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  • I first tried online dating my freshman year of college, which was in 2001, in case you can't see my wrinkle.

    譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

  • Now, as you may have noticed, I'm six-feet tall, and when I arrived at my chosen university and realized our men's Division III basketball team averaged five-foot-eight, I abandoned the on-campus scene and went online.

    我第一次嘗試網路約會, 在大學一年級的時候,

  • Now, back then, online dating was pretty close to the plot of "You've Got Mail."

    萬一你們沒看到我的皺紋, 老實說,那是 2001年。

  • You'd write long emails back and forth for weeks before you finally met up in real life.

    你們可能已經注意到, 我有 180 公分高,

  • Except, in my case, you'd realize you have no chemistry, and so now you're back to square one.


  • So, while online dating has changed a lot in the last 17 years, many of the frustrations remain the same.

    並發現我們第三級別男子 籃球隊的平均身高才 170 公分,

  • Because here's what it does well.

    我就直接放棄 校園約會,轉而上網。

  • It broadens your pool of potential dates beyond your existing social and professional circles.


  • And here's what it doesn't do well.


  • Literally everything else.

    你要花數週的時間在電子郵件 往返上,信還要寫很長,

  • A few things you should know about me: I'm an action-oriented overachieving math and theater nerd who ended up with an MBA.


  • So, when things aren't working out, I tend to take a step back, apply my business tool kit to figure out why, and to fix it.

    我的例子的差別在於, 我發現我們不來電,

  • My love life was no exception.


  • The summer before I turned 30, I took myself on a relationship off-site.

    雖然在過去十七年裡, 網路約會已經改變了很多,

  • Which means I went camping solo in Maine for a week, to do a retro on my track record of mediocre relationships.


  • Because the thing was, I knew what I wanted in a partner.


  • Kindness, curiosity, empathy, a sense of purpose.


  • And yet, here's what I chose for online: Ivy League degree, six feet or taller, lives within 12 subway stops of me.


  • It's not that I intentionally prioritized those things, it's just the easiest to vet for online.


  • It kind of is like a résumé review, which is why these guys looked great on paper and never quite fit me.


  • So, when I went back online in the spring of 2016, I decided to reengineer the process through some classic business tools.


  • First, I went to OkCupid, because I wanted to avoid the gamification of swipe-based apps.


  • And also, because I wanted a writing sample.

    我是行動派,是個表現 超預期的數學和戲劇怪胎,

  • Next, I set up a sales funnel, throwing out any sense of my type, and instead defining the criteria that would qualify a lead.


  • An inbound message had to do three things: had to be written in complete sentences and with good grammar; it had to reference something in my profile, so I know it's not a copy-and-paste situation; and it had to avoid all sexual content.

    所以當事情發展不順時, 我傾向會先退一步,

  • I figured this was a pretty low bar, but it turns out, of my 210 inbound messages, only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.

    應用我的商業技能 來找出原因並解決它。

  • Next, I wanted to meet in real life as quickly as possible, because the things I cared about, I couldn't see online.


  • But the research, and my experience, shows you only need about 30 seconds with someone to tell if you click.

    在我即將滿三十歲的前一年夏天, 我給自己的感情關係放了個假,

  • So I invented the zero date.

    意思就是,我獨自 去緬因州露營了一週,

  • The zero date is one drink, one hour, with the goal of answering one question:


  • Would I like to have dinner with this person?

    重點是,我很清楚 我想要什麼樣的伴侶。

  • Not "are they the one?"

    要善良、有好奇心、 有同理心,且知道目標。

  • Literally, "Would I like to spend three hours across the table from this person?"


  • You tell them you have a hard stop -- drinks with girlfriends, a conference call with China -- it doesn't matter, they don't know you.

    常青藤大學學位、 身高 180 公分以上、

  • The point is one hour.

    住的地方距離我 不超過十二個地鐵站。

  • If it's awesome, you schedule a first date.

    並不是我故意 把那些項目排在優先,

  • And if it's not awesome, you downshift into entertainer mode and you workshop a few new stories for your next networking event.


  • Plus, because it's just an hour, you can squeeze up to three in one evening and then you only have to do your hair and pick out one great outfit a week.


  • The zero date also gave me a chance to see how they responded to me asking them out.

    就是這為什麼這些人 書面上看來都這麼棒,

  • I figured not everyone would dig my moxie, and I was right.


  • Of my 29 qualified leads, only 15 replied to my message, and of those, six scheduled a zero date.

    所以,2016 年春季我再次上網時,

  • My first zero date was with a set designer.

    我決定用一些經典的 商業工具來改革這個過程。

  • And we were both into yoga and preferred our bagels with peanut butter, so it looked pretty promising.

    首先,我到 OkCupid,

  • But two minutes in, I could tell it wasn't going to be a thing, and I was relieved not to be spending dinner with him.

    因為我不想用需要不停滑動 螢幕的軟體,那好像玩遊戲一樣。

  • After that, I was a little nervous about going to my next zero date.

    另一個原因是因為 我想要一份撰寫範本。

  • But we had agreed to meet on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade with a flask of whiskey to watch the sunset, and honestly, it was two blocks from my apartment.


  • Plus, this guy had a podcast, I have a podcast, worst case scenario, we can talk about our podcasts.

    丟棄了我對於 夢想類型的所有觀念,

  • Then, Chas set down next to me.


  • And this kind and empathetic man told great jokes and asked even better questions.


  • He was a lawyer and a writer, and his eyes twinkled when he laughed and they squeezed tight when I kissed him, and at some point in the evening, our zero date became a first date.


  • And two years later, we have a washer, dryer, and two house plants together.

    必須要提及我個人 簡介中的某些內容,

  • Now, I can't promise you're going to end up with house plants.

    我才能確定它不是 複製貼上的內容,

  • But the point of this story is that online dating doesn't have to suck.


  • Don't treat it like a game, and don't treat it like a resume review.


  • Instead, use it to source and qualify leads and then get offline as quickly as possible with the zero date.

    但結果發現,在我 收到的 210 則訊息中,

  • Because the point of this isn't swiping.

    只有 14% 的人過關。

  • It's finding your person.


  • Good luck.


I first tried online dating my freshman year of college, which was in 2001, in case you can't see my wrinkle.

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang


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