This episode, sponsored by Adam and Eve is a collection of some of those sexual mistakes

and mishaps, as well as those you've sent me to share.

[WHIP CRACKING, COUGH]

Some of these are minor mistakes, others are more serious.

There's 21 so feel free to make a checklist and count how many you've made.

Literally blowing.

A blowjob is slang for oral sex on a phallus.

Typically licking, kissing, and massaging it with your mouth like I demonstrated in

this blowjob tutorial.

You might blow a little for a cool sensation

but blowing like you would a trumpet is a misunderstanding of the term.

This goes for vaginas too.

Forcing air into an enclosed space of the body can lead to an embolism and death.

So on it?

Yeah.

In it?

I wouldn't.

Sometimes air will get into vaginas anyway -- the position of sex might pump air in,

or the vagina itself will suck in air during contractions.

If this happens, the vagina may fart or queef.

This is not a mistake.

Shaming someone for any kind of bodily function is.

There are many ways to respond to unfamiliar sex sounds:

“whoa, yeah!” cheerful laughter, “that was a good one,” silence like nothing happened,

moaning like it turned you on, or moaning to move on.

You might also speak up and ask for a different position that's less noisy.

Not asking for what you need is a big ol' mistake.

Another mistake is not knowing what you need.

As in not taking stock of your own sexual health and pleasure.

What do you need to feel safer during sex?

What kinds of touch are enjoyable?

How much time and privacy are important for you?

Do you need to be warm, clean, and connected to play?

Find out through masturbation!

One mistake I've made recently is not putting a towel down on the bed when one was needed

to keep the sheets from getting bloody.

Better than the mistake of not having sex on my period, though.

Red rhapsody feels great.

I'm super excitable and orgasmic, there's a bunch of extra lube, and sex is amazing

at relieving cramps and back pain!

AMAZING!!!

This doesn't mean you have to be into it or you've failed somehow if you aren't.

We all have different sexualities and different desires.

The mistake is when we judge others' as inferior or superior to our own rather than

appreciating diversity.

I noticed with a lot of clients they would compare their sex lives now to those of their past.

In most cases upset that they were having more sex, more spontaneous sex, more adventurous

sex and now....

It's more work, less frequent, it's hard to find time, or get in the mood.

The mistake here?

Not taking a complete inventory of the past vs the present.

If they did a thorough reflection on the past, it would include the positives as well as the negatives.

Another mistake I think we all make is not giving ourselves an opportunity to miss what

we had and to be mad and sad about change.

This applies to relationships, abuse you endured and or abuse perpetrated, grieve for the you

who didn't have the best communication skills, or wasn't given comprehensive sex education.

Grieve the loss of your full erections.

Then take action!

A common mistake I've made is identifying a problem, then soaking in it.

Like [WHINING SOUND]

For example, spanking hurts me not in a good way because my ass doesn't have a lot of padding.

But instead of proposing that my partner aim more intentionally or play in other ways

I foolishly expect them to be the solution, read my mind and grab my butt instead.

Mind reading or rather attempting to mind read is a huge source of error.

When I want someone to read my mind and they don't, because they can't -- it's disheartening.

And when I think I can read their mind but actually can't, end up scrambling things into a mess.

I recently decided that my partner thinks sex is too easy when I moan a lot.

In my mind, he misses the challenge of working for it.

"I'm too easy."

"I'm not what he wants."

[WHINING SOUND]

This isn't real.

This relates to a bigger problem of assuming things rather asking.

Wires get crossed and everyone's frustrated.

Here are some examples:

"I came, so sex is over."

The other person (usually a woman) doesn't want to come or need to come.

Or "Orgasm definitely happened!" (Even though it definitely didn't.)

An antidote for this thinking is communicating: how can we get you off?

How does this feel?

What would you like more of?

That's making sure that you don't assume they're good without climax.

Another mistake which I've made is assuming they're not good unless they climax.

Like “you must want to come,”,“let's get you off,” “have an orgasm.”

Not all sexual activity has to include orgasm though and in fact you or your partner may not want it to.

Don't make the mistake of assuming sex or penetration or orgasm is the goal.

Also, please don't assume that what worked before will work again.

I had a partner who liked me pulling on his scrotum to hold off orgasm so I did this with

another partner assuming it would get the same reaction.

NOPE!

Literally different strokes for different folks.

And in my case I need different strokes depending on the time of month.

For years I made the mistake of not tracking my hormones.

I didn't want to know -- just wanted go with the flow....

But now that I keep a daily log of my emotions and my cycle -- I know when my skin is going

to be sensitive or why I'm feeling spikey and I can give the people around me a heads up.

Colby Marie has a blog where she lists the three big bedroom blunders people make and

has not prioritizing sex at number 1:

She writes, “Sex has numerous mental, physical, emotional and social health benefits.

We make it a point of prioritizing other activities that provide these benefits (such as doctor

appointments, going to the gym, etc.), but will often neglect sexytime because it doesn't

seem as "important."

Agreed.

A little mistake, which is easy to make, is saying something during sex that your partner can't hear.

Like if you're holding my face to tell me that you love me and this position feels so

good, I can't hear you because you're covering my ears!

Sexy talk, dirty talk, open communication -- they all need a clear voice and nice volume.

Mistake: getting tested for sexually transmitted infections during the window period (when

you can't determine whether or not the results are accurate) and using those potentially

inaccurate results to describe your status.

Make sure you understand what your test results mean and when it's safest to have sex.

According to the Guttmacher Institute nearly half of all pregnancies are unplanned.

So the mistake -- Not using contraception correctly or at all.

Identify ways to prevent the pregnancies you don't want and put those plans in place correctly.

Last one, at least for today, is the mistake of thinking good sex is natural.

It's not -- we naturally have mediocre sex.

The good parts of it come from masturbation, open communication, expanding our understanding

of sexuality, and staying curious.

Stay curious.

A big thanks to AdamandEve.com for making this episode possible.

They're an online sex toy store that sells all sorts of goodies to improve your sex life.

You can get all these pretties and many other on their website AdamandEve.com.

They'll even give you 50% off of an eligible item in your shopping cart if you use the

discount code DOE plus free shipping in the US and Canada.