And equally, how easy it is to forget this awkward fact both about ourselves and the other person.

以及同樣的，我們多麼容易忘記這個尷尬的事實，不論是對我們自己或是他人。

The standard narrative of love tells us that insecurity about being wanted is going to be at its height at the start of the dating period.

愛情裡的標準情節告訴我們，在約會初期，被需要所帶來的不安全感將達到最高峰，

When we are acutely –and rather sweetly – conscious of the many ways in which our partner might not be keen on taking things further.

這是當我們敏銳又有些溫藹地意識到我們的伴侶或許不那麼熱衷主動的多種可能性時。

But, we assume, once a relationship has started, once there might be children, a home and an established pattern of life,

但我們假設，當一段感情開始，可能有了小孩、一個家以及一個既定的生活模式，

then surely the fear of being unwanted should disappear.

到那時那種怕自己沒人要的恐懼感自然會消失。

But far from it the fear of being unwanted continues every day.

但在那之前，那種怕沒人要的恐懼感會每天持續。

There could always be new threats to love's integrity.

在愛中的合一總是會面臨到許多新的挑戰。

Just because we were loved yesterday does not ensure a sense that we will be needed today.

只是因為我們昨天被愛，無法保證我們需要被愛的感受在今天也能被顧及。

More perniciously, if a fear is left to fester,

更有害的是，如果這樣的恐懼不好好處理而加劇，

it can lead us to adopt a defensive position where,

可能會導致人們採用防禦機制，

because we assume we are unwanted, we start to behave in a cold and detached way,

因為當我們預設我們是不被想要的，我們會開始表現出冷酷又事不關己的樣子。

which encourages the partner to act likewise.

這同時也促使伴侶表現得跟我們一樣。

Two people who are, at heart, very well disposed towards one another can end up in a cycle of each denying that they need the other;

兩個打從心底彼此相愛的人，最終可能落入否定需要對方的循環之中，

because they cautiously and pre-emptively assume that the other person no longer wants them.

因為他們小心翼翼又先發制人地假設對方不再需要自己。

In order to try to calm these fears and cycles of unwanted detachment,

為了緩解這樣的懼怕以及不被想要的冷漠循環，

we should be sure to institute an apparently small but in fact crucial ritual into our lives: a morning and evening kiss.

我們需要去建立一個顯然微小但事實上不可或缺的儀式到我們的生活之中：早晚送對方一個香吻。

Every morning before parting, no matter how much in a rush we both are,

每天早上出門之前，不論雙方有多麼急忙，

we should give one another a proper kiss on the lips, for at least seven seconds,

我們應該在對方的唇上送上一個適當的吻，至少七秒鐘，

which is – in reality – a very strangely long time.

而就現實來看，這是一段長得不太尋常的時間。

Lean in close together, don't think about the many things you have to do in the hours ahead.

身體倚向彼此，不要去想你幾個小時後要做的那一堆事。

Simply concentrate on the sensation of their mouth on yours, feel your nose against their skin.

單純專注他的唇在你唇上的感覺，感受你的鼻子緊貼著他的肌膚。

Don't break off abruptly at the end; keep looking at each other for another few moments and give a smile.

結束的時候不要停得太突然；持續相望一下再給對方一個笑容，

The same should be repeated every evening at the point of return.

每晚回家時重複一樣的慣例。

When we kiss we are tapping into a central channel of emotional connection.

當我們親吻的時候，我們會使用到情感連結的中樞。

Intimate physical contact affects us in a way that's both distinct from, and in many ways superior to, words or ideas.

親密身體接觸之於我們的各種影響顯然不同於，甚至超越文字或想法。

We are sensuous creatures to at least the same degree as we are rational ones.

我們是至少具有同等程度理性的感官生物。

A smile or a caress can therefore reassure us far more deeply than can an eloquent phrase or a well-articulated fact like 'Of course I love you.'

一個微笑或輕撫可以因此比一句甜言蜜語或一句「我當然愛你。」的清楚陳述來得讓我們更加確信。

As babies we were soothed by touch long before we could understand language,

當我們還是嬰兒，可以理解語言以前，我們就經由輕撫得到安慰。

and we continue to need physical contact in order to believe, truly to believe, that we do have a place in somebody else's life.

而我們持續需要這樣的肢體接觸去相信，確信我們確實在別人的生命中佔有重要的位置。

Normally a kiss follows from a tender feeling. We have an emotion first and then we express it.

通常這樣的吻接續溫婉的感受而來。我們先有了情感才有表達。

But there's another way in which our minds can work,

但我們的大腦有另一個運作的方式，

a way in which a feeling can follow from an action.

一個情感隨行動產出的方式。

The morning and evening kiss should hence come first, independently of whether or not there is as yet a tender emotion.

因此必須先有這早晚的親吻，不論是否情調有到位。

But then, almost for certain, if we go through with the kiss, the emotion will occur (it's very hard to kiss and feel nothing).

但當下，幾乎可以確定，如果我們經歷了那個吻，情感將會浮現 (很難親吻後沒有任何感受)。

We may need to make that rather odd-sounding move in love: a small effort.

我們或許需要在這些聽起來有點怪奇的舉動上付出一些小努力。

The morning and evening kiss should become a ritual.

這早晚的親吻應該變成一種例行習慣。

A central feature of rituals is that we do them whether we feel like doing them or not.

這個例行習慣的核心特點在於無論我們想不想做，都必須去做。

The kiss should take place even if you've just had a rather sarcastic argument or if you are racing to an important early meeting,

即便是你們剛經歷一段相當諷刺的爭吵或是正急著趕去一場很重要的會議，

or if you are feeling resentful. Better feelings will follow from it.

或是你正感到憤怒。親一下，心情會隨之轉好。

When leaving the house and heading to the station, we should no longer only ask whether we have remembered the keys or the report.

當我們離開家前往車站的時候，我們不該再只是問對方鑰匙或是報告帶了沒。

We should always ask ourselves if we have done a far more crucial and love-sustaining thing: exchanged a seven second kiss.

我們需要每天都詢問自己是否有做這個更加重要且讓愛情保鮮的事：來個七秒長吻。

Our Relationships Reboot Cards inspire conversations that can help to rekindle love between you and your partner.

我們的關係重啟字卡激勵有效的對話，幫助修復你與伴侶的感情。