Now, as you may have noticed, I'm six-feet tall, and when I arrived at my chosen university and realized our men's Division III basketball team averaged five-foot-eight, I abandoned the on-campus scene and went online.

我第一次嘗試網路約會， 在大學一年級的時候，

Now, back then, online dating was pretty close to the plot of "You've Got Mail."

萬一你們沒看到我的皺紋， 老實說，那是 2001年。

You'd write long emails back and forth for weeks before you finally met up in real life.

你們可能已經注意到， 我有 180 公分高，

Except, in my case, you'd realize you have no chemistry, and so now you're back to square one.

當我抵達我所選的大學，

So, while online dating has changed a lot in the last 17 years, many of the frustrations remain the same.

並發現我們第三級別男子 籃球隊的平均身高才 170 公分，

Because here's what it does well.

我就直接放棄 校園約會，轉而上網。

It broadens your pool of potential dates beyond your existing social and professional circles.

那時，網路約會就很像

And here's what it doesn't do well.

電影《電子情書》裡的情節一樣。

Literally everything else.

你要花數週的時間在電子郵件 往返上，信還要寫很長，

A few things you should know about me: I'm an action-oriented overachieving math and theater nerd who ended up with an MBA.

然後才會真正約見面。

So, when things aren't working out, I tend to take a step back, apply my business tool kit to figure out why, and to fix it.

我的例子的差別在於， 我發現我們不來電，

My love life was no exception.

於是我又回到原點。

The summer before I turned 30, I took myself on a relationship off-site.

雖然在過去十七年裡， 網路約會已經改變了很多，

Which means I went camping solo in Maine for a week, to do a retro on my track record of mediocre relationships.

許多的挫折仍然依舊。

Because the thing was, I knew what I wanted in a partner.

因為，它能做得很好的地方是：

Kindness, curiosity, empathy, a sense of purpose.

它能擴展你可能的約會對象圈子，

And yet, here's what I chose for online: Ivy League degree, six feet or taller, lives within 12 subway stops of me.

超出你既有的社交圈和工作圈。

It's not that I intentionally prioritized those things, it's just the easiest to vet for online.

但它也有做不好的地方：

It kind of is like a résumé review, which is why these guys looked great on paper and never quite fit me.

所有其他的部分都是。

So, when I went back online in the spring of 2016, I decided to reengineer the process through some classic business tools.

（笑聲）

First, I went to OkCupid, because I wanted to avoid the gamification of swipe-based apps.

你們應該知道我的一些事：

And also, because I wanted a writing sample.

我是行動派，是個表現 超預期的數學和戲劇怪胎，

Next, I set up a sales funnel, throwing out any sense of my type, and instead defining the criteria that would qualify a lead.

最後還拿了企業管理碩士。

An inbound message had to do three things: had to be written in complete sentences and with good grammar; it had to reference something in my profile, so I know it's not a copy-and-paste situation; and it had to avoid all sexual content.

所以當事情發展不順時， 我傾向會先退一步，

I figured this was a pretty low bar, but it turns out, of my 210 inbound messages, only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.

應用我的商業技能 來找出原因並解決它。

Next, I wanted to meet in real life as quickly as possible, because the things I cared about, I couldn't see online.

我的感情生活也不例外。

But the research, and my experience, shows you only need about 30 seconds with someone to tell if you click.

在我即將滿三十歲的前一年夏天， 我給自己的感情關係放了個假，

So I invented the zero date.

意思就是，我獨自 去緬因州露營了一週，

The zero date is one drink, one hour, with the goal of answering one question:

去回顧了我過往的平凡感情記錄。

Would I like to have dinner with this person?

重點是，我很清楚 我想要什麼樣的伴侶。

Not "are they the one?"

要善良、有好奇心、 有同理心，且知道目標。

Literally, "Would I like to spend three hours across the table from this person?"

但是，我在線上選擇的卻是：

You tell them you have a hard stop -- drinks with girlfriends, a conference call with China -- it doesn't matter, they don't know you.

常青藤大學學位、 身高 180 公分以上、

The point is one hour.

住的地方距離我 不超過十二個地鐵站。

If it's awesome, you schedule a first date.

並不是我故意 把那些項目排在優先，

And if it's not awesome, you downshift into entertainer mode and you workshop a few new stories for your next networking event.

只是在網路上這樣最容易審查。

Plus, because it's just an hour, you can squeeze up to three in one evening and then you only have to do your hair and pick out one great outfit a week.

它就類似在檢閱履歷，

The zero date also gave me a chance to see how they responded to me asking them out.

就是這為什麼這些人 書面上看來都這麼棒，

I figured not everyone would dig my moxie, and I was right.

卻從來不適合我。

Of my 29 qualified leads, only 15 replied to my message, and of those, six scheduled a zero date.

所以，2016 年春季我再次上網時，

My first zero date was with a set designer.

我決定用一些經典的 商業工具來改革這個過程。

And we were both into yoga and preferred our bagels with peanut butter, so it looked pretty promising.

首先，我到 OkCupid，

But two minutes in, I could tell it wasn't going to be a thing, and I was relieved not to be spending dinner with him.

因為我不想用需要不停滑動 螢幕的軟體，那好像玩遊戲一樣。

After that, I was a little nervous about going to my next zero date.

另一個原因是因為 我想要一份撰寫範本。

But we had agreed to meet on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade with a flask of whiskey to watch the sunset, and honestly, it was two blocks from my apartment.

接著，我建立了一個銷售漏斗，

Plus, this guy had a podcast, I have a podcast, worst case scenario, we can talk about our podcasts.

丟棄了我對於 夢想類型的所有觀念，

Then, Chas set down next to me.

改去定義出菁英的合格標準。

And this kind and empathetic man told great jokes and asked even better questions.

傳給我的訊息需要符合三項條件：

He was a lawyer and a writer, and his eyes twinkled when he laughed and they squeezed tight when I kissed him, and at some point in the evening, our zero date became a first date.

要用完整句子和好的文法來撰寫；

And two years later, we have a washer, dryer, and two house plants together.

必須要提及我個人 簡介中的某些內容，

Now, I can't promise you're going to end up with house plants.

我才能確定它不是 複製貼上的內容，

But the point of this story is that online dating doesn't have to suck.

且不能有性相關的內容。

Don't treat it like a game, and don't treat it like a resume review.

我認為這個門檻很低，

Instead, use it to source and qualify leads and then get offline as quickly as possible with the zero date.

但結果發現，在我 收到的 210 則訊息中，

Because the point of this isn't swiping.

只有 14％ 的人過關。

It's finding your person.

（笑聲）

Good luck.

接著，我想盡快與本人真正見面，