We feel a little uncomfortable.

我們會感到不舒服。

We feel bad saying no.

我們不喜歡說「不」。

"No" to something is "yes" to something else.

「不」對某些事來說是肯定的。

And that's the first thing you need to think about to give yourself permission to say no.

這是第一件你需要考慮的事情，就是允許自己拒絕。

My husband actually put a sticky note on my computer for about a year with the word "no" on it.

我先生確實用貼了一張便利貼在我的電腦上，上面寫「不」，而且貼了大約一年。

And it really did give me permission to say no and to remember that that's allowed.

這真的讓我學會說「不」，而且時常提醒我拒絕是被允許的。

So that's the first thing.

所以這是第一件事。

Then you want to think about how to say no and how to say yes.

然後你必須要思考如何拒絕和如何接受。

Because yes and no are never one-word answers.

因為「是」和「否」從來都不是一個字的答案。

My favorite on the no side is "no, but...".

我最喜歡的說法是「不，但是...」

"No, not this...not right now."

「不，不是這個...不是現在。」

"No, but I could do this instead."

「不，但我可以這樣做。」

"No, but this person might be interested."

「不，但是這位可能會有興趣。」

I look to give a no with the opportunity for a yes later.

我希望在拒絕之後可以給一個肯定的機會。

For example, somebody asked me to do a pro bono talk.

舉個例子來說，有人希望我做免費諮詢。

Happy to do those things if they meet certain criteria.

如果他們符合某些標準，我很樂意這麼做。

This criteria was driving two hours in rush hour to talk to 30 people.

這個標準是在尖峰時刻裡開車兩小時，與三十個人交談。

It wasn't going to meet that criteria.

但這不符合標準。

And I said, if you can get x number of people in the room, and we can do it during this time of day, then I'm happy to do it.

而且我說如果你可以在這房間集合 x 位人，並且我們可以在這一天的這段時間完成，那我會很樂意這麼做。

So "No, but here's how you can get a yes" is a great way to enable somebody to feel OK and for you to feel OK and not want to avoid that extended relationship.

所以「拒絕後但是你如何得到肯定」是一個好方式，可以讓他人和你感到舒服的情況，且避免發展成不好的關係。

So when we use a "no, but," we give them an opportunity for a "yes" down the road.

當我們用「不，但是...」時，我們給他們另一個肯定的機會。

But we also can use the "no, but" to help them find another way to get that help.

但我們也可以用「不，但是...」幫助他們找到另一個方式。

No, but there's this great resource you may want to look into.

你可能會想研究「不，但是...」這個很棒的說法。

No, but I do know somebody who's working on that.

「不，但是我知道有人正在研究那個。」

Let me ask if they might be interested in connecting.

讓我問他們是否有興趣。

No, but.

「不，但是」

I might not be able to help you.

我可能無法幫助你。

But I'm happy to give you ideas on how you can get the help you're looking for.

但我很樂意提供如何獲得你所需幫助的方法。

Sometimes you want to and get to say yes.

有時候你想要說「好」。

So we want to sometimes qualify our yes: "Yes, if..."

我們有時希望符合我們的要求「好，如果...」

"Yes, if you can get this done for me."

「好，如果你能為我完成這件事情。」

Or "yes, if you can get this many people in the room."

或是「好，如果你能讓這房間裡有很多人的話。」

Or "yes, if."

「好，如果...」

It could be "yes, after."

也可以是「好，之後...」

Yes, I'd love to get on the phone with you after I'm done with this big project that I'm working on, or after I get back from vacation.

「好，我完成這個重要的計畫後或度假回來後，我會回撥電話給你。」

Just giving yourself a little breathing room in when and the timing of when that follow through will actually happen.

在事情發生前，只是先給自己一點喘息的時間。

So we have "yes, if."

所以我們現在有「好，如果...」

We have "yes, after."

「好，之後...」

We could have "yes, with."

我們還有「好，在...之下...」

"Yes, with your assistance."

「好，在你的協助之下。」

Or "yes, with another party, I'm happy to work on that."

或是「好，在另一個派對上，我很樂意這麼做。」

"Yes, with some training."

「好，在某些訓練中。」

So "yes, if," "yes, after," "yes, with," or even "yes, when."

所以「好，如果...」、「好，之後...」、「好，在...之下...」或是「好，當...」

And when could be, when I feel that I'm really ready to do that.

可以用在當我覺得已經準備好去做的時候。

Yes, when I have gotten that training that we talked about.

「好，當我接受我們曾說到的培訓時。」

"Yes, when."

「好，當...」

So all of these things help give you a little bit of space and manage the expectations of the follow through of that yes.

因此這些所有都可以幫助你提供一點空間和管理彼此的期望。