What was our misguided solution?

Take pieces from all of them and create something far lesser than the sum of its parts.

We've dubbed it,

a "Trailer Trash-Up".

I said "dub"!

Not "dubstep".

Obviously we can't do my trailer because it's already a spoof, but:

We can offer you free Cable.

Wade.

The Professor wants to see you.

The Principal's office?

Dammit!

Colossus narc'd on me.

I just have one question.

When Cap needed help,

if I'd asked you, would you have come?

I guess we'll never know.

But if you had, you'd have never been caught.

Yeah, that's what I thought you'd s--

I would have killed them all.

And burned the airport to the ground.

Huh.

Well.

My loss...

I guess.

So. What's the mission for today?

DAAH- you know what?

Think I'm gonna go this one alone.

My name is Wade Watts.

My dad picked that name cos he thought it sounded like a superhero's alter-ego,

like Peter Parker or Bruce Banner.

Or Wade Wilson!

Who?

Owch!

What's your name?

Lara.

Surname?

Croft.

Lara Croft by name,

Leap Across by nature.

I'm leaping across!

Leaping...

is my specialty.

Right.

They're expecting you on the second floor.

We do have a lift.

You get to decide

what kind of king you are going to be.

♪ I'm going to be a mighty king,

♪ so enemies beware...

Please.

Do not sing that song.

What song?

"Your mission,

should you choose to accept it".

I wonder.

Did you ever choose not to?

You know something?

I don't think I ever have.

You're right.

I have got some serious vacation time saved up

and I am respectfully

declining this mission.

What the f***?!!

I heard a story about you. I was wondering if it's true.

Everything... you've heard about me...

is true.

You really made love to a womp rat?

Don't believe everything you hear.

Get back!

My family... is trapped 240 floors in the air.

There's a guy moving out of his apartment on floor 239 and he's

blocking up the elevator!

The guy you work for is an evil person.

Oh, you've said that about all my employers:

Norman Osborn, William Stryker, Wilson Fisk,

Sebastian Shaw, Baron von Strucker...

I think you're just jealous of my brilliant career.

Why can't you be more like my previous boyfriend, Erik Killmonger?

Today, we are politely beseeching the apocalypse

to postpone its scheduled appointment

anf allow us a reasonable extension with which to better prepare ourselves!

They just had to go bigger for the sequel.

Huh! Knife!

Fork!

Spoon!

Spork!

Spife!

Fife!

How is he throwing these in such rapid succession?

Hold on.

You gave her wings?

And blasters.

So I take it you didn't have that tech available for me.

Well I didn't want to start you off with more than you can handle, so I've designed these.

They're made from the same polyethylene foam as pool noodles,

so it's unlikely you'll cut yourself.

You won't be able to fly but you'll look intimidating.

And these are high pressure liquid soap dispensers.

Try and aim for the eyes.

Give you a few months to get used to the new suit,

and then maybe we can talk about

removing the training wheels.

In the Oasis, you can be whoever you want to be.

Except Batman.

Cos everyone wants to be Batman and they set a limit at ten million.

- Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

- Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

- Hey Parzival. - Hey Batman.

Hey Parzival!

I never thought I could ever be sick of Batman but

dang it, I am so sick of the Batman!

Don't freeze.

I never freeze.

Except when I went to Siberia.

That was...

really cold.

I remember.

You got very sick!

By the way, your moustache looks magnificent.

It had damn well better.

Course, my fraternity has refused to allow me to take off my signet ring for this movie

so naturally it has to be digitally removed.

- I couldn't tell. - Yeah.

I might be the only person

who knows what you really are.

When Disney promised me a "solo" movie,

this is not what I had in mind.

Daddy!

Tell me, how much do you love your family?

Well that's... difficult to quantify, I mean...

how long is a piece of string?

You could say my love for them will...

Die...

Hard.

I'm hearing a voice.

Darkness is your ally!

I'm gonna need Mr Drake's property back.

Well good.

Cos I don't want it around here anymore to haunt me!

You tell him boy-bye from me.

Tell me about the mission.

Did you...

see anything unusual?

Just this one alien.

He's bad news, though.

He gets your number,

books the restaurant, sends flowers...

But come the night...

he never shows up.

They call him the Pre-Dater.

I told my parents about you!

I've hidden an easter egg inside the Oasis.

Fill her up for me, laddie.

The first person to find it,

will become God!

It's been five years!

Where IS this thing??

I know I keep saying this, but...

are you sure it isn't that egg, up there?

Does that look like a chocolate easter egg to you, Art3mis?

Stop wasting my time!

I'll take two.

That'll be five thousand Euro.

Do you accept archaeological relics?

Not from first-time customers.

I think this will sway you.

These bandages were used to wrap Tutankamen's athlete's foot.

Rank.

They're priceless.

They're putrid. No thanks.

Have you got any cash?

I risked my life for these!

What is the point of all this tomb raiding if I have to give up my dream

of shooting people with both hands?

Welcome to the most advanced nation in the world!

Where we choose our leader based on who fights best in shallow water.

I cut myself every time I defeat an enemy!

You must not be a very good fighter then.

Fwhat??

No, I do it to myself!

I do it on purpose!

Afterwards.

That is amazing.

How did you know how much to space them apart?

Or did you always plan to kill this exact number of people?

That's irrelevant!

All you need to know is, I got a space saved just for you.

Where?

The design appears completed.

Am I on the face?

No! No one is on the face!

Are you kidding me?

If I was kidding you, I would say, "knock, knock".

Who's there?

Wakanda.

Wakanda what?

Wakanda man turns himself into a giant pickle?

You mother-!!!

I am giving myself a notch for that one.

A-choo!!!

What the hell, Saber?

Sorry Gipsy!

Now I've only got me secondary weapon!

Ha!

This ship is like an ancient but majestic bird.

I'm gonna call it, the "Century Sparrow"!

"A hundred and ninety years old"?

You look great!

Me?

I'm 22.

"Hard life"?

No, not particularly.

Why?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What do you mean, "they got away"?

I was given the opportunity

to capture the largest piece of pez in history.

That wasn't the mission, Ethan.

The mission changed.

What's going on?

The 96th floor is on fire.

So you're saying it's a...

Towering Inferno?

Get off the crane, Rock.

Yippy-ki-YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

DON'T STEAL MY THING!!!

What the hell are you?

We...

are Venom.

Well... we...

are denim!

The revolution... will be available free for streaming online...

Thank you for watching.

Why not have a dig around our channel?

You may unearth a hidden treasure.

Or just get really dirty.

But we... would appreciate it.

I can speak for myself.

No, I meant...

Oh, forget it.

Oh, and don't forget to subscribe.

[YUKIO] Hi Wade!

[DEADPOOL] Hey Yukio!

And Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

What did you think of the Trash-Up?

[NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD] I thought it was trash.

I can't believe I skipped detention for this.

[DEADPOOL] Well that was very negative and teenage.

All we need now is--

[NUCLEAR EXPLOSION]

[DEADPOOL] There she is.