Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • (ringing)

    (鈴聲)

  • Hello?

    你好?

  • (Incoherent taking on other side of phone)

    (電話另一頭的嘰哩呱啦聲)

  • Uhh... Okay.

    呃......好的

  • It's for you, James.

    這是找你的,詹姆斯。

  • Hey, James. This is James from the future.

    嘿詹姆斯,這是來自未來的詹姆斯。

  • Just wanted you to give you a call and let you know that,

    只是想讓你打個電話讓你知道,

  • Puberty can be tough, but, you can get through it.

    青春期可能很難,但是,你可以撐過去的。

  • So I wanted to let you know that

    所以我只是想讓你知道

  • everything's gonna be okay and...

    一切都會好起來的,還有......

  • I love you.

    我愛你。

  • *POP*

    * POP *

  • You got the wrong number.

    你打錯電話了。╭∩╮◕ㅂ◕ ╭∩╮

  • (hangs up)

    (掛了)

  • I grew up in a generation where smartphones where a new thing.

    我成長於智慧型手機剛出現的世代。

  • And everyone in my class had one

    我班上的每個人都有一支

  • except for me.

    除了我。 QQ

  • My parents never got me one because they didn't want me to access the Internet

    我的父母從來沒有幫我買過手機,因為他們不希望我

  • on a device that could fit in my pocket

    用一個可以放在口袋裡的設備接觸網路

  • because they were super strict and didn't want me looking at...

    因為他們超級嚴格,不想讓我看......

  • internet stuff...

    網路的東西......

  • which backfired horribly.

    結果適得其反...... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • so, they never gave me a smartphone.

    所以,他們從沒給我智慧型手機。

  • In fact, I didn't even get my first cellphone

    事實上,我甚至沒有拿到我的第一支手機

  • until I was 16 years old.

    直到我16歲。

  • Now as an adult who uses his cellphone everyday,

    現在作為每天使用手機的成年人,

  • I don't know how I survived for 16 years

    我不知道我沒有手機是怎麼活過16年的。

  • without one.

    我想當我年輕的時候

  • I think when I was younger

    如果我曾經遇到過需要打電話給父母的情況

  • If I was ever in a situation where I needed to call my parents

    我會問最近的人可不可以借電話 (我可以跟你借電話嗎)

  • I would just ask the nearest person if I could borrow their phone

    現在,如果螢幕前有任何父母沒有給他們的孩子手機,

  • Now if there's are any parents watching this who haven't given their children a cellphone yet,

    從一個沒養小孩的網友口中聽好了。

  • Take it from a guy on the internet with no children.

    你應該給他們一支。

  • You should get them one.

    不一定要是智慧型的...

  • It doesn't have to be a smart one.

    你可以給他們你的標準毒販手機(指備用手機)

  • You can just give them your standard drug dealer phone.

    但是你應該至少給他們一支手機,以防萬一發生緊急情況

  • But you should at least give them a cellphone in case there's an emergency

    他們需要打電話給你或警察

  • and they need to call you or the police.

    我能想到給孩子一支電話的唯一缺點

  • The only downside I can think of giving your child a phone is:

    就是他們總會花太多時間在上面

  • They'll end up spending TOO much time on it

    所以..你應該時不時限制他們使用手機吧我不知道。

  • So.. you should just turn off their service from time to time I don't know.

    當我16歲並結束高中二年級的時候

  • When I turned 16 and finished up my sophomore year of high school

    我買了第一部手機:

  • I got my very first cellphone:

    LG Cosmos 2。

  • An LG Cosmos 2.

    我不是在90年代長大...... 這...其他人都有iphone,

  • I didn't grow up in the 90s... Tha- everyone else had iphones

    但我是唯一一個帶有鍵盤的手機的人。

  • But I was the only one with a fli- with a phone that had a keyboard on it.

    有了那支手機,我遇到了幾件事

  • and with that cellphone, I've had a couple of incidentses

    有時會有陌生人打電話給我

  • Where sometimes a random person would call me

    以為我是別人......

  • Thinking I was someone else...

    然後不會承認他們搞錯了

  • And then wouldn't admit they're wrong.

    而這就是你如何進入這個月的影片主題。

  • And that's how you segway into the theme of this month's video.

    第一個故事發生在我在Sooubway工作的時候。

  • This first story happened when I was working at Sooubway. (Not Subway)

    沒錯又一個Sooubway的故事

  • THATS RIGHT ANOTHER SOOUBWAY STORY

    #SOOUBWAY 4 這故事不夠精彩而沒有放在其他3集裡

  • #SOOUBWAY 4. It wasn't good enough to be in the other 3.

    所以距離打烊還有5分鐘,我們在Sooubway接到一通電話

  • So it was 5 minutes until closing and we get a phone call on the Sooubway phone.

    我拿起來說,

  • I pick it up and say,

    「呃~~~~~感謝你打給Sooubway 我可以怎麼幫助你呢?」

  • "UGHHHHH..Thank for calling Sooubway. How may I help you?"

    我應該說,「我是詹姆斯,我可以怎麼幫助你呢?」

  • I was supposed to say,

    但我不打算告訴這個隨意的陌生人我的名字!

  • "This is James . How may I help you?"

    白痴

  • But I wasn't about to tell this random stranger my name...

    無論如何,電話裡的人說,

  • Idiot.

    「嘿,你們幾點關門?」

  • Anyway, the other person on the line said,

    「五分鐘後。」

  • "Hey what time do you guys close?"

    「如果我遲到的話,沒關係嗎?我只需要汽油。」

  • time do you guys close in five minutes is it alright if I show up late I just

    而我作為一個好員工,

  • James: "In five minutes."

    我完全願意透過電話幫這個人做三明治

  • Idiot: "Is it alright if I show up late? I just need gas."

    讓他在我們打烊後取貨

  • And being the good employee that I was,

    然後我不會幫他結帳,並把錢塞到自己口袋。

  • I was totally willing to make this guy's sandwich over the phone,

    我是開玩笑,我沒這樣做,這樣是犯罪,請不要告我。

  • let him pick it up after we closed,

    所以我說,「是的,我能幫忙,你想要什麼樣的三明治?」

  • and then I wouldn't ring him up and just pocket the money.

    他說,「我只需要汽油。」

  • I'm just kidding I wouldn't do that.

    「哦,先生,請不要擔心,這個三明治會讓你放出充足的氣體。

  • That's a crime. Please don't sue me.

    我 - 我的意思是,你想要薯片還是什麼?」

  • So I said, "Yeah I can do that. What kind of sandwich do you want?"

    「不!」他說,「我只需要汽油!」

  • And he said, "I just need gas."

    我有點困惑。

  • "Oh don't worry, sir.

    「好的,是的,所以你會去加油,

  • This sandwich will give you plenty of gas. I... I mean, do you want chips or something?"

    那你會過來拿三明治嗎?」

  • "No." he said. "I just need gas."

    他說,「我不想吃三明治。」

  • I was a little confused.

    然後這句話點醒了我。

  • "Okay, yes. So, you'll get gas, then are you gonna stop by and pick up a sandwich?"

    即使我對這個人說的第一件話是:

  • And he said, "I don't want a sandwich."

    「感謝你打給Sooubway」

  • And then it hit me.

    我想他以為他正在和加油站講話。

  • Even though the first thing I ever said to this guy was:

    所以我說,「先生,我們這裡是Sooubway?」

  • "Thank you for calling Sooubway,"

    「喔~~~~~~~~~」

  • I think he thought he was talking to a gas station.

    *掛斷*

  • So I said, "Sir, this is a Sooubway.

    而我還沒來的及跟他說自助加油站不會...

  • "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

    打烊?

  • (Hangs up)

    下一個故事發生在我在家時,我接到了一個我不認識的電話。

  • And I never got the chance to tell him that gas pumps don't close.

    我現在的朋友告訴我,他們不接他們不認識的任何號碼

  • This next story happened when I was at home

    但是我的焦慮不會讓我這樣做。

  • and I got a call from a number I didn't recognize

    如果是銀行打來說你的戶頭被駭了怎麼辦?

  • Now, I've had friends tell me that

    如果是你的奶奶怎麼辦?因為你為什麼會把她的號碼紀錄在手機裡?

  • they don't answer the phone to any number they don't recognize.

    或者如果是你的奈及利亞叔叔想要給你他的金條收藏怎麼辦?

  • But my anxiety won't let me do that.

    而且需要你的資料才能匯給你?

  • What if it's your bank calling saying your account got hacked?

    你永遠不會知道!所以我總是會接電話。

  • What if it's your grandma 'cause why would you have her saved in your phone?

    所以我回答了,正是這個女人要找「勞倫斯」。

  • Or what if it's your Nigerian uncle who wants to give you his collection of gold

    我說, 「哦,我不是 - 你打錯號碼了。」

  • bars and needs your information for a wire transfer?

    她繼續說, 「不是416-295嗎?」

  • You just never know, so I always pick up the phone.

    這顯然不是真的號碼,所以不要試著打電話。

  • So, I answered it and it was this woman asking for a Lawrence.

    我說,「不,這裡是416-293」,因為這是我的電話號碼。

  • and I said, "Oh I'm not- that- that's-

    同樣,這實際上不是真的電話號碼, 所以請不要打電話過來。

  • You have the wrong number."

    她繼續說, 「3?我不認為我按的是3啊」

  • and she goes "isn't this 416 295

    而且我不知道該對這個女人說些什麼,

  • That's obviously not a real number, so don't try calling it.

    因為我的號碼是416-293

  • And I said, "No, this is four one six two nine three." 'Cause, that's my phone number.

    *低語* 這真的不是真的。

  • Again, that's not actually a valid phone number. So, please don't call it.

    但她不認為她按了3,

  • And she goes,

    所以我不知道她現在是怎麼跟我說話的

  • "Three? I don't think I pressed three."

    除非,她按了!

  • And, I don't know what to say to this woman.

    所以我說,

  • because my number is four one six two nine three (it's really not) but she doesn't think

    「所以,顯然,

  • she pushed three so I don't know how she's talking to me right now

    你按了。」

  • unless she did so I said "well obviously you did."

    然後我對整個情況做了一個漫畫, 因為我想網友會覺得很有趣。

  • and then I made a comic about

    接下來的故事發生在不久以前。

  • the whole situation because I thought the internet would think it was funny.

    我接到了一通我不認識的電話,在早上九點半 (比我早上的鬧鐘還早...)

  • This next story happened not too long ago I got a call from a number I didn't

    而我躺在床上......

  • recognize at 9:30 in the morning and I was lying in my bed asleep and most

    睡著了。

  • people would agree that you're supposed to be awake and productive at 9:30 and I

    大多數人會同意,在早上九點半醒來做正事是你應該的

  • didn't want whoever this stranger was thinking I'm lazy so I had to answer the

    而且我不想讓這個陌生人以為我很懶,

  • phone with my best I've-been-awake-for-several-hours voice

    所以我不得不用我最好的-

  • HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU

    “我已經醒了好幾個小時”的聲音

  • Hello?

    *累了,史詩般的失敗*「你好?」

  • You're going to have to come quickly. Timmy fell down the well, Vance.

    「你必須快點來!提米摔進井裡了,萬斯!」

  • Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    呃~~~~~~~~~

  • Wuuuuuuuuuuut?

    啥?

  • I said you're gonna have to come quickly cuz Timmy fell down the well, Vance.

    「我說,你必須快點來, 因為提米摔進井裡了,萬斯!」

  • I could tell it was a woman on the phone but it was either her accent or

    我聽得出來打電話的是個女的,

  • the phone being buggy or I just had woken up but I could not understand

    但是,無論是她的口音,還是手機有雜音,或者我剛剛醒來,

  • anything she was saying but I could make out one word which was Vance so I did

    但我無法理解她說的話。

  • not have a lot to go off of I said I... think you have the wrong number

    但我可以聽到一個名字,「萬斯」

  • (Incoherent screaming) okay... goodbye

    所以。

  • (Incoherent screaming) *Beep*

    我沒必要繼續講下去了

  • well I should probably get the day started I thought as I went back

    我說, 「我......認為你打錯號碼了

  • to sleep but then immediately I got a call from the same number and I thought

    (巴巴啦巴啦啦巴)

  • okay maybe if this person is calling again

    好的,再見

  • even after I explicitly told her she had the wrong number maybe it's not a wrong

    (巴啦巴啦......快點來因為提米掉進....)*掛掉*

  • number after all maybe there's something else going on

    「好吧,我應該要開始這一天了,」 當我回去睡覺時,我想。

  • maybe it's an emergency so maybe mmm talk to me

    但後來我立即接到了 來自同一號碼的電話!

  • HO-LE LO-LE HASJKDALSFHLK VANCE

    我想, 「好的。

  • okay I can't understand

    也許,如果這個人再次打電話,

  • anything you're saying so then this woman must have handed the phone to her

    甚至在我明確地告訴她打錯電話後 (我不是萬斯)

  • friend because a different voice started talking and I could actually understand

    也許真的不是打錯電話,

  • her and I'll never forget what she said which was Vance no one thinks that

    也許有一些其他因素,

  • you're funny and even though I'm not Vance that kind of hurt so I stated the

    也許是緊急情況

  • obvious which was yes I am and also I'm not Vance and she said no Lance so this

    也許......

  • whole time these two have been looking for a lance so I told this woman I'm not

    嗯~~~~~~~

  • Lance either and she said

    「說吧!」

  • WELL THIS IS THE NUMBER THEY GAVE ME

    「巴啦巴巴啦巴啦萬斯」

  • okay if she had said it like oh I'm sorry this is

    「好的。

  • the number they gave me I didn't mean to call you stranger also I do think you're

    我完全無法理解你在說什麼。」

  • funny and enjoy your videos then that would have been totally fine she's just

    然後這個女人一定是把電話交給她的朋友了,

  • shifting the blame to someone else but instead she sounded so condescending

    因為一個不同的聲音開始說話,而我真的可以聽懂她說話

  • like I was wasting her time well this is the number they gave me and they can't

    我永遠不會忘記她說的話:

  • be wrong so you must be the real Lance so I said

    「萬斯!沒有人認為你很有趣。」

  • well they must have given it to you wrong look I'm too tired to be polite.

    即使我不是萬斯,這也太傷人了。

  • But then she hung up on me like this woman just basically called a random

    所以我直接說了:

  • person said you're not funny and then hung up so I decided to call her back

    「不,我很有趣,而且我不是萬斯。」

  • and said hey I just found the real Lance he's the funniest guy I ever met and he

    她說, 「不!蘭斯!」

  • told me he doesn't give his phone number out to RUDE PIECES OF SHI- just kidding on the last

    所以搞這麼久, 這兩個人一直在找「蘭斯」(諧音)。

  • part I thought about doing it but then I went back to sleep I didn't do it and

    所以我告訴這個女人, 「我也不是蘭斯!」

  • then someone on the internet found my phone number and I changed it and

    她說,

  • whoever has my old number is probably getting a lot of calls from strangers

    「但是這是他們給我的號碼」

  • and people I went to high school with sorry about that

    好的,如果她的語氣是: 「哦,對不起,這是他們給我的號碼

  • hey guys I'm back I haven't done an end card in a while which should probably be

    我不是故意打給你的,陌生人

  • my next new catchphrase if you didn't know I wrote a book and you can buy it

    我也認為你很有趣,也喜歡你的影片!」