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  • And I now I thought I'd share some of my favorite

    現在要來分享幾個我的最愛

  • "worst first date" stories from you guys.

    來自各位的 #最糟的一次約會

  • This first one's from @jordancohen2u.

    第一則來自 @jordancohen2u

  • She says...

    她說了

  • I was really into this guy, but I was so nervous on our first date that when he told me, "You smell good,"

    我很哈這個男的,但我們第一次約會,我太緊張了;他跟我說:「我聞起來很香。」

  • I replied, "Thanks, I use both of my nostrils."

    我回他:「謝謝,兩顆鼻孔我都會用。」

  • This one's from @annabanana0626.

    這則來自 @annabanana0626

  • She says...

    她說

  • I was walking ahead of him and got into the car parked out front before he could open the door for me.

    我走在他前面,在他幫我開車門前,我搶先一步坐進他的車裡

  • He knocked on the window and yelled through the glass, "This isn't my car!"

    他敲了車窗,大聲地對我說:「這不是我的車 !」

  • "It's a Mercedes Benz. I kind of like it."

    「沒有啦,我只是很喜歡 Mercedes Benz 而已。」

  • "Whose car is this?"

    「不然這是誰的車 ?」

  • I'll wait.

    我等你買這台

  • This one's from @foreversmiling2.

    這則來自 @foreversmiling2

  • She says...

    她說

  • On my first date, and my first time at a sushi place, I decided to order thirteen rolls.

    第一次約會,第一次去壽司店,我決定要點 13 個壽司捲

  • I thought "rolls" meant individual pieces of sushi. The servers had to push two tables together just to hold them all.

    我以為「捲」指的是一小塊壽司捲,但是服務生竟然開始併兩張桌子

  • "13 rolls of sushi."

    「您的 13 個壽司捲。」

  • "Well, whatever you say.

    「照你說得上菜囉!」

  • Bring 'em -- keep bringing 'em."

    「上菜、快上菜。」

  • "I've been here before."

    「我有過這種經驗」

  • This one's from @snookicookie16.

    這則來自 @snookicookie16

  • She says...

    她說

  • At the end of the night, he acted like he was going in for a kiss,

    最後一晚,他表現出要親我的樣子

  • then put his whole mouth over my nose and blew into it.

    他整個嘴巴含著我的鼻子,然後往鼻孔裡吹氣

  • He laughed and said he does it to his dogs and calls it a "puppy trumpet."

    他笑說,他跟他的狗也會這樣玩,說是「吹『狗』哨」

  • Puppy trumpet.

    「吹狗哨」

  • Puppy trumpet.

    「吹狗哨」

  • What a garbage person.

    髒髒

  • It's my puppy trumpet, man.

    這是我的 「狗哨」,老兄

  • It said the end of the night, at the end of the date,

    這是約會的最後一晚耶

  • it was the ol' puppy trumpet.

    用 「狗哨」畫下句點,完美句點

  • This one's from @Hotovy. Hotovy?

    這則來自 @Hotovy。Hotovy ?

  • He says...

    他說

  • The first time I met my wife, she was convinced there were 52 states in the U.S.

    第一次遇見我太太時,她很肯定美國有 52 個州

  • When I suggested there were only 50 states, she called her brother, who confirmed that there were in fact 52 states.

    當我要說服她只有 50 個州時,她叫她哥哥來聲援,確認有 52 個州

  • - Never gonna win. - They're married!

    - 永遠講不贏 - 他們結婚了 !

  • -You're never gonna win, dude. -He's married.

    - 你講不贏的,老兄 - 他結婚了

  • -He learned his lesson early. -Exactly, yeah.

    他很早就學到教訓了;沒錯

  • This one's from @PatrickAH81.

    這則來自 @PatrickAH81

  • He says...

    他說

  • I once spilled soda on my crotch while pulling into my date's driveway.

    有次約會倒車時,不小心把汽水撒在褲檔上

  • My first words when she answered the door were, "It's not pee."

    當她應門時,我開口的第一句話是:「這不是尿。」

  • I'm clean. It's not pee.

    我很乾淨,沒有噴尿

  • - Yeah, not pee. - All right, well, what is it?

    - 沒錯,不是尿 - 很好,不然是什麼 ?

  • It's a little bit of poop.

    一點點米田共而已

  • This one's from @lindachilders1.

    這則來自 @lindachilders1

  • She said...

    她說

  • A friend once set me up on a blind date.

    一個朋友曾經幫我撮合相親

  • I wasn't in a great mood because I had received a traffic ticket a few hours before.

    我當時沒那個心情,因為我幾小時前收到罰單

  • My day got worse when my blind date turned out to be the cop who gave me the ticket.

    那天糟透了,約會對象竟然是開那張罰單的警察

  • -Oh! -What!

    - 喔 - 蝦米 ?

  • I know you! That's fate!

    我認得你喔 ! 這是命運的安排

  • That's fate!

    命運呀 !

  • Oh, my goodness.

    我的天

  • This one's from @Mfonda.

    這則來自 @Mfonda

  • She says...

    她說

  • On our first date, the guy choked on an omelet and blew an onion out of his nose.

    我們第一次約會,那個男的吃歐姆蛋嗆到,一塊洋蔥從鼻孔噴出

  • He could have used the puppy trumpet.

    他可以「吹狗哨」呀

  • That's what you use it for, man.

    這才是正確的使用方式

  • Yeah, that's what you got to get there.

    沒錯,你學到精隨了

  • That's what you use it for, yeah.

    就是要這樣用的

  • Next one is from our very own Questlove.

    下一則來自我們自己的 Questlove

  • This is very interesting here.

    他寫的很有趣

  • He says...

    他說

  • I had dinner with Rosario Dawson, and let Mos Def and his bros crash the party.

    我和 Rosario Dawson 約會晚餐,讓 Mos Def 和他的兄弟們準備開趴

  • Mos casually order her a $500 birthday cake. It wasn't her birthday.

    Mos 訂了要價 500 美金的生日蛋糕,但不是她的生日

  • The bill came to $1400. I didn't have $1400.

    結果帳單來了,要 1400 美金,我沒錢

  • That was it? That was it?

    就這樣 ? 就這樣嗎 ?

  • That was it.

    好,就這樣

  • There's only 280 characters. I couldn't go on.

    只限 280 個字,不能再多了

  • Have you ever tried to go on a second date, or no?

    你有試著再約一次嗎 ?

  • I didn't get a second date, no.

    沒有

  • Rosario -- we got to bring this up when she comes on.

    Rosario,如果她來了,我們要把這段播出來

  • That's the greatest --

    超經典

  • Tariq, you have a worst first date story?

    Tariq,你有過最糟的一次約會嗎 ?

  • No, all my first dates, they went swimmingly.

    沒有喔,第一次約會,沒有最糟,只有最好

  • -Swimmingly -- swimmingly.

    好棒棒 ! 好棒棒 !

  • Last one here is from @ash10g.

    最後一則來自 @ash10g

  • She says...

    她說

  • We had a mini makeout, then he fist bumped me and said, "Nice work."

    我們親熱一番,沒想到之後他跟我拳頭碰拳頭,說:「做得好 !」

  • There you have it.

    以上是

  • Those are our "Tonight Show Hashtags."

    今天的 【今夜秀】

  • To check out more of our favorites,

    更多我們最愛的

  • go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

    都在 tonightshow.com/hashtags

And I now I thought I'd share some of my favorite

現在要來分享幾個我的最愛

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【今夜秀】#最糟的第一次約會 (Hashtags: #WorstFirstDate)

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    Evangeline 發佈於 2018 年 11 月 23 日
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