In this question students need to

describe the advantages and disadvantages of somebody studying

overseas. We've looked before at what students need to do to answer this

question so now let's look at the answer that one student gave to see how it would do

in the IELTS exam. This is their answer and if we think first of all about the

treatment

the first thing we think around aids word length and in terms of word length

this is over 300 words so its founding which we know it's long enough we think

about if they understand the question and in the introduction they explain

what they're testing is going to be about and importantly they do so using

different words to the question if you repeat words and phrases directive from

the question they will not be counted as part of your word count when we look at

this as saying we can also see in the conclusion that they have a clear answer

to the question they describe the advantages and disadvantages and most

importantly they give their opinion which is something that the question was

asking for if we look at the essay more detail we can see in the second

paragraph that identifying different advantages and in this paragraph they

talk about disadvantages

because there's a clear answer to the question this june is on target for

their score of 6.5 if we move on to think about coherence and cohesion one

of the first things we'd look at his paragraph thing to make sure every idea

has its own and that the paragraphs are a good length in this question that

might be a slight problem with the third paragraph because it isn't quite as long

or fully developed as it should be

however each paragraph has a very clear purpose and addresses a different part

of the question so that's good when we look at the answer there's a logic to it

as an organization that we can see when you read this answer that first of all

there soon is going to talk about the advanced features beautiful looking at

the disadvantages and then giving their opinion

looking a little more closely we can see that the shoe is making use of cohesive

devices of language that connects ideas together what also important is that

they're making use of language which references items so they don't have to

repeat things

this is necessary to show ideas all connected and it lets you talk about

something without using the same language all the time looking at this

it's clear that this student would be on target in terms of coherence and

cohesion the next right here to look at is but calculating the lexical resource

and generally this answer has a high level of vocabulary there's a long

sophisticated language and also the use of nice terms like experience culture

shock take the initiative and it's important to have these chunks of

language these fraser's of words that commonly used together what's also good

about this and it is a variety of language so when the shoe talks about

loneliness they can also talk about a feeling of being isolated and this use

of synonyms is very important to show the language that you have it is good to

show as much of your vocabulary as possible if you make a mistake that

doesn't have to be a bad thing in IL you still get benefit but trying to use

sophisticated vocabulary looking at this there's a nice range of vocabulary

that's good right and the some high-level vocabulary in use and so this

would also be on target

the final category to think about is grandma now when we look at this very

good grammatical items there's also a mistake where the student hasn't really

gone bank and looks at their this is an example of a sentence where the student

had two different ideas and put them in the same sentence

the problem comes at the end where they say he can be isolating that doesn't

dramatically fit with the sentence and they would have had to have edited it

perhaps to say something like when settling into a new country which can be

isolating so this is a problem however there are still quite a few examples of

sophisticated language use this first one is a good use

own parallel structures they seized when we used the same structure throughout

the sentence

we have an increasing student independence which is now widening of

cultural experience which is a noun and formation of a more holistic person

which is another now so we have three

used in panel there's also use old models may could might and what's nice

that this is a passive model we have future continuous and also sophisticated

sent instructions like this one so even though their mistakes in this generally

the control and accuracy of the grandma is very did so again this student would

be on target when we look at the answer it's a clear answer to the question

which is well organized and users accurate grammar and vocabulary be so we

understand everything that the student is trying to say as they say would be on

target for the 6.5 this June would like