Younger James *excessive screaming* I HATE YOUUUU! (bird: what the-!?)

Ariana *also excessive screaming*: OH!?! WELL, NEXT TIME, DoN't StEAL mY MoNOpOlY!!!

Mom aka peacemaker: Ariana, give James your $200. You landed on his property.

Ariana: NO, HE'S IN JAIL! >:(

I'M NOT GONNA GIVE MONEY TO A CRIMINAL! (life lesson here kids)

Younger James: That not how you- PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *pterodactyl scrrech*

Sally: Mommy? Why is brother screaming? :(

Mom: Shut the f**k Up Sally,

you don't get to talk after stealing my last railroad!

Younger James: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!! (oof)

Mom: ME ToO! YOU THINK I WaNTeDd THIS?!? (double oof)

(this pain can only be described as one of the pain of all humanity suffering)

Pat (from FWA & Life Noggin): Hi! What you all just witnessed

is the phenomenon known as Family Game Night™

Family Game Night™ plays an important role

in the household dynamic,

as studies have shown that families

who participate in activities together

form closer bonds and stronger relationships (LIES!)

with each other.

So, try setting aside some time

to play board games with your family,

and if they beat you...

...cut them out of your life forever. :D (it's that simple!)

(well...this is awkward)

*laughs* Okay, have fun you guys.

I...

"like" board games.

I guess any game

that doesn't involve me getting up and moving around,

I'm a huge fan of.

Also since I'm bad at... everything,

and don't like playing games

against someone who's better than me,

I really love the games

that don't require any type of skill,

like the game Chutes & Ladders,

which I just learned today

has another name called Snakes & Ladders.

And I'm going to call it that instead.

'cause I'd rather draw snakes than...

...chutes?????

In Snakes and Ladders, you have no free will.

You're at the mercy of a single dice...

and I love it.

While I was looking up walkthroughs for Snakes & Ladders,

I quickly learned that this game was made for preschoolers,

which is probably why it's so simple.

Or how about the game 'Sorry!',

which is the most unapologetic game I've ever played.

There's some strategy in that game,

but most of the time,

you're just getting revenge on the players

who've wronged you.

The creators of 'Sorry!' knew this,

because the tagline of the game is:

"Sorry!: the Game of Sweet Revenge",

which, if you think about it, is a pretty funny oxymoron.

Aha! TAKE THIS!

...sorry.

I know HOW to play chess,

but like most things, I'm not very good at it.

Unless I'm playing against someone under the age of 4, ( is Johnny eating shuggr again? No? Ok)

I don't want to play that game.

Because it shows everyone

how bad I am at planning ahead.

That's a game that's 100% strategy based.

It's like the IQ test of board games.

Beating someone in chess

will put you more ahead academically,

than anyone with a Harvard degree,

AND you'll get more babes!

However, there is one exception and that is:

''It's okay to lose at chess...

...if you're playing against a computer...

even if it's on Easy Mode."..

Computers are way better at planning ahead than anyone,

because I don't know HOW,

but a HUMAN made a computer

that can beat the world's best Chess player, (OOF)

but the creator of the computer

CAN'T beat the world's best Chess player...

So I guess that means...

It's game over.

We tried our best, but we've peaked.

Whenever you beat a computer in Chess...

it was going easy on you.

Imagine if we made a computer

that could beat the world's best Snakes & Ladders player.

I would pay money to see a Snakes & Ladders championship!

And everyone watching knows

that the person playing is just some Joe Shmoe

that acts like the world's best Snakes & Ladders player,

But they're all still excited,

and there's real snakes that you get to slide down!

That would be amazing!

Sign me up. *giggles*

While we're on the topic of Chess,

I want to tell you

about this cool sport I discovered called Chess Boxing.

This is an actual competitive sport

where two players play Chess for three minutes...

...then box each other for three minutes,

and they keep switching between Chess and boxing

until someone either gets a checkmate,

they run out of time playing Chess,

or they K.O the other player. (OOF)

I love this sport

because it combines two polar opposite games

and it's something that anyone can play.

"Brains over brawn"? HEH

Try saying that after I sucker punch you in the--

Oh, that was... that was a good move...

I'm gonna punch you so hard in the balls for that!

I know I just said I was bad at chess,

But if there's any YouTubers

who want to challenge me to a Chess Boxing match,

I will gladly take you to the ring

and we can charge people $12 just to watch.

*whisper* and we can end it in a draw, you know,

so that way, you won't look bad in front of your fans.

So, Battleship.

That's another board game

and it also got a big Hollywood movie based off of it.

I haven't seen it.

But, I hope there's a scene

where the captain of the ship goes:

"Men, fire at...

(Captain Thinking.)

...D6?"

And then there's an explosion in the distance,

and then Rihanna who is actually in that movie says:

"SIR! THE ALIENS SENT A MESSAGE!

IT SAYS...

Miss..."

The captain goes, "Hmm..."

"Someone write that down so we don't forget."

And then, there would be an explosion at the back of their ship (bee doo beer dooo)

and alarms start going off,

and everyone on board starts freaking out

except for the captain.

He goes:

"Rihanna! Send the aliens a message.

Tell them...

(Another awkward silence...)

..."hit".

Also ask him if they think the situation

make a good board game."

And if that scene is not in the movie, I hate it.

Did anyone else collect a bunch of Pokémon cards,

but never knew how to play the game? (Me)

I don't think I met a single person

who actually knew how to play the card game,

which was weird, because in my school,

the card game was just as popular as the video games.

Kids would always show off

their collection of cards and binders,

and everyone always wanted

the highly coveted shiny Charizard card!

You know which one I'm talking about.

YOU know which one I'm talking about!

*In cute voice* you know which one i'm talkin' 'bout.

Unlike Yu Gi Oh, which had dedicated episodes explaining

why these five pieces of cardboard were expensive,

the shiny Charizard was rare,

not because it was good in the game,

but because everyone agreed that it looked cool.

But then, when you ask someone:

Red: "Hey, do you want to play a game?"

They would say:

Brendan: Okay!

I summon my Charizard...

...in Attack Mode!!

Does anyone even know

how to play the Pokémon card game?

I bet none of these guys even know what they're doing.

How'd this guy win?

He didn't even call UNO!!!

I can't be too hard on the Pokémon cards

because the card game I like

is probably way more complicated than Pokémon.

I don't know for sure because, like I said,

I don't know how to play the Pokémon card game,

but my favorite card game...

is Neopets®©™

I'm just kidding! That was a joke!

...kind of...

I did actually own a lot of Neopet cards.

I don't remember exactly how to play...

I do remember you have to get 21 points to win,

which got me into playing blackjack,

but it's okay that I don't remember how to play,

because no one else is playing this game.

I wanted to find some footage of a Neopet TGC Campionship

only to come to the disappointing realization

that no Neopets championship exists, which is sad,

sooo if there's any YouTubers

watching and want to find my Scorchio, square up.

Okay, but for real,

the card game I like the most is Magic the Gathering.

And fun little factoid,

all three card games I've mentioned

were created by the same company: Wizards of the Coast.

Hey, is that a Monopoly reference?

I've been playing Magic since 2007

and back then, the game was a lot more simple.

Look at some of these more recent cards.

First, see how many words are on them,

And if we flip them over,

they merge into an even BIGGER card!

What?!

If you showed these cards to my 11 year old self,

I would have lost my marbles!

My favorite thing about magic is when Richard Garfield--

I mean Dick Garfield--

was first creating the game in 1993.

He didn't really have an accurate way of testing the cards

to make sure they're all fair and balanced,

and he ended up creating

some of the most overpowered cards and magic, (BOOM)

and players today refer to these cards as The Power Nine!

Because there were nine really good ones...

which is why every single one of them is banned.

Now don't get me wrong,

the Power Nine are good cards,

but none of them are like, you win the game good.

Take this one, for example.

Ancestral Recall:

all it says is draw three cards

or force opponent to draw three cards;

which is stupid that they added that last part!

Why would you ever give your opponent

three more cards to beat you with?

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Wait.. a slightly better Pot Of Greed,

which is a card that allows me

to draw two new cards from my deck

and place them into my hand

is one of the top nine most powerful magic cards?

Yeah! Pot of Greed is band too.

Games play such an important role in childhood,

and here's what they all teach us.

In Magic, if you're really good at what you do,

no one will invite you to their tournament...

Monopoly, white-collar crime is okay...

Battleship... just guess and check...

Snakes and Ladders, if you see a ladder,

climb it immediately...

and no one cares about Neopets...

Now if you excuse me...

I have to show this prison guard my coupon I have

that lets me get out of jail anytime I like.

And when all is said and done,

I thought to myself,

"What can I do to help strengthen

this weekly tradition of Family Game Night?" (,james: REE I HATE DISS)