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  • When I was a child,

    譯者: Helen Chang 審譯者: Bruce Sung

  • every other Friday,

    小時候

  • I would leave my mother and stepfather's home --

    每隔一個星期五,

  • an Indian and British, atheist, Buddhist,

    我會離開生母和繼父的家——

  • agnostic, vegetarian, new age-y sometimes,

    他們是印度人和英國人、

  • Democratic household.

    無神論者、佛教徒、

  • And I would go 1.4 miles to my father and stepmother's home

    不可知論者,吃素,

  • and enter a white, Evangelical Christian,

    三不五時參與新時代運動,

  • conservative, Republican,

    是個民主黨的家庭。

  • twice-a-week-churchgoing,

    我會去 1.4 英里外 生父和繼母的家,

  • meat-eating family.

    進入白人、福音派基督徒、

  • It doesn't take a shrink to explain how I ended up

    保守派、共和黨的生活,

  • in the field of conflict resolution.

    每週兩次去教會,

  • (Laughter)

    吃葷。

  • Whether I was facilitating dialogues in Charlottesville or Istanbul

    無需心理治療師來解釋

  • or Ahmedabad,

    我何以進了解決衝突這一行。

  • the challenge was always the same:

    (笑聲)

  • despite all odds,

    無論我是在夏律第鎮、伊斯坦堡,

  • and with integrity,

    還是在阿默達巴德促成對談,

  • how do you get people to connect meaningfully,

    總是面對一樣的挑戰:

  • to take risks,

    儘管存在著各種困難,

  • to be changed by their experience?

    而且要保持誠信,

  • And I would witness extraordinarily beautiful electricity in those rooms.

    你如何完整地讓人們 有意義地聯繫,

  • And then I would leave those rooms

    願意承擔風險,

  • and attend my everyday gatherings like all of you --

    透過經驗來改變呢?

  • a wedding or a conference or a back-to-school picnic --

    我在那裡見證到非凡振奮的狀態。

  • and many would fall flat.

    離開那裡,

  • There was a meaning gap

    我參加你們一般的日常聚會——

  • between these high-intensity conflict groups

    婚禮、會議或校友聚餐——

  • and my everyday gatherings.

    許多不如預期。

  • Now, you could say, sure, somebody's birthday party

    在那些高度衝突團體

  • isn't going to live up to a race dialogue,

    和我的日常聚會之間

  • but that's not what I was responding to.

    存在著意義上的差距。

  • As a facilitator,

    你會說:

  • you're taught to strip everything away

    某人的生日聚會和種族對話 當然不可同日而語。

  • and focus on the interaction between people,

    但那不是我的回應。

  • whereas everyday hosts focus on getting the things right --

    身為(衝突對談的)主持人,

  • the food, the flowers, the fish knives --

    你學到必須剝離一切,

  • and leave the interaction between people largely to chance.

    專注於人與人之間的互動,

  • So I began to wonder how we might change our everyday gatherings

    而日常的主持人 則專注於把事做好——

  • to focus on making meaning by human connection,

    食物、鮮花、切魚刀之類的——

  • not obsessing with the canapés.

    多半讓人們之間隨機互動。

  • And I set out and interviewed dozens of brave and unusual hosts --

    因此我開始思考 如何改變我們的日常聚會,

  • an Olympic hockey coach, a Cirque du Soleil choreographer,

    專注於透過聯繫人與人來產生意義,

  • a rabbi, a camp counselor--

    而不執著於小點心。

  • to better understand what creates meaningful

    我採訪了數十位勇敢 而且非比尋常的主持人——

  • and even transformative gatherings.

    有奧林匹克曲棍球教練、 太陽馬戲團編舞家、

  • And I want to share with you some of what I learned today

    (熟稔猶太律法的)拉比、 營地輔導員——

  • about the new rules of gathering.

    以更了解到底是什麼創造了有意義,

  • So when most people plan a gathering,

    甚至脫胎換骨的聚會。

  • they start with an off-the-rack format.

    今天我想與大家分享

  • Birthday party? Cake and candles.

    我學到一些聚會新規則。

  • Board meeting?

    大多數人規劃聚會

  • One brown table, 12 white men.

    從現成的格式著手。

  • (Laughter)

    生日聚會?準備蛋糕和蠟燭。

  • Assuming the purpose is obvious, we skip too quickly to form.

    董事會?

  • This not only leads to dull and repetitive gatherings,

    安排一張棕色的桌子 和 12 個白人男子。

  • it misses a deeper opportunity

    (笑聲)

  • to actually address our needs.

    預設(會議的)目的顯而易見, 我們飛快地照既定格式著手安排。

  • The first step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings

    這不僅會導致沉悶和重複的聚會,

  • is to embrace a specific disputable purpose.

    還會錯失實際滿足 我們更深需求層次的機會。

  • An expectant mother I know was dreading her baby shower.

    要創造更有意義的日常聚會

  • The idea of "pin the diaper on the baby" games

    首先是擁抱一個特定 而可以商榷的宗旨。

  • and opening gifts felt odd and irrelevant.

    我認識一位準媽媽 憂心她的產前派對。

  • So she paused to ask:

    她覺得「將尿布釘在嬰兒身上」那遊戲

  • What is the purpose of a baby shower?

    和拆開禮物既奇怪又無關緊要。

  • What is my need at this moment?

    所以她停下來問:

  • And she realized it was to address her fears

    產前派對的目的是什麼?

  • of her and her husband's -- remember that guy? --

    我此時需要什麼?

  • transition to parenthood.

    她意識到這是為了解決 她和她丈夫的恐懼——

  • And so she asked two friends to invent a gathering based on that.

    還記得那個男人嗎?——

  • And so on a sunny afternoon, six women gathered.

    兩人過渡到為人父母身份的恐懼。

  • And first, to address her fear of labor -- she was terrified --

    所以她讓兩個朋友 發明基於此目的的聚會。

  • they told her stories from her life

    在一個陽光明媚的下午, 六位女士聚集在一起。

  • to remind her of the characteristics she already carries --

    首先要解決她極度畏懼的產痛。

  • bravery, wonder, faith, surrender --

    她們告訴她生活中的故事,

  • that they believed would carry her and help her in labor as well.

    提醒她已經擁有的特質——

  • And as they spoke, they tied a bead for each quality into a necklace

    勇敢、好奇、信心、順服——

  • that she could wear around her neck in the delivery room.

    她們相信這些特質也會 引領和幫助她度過產痛。

  • Next, her husband came in,

    她們每說一項特質, 就在項鍊上串一粒珠子,

  • and they wrote new vows, family vows, and spoke them aloud,

    讓她戴在脖子上進產房。

  • first committing to keep their marriage central

    接下來,她的丈夫進來了,

  • as they transitioned to parenthood,

    他們寫下新的誓言, 家的誓言,大聲說出來。

  • but also future vows to their future son

    先是承諾在過渡到父母身份時

  • of what they wanted to carry with them from each of their family lines

    保持以婚姻為中心,

  • and what would stop with this generation.

    還有對未來兒子的誓言,

  • Then more friends came along, including men, for a dinner party.

    裡頭有他們希望 傳給未來兒子的兩家傳承,

  • And in lieu of gifts, they each brought a favorite memory from their childhood

    和到他們這一代為止 不再往下傳的部分。

  • to share with the table.

    然後有更多的朋友 來參加晚宴,包括男士。

  • Now, you might be thinking this is a lot for a baby shower,

    取代禮物的是每個人帶來 他們童年時期最喜愛的記憶

  • or it's a little weird or it's a little intimate.

    與大家分享。

  • Good.

    你或許認為這樣的 產前派對太小題大作了,

  • It's specific.

    有點奇怪,過於親密了些。

  • It's disputable.

    好。

  • It's specific to them,

    這很具體,

  • just as your gathering should be specific to you.

    具爭議性,

  • The next step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings

    是針對他們訂做的,

  • is to cause good controversy.

    就像你的聚會應該針對你訂做那樣。

  • You may have learned, as I did,

    創造更有意義的日常聚會的下一步

  • never to talk about sex, politics or religion at the dinner table.

    是引起良性的爭議。

  • It's a good rule in that it preserves harmony,

    你可能像我一樣學到

  • or that's its intention.

    不要在餐桌上談論性、政治或宗教。

  • But it strips away a core ingredient of meaning, which is heat,

    這是一個很好的規則, 它保持和諧,

  • burning relevance.

    起碼那是它的意圖。

  • The best gatherings learn to cultivate good controversy

    但它剝奪了意義的核心要素,

  • by creating the conditions for it,

    也就是熱度,

  • because human connection is as threatened by unhealthy peace

    迫切的相關性。

  • as by unhealthy conflict.

    最好的聚會學習培養良好的爭議,

  • I was once working with an architecture firm,

    靠的是透創造環境條件。

  • and they were at a crossroads.

    因為不健康的和平 與不健康的衝突一樣,

  • They had to figure out whether they wanted to continue to be an architecture firm

    都會威脅人類的聯繫。

  • and focus on the construction of buildings

    我曾和一家建築公司合作,

  • or pivot and become the hot new thing, a design firm,

    他們正處於十字路口。

  • focusing on beyond the construction of spaces.

    他們必須弄清楚 是否想繼續當建築公司,

  • And there was real disagreement in the room,

    專注於建築物,

  • but you wouldn't know, because no one was actually speaking up publicly.

    或轉型為熱門的、新的設計公司,

  • And so we hosted good controversy.

    專注的不僅僅是空間的建設。

  • After a lunch break, all the architects came back,

    房間裡確實存在著分歧,

  • and we hosted a cage match.

    但你不會知道,

  • They walked in,

    因為沒有人真正公開發言。

  • we took one architect, put him in one corner to represent architecture,

    於是我們為爭議作東。

  • the other one to represent design.

    午休後,建築師全都回來了,

  • We threw white towels around their necks,

    我們辦了場「籠中格鬥」。

  • stolen from the bathroom -- sorry --

    他們進了會議室,

  • played Rocky music on an iPad,

    我們把一位建築師帶到角落代表建築,

  • got each a Don King-like manager

    另一個代表設計。

  • to rev them up and prepare them with counterarguments,

    我們在他們的脖子上掛了白毛巾——

  • and then basically made them each argue the best possible argument

    抱歉,從浴室偷來的——

  • of each future vision.

    用 iPad 播放《洛基》電影配樂,

  • The norm of politeness was blocking their progress.

    給兩人各一個像唐·金那樣的經理

  • And we then had everybody else physically choose a side

    使他們活躍起來,還為他們準備反駁,

  • in front of their colleagues.

    基本上讓他們二人辯論

  • And because they were able to actually show where they stood,

    各自未來願景的最佳論點。

  • they broke an impasse.

    慣常的禮貌規範阻礙了進步。

  • Architecture won.

    接著我們讓其他人

  • So that's work.

    在同事面前選擇立場。

  • What about a hypothetical tense Thanksgiving dinner?

    正因為能夠真正展示他們的立場,

  • Anyone?

    他們打破了僵局。

  • (Laughter)

    建築那一邊贏了。

  • So first, ask the purpose.

    這就是工作。

  • What does this family need this year?

    來個假想的、緊張的 感恩節晚餐如何?

  • If cultivating good heat is part of it,

    有人有過嗎?

  • then try for a night banning opinions and asking for stories instead.

    (笑聲)

  • Choose a theme related to the underlying conflict.

    首先,問目的。

  • But instead of opinions,

    這個家庭今年需要什麼?

  • ask everybody to share a story from their life and experience

    如果培養好熱度是其中的一部分,

  • that nobody around the table has ever heard,

    那麼試著禁談觀點,只講故事。

  • to difference or to belonging

    選擇與潛在衝突相關的主題。

  • or to a time I changed my mind,

    但是,不要發表意見,

  • giving people a way in to each other

    而是要求每個人分享 他們生活和經歷中的故事,

  • without burning the house down.

    同桌沒有任何人聽過的故事,

  • And finally, to create more meaningful everyday gatherings,

    相異、相屬,

  • create a temporary alternative world

    或個人改變主意的時刻,

  • through the use of pop-up rules.

    彼此讓步,

  • A few years ago, I started noticing invitations coming with a set of rules.

    不吵翻天。

  • Kind of boring or controlling, right?

    最後是建立更有意義的日常聚會,

  • Wrong.

    透過使用彈出式規則

  • In this multicultural, intersectional society,

    創建一個臨時的替代世界。

  • where more of us are gathered and raised

    幾年前,我開始注意到 帶有一些規則的邀請。

  • by people and with etiquette unlike our own,

    有點無聊或受控制,對吧?

  • where we don't share the etiquette,

    錯了。

  • unspoken norms are trouble,

    在這個交叉著多元文化的社會裡,

  • whereas pop-up rules allow us to connect meaningfully.

    有許多與我們成長經歷的不同禮儀,

  • They're one-time-only constitutions for a specific purpose.

    大家有不同的禮儀規範。

  • So a team dinner,

    未說出口的規範會導致麻煩,

  • where different generations are gathering

    而彈出式規則允許我們有意義地聯繫。

  • and don't share the same assumptions of phone etiquette:

    它們是針對特定目的的一次性憲法。

  • whoever looks at their phone first

    因此,團隊共進晚餐,

  • foots the bill.

    不同代的人聚集在一起,

  • (Laughter)

    不預設電話禮儀相同:

  • Try it.

    誰先看手機,

  • (Applause)

    誰就買單。

  • For an entrepreneurial advice circle of just strangers,

    (笑聲)

  • where the hosts don't want everybody to just listen

    試試吧。

  • to the one venture capitalist in the room --

    (掌聲)

  • (Laughter)

    在陌生人的創業建議圈裡,

  • knowing laugh --

    主持人不希望人人只聽

  • (Laughter)

    屋裡的風險資本家說話——

  • you can't reveal what you do for a living.

    (笑聲)

  • For a mom's dinner,

    會心的笑——

  • where you want to upend the norms

    (笑聲)

  • of what women who also happen to be mothers talk about when they gather,

    你不能透露你的職業。

  • if you talk about your kids, you have to take a shot.

    至於媽媽的晚餐會,

  • (Laughter)

    你要改變常態,

  • That's a real dinner.

    改變有孩子的女人的聚會話題,

  • Rules are powerful,

    如果你談論媽媽經

  • because they allow us to temporarily change and harmonize our behavior.

    就得乾一杯。

  • And in diverse societies,

    (笑聲)

  • pop-up rules carry special force.

    那才是真正的晚餐。

  • They allow us to gather across difference,

    規則強而有力,

  • to connect,

    因為規則令我們暫時 改變和協調我們的行為。

  • to make meaning together

    在多元社會裡,

  • without having to be the same.

    彈出式規則具有特殊的力量。

  • When I was a child,

    它讓我們跨越差異,

  • I navigated my two worlds by becoming a chameleon.

    連結在一起,

  • If somebody sneezed in my mother's home,

    共同創造意義,

  • I would say, "Bless you,"

    無需人人相同。

  • in my father's, "God bless you."

    我在兒時

  • To protect myself, I hid,

    透過成為一個變色龍 來駕馭我的兩個世界。

  • as so many of us do.

    如果有人在我生母的家裡打噴嚏,

  • And it wasn't until I grew up and through conflict work

    我會說:「保佑你,」

  • that I began to stop hiding.

    在生父的家裡則說: 「『上帝』保佑你。」

  • And I realized that gatherings for me,

    為了保護自己,我隱藏自己,

  • at their best,

    許多人也是如此。

  • allow us to be among others,

    直到我長大並從事化解衝突的工作,

  • to be seen for who we are,

    我不再隱藏了。

  • and to see.

    我意識到,對我來說,

  • The way we gather matters

    最好的聚會讓我們與別人打成一片,

  • because how we gather

    讓別人看到我們是誰,

  • is how we live.

    我們自己也看到。

  • Thank you.

    我們聚集的方式很重要,

  • (Applause)

    因為我們的聚集方式

When I was a child,

譯者: Helen Chang 審譯者: Bruce Sung

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 TED 聚會 規則 意義 衝突 主持人

【TED】Priya Parker:把日常聚會變成變革性聚會的3個步驟(把日常聚會變成變革性聚會的3個步驟|Priya Parker) (【TED】Priya Parker: 3 steps to turn everyday get-togethers into transformative gatherings (3 steps to turn everyday get-togethers into transformative gatherings | Priya Parker))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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