[Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".]

[同事自己登入了 LinkedIn 然後現在他的技能欄裡多了一條「用嘴呼吸」。]

[I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.]

[我告訴我工作的同事們我有一位雙胞胎兄弟，好讓我之後在外面遇到他們時不用跟他們打招呼。]

I remember once working with a woman who found it really frustrating that someone in her office loudly ate rice around lunchtime every day.

我記得曾經和一位女人共事過，她很受不了每天午餐時間有人在辦公室裡大聲的吃飯。

And her metal fork would constantly be hitting against the bowl.

對方的金屬叉子一直敲到碗。

And she was so annoyed by it that she was actually gonna go out and buy a wooden fork for this person.

而她最終受不了，甚至打算跑去買一支木叉子給對方。

When you think we spend half our waking life at work, if there's someone who really gets under your skin, it's crucial to cross that divide.

當你每天睜眼的時間有一半都在工作，若真的有人惹毛你，要如何跨過分歧是很重要的。

We've probably all worked with people we don't like.

我們大概都和不喜歡的人共事過。

But really?

但真的嗎？

You hate them, you actually hate them?

你討厭他們，你真的討厭他們嗎？

That takes an enormous amount of energy and it makes little or no difference to them.

需要很多精力應付他們，且對方很少或不會受到什麼影響。

If they've really done something totally illegal or horrendous, there's probably much better remedies for it.

如果對方做了不合法或可怕的事，也許有更好的糾正辦法。

Most of the time, we find that people want to avoid having a conversation with the other person because they dislike them.

因為討厭對方，所以大部分的時間，我們都避免和他人交談。

But if you don't talk about it, it won't get better by itself.

但如果不攤開來談，事情不會好轉。

So some people try to put it off and develop coping mechanisms, but it rarely makes the situation much better.

因此有些人一天拖過一天、發展應對機制，但很難改善情況。

And soon, it's years down the line and you're still in the same boat, hating this person.

很快地，幾年過去了，而你還是面臨著一樣的問題，討厭這個人。

It doesn't have to be like this.

事情有轉圜的餘地。

A bit of short-term pain, i.e., a difficult but open and honest conversation, with the person you dislike, can bring a long-term gain.

一時的痛苦，例如和討厭的人敞開心胸對談，可以帶來長期的收益。

We get people telling us we're intimidating when we think we're really cuddly, or telling us that we're shy when we consider ourselves thoughtful and serious.

我們自覺受人喜愛，別人卻覺得我們嚇人，或是自感細心又嚴肅時，別人認為我們生性害羞。

So think about what you give off to other people.

所以想想你給別人的印象。

Here's Ali. He's very bright.

提到 Ali，他非常聰明。

He's quite young, he's very highly educated.

頗為年輕，學歷也高。

He's just got a great job, so he's sent to a conference.

他剛得到一份好工作，所以被派去參加會議。

And because, as well as being bright, he's rather modest, he decides that he'll keep quiet, pretty much, and he'll just observe what's going on and listen to people who are more experienced.

因為他聰明又謙虛，所以他決定要保持沉默，觀察一切並聽取較資深者的想法。

The people around him who've heard how bright he is and how well-educated see him being a bit restrained and a bit withheld and start to think,

週遭曾耳聞他能力與學歷的人，看他拘束又克制的樣子，開始想：

"He's a bit aloof", "He doesn't rate us", "He thinks he's too good for us", and so they start to freeze him out.

「他有點冷漠」、「他認為我們不怎麼樣」、「他認為我們配不上他」，所以他們開始排擠他。

We end up with a situation where everybody's misunderstanding each other and nobody is getting the benefit of their different abilities and experiences.

我們最終都會有大家彼此誤會的情況，而沒人有機會從他人的能力、經驗中學習。

Ask questions and seek to understand the other person's viewpoint.

問問題，然後試著從別人的角度出發。

Then, show them you've understood their viewpoint by summarizing back to them what they have said—an incredibly powerful little tool for building rapport.

然後藉由總結對方的話，讓對方知道自己了解其論點。這是建立友好關係的小小工具，效用非常強大。

Too often, people just try to persuade others of their case.

大家常常想以自身案例說服他人。

But if you show that you're open to listening to the other person and genuinely want to understand where they're coming from, you'll have a much more constructive conversation.

但若是你表示自己願意聽對方說話，且真的想要了解對方，那你們的對話會更有建設性。

I remember once in a mediation where one person shouted at the other, "You're a pathological liar!"

有次調停時，我聽到其中一方喊著「你這個病態的騙子！」

Now, I don't have a problem with someone saying that, if that's how they feel.

如果有人這麼說是因為他們真的這麼認為，我也沒意見。

But I do, actually, with how it's worded.

可是我對他採用的言詞有意見。

If you tell someone they're a liar, they'll automatically disagree.

如果你說某人是騙子，對方自然會不同意。

We all would.

大家都這樣。

But if you calmly point out that on this occasion and this occasion they have lied to you, you can have a conversation about it without them getting as defensive.

但如果你冷靜地指出對方在那些情況下說謊，你們就可以好好談談，而不會引起對方的防備心。

It's probably not personal.

也許這對事不對人。

Remember that you don't have to learn to like the person that you're in conflict with—you just have to work with them.

記得：你不需要喜歡和你有衝突的人，你只要和對方共事。

Be willing to challenge your assumptions and then learn from that.

樂意挑戰自我的假設，再從中學習。

Welcome other's ideas and approaches.

接納他人的想法與方法。

Be yourself, be open, be honest about your own strengths and contributions.

做自己、放開心，以及誠實展現自己的實力與貢獻。

The really great thing is, if you're doing those things, not only does it diminish that feeling of dislike and make you better at working with people, but you might actually get to enjoy working with them.

如果你這麼做，不僅能消除「不喜歡的感覺」，還能讓你更擅長與他人合作，甚至享受共事的感覺。

If you liked that, subscribe to the BBC Ideas YouTube channel.

如果喜歡這支影片，別忘了訂閱 BBC Ideas 頻道。

Lots more top tips on how to be successful at work.

看更多職場上無往不利的秘訣。