck you.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • DAVID CHOE: It's another beautiful day in China.

  • Thumbs up, China.

  • Thumbs up, everybody.

  • There's more rides to be had.

  • There's more fun to be had.

  • Let's get the fuck out of here.

  • Dude, we got one of the best rides we've

  • ever got in our life.

  • True road warrior, down for the road, ride or die shit.

  • Fucking Jacob.

  • JACOB: Fuck you.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • DAVID CHOE: Longest ride.

  • Drove us out.

  • Think we're along the Yellow River right now.

  • It's pretty dirty.

  • I think some rare dolphin went extinct in it.

  • We're also spending more time out in the sun.

  • And I was thinking we're getting darker, and the

  • Chinese girls out here like pale skin, so that might be a

  • problem too.

  • We're going to cross this river right now,

  • head in that direction.

  • Thumbs up, China.

  • Let's keep rolling it.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Hi.

  • More, more.

  • Oh!

  • Oh!

  • Hit that fool.

  • Hit him.

  • Oh.

  • Oh.

  • Ooh, hit that bitch.

  • Oh!

  • Oh.

  • I like the dude on the left.

  • Yo Harry, I got $100-- oh!

  • Fuck yeah, dude.

  • Oh!

  • Oh.

  • My money's on Harry.

  • My money's on Harry.

  • Go.

  • Oh, come on, you pussy.

  • Bash that shit, dude.

  • Oh.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Come on, honey.

  • Let me touch you.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Are you guys in a bike gang?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah?

  • What's the name of their gang?

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: They don't have a name.

  • They just fucking roll.

  • They spin around.

  • DAVID CHOE: That's cool, man.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: He wants to know if

  • we want to go somewhere.

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, of course, dude.

  • As far as he'll take us.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Ride or die.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah, come on, man.

  • Come on, man.

  • Let's ride.

  • [HORN HONKING]

  • DAVID CHOE: Thumbs up, China.

  • Harry's balls are touching his back.

  • My balls are touching his back.

  • Life doesn't get better than this.

  • Thumbs up, China.

  • [HORN HONKING]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah.

  • This is my makeshift cooking show.

  • I'm going to show you how to eat really healthy and

  • nutritious on the road.

  • What is that?

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: Baby chick.

  • DAVID CHOE: OK, one.

  • One.

  • Just one.

  • One.

  • One.

  • Some baby birds.

  • Little baby canaries, like Tweety Bird.

  • Eat that shit, dude.

  • How is that?

  • HARRY KIM: Mmm, it's good.

  • DAVID CHOE: It's good?

  • HARRY KIM: Mm-hmm.

  • DAVID CHOE: How's the flavor?

  • HARRY KIM: A little spicy.

  • DAVID CHOE: It needs a little something?

  • HARRY KIM: It needs a little something, though.

  • Mm-hmm?

  • DAVID CHOE: You want to put something on it?

  • HARRY KIM: Yeah, let's put something on this thing.

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • This is the candy man.

  • He takes whatever you want, and he makes it into candy.

  • Like that Iggy Pop song.

  • B-52s.

  • (SINGING) Candy, candy, candy.

  • So we got these chickens.

  • They taste like shit.

  • But there's like this thing that they have in LA, like the

  • Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.

  • It's, you got some chicken, and you got some sweetness,

  • some sugar.

  • It's that same concept.

  • So we got a baby little pigeons, and we're going to

  • caramelize them with some sugar, and have chicken bird.

  • This guy thinks we're a fucking moron, but we're going

  • to have tasty treat.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: And lettuce.

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • Lettuce.

  • Oh.

  • Oh.

  • Yeah.

  • It's crunchy on the inside, and crunchy on the outside.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Crunchy crunch.

  • Oh!

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: This is Chinese style, ancient Chinese style.

  • Fucking delicious.

  • Oh my god.

  • All right.

  • Mmm.

  • Mmm.

  • That shit is good.

  • Cabbage, cabbage pops.

  • This is fucking real eating.

  • This is some gangsta shit right here.

  • You want one?

  • Want one?

  • Yeah.

  • Some gangsta shit.

  • This is healthy for you.

  • HARRY KIM: Healthy for you.

  • DAVID CHOE: It's delicious.

  • Yeah!

  • Dude, that's the best spinach you're ever going to eat in

  • your whole life.

  • Your dad's never going to give you spinach like that, never.

  • Eat that shit, dude.

  • Mmm.

  • That's some good shit.

  • [CHINESE].

  • [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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B1 中級

搭車穿越中國。大拇指第三季(第3/5部)。 (Hitchhiking Across China: Thumbs Up Season 3 (Part 3/5))

  • 93 7
    Tim Hsu 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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