And I've decided to present ten things about Germany, divided into two lists: a list of five things that I would miss if I had to leave Germany;

我決定分享 10 件有關德國的事情，分成兩份清單：一份關於「如果我必須離開德國，我會想念的 5 件事情」。

But we'll start with a list of five things I would not miss if I had to leave Germany.

但我想從 5 件「當我必須離開德國時，我不會想念的事情」開始。

There are strict laws in Germany about when you are allowed to make a noise, and at what times of day you must shut up.

德國嚴格規定你可以製造噪音的時間，以及每天哪個時段你該閉嘴。

I'm all in favour of basic consideration for your neighbours, but surely it doesn't all have to be regulated by law, does it?

我很贊同給予鄰居們基本的尊重，但這不至於要立法禁止吧，需要嗎？

Films and TV shows are dubbed into German.

電影和電視節目變成德文配音。

Sometimes this works very well.

有時候效果很好。

Very often, though, it ruins the whole thing.

但通常會把一切都搞砸。

Anyone working for a German government agency will treat you with contempt.

任何在德國政府工作的機構都會用輕蔑的態度待你們。

After all, it's not as if you can take your custom elsewhere, so why should they bother trying to make your life happier or less stressful?

畢竟，你似乎也無法光顧別處，那他們為什麼還要努力地讓你的生活更開心或更沒有壓力呢？

I don't want to give the impression that I'm pining for the 1930s, but just take a look at the current crop of German politicians, and see if you can spot a single ounce of charisma.

我並不想讓人以為我是在懷念 1930 年代的德國，但看看現在這批德國政治人物，再想想你是否感受到任何領導魅力。

They might come when you're expecting them, but then again they might not. They probably won't.

他們也許會在你預期的時間來，但同樣地他們可能也會不來。而且不來的機率很高。

But when they do come — if they come — they will at least be wearing bib overalls, so you will never have to see their buttocks, which leads me on to the next list.

但當他們來的時候 (如果真的來)，他們至少會穿件吊帶工人裝，所以你從不會看到他們的屁股。這帶我們進入到下一份清單。

There may be countries that have better public transport systems, but Germany is most definitely up there in the top five.

有些國家可能有更好的公共交通系統，但是德國絕對是排得上世界前五名。

Americans may disagree, but for a British person, German ice cream is absolutely fantastic.

雖然美國人大概不會同意，但對英國人來說，德國的冰淇淋真的很美味。

It's creamy! It's flavourful!

非常濃郁、可口！

And it's served in fresh wafers, not the stale plastic that I grew up with.

它的外殼是新鮮的威化餅乾，而不是我小時候吃的那種不新鮮、味同嚼蠟的東西。

You can be out in town in the middle of the night, and nobody's going to come and threaten you; unlike in Britain, where there are drunkards on the street everywhere.

你可以半夜跑到城裡溜達，沒人會過來威脅你，不像英國，路上到處都是醉漢。

Related to that...

說到這個.....

Okay, so binge drinking is becoming a bit of a problem in some quarters of German society at the moment, but it's nothing like what it is in Britain.

好的，雖然狂飲現在在德國某些地區已造成一些問題，但跟英國的狀況相比，根本是小巫見大巫。

Generally speaking, you can say that the British drink in order to get as drunk as they possibly can;

一般來說，英國人喝酒是為了喝到越醉越好。

Whereas Germans prefer to stop drinking when they're enjoying themselves, but before they lose the power of rational thought.

而德國人則傾向喝得正愉快時就喊停，在他們失去理智之前。

In Germany, cold calling is illegal.

在德國，電話行銷是違法的。

What more needs to be said?

還需要再多說嗎？