They're the type of shoes that are supposed to make girls feel really beautiful and glamorous.

這種鞋款原本是設計來讓女生穿上之後美艷動人、閃耀全場。

And yeah, for the most part they do!

的確高跟鞋通常能達到這目的。

But then there are those girls who are embarrassingly uncoordinated, and they have the complete opposite effect!

但另一方面，也有些女孩很尷尬地不夠協調，因此導致反效果。

I'm one of those girls...

我就是那種女孩......

Whenever I try on shoes that have a heel of more than 3 inches, I become a hazard to everything around me, and I will most likely fall over and break something.

每次我只要穿上高於三吋的鞋 (7.62 公分)，我就會威脅到周遭所有事物，我通常會摔一跤、順便打破某樣東西。

Now, I'm pretty tall already, being almost 5'7", so I don't really need the extra height.

其實我本來就挺高，我身高大概有 170 多，不需要額外增高。

But there are those situations where I'm going to a fun dance with some friends and I wanna have some cute shoes to match a dress or a little outfit I'm wearing.

可是有時和朋友去參加好玩的舞會，我會想穿可愛一點的鞋子來搭配身上的洋裝或正式服裝。

So...heels become a big option.

這時高跟鞋就成了不得不考慮的選項。

I go to the store, I try some on, and I pretty much look like I'm trying to walk a tightrope, at the circus.

我走進一間店、試穿幾款鞋，結果弄得好像馬戲團走鋼索一樣。

My ankles wobble back and forth; I lose all capabilities of balancing.

我的腳踝前後晃個不停；我失去所有平衡感。

And my arms always stick out awkwardly just in case I have to catch myself because of my obvious problem with these stupid shoes.

我笨拙地伸出手臂，以防我因為這些笨鞋子摔倒。

If you want a visual, basically imagine a giraffe that was just born.

那畫面就像一隻剛出生的長頸鹿。

And someone strap roller skates to its hooves and is trying to teach it roller skates across the street.

有人把滑輪鞋裝在長頸鹿的四隻蹄上，想教牠滑行過街。

It just doesn't work.

這絕對是行不通的。

Actually, my mum finds my heel problem...hilarious.

老實說，我母親覺得我的高跟鞋障礙很可笑。

And whenever we're out shopping or looking for shoes,

每次我們出去購物或買鞋子，

it doesn't even have to be heels, she always tries to make me put on some...

我們原本可能不是在找跟鞋，但她總會要我穿上......

Ridiculous 10-inch heels that this stores has that are basically at the same angle of Mt. Everest that no mortal should ever able to walk in.

店裡極度誇張的 10 吋高跟鞋，那角度就跟聖母峰一樣，沒有正常人會想穿著走路。

Just so she can laugh at me, probably break my neck, walking down the aisles.

這樣她就可以嘲笑我，一邊沿著走道走，一邊可能摔斷脖子。

Basically I tried to avoid heels as much as possible.

總之我盡可能不穿跟鞋。

Actually it's pretty funny.

話說回來這挺好笑的。

The first homecoming dance I ever went to, I wore Converse shoes, just to avoid any possible injuries.

還記得第一場返校舞會，為了避免任何潛在傷害，我穿的是匡威帆布鞋。

So if you ever see me at like a dance or something really formal, you can expect me to be wearing anything but heels.

如果你以後在舞會或什麼正式場合中見到我，你八成會看到我穿各種鞋款，反正不是高跟鞋。

For your, and everyone else's safety.

這是為了你好、為了所有人好。