And she was like, "Your nose is too flat."

她說，「你的鼻子太扁了。」

And so she was like, "You know if you want to have surgery, you can do a nose job."

她的意思是，「你知道啦，如果你想做整形手術，你可以整鼻子。」

There would be times when I'm opening gifts on holidays, and I'd be really excited to maybe receive snacks or toys or just gadgets as a little kid, but instead receiving skin-whitening products or double-eyelid tape or little gadgets that you can use to make your double chin go away.

小時候過節開禮物時，我會期待收到點心、玩具、那些小朋友的小東西，結果卻拿到美白產品、雙眼皮貼或是瘦雙下巴的神器。

This is maybe not a good action on camera.

攝影機前好像不太適合做這動作。

As an eight-year-old girl, that's not something you want to be receiving, or let alone, play with.

作為一個八歲小女孩，你是不會想要這種禮物的，更不會拿來玩。

I remember my grandma would come around everyday and she would pinch my nose, literally pinch my nose.

我還記得我奶奶會每天走來我這，她會捏我的鼻子，真的就是捏下去。

And I would be like, "What?"

我就會說，「幹嘛？」

"What are you doing? Why are you doing this?"

「你在幹嘛？為什麼要這樣？」

And she was like, "Your nose is too flat. I'm trying to help you get a nose bridge."

她就會說，「你的鼻子太扁啦。我在幫你捏鼻樑。」

I would say for me the main focus has been from my family and friends growing up, it was all around the shape of my eyes and the lack of prominent, thick, double eyelid.

我個人的話，從小到大主要是受到家人和朋友的「關切」，總是在說我的眼睛形狀，沒有雙眼皮啦、看起來不夠突出啦。

But I remember before going out strategically doing my eye makeup and placing my eyelashes because I kind of wanted to fit in with how everyone else looked.

我還記得從前出門前會先技巧性地畫個眼妝、戴上假睫毛，因為我想融入大家的外觀。

Skin was also a big thing, like,

皮膚也是一件大事。

my family is always trying to wear hats.

我家人總是會戴上帽子。

They bring a lot of umbrellas when we go to the beach.

我們去海灘的時候，他們會帶很多雨傘。

There's no such thing as, like, being tan in my family.

在我家沒有所謂「曬黑」這回事。

The visors, right?

防曬面罩，對吧？

Yeah, the visors, the Asian visor.

沒錯，防曬面罩！亞洲防曬面罩。

We call it the Japanese geisha look almost.

我們都叫這種是「日本藝伎皮膚」。

It's like pale white.

就是蒼白膚色。

But the whiter and the paler you are as an Asian-American, it's almost a plus-plus.

身為一個亞裔美國人，你的皮膚越蒼白，就會越加分。

As a south Indian, so I'm Tamilian, and it's even bigger of a thing.

對南印度人來說，我是泰米爾人，皮膚更是一件大事。

I noticed it when I lived in India for the last three years.

我是在過去三年住在印度時發現這點的。

There's a phrase that they would use in summer.

他們甚至在夏天有一句話。

They would say, "Karuthu poirke," which means, it literally translates to "Look how black you've become."

叫做 Karuthu poirke，字面意思就是「看看你黑成什麼模樣」。

I was like, "Really?"

我說，「真的嗎？」

I don't know any different, right, right.

我感覺不出任何差別啊，是啦是啦。

- We have a similar one. - Oh, yeah?

- 我們也有類似的說法？ - 真假？

"Umitim ka," which means, "You got darker."

Umitim ka，意思是「你變黑了。」

Yeah, no, anybody who'd visit me, especially from here, if they weren't seeing me for a long time, my grandmother would say, she'd be like, "Karuthu poirke. You've become so black."

沒錯，然後任何來自那裡的人如果來拜訪我，很久沒見了嘛，像是我奶奶，就會說「Karuthu poirke。你變得好黑哦。」

I was like, "(mumbles)."

我就會咕噥幾句。

So, my mom never really laid it on me, but a big one in India is Fair and Lovely.

我媽媽其實從來沒有拿這件事來壓我，不過在印度有個大廠叫做 Fair and Lovely (白皙可人)。

It is laser light.

雷射光束。

(It) gives glowing fairness.

給予你白皙透亮。

So from now, only fairness like laser light treatment.

從現在開始，感受如雷射般的白皙。

The beauty centers for Filipinos are usually mestizo, which is a Filipino that's mixed with European features or specifically Spain because, you know, colonization.

菲律賓人定義的「漂亮」通常就是混血兒，也就是一個有歐洲外貌特徵的菲律賓人，尤其是和西班牙的混血，你懂的，因為殖民背景。

Then the next one is "Chinita" or "Chinito" which is basically Filipinos that have more East Asian features so petite, lighter skin, smaller face.

再下來是 Chinita 或 Chinito，基本上就是指那些比較有東亞特徵的菲律賓人，像是矮小、膚色淺、臉小。

My mom once asked me if I wanted a nose job.

我媽媽曾經問我要不要整鼻子。

No! Really?

不會吧！真的嗎？

-Oh, my God. -And then, uh...

我的天啊。

Yeah, it was just I didn't feel attractive growing up.

嗯，我從小就覺得自己外貌一般。

What was your response to that?

那你怎麼回她？

I would love to know.

我想知道。

When she asked you, were you horrified?

她問你的時候，你有嚇到嗎？

Well, to be fair to my mom, there's nothing wrong with plastic surgery.

為我媽說句公平話，整形手術本身並沒有不好。

That was around the time that she was going to have a boob job.

那時候她正要去做胸部整形。

So, she was like, "You know, if you want to have surgery, you can do a nose job. That can be my gift or whatever."

所以她就說，「如果你想要整形，你可以整鼻子。就當我送你的禮物。」

I was like, "No, it's okay, Mom."

我說，「不用啦，沒關係的，媽媽。」

Oh, my god.

噢天啊。

In India, there's a big, at least from what I've felt over the last couple of years living there, skinny shaming is a big thing.

在印度，「削瘦羞辱」是一大問題，至少就我在那裡居住的幾年，我有這種感受。

The whole idea is if you're too skinny, you won't be looked at as fertile is one thing.

它的概念就是，如果你太瘦，你看起來就沒有生育力。

That's a big thing.

這可是一大問題。

And then also it's economic status, so, because I think because poverty is so in your face in a lot of areas, it's almost like, "Oh, well, if you're super skinny, you obviously can't afford to live a decent life."

我想那也和一個人的經濟情況有關，因為在很多地方貧窮都是一個問題，這就好像「嘿如果你超級無敵瘦，你一定是窮到沒辦法好好生活。」

You know what I mean?

你懂我的意思嗎？

One time when I was really, really young, I went to Taiwan and I walked into a clothing store.

我很小的時候去過一次台灣，我那時走進一間服飾店。

I'm going to cry.

我要哭了。

I was eight years old, and then a lady was just like, "You can leave; we don't have your size."

我才八歲，一個小姐跟我說，「你可以走了，我們這裡沒你的尺寸。」

I'm like, an eight-year-old girl.

我才只是一個八歲女孩。

It's weird because at that time as a little girl, you're just happy and carefree.

這很奇怪，因為作為一個小女孩，生活該是快樂無憂的。

And for someone to say something so hurtful like that, it sucks.

聽某人說那樣傷人的話，真的爛透了。

I'm still considered large for an Asian person, but in Asian America, I'm totally acceptable in an Asian American community.

作為一個亞洲人我算身形大的，但是在亞裔美國人的圈子，我完全可以被這個社群所接納。

And I still feel confident in myself.

我還是對自己有自信。

I can laugh about it now, but it was really hard because I can't change my appearance.

我現在可以一笑置之，但在當時真的很難受，因為，我就是無法改變我的外貌。

I know that a lot of people go through what I'm going through.

我知道很多人也經歷過我經歷的。

A lot of these things sort of stay with you as you grow up, and I think now as adults, we sort of own it and we embrace it and we're more confident.

很多這些事情隨著你長大會伴隨你左右，但現在成人了，我們能夠釋懷、接受，變得更有自信。

I think it's unrealistic for me to try to be somebody that I'm not.

試圖成為某個我並不是的人，那很不實際。

I'm brown and I'm happy about my heritage.

我有棕色皮膚，我對我天生所有的一切感到快樂。

I'm happy about the way I look.

我很滿意我的外貌。