Why can't they notice me more?

為什麼他們不能更關心我？

Be less narrow-minded, or listen to the words coming out of my mouth.

別那麼小心眼，或聽聽我說的話。

But are you putting in the same amount of effort on the table?

但你也付出了一樣的努力嗎？

Can you be just as attentive as your partner?

你也能和你的夥伴一樣細心嗎？

The thing about relationships is you don't just learn how to love someone, it's also an experience that teaches you how to be a better person.

感情關係不只是學習如何愛一個人，同時也是教會你成為更好的人的一個經驗。

But if you're not in the right mindset, sometimes it's worth postponing and working on yourself first.

但如果你的心態不正確，有時感情慢慢來關係，先處理你自己比較值得。

Here are five signs you cannot handle a relationship.

這裡有五個你還沒準備好談感情的徵兆。

One, you put yourself first before anyone else.

第一，你把自己看得比任何人都重要。

It's healthy when you prioritize your health and well being, but there's a difference between finding balance and just being downright selfish.

當你把自己的健康與福利視為優先是很健康的，但從中找到平衡與極度自私是不同的。

Clinical Professor Srini Pillay believes that selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate.

臨床教授史利尼．皮萊認為自私的愛人經常感到不足。

When they show love to someone, even if it's just a little, they start to worry that it'll all be gone in no time.

當他們對某人示愛，即使只是一點點，他們便會開始擔心一切會馬上化為烏有。

Selfish lovers are deeply troubled because they aren't self-connected.

自私的愛人對自我連結感不足，並深受其擾。

If you take more than you give to your partner, Pillay says it's important to confront your own pain and recognize the areas you need to develop in.

若你從你的夥伴獲取的多過給予的，皮萊說很重要的是，面對你的傷痛並找出你必需發展的領域。

He also states that it's helpful to focus your energy on hobbies that make you feel more self-connected, like running, journaling, or meditating.

他也說將精力專注於能使你感到更自我連結的興趣上是有幫助的，像是跑步、寫日記或冥想。

Two, you're prideful and you think you're always right.

第二，你很驕傲且認為自已永遠正確。

It's important for both partners to feel heard and understood in a relationship, but factors such as pride can get in the way of that.

感情中雙方都感到被傾聽並理解是很重要的，但一些因素例如驕傲可以成為絆腳石。

At the end of the day, is it really worth being right if you're going to lose someone you love?

到頭來，如果會失去你所愛的人，成為正確的一方真的那麼重要嗎？

Another reason why some people are commonly reluctant to apologize is because they fear the other person won't take responsibility for their part in the conflict.

另一個有些人常常不願意道歉的理由是，擔心另一方不願意為衝突中自己那部分的問題負責。

But when you sincerely apologize first, it lets your partner know that you're not proud of what you did, and will take better measures next time instead of repeating the same mistakes.

但當你先誠心地道歉了，便讓你的伴侶知道你並不為所做的事引以為傲，並會採取更好的做法以免重蹈覆轍。

It's important not to emphasize on who was right or wrong, but rather focus on what the two of you can do to prevent any mishaps from occurring in the future.

重要的是別著重在誰對誰錯，而是著重在你們兩人可以怎麼做以免不幸的事在未來再次發生。

Three, you always depend on your partner to make you happy.

第三，你總是依賴你的伴侶才能感到開心。

Do you get anxious when you're away from your partner or generally feel lost without them?

當你離開你的伴侶，你會感到焦慮或迷失嗎？

This might be a sign of co-dependency.

這可能是共依存症的一個徵兆。

Ask yourself if you really love your partner or are you just emotionally dependent on them.

捫心自問，你是真的愛你的伴侶或只是情感上依賴他們？

Love is about appreciation, not possession.

愛是感激，不是佔有。

Psychologists state that co-dependancy stems from the lack of self-sufficiency.

心理學家說共依存症起因於缺乏自我滿足。

Since co-dependancy is often rooted from your unmet childhood needs, treatment often involves going to therapy, where you can get in touch with the feelings you've buried for so long.

既然共依存症經常根源於兒時需求不受滿足，治療經常包含了一些療法，讓你可以接觸深埋已久的情感。

As cliche as it sounds, talking things out, will ultimately help you get better.

老生常談，把事情說出來，最終會讓你好過一些。

Once you confront those deep-rooted insecurities, it also allows you a chance to express them to your partner.

一旦你面對那些根深蒂固的不安，同時能使你有機會將這些闡述給你的伴侶知道。

That way, the two of you can create a plan that helps your relationship move forward.

如此，你們兩人便可以擬訂計畫幫助你們的感情更進一步。

Four, you expect people to read your mind.

第四，你期望人們能夠看穿你的心思。

Communication is an essential part of making relationships work.

溝通是感情運作的必要部分。

If you're passive aggressive and chose not to tell your partner what's upsetting you in fear of creating conflict or to test if they care about you.

如果你是被動攻擊型的人，不告訴你的伴侶是什麼使你心煩，因為害怕挑起爭端或想測試他們是否關心你。

Is it really fair to be mad at the other person, when they don't even have a clue?

對絲毫理不出頭緒的對方生氣是公平的嗎？

To strengthen your communication skills, avoid attaching blame when you make your "I" statements.

為了加強你的溝通能力，當你發出「我」的陳述時，避免加上責備言論。

For instance, instead of saying "I'm upset because you never help me with the chores."

舉例來說，不要說「我不開心，因為你從不幫忙家務。」

You can say "I'm upset and would appreciate it if you can help me with the chores".

你可以說「我不開心，但如果你可以幫我做家事，我會很感激。」

That way you can still let them know what you want without pointing fingers, which can often cause your partner to become defensive.

如此一來，你仍然可以讓對方知道你要什麼，而不用指責他而使他充滿防備。

Five, you have commitment issues.

第五，你有承諾恐懼症。

Commitment phobia, otherwise known as relationship anxiety, is when you have a fear of relationships.

承諾恐懼症，也稱為關係焦慮，就是你對擁有一段關係感到恐懼。

If you think you have this, note that it doesn't mean you never want to establish a long term connection with someone, you do, but your anxieties are getting in the way.

如果你認為你有，那並不代表你不想和某人建立長期關係，你想要，但你的焦慮妨礙了你。

Many past events could have caused this, such as witnessing your parents getting a divorce or having an unhealthy romantic relationship.

許多過去的事件可能促成此症狀，像是看到你的父母離婚，或有過一段不健康的戀情。

As a result, you might hesitate being vulnerable, scared that the other person will either leave or disappoint you.

結果是，你會猶豫向對方坦然，害怕對方會離開你或令你失望。

If this is an ongoing issue, it's best to visit a therapist and get insight on how to manage this phobia, while learning techniques that help you practice vulnerability.

如果持續如此，最好去看醫生，學習幫助你練習坦承的方式，並了解如何管理恐懼。

What are some dating struggles you're going through right now?

你現在正面臨什麼約會的困擾？

Let us know and leave a comment down below.

讓我們知道並在下面留言。

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訂閱我們以收到更多有用的內容。

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感謝收看！