[Radio com] "They'll be showing five unknown..." [Rev] Why am I walking like this?

[Radio com] "You only get one chance to choose..." [Rev] Warning?

[Rev] Oh! Shit! [Radio com] "Because I don't think the oxygen will hold out long..."

Umm, the meteors are just aiming for me. They, they could not be aiming for me...

...any better if they were trying.

I have a feeling that they actually are programmed to go straight TOWARDS you...

...because I've been hit by, like, five already.

And we've barely been playing this game.

[Rev's commentary is sped-up]

Okay, is this a health pack?

So...

Wh-what now? I'm here.

This is clearly whate- oh!

How do I do anything to this?

Number five is infamous.

Number five, I understand why it's on this list and I've never even played it.

It's 'Day One: Garry's Incident'

He's just... letting this happen, he's letting me escape, he's not gonna stab me or anything.

[Garry] "I'm outta here, guys!" [knife thuds against altar]

[pain noises]

Wow. [death yell]

[Garry] "What's goin' on in here?"

I mean, that's a way to start a game.

[Garry] "Hmm, oh yeah. Now we're talkin'!"

Eh, s'not cool enough to really justifying, "now we're talking."

[rumbling] [stone breaking]

[Garry] "I should get outta here." [Rev] How do I know that that happened?

[Garry] "So that's what you want!"

[Garry] "What is it with you guys?" [Rev] What the fuck was that animation?

Get back here. Wh-

Oh?

[gunshot] [death yell]

Good! Good!

Just T-pose at me!

[gunfire]

[death yell]

You know, when I get shot in the face, I just sort of swat it off like a fly(!)

I'm, I'm startin' to see why this game was, uh... panned.

Startin' to get it.

[gunshot]

Just go along your way. Don't mind the gunshot or the bullet wound.

Just keep walkin'.

[gunshot] [yells in pain]

[gunshot]

Good try. Try again!

[gunshot]

[gunshot] [death yell]

It's convenient that my enemy is almost completely and utterly deaf.

Ummm, that does make it really easy for me to sneak up on them.

It's also convenient that they don't know what the fuck they're doing with themselves.

So, number four... on the list.

Here's 'Uriel's Chasm'. I don't get who- who is interested in this game?

Wh-what... what kind of person would find value in this game?

Did I get enough faith?

No, I died.

Oh no. Okay. I'm gonna tell you guys right now, I don't care enough to finish this game

This game is called 'StarForge', it's number three on the list.

Why do I look crusty?

[mechanical thump]

Oh?

Mean it, it controls like a pile of hot garbage, I'm not gonna lie.

[mechanical thump]

Oh my god. What the fuck is happening with my legs there? Hold on.

Can I get them jammed in there weird? Aw, yeah!

What is going on with my legs? Doing something very special with my legs.

[mechanical thumps]

Mean, it's so far up that we-

Oh, oh! Oh god!

[thudding]

Oh, fuck.

[more thudding]

[thudding intensifies]

Well, I'm here now.

Oh god.

[mechanical thump] Just... kill myself... with dirt.

Wonder if I can push myself outside the world by...

Yep, that's natural for my leg to do.

I'm now in the dirt.

Oh, there we go! Now I'm outside the world.

Uh, so to do this, by the way, if you ever do decide to play this game for some fucking reason...

...ah, what you need to do is you dig a hole and then you fill it back in...

...while you're standing in it while moving away... from where you're placing...

...'cause it doesn't want you to place in yourself, but it also doesn't give a fuck where you are most of the time.

[roaring]

I like when I get flung up in the air by this thing. That's pretty cool.

Do a little cartwheel...

[car locking sound-effect] A'right.

[out-of-tune electric guitar plays faintly]

Hmm...

[Rev inhales loudly] Hoophhh... O-kay.

Oh my god. It's like driving on slippery dicks.

"How does one drive... on a dick." Mean... look...

It takes a lot of, urm, dicks... to drive on them. 'Cause, I mean, a dick is only, like, you know... what?

It's not even a square foot, right, 'cause a square foot when- why I, like...

It's... at least a foot in every direction and it's not.

We know that, we know dicks are not a foot in every direction...

Unless you have a dick like mine...

...which I'm not gonna let you drive over my dick with a bus, just sayin'.

[airplane engine whirs]

Okay, well, this game kinda sucks. I understand why it's on number two.

'FlatOut 3'. Worst rated game on Steam... right now.

Why? I don't know.

This is number one. [awful industrial rock music plays]

The... worst game on... Steam.

"Select your character..."

"Justin Case..." Ohh... don't do this.

What year did this game come out? Uhh, let's see, this game came out in 2011.

Okay. Wanna throw it out there, get you guys in the mindset of...

...her face looking like that in the same year that... 'Dark Souls' came out.

"Zario the Mechanic..."

"Zario is a likable, chubby Italian."

# DO THE MARIO! Swing your arms from side to side... #

"Race." Let's just do a race.

In Detroit? Well, now we're talking about hellscapes(!)

Wonder if anyone speedruns this game?

I've been watchin' a lot of AGDQ. Or SGD-

Di-did my computer crash?

Oh?

Did I crash? Am I still live?

Hello? Yeah! Ummm, the game just crashed.

What a wonderful fucking game(!)

For the price of $58, you can get the worst six games on Steam.