Very nice!

你好棒喔！

Your candy has been crushed, sir.

哈，我根本是 Candy Crush 達人！

But luckily he kept his wits, and his purple crayon.

不過幸運的是，他有聰明才智和紫色的蠟筆。

Ooh damn, dang, dang, dang, oh dang!

喔超「屌」，帥，是帥，超帥，超厲害！

Here we go, okay, okay, we got my bag, baby bag, baby seat.

好，要記得拿我的背包、寶寶背包、寶寶座椅。

- Bye Hun. - Wait, keys, wait, baby!

- 再見，親愛的。- 等等，還有鑰匙和寶寶。

Okay, can't forget the baby.

我怎麼能忘了寶寶。

- Hello! - Hey!

- 哈囉！- 嘿！

How was your day?

你今天過得如何？

Cheers!

乾杯！

- Cheers! -Happy date night!

-乾杯！-今晚約會愉快！

Have a good night!

約會愉快！

Do you guys like Pitbull?

你們喜歡 Pitbull？

We're all gonna be young forever, woo!

我們都會永遠年輕！

Hey!

嘿！

Hey, sorry, I just put the baby down.

抱歉，我剛剛在處理寶寶的事。

Oh, thanks for the beer.

謝謝你的啤酒。

Ah, I can't wait to have kids!

我等不及要生個小寶寶了！

Mm, trust me, you can wait.

呃...相信我，你可以等。

It all seems so magical, you know, when you see your baby smile for the first time, or walk...

這一切是多麼的奇妙美好，當你第一次看見寶寶臉上的笑容、他第一次走路等等...

Yeah, or clean up a stage five poop blow out, that gets all over the changing table, which the dog then eats for some reason, because he likes eating poop.

對，或者是清理滿是大便的尿布台，然後家裡的狗基於某種原因甚至會跑來吃寶寶的大便。

It's not that kinda dog.

沒有這種狗吧...

And then he vomits that poop all over the couch, which you just cleaned baby vomit off of.

接著，吃了大便的狗會吐得整座沙發都是，而你甚至剛清理完那座沙發上的寶寶嘔吐物。

And as much as you try and clean it, that couch will forever be known as the vomit couch.

無論你清理得再多次，那座沙發永遠都會是個充滿嘔吐味的「噁爛沙發」。

Yeah, that sounds bad.

聽起來有點糟。

Yeah.

真的。

I don't know, I mean I wonder, when am I gonna be ready to have kids?

我不知道欸，我一直在思考，我什麼時候才會準備好當個爸爸。

You're never ready, that's the thing.

事實是，沒有準備好的那一天。

Really, not even like, at age 30?

真的嗎，就算當我已經三十歲？

Yeah.

對，沒錯。

Huh.

好吧。

Are you guys sleeping much?

有小孩之後，你們的睡眠時間是不是都不多？

Turns out the human body is incredibly resilient.

我發現，人體的適應能力極強。

I don't even need much more then four hours of sleep.

我甚至不需要睡滿四個小時。

You look exhausted.

你看起來累壞了。

I know, I'm in denial.

我知道，我只是不想面對事實。

Look, I get it, I mean I been waking up early too.

老兄，我能懂你的心情，我最近天天都得早起！

I've been doing this 7 A.M. workout class.

我早上七點必須去上健身課。

Oh, 7 A.M., wow.

哇！早上七點，是吧？

You're such a martyr, oh my God, your life sounds so hard.

你可真是個烈士，老天！你的生活聽起來也艱困了吧！

I mean, sometimes when I got out, I sleep in, but I find I can't sleep much past 10AM.

有時候我晚上出去玩，隔天都會睡晚一點，但我發現只要超過早上十點，我就睡不著了。

I would literally only eat pineapple-pizza for the rest of my life if it meant I could sleep 'til 10 A.M.

如果能讓我睡到早上十點，我願意下半輩子都只吃鳳梨口味的披薩。

Oh god.

我的天啊！

Yeah.

沒錯。

I hate pineapple-pizza.

我恨死鳳梨口味的披薩。

And I love pizza.

但我愛披薩。

You get me.

你懂我。

It's tough, but it's worth it.

照顧寶寶不是件簡單的事，但其實滿值得的。

Sounds like having a really cute puppy.

聽起來就像在養隻可愛的小狗。

Cute doesn't even begin to describe it.

「可愛」這一個詞甚至不足以形容。

Cute is like something you see in a photo, you know.

你知道的，「可愛」是用來形容照片裡的人事物。

Plush toys, those are cute.

就像毛絨玩具，很可愛沒錯。

Having a baby, it's, it's, sublime.

但，照顧寶寶...可以說是件神聖的事情。

When I hold him, or rock him, or play with him, I'm filled with this impossibly vast love.

當我把他抱在懷裡，輕輕搖著他，或是陪他玩，我可以感受到有股無限的愛充滿了我的心。

I don't know, it's like, you see the baby and for a moment, you get a glimpse of the mystery of life.

當你看著寶寶，就彷彿看見了生命的奧妙。

Whenever I see him crawling around, or exploring things, I can tell he's just disovering the world and seeing 1,000 things every second.

每一次看著他在地上爬行和發掘新事物，我都知道他正在探索這個未知的世界，而且他每一秒都發現了一千件新事物。

It's awesome.

真的很美好。

Wow.

哇！

Yeah.

對啊！

Well, next rounds on me.

下一杯酒，我請你。

More drinks?

還要再來一杯嗎？

Yes, let's get another drink, let's stay out all night.

好啊，再給我來一杯，我們不醉不歸。

Let's, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I should go.

開玩笑的，我該回家了。

We've got squad crew-necks, we've got a baby onesie.

我們推出了新版圓領上衣和寶寶連身衣。

We got a baby that's trying to escape.

還有，一個正試圖要逃跑的寶寶。

- His hat! - Oh no!

- 寶寶的帽子！- 喔不！

His hat, hats off to that!

他的帽子掉了。

You can get it at TryGuys.com

你可以在 TryGuys.com 買到這些衣服。

Get my bicep curls!

做個二頭肌彎舉！

You know, as you grow older, Daddy's gonna have to just get stronger.

當你越長越大，爸爸也需要變得更強壯才行。