Name: Russell Peters 超爆笑獨角喜劇「印度醫生」( "Indian Doctors" | Russell Peters - Almost Famous)
Uploaded: 2018-08-03T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 5 min 7 s

頻率副詞

I would never go to an Indian guy that became a doctor.

我絕不會讓男性的印度醫師幫我看病

Especially one that was born and raised in this part of the world, f*ck that.

尤其是那些在這裡土生土長的印度人... 去他的

祈使句型

Cause if we were born and raised here you had real dreams, and it was never to become a doctor.

因為如果你是在這裡土生土長的，你會有許多真正的「夢想」，但絕不會是當個醫生

Let's be honest. I would go to an Indian woman.

我說得沒錯吧。但我會去找女性的印度醫師

Cause when an Indian woman becomes a doctor, that means she really wanted to be a doctor.

因為當一位印度女性成為醫師的時候，代表她非常認真地想成為一名醫師

Cause even her parents like, "Sweetie. You don't have to become a doctor,

因為父母可能會跟她說：「親愛的，妳不需要當醫生，

She's like, "F*ck you. I wanna be a doctor." I need that kind of determination from my doctor.

她說：「去你的！我要當醫生。」我想要的醫生需要這種堅定的意志

You know, well you had dreams in your 14 years old, right, Sandeep? But it wasn't to be a doctor.

你知道吧？當你 14 歲的時候也有夢想吧，山迪？但那絕不是當一個醫生

That's not what a fourteen-year-old dreams about it. 14 year old has dreams that are

那不是一個 14 歲小孩會有的夢想。14 歲的時候你的夢想應該是

ridiculous, that your dream at 14 should never be

荒謬的。14 歲時的夢想絕不會是那種

logical. It should just be the dumbest shit you're doing at 14. I'll tell you what my dream was when I was 14.

合理的。你的夢想一定是最天馬行空的那種。我分享一下 14 歲時的夢想

It wasn't to be a comedian. I didn't even know this job existed.

不是當一個喜劇演員。我當時甚至不知道有這種職業

My dream, it'll make you feel better about whatever your dream was.

如果我的夢想說出來應該比你的夢想更荒誕

My dream at fourteen here's I thought I was going to do with the rest of my life. I thought I

我 14 歲時就覺得我應該要終身幹這一件事我想....

Alright, first of all, f*ck you, all right.

Second of all, I'm not a stripper. I would I was a breakdancer like, yo I'm going to do this sh*t forever.

其次，不是跳脫衣的那種。我想當街舞舞者像這種...我想跳這種舞跳一輩子

What was your dream when you're a fourteen-year-old boy growing up on the mean streets of Mississauga?

當你 14 歲，住在密西沙加 (多倫多以西城市) 那個險惡的環境時，你的夢想是什麼？

Sandeep, now be honest, don't make no bullsh*t up.

山迪，老實跟大家說，不要唬爛

Oh well good. That's a good start. I always. I don't have Indian guys

喔，太好了，這是一個很好的開始。我總是遇到那種印度人

You know yell out shit that they never did? I wanted to be in the NBA

你知道，老是嚷嚷著他們從沒做過的事，像是：「偶想進恩逼 A」

「我只是很喜歡那些高大的黑人。」

Yeah, so you wanted to be a musician-I know what happened tell me if I'm right.

(滿常的) 嗯嗯，所以你想當音樂家...我猜這是接下來會發生的事，你聽聽看

You're about 17-18 years old you're sitting in your room playing with your

大概到你 17、8 歲的時候吧，你坐在房間玩你的...

And your mom walked in, and you were thinking I'm going to be a musician, your mom walked in, and then "Sandoo"

當你在幻想成為音樂家的時候，然後你媽走進來跟你說：「山嘟嗚～～」

Cause that's all you need to do for an Indian nickname.

這就是印度的日常，你要叫人家的小名的時候

All you need to add 2 o's to whatever you want the nickname to be.

你只要在名字後面加個「嗚～」

"Sandoo" like look what Edward and Edwoo. Well that could be your name, Ed Wu. Sorry, that, um, that didn't work cause,

「山嘟～」 像你叫艾德華，可能就變成「艾德嗚～」說不定那還真的是你的中文名字「艾德吳」歹勢啦，我亂講的

你媽走進來對你說：「山嘟～」

You're going to college, why don't you become a doctor?

「你將來要上大學... 為什麼不當個醫生呢？」

「如果你當了醫生就能治好我啦！」

So you put your guitar down and picked up,

stethoscope and it was all over, after that, that's why I could never go to you.

聽診器，心不甘情不願的，所以我不能找你看病

I don't want my doctor to have had other dreams about being something else. My doctor in America is

我不想要我的醫生還做著其他的夢。我在美國的醫生應該要是

from the hood, who grew up with every disadvantage, real hood, like in the hood hood like where the-where people, were like you could

出身貧民窟，非常險惡，惡到靠北的貧民窟周遭的人應該像這樣

Yo cuz! Let's go kill some motherf*ckers today!

「嘿，兄弟！今天來去幹掉幾個人怎樣！」

I want my doctor to be the guy that said "No Man!"

我的醫生應該像這樣：「不行！」

And everybody in the hood was like "Ain't nobody gonna f*ck with the Pharaoh."

然後其他貧民窟的人會像這樣「誰都別想他 X 的唬嚨他。」

That time I know I got the right doctor cause he'll say "and sh*t" at the end of sentences.

這就是我想要的醫生，因為他每一句話都會加個「他 X 的」

He'll look pissed off when I walk into the doctors office. That's the doctor I want. Alright Mr. Peters,

我走進診間的時候，他會看起來很火。這就是我想要的醫生。嘿，彼得斯先生

Seems your nasal passage's inflamed and sh*t.

You fill out this little bi*ch-a** prescription

That's the right doctor for me-I don't want my doctor to be some bratty Indian kid who grew up in Mississauga

那才是我想要的醫生，我不想要某個在密西沙加長大討厭的印度小孩來當我的醫生

Halfway through an operation. Just goes f*ck this sh*t.

手術做到一半，結果他突然崩潰「X！」

I wanna play guitar and then goes (funny noises).

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Russell Peters 超爆笑獨角喜劇「印度醫生」( "Indian Doctors" | Russell Peters - Almost Famous)

ridiculous

exist

instrument

realistic