"worst first date" stories from you guys.

來自各位的 #最糟的一次約會

This first one's from @jordancohen2u.

第一則來自 @jordancohen2u

She says...

她說了

I was really into this guy, but I was so nervous on our first date that when he told me, "You smell good,"

我很哈這個男的，但我們第一次約會，我太緊張了；他跟我說：「我聞起來很香。」

I replied, "Thanks, I use both of my nostrils."

我回他：「謝謝，兩顆鼻孔我都會用。」

This one's from @annabanana0626.

這則來自 @annabanana0626

She says...

她說

I was walking ahead of him and got into the car parked out front before he could open the door for me.

我走在他前面，在他幫我開車門前，我搶先一步坐進他的車裡

He knocked on the window and yelled through the glass, "This isn't my car!"

他敲了車窗，大聲地對我說：「這不是我的車 !」

"It's a Mercedes Benz. I kind of like it."

「沒有啦，我只是很喜歡 Mercedes Benz 而已。」

"Whose car is this?"

「不然這是誰的車 ?」

I'll wait.

我等你買這台

This one's from @foreversmiling2.

這則來自 @foreversmiling2

She says...

她說

On my first date, and my first time at a sushi place, I decided to order thirteen rolls.

第一次約會，第一次去壽司店，我決定要點 13 個壽司捲

I thought "rolls" meant individual pieces of sushi. The servers had to push two tables together just to hold them all.

我以為「捲」指的是一小塊壽司捲，但是服務生竟然開始併兩張桌子

"13 rolls of sushi."

「您的 13 個壽司捲。」

"Well, whatever you say.

「照你說得上菜囉！」

Bring 'em -- keep bringing 'em."

「上菜、快上菜。」

"I've been here before."

「我有過這種經驗」

This one's from @snookicookie16.

這則來自 @snookicookie16

She says...

她說

At the end of the night, he acted like he was going in for a kiss,

最後一晚，他表現出要親我的樣子

then put his whole mouth over my nose and blew into it.

他整個嘴巴含著我的鼻子，然後往鼻孔裡吹氣

He laughed and said he does it to his dogs and calls it a "puppy trumpet."

他笑說，他跟他的狗也會這樣玩，說是「吹『狗』哨」

Puppy trumpet.

「吹狗哨」

Puppy trumpet.

「吹狗哨」

What a garbage person.

髒髒

It's my puppy trumpet, man.

這是我的 「狗哨」，老兄

It said the end of the night, at the end of the date,

這是約會的最後一晚耶

it was the ol' puppy trumpet.

用 「狗哨」畫下句點，完美句點

This one's from @Hotovy. Hotovy?

這則來自 @Hotovy。Hotovy ?

He says...

他說

The first time I met my wife, she was convinced there were 52 states in the U.S.

第一次遇見我太太時，她很肯定美國有 52 個州

When I suggested there were only 50 states, she called her brother, who confirmed that there were in fact 52 states.

當我要說服她只有 50 個州時，她叫她哥哥來聲援，確認有 52 個州

- Never gonna win. - They're married!

- 永遠講不贏 - 他們結婚了 !

-You're never gonna win, dude. -He's married.

- 你講不贏的，老兄 - 他結婚了

-He learned his lesson early. -Exactly, yeah.

他很早就學到教訓了；沒錯

This one's from @PatrickAH81.

這則來自 @PatrickAH81

He says...

他說

I once spilled soda on my crotch while pulling into my date's driveway.

有次約會倒車時，不小心把汽水撒在褲檔上

My first words when she answered the door were, "It's not pee."

當她應門時，我開口的第一句話是：「這不是尿。」

I'm clean. It's not pee.

我很乾淨，沒有噴尿

- Yeah, not pee. - All right, well, what is it?

- 沒錯，不是尿 - 很好，不然是什麼 ?

It's a little bit of poop.

一點點米田共而已

This one's from @lindachilders1.

這則來自 @lindachilders1

She said...

她說

A friend once set me up on a blind date.

一個朋友曾經幫我撮合相親

I wasn't in a great mood because I had received a traffic ticket a few hours before.

我當時沒那個心情，因為我幾小時前收到罰單

My day got worse when my blind date turned out to be the cop who gave me the ticket.

那天糟透了，約會對象竟然是開那張罰單的警察

-Oh! -What!

- 喔 - 蝦米 ?

I know you! That's fate!

我認得你喔 ! 這是命運的安排

That's fate!

命運呀 !

Oh, my goodness.

我的天

This one's from @Mfonda.

這則來自 @Mfonda

She says...

她說

On our first date, the guy choked on an omelet and blew an onion out of his nose.

我們第一次約會，那個男的吃歐姆蛋嗆到，一塊洋蔥從鼻孔噴出

He could have used the puppy trumpet.

他可以「吹狗哨」呀

That's what you use it for, man.

這才是正確的使用方式

Yeah, that's what you got to get there.

沒錯，你學到精隨了

That's what you use it for, yeah.

就是要這樣用的

Next one is from our very own Questlove.

下一則來自我們自己的 Questlove

This is very interesting here.

他寫的很有趣

He says...

他說

I had dinner with Rosario Dawson, and let Mos Def and his bros crash the party.

我和 Rosario Dawson 約會晚餐，讓 Mos Def 和他的兄弟們準備開趴

Mos casually order her a $500 birthday cake. It wasn't her birthday.

Mos 訂了要價 500 美金的生日蛋糕，但不是她的生日

The bill came to $1400. I didn't have $1400.

結果帳單來了，要 1400 美金，我沒錢

That was it? That was it?

就這樣 ? 就這樣嗎 ?

That was it.

好，就這樣

There's only 280 characters. I couldn't go on.

只限 280 個字，不能再多了

Have you ever tried to go on a second date, or no?

你有試著再約一次嗎 ?

I didn't get a second date, no.

沒有

Rosario -- we got to bring this up when she comes on.

Rosario，如果她來了，我們要把這段播出來

That's the greatest --

超經典

Tariq, you have a worst first date story?

Tariq，你有過最糟的一次約會嗎 ?

No, all my first dates, they went swimmingly.

沒有喔，第一次約會，沒有最糟，只有最好

-Swimmingly -- swimmingly.

好棒棒 ! 好棒棒 !

Last one here is from @ash10g.

最後一則來自 @ash10g

She says...

她說

We had a mini makeout, then he fist bumped me and said, "Nice work."

我們親熱一番，沒想到之後他跟我拳頭碰拳頭，說：「做得好 !」

There you have it.

以上是

Those are our "Tonight Show Hashtags."

今天的 【今夜秀】

To check out more of our favorites,

更多我們最愛的

go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

都在 tonightshow.com/hashtags