與朋友一起打高爾夫 #2 (IT GETS EVEN WORSE | Golf With Friends #2)

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*Happy music*
(JACK): Titties.
(WADE): I'm gonna raise the maximum number of strokes to 10...
(BOB): *giggling Like a girl*
(WADE): BUT, we all have random balls per hole, low gravity is on, bouncy ground is on, and jumping is on, so get rekt.
(WADE): The Oasis sucks. (MARK): Ok, bye.
(WADE): You're gonna have a bad time.
(JACK): Okay, this is where rage is gonna ensue, there's a hole in the middle of this bridge that can get you down.
(MARK) Ugh...
(WADE): I'm a cube on the first hole?
(JACK): We're all DIFFERENT? (MARK): Oh, we're *individually* random.
(WADE): We're all different, and it's random every hole.
(JACK) OHH GOD, I fucking did it. I'm a bouncy ball? I'm like air.
(EVERYONE): WAHH!!
(MARK): *Giggling*
(MARK): That's different!
(BOB): Syncing face cam in 3-2-1... *Claps*
(JACK): (Sexy voice) ah ah ah ah harder
(MARK): Ooh! x1
(MARK): Ooh! x3
(MARK): Ooh! x5
(MARK): Ooh! x7 (JACK): OOH GO IN!
(JACK): Oh God, what the fuck? (BOB): Holy shit, low gravity fucked me up.
(WADE): Woohoo! (MARK): *groans* (JACK): YES! YES! YE- Come on! (Has this become a WadeSeptiPlier?)
(JACK): YES! YES! YE- Come on!
(MARK): Okay... *Determined*
(WADE): *groans* *Laughter coming from MARK*
(JACK): Hello Bob! :) (BOB): I'm coming, guys!
*laughter from Mark and Jack* (WADE): Oh, just wait!
(MARK): Oh no... (BOB): I'm coming!
(MARK): You got it, Bob!
(MARK): I'm proud of you- (BOB): I'm workin' on it, hang on...
(MARK): -Proud of you, Bob!
(BOB): Hang on! I got it! (JACK): How the fuck are you doing that?!? *Mark's voice gets drowned out by Jack's* (So much innuendo)
(WADE): Wow, Bob! (MARK): How'd you DO that?
(BOB): SLAM DUN-
*fails* (BOB): aww. :( (MARK): What the fu-
(MARK): What the fu-
(MARK): *Giggles* (JACK): SLAAAAAAAAMIN'!!!
(JACK): SLAAAAAAAAMIN'!!!
(MARK): SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIN'!
(WADE): What the- (BOB): Go in the hole...
(JACK): I can't even do that as good as Ethan Bradberry does it.
(MARK): No one can! (BOB): Go in the hole!
(MARK): No one can! (BOB): Cone! x1
(JACK): *Laughs* (BOB): Cone! x2
(MARK): IMHEATABABEHH! (BOB): Cone! x3
(MARK): IMHEATABABEHH! (BOB): Cone! x4
(BOB): Cone! x6
(BOB): Cone! x7
(MARK): HEATABRABEHRY
(WADE): *high-pitched* Bob, you're so close!...
(WADE): Now you're not as close... (BOB): Cone, cone.
(WADE): Now you're not as close... (BOB): Cone, come on.
(WADE): Now you're getting progressively further!
(WADE): Now you're getting progressively further! (BOB): Alright, alright.
(JACK): *toad voice* Why are you talking like Toad?
(JACK): *toad voice* Why are you talking like Toad? (BOB): Slaam...
(BOB): ...shit.
(MARK): Wow, I'm sorry Bob, that cone... Whew...
(BOB): Fuckin' cone!!
(EVERYONE): *Laughs*
(BOB): Bye everybody.
(BOB): *high-pitched grunt*
(BOB): GOD, SHIT! I didn't mean to bounce that time!
(WADE): Whelp. Now, you're down to 20 seconds, Bob!
(BOB): I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, don't worry, I got it! (MARK): He's got it. Let him have it.
(JACK): Bob knows what he's doing! This ain't Bob's first rodeo! As a cone... ball.
(BOB): There we go! (MARK): Woo!
(WADE): Oh, he made it! Nice job, Bob. (JACK): Nice!
(BOB): Exactly as I intended.
(JACK): Oh, we're all level?
Mark: Yeeaah... Jack: What am I? I'M A BALL! I'm just a regular ol' ball. Bob: What the fuck am I? Mark: I'm an egg? Aw, shit.
Bob: Would you all get out of me so I can see what I am?
Jack: Oh go in! OH GO IN! OH! OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO CLOSE TO A HOLE IN ONE!!
Wade: EEEUY! NO! Mark: OOH OOH OOH...aww!
Jack: Now I'm back out here?! What is this bullshi- Mark: OH FUCK OFF WITH THAT!! [groans]
Jack: HUE! Mark: WHY THE SHIT DID IT NOT GO IN? Bob: WHY CAN'T I JUMP??
*Wade moans* Bob: I'm still rolling but I can't jump?? Mark: Oh, wow...
Jack: Yeah. Same. Mark: Yeah, I dunno.
Bob: All right, here we go...Woo.
Jack: Oh shit. Wade: I--I totally screwed myself over try to knock Mark away.
Mark: Why'd you *do* that, huh? [Bob laughs]
Jack: Go in, go in, go in, go in... Bob: You shouldn't have done that...
Jack: Go in...Oh thank fuck. Wade: Because I just wanted to *flirt* with you!
Bob: Jack, were you just a regular ball?
Jack: Yeah, and I almost got a hole in one right at the start. I clipped the edge of it.
Bob: Oh, great! I'm a fucking cone 'agrin'!
[Wade and Jack laugh, Bob makes incoherent sounds] Wade: Agrin! Cone agrin!
Jack: You're a non-Englisher! I'm a egg. Bob: Oh, I went to the wrong course... Mark [laughing]: The wrong one?
Bob: Whatever. Like it matters. Jack: Wheeee! Boing! Wade: Ooh, regular ball!
Jack: See ya..see ya, Mark! [laughs] Mark: Fucking cube! Bob: Fucking GO, cone!
Bob: GO, cone! Go all the way, cone! Jack: Hah! Hah! I got that rugby tactic.
Bob: All the way, cone. All the way, cone. You can do it. Wade: Wheee...
Jack: Hey Bob.
Bob: No, cone! Cone! Cone, calm down! Calm down, cone. Calm down... Jack: Cone down! Cone down!
Wade: Wooo! Jack: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Bob: Oh, hey! Mark: Oh no no no no no, get back up there OH MY GOD NOOO!
[Mark groans] Wade: Bye, Mark! Jack: OH NO! Go in! Bob: Oh Jesus...
Jack: Oh God, I'm gonna hatch right here. Mark: Fuck that...
Bob: Hey, I made it! Hey Mark, you're still at the start? [laughs]
[everyone but Mark laughs] Mark: Shut up! I had it -- AW FUCK!
[everyone but Mark laughs]
[everyone but Mark laughs] Mark: Fuckin' BOX...is the most bullshit THING...you could possibly GET!
Bob: You doin' okay, friend? Mark: I've been a box *twice!* TWICE!
Bob: Hey, I had a *cone* twice, so I don't care what *you've* got.
Jack: Yeah, I think Bob has more of a...ah, um...a say in this.
Bob: You can go take your box and fuck it. Mark: Shut up.
Mark: I don't wanna fuck my box. Bob: Or whatever they say...
Mark: You can't make me fuck my bo- that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to bou-
Mark: Whoah! Wade: Woo! Bob: Oh shit, Mark! Oh shit. Jack: You almost got it.
Mark: Heh-heh! All right. Jack: Yeah! I like that little boopity-boop right in...Oh, I'm winning!
Mark: Oh, shut up. Shut up!
Jack: I'm a cylinder! Mark: I'm an egg. Bob: What am I? Would you assholes get out of me so I can...oh, I'm an egg. Awesome.
Mark: You're a *ball.* [Wade screams]
Bob: Oh, I'm a ball? Sweet!
Bob: Woo! Jack: Hit me, Bob! Hit me.
Wade: STOOOP! Bob: Oh wait! *That's* not what I thought was gonna happen! [Jack laughs]
[Jack grunts]
Wade: STOOOP! Jack: Go in! Aww...
Jack: Fuck ME!
Bob: Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No, no. Jack: (laughing) What are ya doing over there, Mark?
Mark: What the f-...It...it counted like, three strokes -- [drowned out by Wade screaming]
Jack: Go in! AWWW! Mark: ...I didn't think it would drop me here!
Mark: Oh, fuck this.
Bob: Having trouble, Mark? Wade: OOOOOH!
Wade: The cube would be good if I didn't make the ground all bouncy-bouncy!
Mark: I'm out of strokes. Bob: Goddammit.
Jack: [grunts] Fuuuuck...
Bob: Hup! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...yes! [Mark groans]
Wade: Noooo! Jack: Wooow. Mark: Ohhh...
Bob: I did it! Everyone else sucks.
Jack: And you're still losing. [laughs]
Bob: Yeah, well, whatever.
Wade: The hole's to our left...just so everyone knows.
Bob: It's...it's *that?* Mark: What?
Wade: It's right...there.
Mark: No it's not! You're a liar! Bob: Bye, Wade.
Mark: How the fuck would you get there? Jack: Oh Jesus...
Wade: Normally if you're a normal ball, you run straight into the wall in front of us and bounce up to the thing on our...right...
Bob: Oh my God, I got a fucking birdie!
Jack: Oh! Oh, go in! Bob: I got a birdie. You all can suck a dick.
Mark: Do not hit me, do not hit me...I swear, please, do NOT hit me! Jack: COME ON, CUBE! [Bob laughs]
Mark: Do NOT...please! Bob: Wade...Wade...Wade...
[Wade hits Mark] Mark: NO! Jack: Oh... [Bob laughs]
Mark- Let me- *hit* AHHAHA!!
*Jack laughs at Mark*
Wade- I know, I should've but-
Bob: You had such an opportunity to-
Mark: WHY AM I BOUNCING OVER THE HOLE?!?!?!
Wade: You're an Isosphere.
*Others laughing at mark* Mark: WHAT THE FUUCK?!?!?!
*others still laughing at Mark's tragic fails*
Mark: Wha-hat the FUUCK!?!
*others still laughing as well as I xD*
Mark: I had that-
Mark: I had that in the BAAAG...
*others start laughing more*
Mark: What was I? Bob: Hey, I'm not last anymore!
Mark: WHAT WAS I?!!?
Jack: You were an isosphere.
Mark: [stammers] What the fuck is THAT!? Wade: Oh God...
Bob: Oh my... Wade: Wooooah baby! Woo! Jack: Oh no no no no no no...
Jack: Yes! Yes! Wade: Stop, stop, stop, stop...
Bob: Oh, puck! Oh, puck! Oh, puck me...Oh, puck... Jack: Yeah, we're pucks, Bob.
Bob: Woo...Oh, baby! Jack: Keep goin'! Keep go-...Oh God, bouncy ground! Go in! Go in! Mark: Oh Jesus...
Bob: Jack, are you... Jack: Oh, birdie!
Bob: Oh, you birdied. Okay. Yes, Jack, the puck is the thing. Mark: Oh Jesus...fuck me.
Bob: The puck is the word. Jack: Yeah, I think we...I think we got it handy on that one. Wade [laughing]: Oh God, Mark...
[Mark groans] Bob: Mark, why did you *do* that?
[everyone but Mark laughs] Mark: What are you *talking* about, "why did I do it"? I didn't have a fucking CHOICE!
[everyone else continues laughing] Mark: What do you *mean,* "WHY"? Are you kidding? I can't go ANYWHERE! WHAT THE FUCK!?
[everyone else continues laughing] Mark: OHHHHHOOOO! I'M A SALTY BABY! OOH FUCK! AAGH!
Mark: Fuck...yes! Yes! YES! Yesss! Bob: Oh, Mark! You did it! You did it, Mark!
Mark: Watch this shit! [everyone else laughs]
Mark: Fuck you and all of your dicks... Bob: Oh...oh...
Jack: Ohh... Wade [reading the scores]: 2, 3, 2, 8...
Mark: I have been...
Jack: My cheeks hurt, man. Mark: ...the unluckiest with shapes, I swear. Bob: Holy shit...
Jack: Ah, stop bouncin', you little Isosphere bitch!
[Mark makes a strained groaning noise, Jack laughs]
Jack: You okay there, buddy? Wade [trying not to laugh]: You got this, Mark!
Bob: Mark, we're in the same boat, we can do this. Mark: I'm not gonna give up...
Jack: Nooo!
[Jack grunts]
Jack: I can't even jump. [pause] Oh. Now I can.
Bob: Oh! Oh, egg! Egg! [grunts] Egg! Jack: Gooo!
Jack: Oh, this isosphere sucks...Wade, did you go in?
Wade: Yeah.
Jack: What were you?
Wade: A cube.
Jack: Ohh, Wade's hackin'.
Mark: Oh, fuck me.
Bob: I'm gonna get a hole in two. I'm gonna do it.
Jack: Go in. Go i-...aw, fuck. Wade: Okay, Bob. Mark: Oh no, no, NO!
Mark: Goddammit... [Jack groans] [Wade laughs] Bob: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.
Bob: Just...everyone wait.
Jack: What the fuck? Wade: [sighing] It's really fun playing golf with you guys. You guys are my bestest friends.
[Mark groans]
Jack: It's really fun listening to Mark having a mental breakdown and have a heart attack.
Mark [muffled]: Shut up.
[everyone else laughs]
Bob: I'm gonna try this shit.
Jack: Woah! Bob: Wooo!
Bob: Oh my God, I *overshot* it?
Jack: What the fuck? Wade [laughing]: I think Mark's broken...
Jack: Mark's out. [laughs]
Wade: He's *so* angry... Jack: Mark *had* a stroke when he *lost* all his strokes. [Bob laughs]
[Bob and Wade laugh] Mark [groaning]: Oh man...oh man.
Wade [laughing]: I *told* you the oasis was annoying as Hell.
Mark: I'm not...I'm not...I'm not having this. Not havin' it. [Bob laughs]
Mark: I refuse... Wade: Hey, are we all normal balls?
Bob: Are we all *balls?* Jack: Yeah!
Jack: Oh, is that a sph-... Mark: I'm a...I'm gonna be be fucked up. I'm an isosphere, so fuck you. [Bob and Wade laugh]
Mark: Fuck ALL of you.
Wade: Wheeee...AH NO! Jack: Oh, mother of fucking Jesus! Bob: Oh, sweet Jesus!
Bob: Oh God! Jack: Oh, COME ON! Mark: What the HELL? Wade: Oh, bouncy-bouncy sucky-sucky!
Jack: That's a... Bob: What the fuck? Mark: This is impossible!
Mark: How the fuck?
Jack: What the fucking Jesus!? Bob: Woah, Mark, get off of me! Wade: Okay...so...
Jack: Yes! Wade: Here's what I did: I gave it about three bars, and before I got to the uh- arrow that launches you, I jumped myself-
Wade: ...landed on the ground, and it bounced me here... Mark: OH, THERE'S BARS?!?!
*faceplam*(Mark noo)
[Mark's breakdown] (Mark realises something) OHHHHHH THERE'S A MEASUREMENT FOR POWER?!?!!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS TELL ME THAT?!?! [Jack] It's at the bottom of the screen... [Wade] YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THAT?!?!
Mark: I WAS---- MY MIC WAS ON THE WAY OF IT! (It's probably broken now because of your rage Bumbum)
[Bob and Wade laugh] Mark: I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE WHITE BAR ON THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING SCREEN!?
Mark: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO USE THE SQUARE GRIDS ON THE GROUND AS, LIKE, A MEASUREMENT!
Mark: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD FUCKING DO THAT!
[Laughter]
[Mark] OH. MY. GOD.
[Mark] WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! [Everybody else] We thought you (fucking) knew!
[Mark] - OH MY GOD. [Wade] - We went over it!
[Mark] Are you kidding me?! [Jack] So when you still fail, what else are you going to blame?
[Mark] - WELL, YOU DIDN'T *TELL* ME!
[Jack] IT'S FUCKIN' PLAINLY OBVIOUS!
[Mark] - IT'S NOHAHAOOT!
[Mark] - I've been using the white bar, that you extend...
[Jack] Well that's all *I've* been using!!
[Mark] What the fuck! [Jack] I just use the white bar to extend as well! I don't look at the power bar. [Wade] Oh my God...
[Mark] But I didn't know that there was a power meter that you... [Wade] It was one of the first things we went over!
[Mark] *No,* you *didn't!*
[Jack] Bob, you're still doing it? *laughs*
Bob: I can't fuckin' make it over there.
[Jack] You have ta- you have ta bounce off the wall at the back. [Wade and Mark] Oh my God...
[Mark] I used like, half power and it got me there.
[Mark] If I'd have known there...like, 'cause I was like, "Okay, I want like *half* power, I *guess* this is half..."
[Jack] Well that's all *I've* been doing. [Wade] Yeah, there's a bar.
[Wade] Yeah, there's a power bar. [Mark] Oh man...
[Mark] Thanks, man. [Jack] Oh God, don't roll off... [Bob] Oh I'm a puck? Jack, move out of the way.
Wade: Noooo... Jack: I did -- Oh, mother of Jesus! Bob: Holy shit!
Jack: What the-...It put me out of bounds for THAT? Wade: Oh, why do I have to be a cone on THIS one!?
[Wade groans] Jack: I was on my way to the hole and it put me out of bounds. Bob: Oh, puck!
Jack: Oh God, I'm rolling. Stop rolling. Stop rolling. Mark: Wow...
Jack: Stop rolling! Mark [laughing]: Bob, where you going?
Mark: Bob, bye! Bob: No! There's no...no, it's not possible!
Wade: PLEEEASE! NOO! Jack: STOP ROLLING!
[Jack grunts, Wade groans] Bob: Oh shit! Ah fack!
Jack: Bob, I think-...er, Mark, I think we got fucked for this level. Mark: Yeah.
Jack: Fucking cylinder. Mark: The, the, the...fricking cylinder. Wade: I'm still here, too!
Mark: Fuck *you*, Wade. [Jack laughs] Wade: Oh...
Jack: Come...stop r-... Wade: Hey guys, make sure you check your power bar.
Mark: It's okay. Jack: I'm not...I don't even *check* the power bar. I go by the white bar. Bob: I can't [unclear], and I'm right *here!*
Wade: Please! Yes...Noooo!
Wade: Let me on, I just want to *love* you! Bob: Fuck! Son of a shit bitch!!
Jack: [laughs] Wow. Wade: Oh...
Mark: Freaking cylinder...Oh, THANK you!
Jack: That's..going to count as... Mark: AH-UHHH!
Jack: It's gonna count as out as well. Mark: AAAAAH!
Mark: Waaah, waah, waaaah...
Bob: Goddammit. I was trying to wham the shit out of Mark 'cause I didn't have anything *else* to do with my life.
Jack: Okay, so we all ran out of strokes. That's good. Mark: It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Mark: It's fine. It's fine. Wade: Yeah.
Jack: We can chalk that up to bullshit.
Mark: Life's fine...
Jack: I'm a cube.
Bob: Where are we supposed to go? Oh, I see. Wade: The hole's on the right. There's like, 3 different ways to get there.
Bob: I know the *best* one. Pew...Shit! Woah! Wade: Am I an *egg?* Oh gosh... Jack: Oh shit...
Bob: Shit, whoa!
Bob: Well, now I have a good way to get there. Maybe. Jack: I love the fuckin' cheery music in the background -- Woah, Mark!
Mark: Thank you. Bob: Oh! Ho! Hey!
Mark: Hey, I got par! Jack: No, no no, no, no...okay.
[Wade makes desperate panting sounds] Mark: [groaning] Okay...I got par.
Jack: Bogey. Bob: Egg...egg, egg, egg...
Wade: EGG!!!
[Jack laughs]
Jack: Jumping with the egg is *not* a good idea. Bob: Egg, egg, egg...fuck you, egg.
Bob: Fucking egg. Jack: You're gonna go everywhere with that shit.
Wade: Hey, Jack's winning. Bob: Woo...
Bob: God damn. Mark: Oh man...
Jack: At what fuckin' cost, though?
Wade: You have to go in the water here.
Jack: I'm a regular ball. Bob: Do *any* of us really *win?*
Bob: What the shit?
Wade: Oh, I'm a cone *again?* Oh God! Mark: Oh, I'm an isosphere.
Mark: I'm an isosphere. Jack: Come on!
Bob: Guys, I broke the game. Help me. I'm on a bouncing mission right now. Come on, egg. Come on, egg.
[Wade grunts] Bob: Yeah, that's it, egg.
Bob: That's the stuff. Yeah, there you go, right up against the tree...yeah, *now* we're doing it. Jack: Here we go. Here we go.
Bob: Thaaat's... Wade: Oh, Jack got a regular ball again? This is baloney!
Bob: Fuuck! Jack: Do you think it's fucking helping me? [to Mark] Hi! [laughs]
Mark: Jesus. I...you're lucky I jumped *over* you. I can't stop bouncing! I'm trying to click. Bob: How the fuck are you supposed to [unclear] the water?
Mark: Oooh. I'm an isosphere, so...
Bob: Shit!
Jack: Aaaaaaaaaaand... Mark: Are you *kidding* me?
Mark: Are you KID-DING MEE?? [Wade and Jack laugh]
Mark: Ohh... Bob: Water...water...water, let's be friends. Water...Water-water-water... Wade [laughing]: Bob's still in the water...
Jack: Jump! Jump, Bob, jump!
Bob: I'm only on my third stroke. I was just jumping for a long time. Wade: You were supposed to jump out of the water back there.
Bob: No, I'm fine without jumping, thank you.
Jack: Heh, yeah. He's an egg. He's fucked. [laughs]
Bob: WOO! Get fucked!
Mark: Woah! Wade: What?? Jack: Woah! Holy shit!
Jack: Bob got the goodness!
[Bob] What? That was a stroke! Hup! No no no no no no... [Jack laughs]
Bob: Guuh...Woah! Hey, I did it.
[Jack] Damn! [Mark] Yay. That was good, Bob. That was good, Bob.
Bob: Thanks, man! Wade: It's like there's 2 different games going on, there's the...there's the Bob and Mark game and the Jack and me game!
Jack: Wait where am I?
Bob: Are we *jacking* you, Wade? Wade: Yeah.
Jack: I'm a fuckin' puck! Bob: Oh, I'm an isosphere. Now I get to know Mark's agony. [Wade makes car noises]
Wade: No...stop! [Mark laughs]
Jack: Heh-heh-heh...yeah. Wade: The isosphere sucks. I hate the isosphere. Bob: Wooo!
Mark: Woah... Bob: Isosphere, why you do tha-...Oh hey! Hey, Jack.
Jack: Aw, fuck! [Bob laughs] Wade: Come on...
[Wade grunts] Jack: Yeah! About fuckin' time.
Bob: All right, here we go. Here we go, isosphere, you can't fuck me up on this one. Jack: Aw, no no no!
Bob: Hup! Oh God...aw. Wade: OHH NOOO! Mark: Wow. Okay...
Jack: Aw, Bob!
Bob: Hey, Jack.
Mark: Wow, okay. Bob: What's up, friend? Wade: Stop...please!
Mark: What the fuck!? Bob: No, no, no, why? Why? Why!? Jack: I have one stroke left.
Wade: WHY would you go over THERE!?
Bob: All right. Well, I'm just gonna whang the shit out of this wall and see what happens. That was a good stroke, Jack.
Jack and Bob: Wade, did you get it in?
Bob: What the fuck? Wade: I did on the last shot I had as a cube.
Jack: Oh God, I'm a cone...
Wade: The cube's beneficial sometimes, 'cause it can stop on a hill.
Jack: Aw, fuck me! Mark: I don't know... Bob: Hooo...Oh God...Oh God! Cube! Cube, bounce a little bit...oh fuck.
Jack: There we go -- fuck!
Jack: Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up! Bob: Oh, cube! Now's your time! Wade: EXCUSE ME, BOB! [Mark screams]
Jack: GET UP! [screams]
Bob: Oh, cube, now's the time to shine! Cube...you were born for this! Mark: YES! I got an eagle!
Jack: Yes! Birdie! Fuck yeah! Mark: Oh my God...[fake cries]
Bob: Oh come on, come on...Cube, come on. Come on, baby. Jack: Mark, did you get an eagle?
Mark [worn out]: I got an eagle.
Jack: I got a birdie. We should be bird buddies. Bob: Cube...Cube, where are you going? Fuck.
[Bob makes blowing sounds]
Mark: Bob... Jack [laughing]: Bob, are you blowing it? Bob: Fuck! Shit...
[Bob makes another blowing sound, Mark and Jack laugh] Bob: I don't *know!* I just *don't!*
Wade: Pleeeease! Jack: I don't *know,* man!
Bob: I'm gonna tap-tap...
Jack: And then jump over? Bob: And then I'm gonna slaaam dunk!
Jack: SLAAAAAMIN'!
Bob: Aw, shit. Fuck. [Wade makes desperate noises]
Wade: Bob you still have 6 strokes and only, like, 30 seconds to use them.
Bob: Whatever. I'm -- It's not like I'm going to get in!
[Jack laughs]
Bob: Wooo! Hup! Oh, stuck the landing!
Jack: Nice... Wade: Nice job, Bob.
Bob: Fuck you, cube! [Wade snickers]
Bob: Fuck YOU, cube!!
[everyone but Bob laughs] Bob: WHY!? Wade: What the...?
Bob: FUCK, CUBE!
Jack: Niiiice! I think that means Mark didn't lose now.
Wade: Wooo! You got this, Bob! Jack: If...*unless* you can get it in. Unless you can get it in, I think.
Wade: You have 4 seconds, Bob!
Wade: Ne-...okay. [laughs] [Mark and Jack laugh] Bob: Yeah, I'm not gonna win.
Mark: Yay, I'm not in last!
Jack: Yay, Wade didn't win!
Mark: Oh. Do we gotta get in the mouth?
Jack: There's MORE? Bob: Oh, I thought that was the last hole.
Wade: No, there's 4 holes left. After this, there's 5 holes left.
Jack: Oh. I thought-- Wade: Hit Tab.
Bob: Jack, you're an idiot.
Jack: Yeah, I am. Wade: Wow...
Jack: What the fuck...I'm in a different hole right now! Bob: You...you ruined *everything* for me, Jack.
Mark: Wooooah...the fuuuuck...where am I going? [Bob laughs]
Bob: Oh my God. Wade: Wheee... Jack: Are we going over there to the left? Mark: I don't know where the fuck we're going...
Wade: We're going left.
Mark: Wow... Jack: So can I just, like, WHOOSH! Fuck.
Bob: Oh, yeah, wait...no, I got an idea. I got an idea.
Jack: Jesus Christ -- Oh! Oh! Land! Land! Stay! Stay! You fuckin' ball... Mark: Uh-oh...
Bob: Huyup!
Jack: Oh, you fucking hit me! Mark: Oh my God...Oh my God, oh my God, I made it over here.
Mark: Holy shit. Bob: Aw, shit.
Jack: Where are we *going?* Mark: Oh shit, that's not good...
Mark: That's the opposite of good...
Jack: Are we going into that little platform there?
Bob: Wait, did that *work?* Mark: I think we're going into the pyramid.
Wade: Uh, almost but not really.
Jack: Aw, fuck you, Sphinx!
Wade: 8 SECONDS! Mark: Holy shit.
Bob: Uh, yeah I don't think we're gonna get in there. Jack: I ran out of strokes.
[Wade groans] Mark: Goddammit. Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit...I was close. Bob: Jesus.
[Mark sighs] Jack: That was rough.
Jack: Even on *normal* golf, that would have been tough. Mark: Oh, we're in here.
Bob: Oh, this one is a fucking nightmare.
Jack: What...? Oh, why egg? Bob [gasps]: Oh! Stop! Cube!
Bob: Chill! Chill! Chill, cube! Ugh... Jack: Egg has no chill.
Bob: Wade, no! Nooo!
Jack: Did he get it in?
Bob: He's like, right by the hole. Wade: Yeah!
Mark: Aw, man... Jack: No! I didn't mean to fucking jump! You're still bouncing?
Wade: I got a couple of lucky bounces there. Mark: Oh, cone... [Bob makes desperate moaning noises] Bob: Hey...I'm here.
Mark: Oh geez... Bob: Jack, where ya at, Jack? Mark: How am I gonna do that? How...how?
Bob: I'm more likely to win 27 cents than to actually get us in the hole, even though I'm right here. [Wade and Jack laugh]
Jack: Go! Go! Fuuuck! Bob: Hey, Jack. Oh my gosh...
Bob: Oh, bye, Mark. [laughs] Mark: Oh, come on! All right, all right... Wade: Sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to EGG you on!
[Jack fake-laughs]
Bob: Oh! Jack! You're a wizard!
Jack: Yesss...I fuckin' am.
Bob: All right, Jack. It's you and me, bro. [Wade laughs]
Bob: Come here, bro... Jack: That counted as a *stroke?*
Bob: Come HERE, Jack!
Bob: Hey, buddy. Jack: Hi.
Bob: WHEEE!
Wade: You MISSED, Bob! [laughs] [Mark laughs] Jack: See you later! [laughs]
Bob: I'm a fucking *cube!* What am *I* gonna do about it?
Jack: Oh, still 4 shots ahead of you, Wade.
Wade: I *know,* 'cause Bob *missed!*
Bob: I tried. you should offer me money. Wade: I have a secret, Bob...
[Jack laughs] Wade [laughing]: I didn't actually have 27 cents.
Jack: Am I a ball? Bob: What the fuck am *I* supposed to do?
Bob: Oh hey...Oh! That bounced me in! It, it -- wha bluh!
Jack: Where even *is* the thing? Bob: Wooo! Mark: Woooah, that ain't good.
Jack: [laughs] Where *is* it?
Bob: Cylinder, stop! Stop... Wade: I tried to knock all you guys a lot of the way at the start. Didn't work.
Bob: Cylinder, stop...Stop... Mark: Woah, woah, woah... Jack: Stay in. Stay in. Yes.
Wade: Ugh...No! Don't let Jack get in! Mark: No! You...
Mark: Oh, come on! I was onn theeere! [fake-cries]
Bob: Hey, Mark. I found your front [unclear] Wade: Nooooo!
Mark: [unclear] on there AGAIN! It TWICED me! It TWICED me! [Bob laughs] Jack: Fuck!
Wade: Bounce! Bounce, you...BITCH!
Jack: Here we go. Here we go. All the way in, baby...all the way in. Go in!
Jack: Go in! Wade: Stop him!
Jack: Go i-...Oh, fuck! I got a bogey.
Wade: You got in!? Jack: I got a bogey up my nose!
Bob: Americans don't know what that means. Jack: Heh -- Get in one of the pots, Mark. Wade: THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A *STROKE!*
Bob: Pew! Mark: Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez...Okay, okay, okay, okay... Jack: Oh, nice!
Wade: Guys! Come get me!
Jack: Fuck you, Wade. I'm gonna keep Wade out of the hole. Mark: No thank you. Wade: Pick me up!
Bob: Jack, I'm comin'.
Mark: 'Kay... Jack: Thanks. Look at the hole. The hole's all green and glowey.
Bob: It's a Jack-hole. Jack: Neh-hah-hah.
Mark: Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez...
Jack: You're like little marshmallows.
Wade: Nooo! Jack: Yeah! See you later! Mark: Fuckin' criminy...
Bob: Oh, hey Mark. Why...why you do this?
Mark: No...no, I didn't jump! I didn't jump! I didn't jump! I DIDN'T JUMP! Bob: Oh shit...oh, the jumping... Wade: Bob, Bob, Bob! Come pick me up! Come pick me up from school!
Jack: Wade was...Wade... Mark: Oh fuck! Wade: Come pick me up! Come pick me up!
Jack: Last stroke, Mark. Wade: COME PICK ME UP! Bob: Wade...
Jack: Nice! Bob: I'm not gonna help you, Wade.
Jack: Bob, do you should have a stroke left?
[Mark sighs] Bob: Eh... Jack: Awwww...
[Wade groans] Jack: Wade, just give it up.
Bob: You're so fucked, Wade. Welcome to the losers. Mark: Wow...I *hate* this game.
Mark: I *hate* this game. Bob: Woo!
Jack: Mark. you're a ba-...you're an isosphere now. We're all cubes. [laughs]
Mark: Greeeeat.
[Wade makes a creaky groaning noise] Jack: Oh God...stay...stay...stay! Bob: It's gonna work...It's gonna work...
Jack: Stay! Stay! Where even *am* I? Mark: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...oh!
Jack: Hi, Bob. [laughs] Bob: Oh, it *worked!* Did you see that shit?
Bob: Hey, Jack! You did it too!
Jack: Oh, if I can just stay here, please... Bob: Hup!
Bob: Hey guys...Oh my God, I almost slam-dunked it! Mark: Ah, fuckin' isosphere...
Mark: Goddamnit... there we go. Good Lord.
[Mark groans] Bob: Hey, Jack, what are the odds you can get in here *now,* Jack?
Jack: AAAAAH! [Mark laughs]
Bob: Hey, friend!
Bob: PEW -- What!? [everyone laughs]
Bob: I was...I was full power at Jack and it like, sucked me into the hole. Mark: Woah, all 5? God damn!
Jack: Nice! Wade: A CONE!?
Jack: Yeah. Mark: Oh, Jack, we're regular balls! Bob: Oh, I'm a cone too. Oh great.
Bob: THAT'S awesome. Jack: Well, yeah, we are, but..uh...where?
Wade: To the right...don't go left.
Jack: Oh Jesus fucking Christ. come on oh no whoa whoa whoa wasn't a life why don't
Bob: Cone...Cone...Cone... Mark: Woah, woah, woah, woah... Jack: Oh nooo, this is bad.
Bob: Cone, for once in your life...Cone, think about...think about what we could have. Mark: Woah, woah, woah, what the fuck? Oh my God.
Wade: Sex!! We could have it all! Mark: Oh my God, oh my God...NO! No, I was right there! Nooo!
Bob: Wooo! Oh, oh, oh... Mark: Oh fuck off! Jack: Mark, I'm trying to see where you're going.
Bob: Cone...cone, cone, cone...cone, why? Mark: Oh, fuck off. Don't watch me. I had it on the first stroke...
Mark: I was always almost on the green, and then it...[sighs] Jack [laughing]: I saw. Bob: Of all...of all the things that you could be doing with your life, cone...
Jack: Bob, you're running out of time on that -- Wade: WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME, SATAN!?
Bob [laughing]: "Where are the other drugs going?" [Jack laughs]
Mark: Where are the other balls going?
Jack: The one time me and Mark get normal balls and it's a fuckin' level like this. Bob: Oh Jesus Christ...
Jack: I'm going this way. What's over here? Bob: Woo!
Mark: Okay. Bob: Oh! Oh! Stick the landing! all is that
Wade: Oh, I thought the hole was -- NOOOoooo babyyyy...
[Bob laughs] Jack: This is *much* better! You actually get saved over here...oh wait. No, it's not.
Bob: No, it's not. Jack: Oh, I'm fucked... I'm fucked now.
Bob: That sounds more like what it's...Aw, shit!
Wade: Mark!
[Wade groans] Bob: This level fucking sucks. This is a fucking prison on bullshit planet. Jack: Yeah, it does -- oh!
Jack: There's a fuckin' area up here! Bob: Woo!
Wade: I never go that way. Bob: Oh my God...Oh my God, I touched the green where the hole is! Guys, I touched the hole!
Jack: Oh hey, look. We all suck.
Mark: I almost had that.
Subscribe to caption authors
[Jack] Why did you get 9 and we got 12?
[Wade] Because he made it in. [Mark] I made it in!
[Jack] Oh, oh. I didn't know that! [laughs]
[Mark] [laughs] Thank you!