and oftentimes, they do it without even letting you speak.

而通常在你開始說話前就開始打量了

Quite frankly, you do the same thing to them which is why in this video,

然而，你也有同樣的行為，這是為什麼有這部影片的原因

Valentine's Day is coming so, we're going to do three subtle things that you can do

情人節要到了，所以我要來教大家三件實用的技巧

to be more attractive with your body language — nothing to do with what you're saying.

來讓你的身體語言更有吸引力 ─ 與你說什麼無關

So I'm just gonna jump right into it; the first one is something that people do wrong

馬上切入主題，第一件是大家常做錯的事

and that is T-Rex arms.

那就是「暴龍小手」

I'm gonna illustrate this with the story because I think it's the easiest way

我要用一個故事來講這件事比較容易理解

and it was one of the most vivid ways which I learned it.

且這是其中一個讓我最印象深刻的方式

I was in Las Vegas with a friend of mine. I lived there; he came in to visit and if you've ever

我與我一個朋友一起在拉斯維加斯。我住在那，他來拜訪我

been to a Las Vegas Club, it can be overwhelming.

如果你參加過拉斯維加斯的俱樂部，會了解那真的非常震撼

So we got into this club, it was just the two of us, were not drinking, and he's not from there so, instantly,

所以我跟我朋友去了俱樂部，只有我們兩個人，沒有喝酒，但我朋友第一次來這

I see his body language lock down and he starts to get uncomfortable.

所以我馬上看到他停住自己的身體語言，顯得很不自在

To his credit, he starts to walk up, he sees a group of women, he walks up and says hello,

值得讚揚的是，他開始走近一群女士然後打招呼

and it didn't go well; his lack of confidence shines through and they disappear within

但效果不是很好，因為他看起來缺乏自信，而那群女士約 15-30 秒後都走光了

pretty much 15-30 seconds. So I said, "It's alright, man. Don't sweat it. We'll have fun on the dance floor."

所以我鼓勵他「不要擔心，我們將會在舞池裡面玩得很開心的。」

We go to the dance floor and the same lack of confidence is shining through; he's not moving very much.

我們走進舞池，而他一樣看起來沒自信，沒有跟著大幅跳動起來

He's kind of dancing in this little box like a T-Rex. So I say, "Hey, lift your elbows

而只是動作小小的像隻暴龍的樣子

off of your ribcage. Be a little bit more expansive, be expressive, and just dance as goofy as you can."

所以我說，「把你的手舉離胸前，動作大一點，好讓人印象深刻，然後盡情地舞動，越瘋狂越好。」

Now, this is silly but he does it and he looks goofy for a minute but really, two things happen.

這聽起來有點傻，不過他照做了，短時間內的確看起來很傻，不過也真的，有兩件事發生了

First off, because there's a feedback loop with the way your body works and the way your mind works,

第一，因為你身體的表現與你的想法會有回饋作用

as he starts to move in a more expansive way, he starts to feel more confident.

當他開始大動作跳舞，他也會開始覺得更有自信

And I'm sure you've experienced the same thing or perhaps the reverse when you walk around like this.

而我肯定當你做一樣的事情時，你一定也曾經遇過類似或是相反的經驗

The second thing that happened is that people started to notice him on the dance floor and we started dancing with some people.

第二件發生的事就是，在舞池的人們開始注意到他，而我們也開始與別人跳舞了

Not only that, when we went off the dance floor he maintained those kind of expansive gestures —

不只那樣，當我們離開舞池後，他一樣維持著動作大大的姿勢 ─

the pointing like this, moving around, not having his elbows glued to his side...

像這樣指著，四處揮動，不再讓他的手肘回到胸前

And the next group of women that we spoke to, we wound up hanging out with for the rest of the night in the club

結果我們與第二群我們遇到的女士們一起度過在這俱樂部剩下的夜晚

and he did that because not only did they see that he was more confident but he felt it too

而他一直這樣做不只是因為能讓別人看見他是有自信的，而是他自己是這麼覺得的

so use expansive gestures no matter where you are.

所以不管在哪，都可以使用擴張的姿勢

So if you see a friend, you could say, "Hey, what's up?" or you'd say, "What's up, man?"

當你遇見朋友，你可以說「嘿，最近過得怎樣 ?」 又或者你可以這樣說「你最近過得怎樣啊 ?」

That's an expanse gesture. If Somebody asks you for directions, you could say, "Hey, I think it's that way,"

那是一個擴張的姿勢。如果有人問路，你可以回答「嘿，我覺得是走這一邊。」

or you could say, "I think it's that way." That is an expansive gesture and it's going to do

又或者你可以這樣說「往這邊走。」這也是擴張的姿勢

much more to make you be perceived as confident and of course, attractive.

這些姿勢幫助你看起來更有自信，且當然，更有吸引力

The second thing, again, that people do wrong is seeking behavior.

第二件事，再一次人們常做錯的是「搜尋的動作」

The classic seeking behavior, you may have seen in a bar, is two guys standing at a bar

經典的搜尋動作，你可以在酒吧中看到，兩個男人站在酒吧

and they're buddies and you could tell because they're close to each other

他們是好兄弟，你會這樣認為是因為他們靠在一起

but they're not looking at each other; they're looking out there.

但他們沒有在看彼此，而是在看酒吧的其他地方

And what they're broadcasting to the world as they peer is that the fun is not here.

而他們傳達給別人的訊息就是他們覺得很無聊

The fun, the interesting thing, or whatever it is that they're looking for is outside

那些有趣好玩的事情，或是不論他們在找尋什麼，都在他們之外

of themselves and that is an incredibly unattractive thing to broadcast.

而那就是個超不具吸引力的動作

Contrast that with magnetic body language

與之相反的是「充滿吸引力的身體語言」

and what magnetic body language is telling other people before I kind of show you what it might be is that the fun is where you are

充滿吸引力的身體語言就是傳達給別人：你就是樂趣的所在

because we all are very, very finely socially attuned people

因為我們都是非常熱衷於社交的人

and when we're out at a bar or a party or club or any kind of social setting,

當我們去酒吧、派對、俱樂部等，任何社交場合

we tend to want to know where the fun is and then we put ourselves near that.

我們想要知道的就是樂趣在哪裡，然後靠近它

So fun would be facing the person that you came there with.

所以樂趣可以是在社交場合上遇見的人

When you're in conversation with them not looking over your shoulder trying to find

當你有機會與他們談話時，不要只是看著你自己的肩膀試圖找到其它有趣的事情

something more interesting to do but being engaged in that conversation,

而是專注於談話內容

using your expansive body language, laughing loudly, and having a good time.

用你擴張的身體語言，大聲笑，享受快樂時光

Now, I'm not saying to fake this stuff; I'm saying to actually do it.

我並不是叫你假裝這樣做，而是真的這樣做

And in fact, it doesn't have to just be with your group of friends.

事實上，要這樣做並不一定需要與你的朋友們一起

Something else that I see in terms of body language is people will kind of walk around

有人的身體語言是起身到處走

spaces during parties, clubs, bars, or whatever almost as if they were looking

在派對、俱樂部、酒吧等任何社交場合中，就像他們在找什麼東西一樣

for something and they do loops and I'm guilty of this myself.

一直循環著，而我也這樣做

Instead, have fun with whoever you are near; whoever's there, strike up a conversation.

取而代之的，與任何靠近你的人搭話

Say hello — whatever it takes — because that is magnetic.

說「哈囉 !」，不惜一切代價，因為這就是吸引力

And when you start pulling people into that group, amazing things happen.

當你開始把人們拉到你的圈圈時，神奇的事發生了

A quick story to illustrate this — many years ago when I lived in New York City,

我將用一個故事來說明 ─ 多年以前，當我住在紐約市的時候

Ben who was my best friend and my co-founder was an investment banker.

Ben 是我最好的朋友，也是我的聯合創始人，一個銀行投資人

And they worked a lot of hours so he got one night off; he and his buddies went out to a club and they were so happy to be there.

他們工作了好幾個小時後，終於有一個可以休息的夜晚；他與他的兄弟們一起去了俱樂部，而他們很開心可以到那

They were extremely excited, they were laughing, talking to each other, having a great time and people noticed.

他們非常興奮，大笑，彼此聊天，共度美好時光，而別人也注意到了

So what Ben did, because he was just having a great time, was as people kinda

Ben 因為玩得很開心

overheard their conversation and chimed in and he would bring them into the conversation

別人也有聽到他們那一群的談話內容，也有插話，所以他可以把別人也帶到自己的那一群加入談話

so that started to grow. He went to the bathroom.

所以他的那一群人數開始壯大。他去了廁所

If he was standing in line for the bathroom, perhaps somebody was standing in line

如果他在排隊等廁所，或許別人也安靜地在排

at the bathroom just kind of quietly and because he was in such a good mood,

但因為 Ben 玩得很開心，心情很好

he started including them as well; he'd bring them back.

他也開始與排隊的人搭話，又再把他們拉到他的圈子中

In this way, he started to grow this core group until somebody came up to him and said,

用這種方式，他開始壯大他們這群，直到有人來問他

"Hey, are you working?" and he said, "No, I'm not working. If I was working I wouldn't be here."

「嘿，你現在是在工作嗎 ? 」而 Ben 回「沒有，我不是在工作。如果我在工作我就不會來這了。」

The guy said, "Oh. Sorry, man. I thought that you were a club promoter just based on the amount of people that you had here."

然後那個人回「噢，不好意思，我以為你是俱樂部雇用來炒熱氣氛的人，因為你的這群人數很多。」

Since you're not, maybe you want to come out with me." He gave his card

「既然你不是在工作，或許你也可以加入我。」然後他給 Ben 名片

and this wound up being someone that we went out with for probably the next year

而這也就是我們於明年可以與他參加

to the best clubs in New York City, we got in for free, we cut the line, and we were

全紐約市最棒俱樂部的原因，我們免費入場，不用排隊

drinking at the time because we were young twenties, and we got free alcohol as well.

我們喝酒，因為我們那時已經二十幾歲，而且酒全免費

The point of this is this is a body language thing is a talking thing but it's —

重點是，雖然這種身體語言涉及到與別人搭話 ─

don't look and behave and act and feel wherever you are as if the fun is out there.

但不要看起來、表現起來或感覺起來樂趣都在你之外的地方

Have fun with whoever is nearby. So just think, if you're ever being bored standing in line

與任何你靠近的人玩得開心。所以試著想想，如果你在排隊等結帳時又或者在做其它事的時候覺得無聊

waiting for the cashier or wherever, make sure that in your immediate periphery,

注意你的周圍

there's always someone around you, strike up a conversation with them,

一定有什麼人，開始與他們談話

do your expansive body language all that kind of stuff, and this is going to make people

使用你擴張的身體語言，而這將讓別人

who can't even hear your conversation drawn to you; this is the magnetism we talk about

在你說話前就注意到你；這就是我之前提到的，充滿吸引力的身體語言

so that is the second thing. The third thing is something that I see particularly, again,

這是第二件事。第三件事也是我常在俱樂部或酒吧裡面看到的

in clubs and bars but that's just where this body language stuff is most pronounced

但那就是這種身體語言最明顯會被看到的地方

is when groups go out because groups of guys tend to go out with groups of guys and

就是當一群人一起來玩時，因為男生會傾向跟一群男生朋友出來玩

groups of women tend to go out with groups of women

而女生會傾向跟一群女生朋友出來玩

and what happens is, when they meet, they stay in the group.

當男女生遇見的時候，常發生的就是他們彼此還是待在群體中

You've got a group of three guys lined up over here and

所以你會看到三個男生排排站在這

the girls lined up over here and it looks like a sixth-grade dance

而三個女生排排站在這，而這看起來就像六年級的舞會

where they're just both standing against the wall waiting for somebody cross over.

男女生排排站在牆邊，等待誰先過來

Even if that conversation goes well, it can feel like two groups are kind of interrogating or interviewing each other.

即使談話過程進行得不錯，但感覺就像男女生群正在質問或面談著彼此

A much more powerful body language thing that you can do

一個你可以做的比較有力的身體語言是

is to stagger this to boy-girl, boy-girl, and boy-girl. How do you do this?

男女生交錯穿插站著。那要如何做到呢 ?

It's actually very simple. When you walk up to a group with your buddies —

非常簡單。當你起身與你的朋友一起

you say hello and you're introducing yourselves — a very simple thing that you can do

打個招呼後介紹你們自己時，一件你們可以做的很簡單的事是

is just as you're shaking hands to step in and stand next to as opposed to across from the person that you said hi to

打完招呼握手後，站在你打招呼的人旁邊，而不是對面

to make room for your friends who might be saying hi as well.

為你朋友或許也要打招呼時騰出空間

If that's not something that you're comfortable with or that doesn't happen the beginning of the conversation, again, very simple —

如果你對這樣做感到不自在，或開始談話發展沒向預期走的話，很簡單

just wait until you guys have been talking and if you notice that this happens, say,

只要等到大家都在說話了，時機點也到了

"Hold on. This feels like we're at a sixth-grade dance with all the boys on one wall

你可以說「等一下。這樣子聊天看起來像六年級的舞會，所有男生排排站在牆邊

and all the girls at the other; let's stagger this," and you can just move yourself over,

而所有女生也排排站在牆的另一邊，我們交錯站吧 !」然後你自己就先移動定位

"Go here. Okay, here. Better. Now we look and feel like a group of friends,"

「你到這。好，你這邊。好多了。現在我們看起像一群好朋友了。」

and people will laugh because it's funny and it's true and then you're out there and you're doing it.

然後人們就會開始笑，因為這很有趣，也確實是，然後就達到目的了

So that will change the dynamic of the group and you can have the same conversation

所以這樣做可以改變群組間的動態，而且一樣可以交談

and it's going to go much better and you'll be perceived as more attractive for being a leader and for setting that up.

也進行得比較好，而你也會被認為更有吸引力，因為你是領導的人，安排了這個局面

Those are the three subtle things but I'd be remiss if I didn't do one more

這些就是我要告訴大家三件實用的技巧，但還有一件事，如果我不跟大家講就是我的疏忽

perhaps more obvious thing but you got to include it in body language and it's smiling.

那是最明顯的動作，但你一定要把它用在你的身體語言中，那就是「微笑」

This is the simplest thing to make — you'll be perceived as more attractive,

這是一個簡單的動作，讓你看起來更有吸引力

friendlier, and more approachable. We've got a video on the perfect smile; I won't go

更友善，更容易讓人親近。我們拍過一部影片教大家如何做出完美微笑

into it in detail here but I couldn't leave out of this video.

這邊我就不細講了，但我這邊重點還是離不開那部影片

All of these things fall under the realm of things that typically high self-esteem people do

我教的所有這些實用的技巧都是對自己有自信的人自然而然會做的事

fairly naturally and while you can start to layer the behaviors on before the self-esteem

而當你在對自己有自信以前就可以開始階段性的去做這些行為

is there, it's helpful to take a two-pronged approach, right? But the behaviors on,

採取雙管齊下的方式是會有幫助的，對吧 ?

you can fake it until you make it but also begin to develop that self-esteem internally

你可以模仿這些行為，直到你真的做到，也同時提高你對你自己的自信心

which is why I want to recommend, thanks to our sponsor for this video — Audible —

這也是我想建議的。感謝部影片的贊助商 ─ Audible ─

the audiobook Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

有聲書 Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 作者 Nathaniel Branden

And when you sign up for a free 30-day trial of Audible today via our link

如果你註冊 Audible 免費 30 天試用，用以下連結

audible.com/charisma, you can go and get that audiobook Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

audible.com/charisma 你可以得到有聲書 Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

It is absolutely amazing; it's one of my favorite books — it's my top two or three favorite

這是非常棒的機會，那是我最喜歡的其中一本有聲書，在我心中有第二或第三名

books in my life — I highly recommend it and you can listen to it which is a nice thing

我強烈建議可以聽看看

on your way to work, on your commute, or wherever you are, if you take this free trial with Audible.

可以在你工作、通勤或任何時候聽，如果你註冊 Audible 免費試用

Get that book plus they've got a huge library of other audiobooks that you can listen to

而拿到這本有聲書，你還會得到其他有聲書的選擇推薦

no matter where you are in the world so if you want to get that 30-day free trial,

不論你在哪邊，所以如果你想得到 30 天免費試用

just go to audible.com/charisma or you can actually text "charisma" to 500-500 to get started.

去 audible.com/charisma 網站或去 500-500 打關鍵字 charisma 開始使用

Thank you to our sponsor, Audible, for allowing us to make this video.

感謝我們的贊助商 Audible 贊助這部影片

I hope that you guys enjoyed it. If you have any questions, go ahead and leave them in the comments below.

希望大家喜歡。如果有任何問題，可在以下留言

And if you want to see more like this make sure to subscribe and of course to hit that

如果想看更多這樣子的影片，請訂閱我們的頻道

notification bell so you don't miss any other tips.

並開啟鈴鐺，才不會漏掉任何一部影片

Have a happy and wonderful Valentine's Day and no matter who you're with,

祝你們有個愉快難忘的情人節，無論跟誰在一起

be magnetic and have a good time with the people around and I'll see you in the next video.

當個具有吸引力的人，與身旁的人都有好時光，下部影片見 !