(Belgrade, Serbia) (dramatic music)

(塞爾維亞的首都貝爾格勒) (戲劇性的配樂)

Geronimo.

(美國傘兵跳傘時發出的吶喊聲，此作為暗號使用)

It's not like the NSA to be late.

美國國家安全局的人怎麼會遲到？

There was an armed guard on the way in.

門口有武裝守衛

It's nothing I couldn't handle.

沒有什麼是我應付不了的

Do you have the drive?

拿到硬碟了嗎？

See that gentleman over there?

看到那個男人了嗎？

Next to the dame in red?

就是在紅衣女士旁邊的那個

It's in his breast pocket.

硬碟就在他胸口的口袋裡

I'll make the pull and pass it to you.

我會找門路拿到，之後再交給你

(dramatic spy music)

(戲劇性的間諜音樂)

Bro, are you reading this?

老兄，你有看到嗎？

Who is this guy?

這傢伙是誰啊？

His name is Watts.

他叫 Watts

Let me just see if he's gay.

來確認他是不是同志朋友囉

Awesome.

太棒了！

Thank you.

感恩

(keyboard clacking)

(敲擊鍵盤聲)

Oh, yeah, he's super-gay.

噢，他 gay 爆了

Good, good, good.

很好、很好、非常好

Now, how do I let him know that I'm queer too?

那我要如何讓他知道人家也是同志啊？

Why don't you just say that?

幹嘛不直接說就好？

Ew, no.

呃，不了

"Hey, I'm also a total homo."

「嘿我也是徹徹底底的同志唷！」

(stammers)

(結巴)

It's awkward.

尷尬死了

Why?

為何？

Because then its like I'm gonna hit on him.

因為這樣看起來我像要搭訕他一樣

But you are gonna hit on him?

但你確實要搭訕他啊？

Yes, but I don't want him to know that.

是沒錯，但我不想讓他察覺

No, I just have to hint at it.

我只要提示就好

Hey, dude?

嘿老兄

Please just spy, you know.

拜託你只要...做些間諜做的事就好

This hard drive can stop worldwide cyber attacks.

這個硬碟可以防止全球網路攻擊

Just, focus up for a little bit.

只要專注一點就好

I will, I just...

會的啦，我只是...

Oh, those fucking haunches.

天啊！那些該死的臀部

(growls)

(咆哮)

I don't know exactly what a haunch is.

我不太確定「臀部」到底是啥

- It's the part, - I can figure it out.

- 就是那個部位 - 我想也是

And he says to me,

然後他跟我說：

"A good suit ages like a fine wine,"

「好的西裝如同上等紅酒般越陳越香。」

And like wine, its only worthwhile when its expensive.

對，就像紅酒一樣，昂貴時才有價值

(laughter)

(笑聲)

You guys talking about bars?

你們在討論酒吧嗎？

I love that bar, Rawhide.

我超愛 Rawhide 酒吧

Yeah, Rawhide is pretty wild.

Rawhide 超讚的

Jesus Christ.

老天...

You guys ever been to Rawhide?

你們去過 Rawhide 嗎？

Watts?

Watts 你呢？

I don't believe so.

應該沒有

I think you'd like it.

我覺得你會喜歡那裡

I think you and I have a lot in common.

我覺得你和我有很多共同點

(clears throat)

(清喉嚨)

It's a fine evening for a party.

今晚的派對很愉快

You know, I'm a little bummed its tonight,

我今晚有點失望的說

'cause Drag Race is on.

因為《變裝皇后秀》正在播

I love Drag Race.

我好愛《變裝皇后秀》喔

Me too.

我也是！

Watts?

Watts 你呢？

Uh, I've never seen it.

啊，我沒看過

Ah, I love it.

我超愛的

You know I used to do drag in college?

你們知道我大學時也會裝扮嗎？

Really?

真假？

No, but, I always thought I could.

其實不，我一直以為我可以

You know, I always thought I'd really fit in that world.

就是我以前一直以為自己很適合

Just leave!

快點離開！

You have the drive!

你都拿到硬碟了！

Oh, you uh, you got a little something.

噢，你頭上有東西

Holy shit.

天殺的！

Oh okay.

好喔...

Did he have something in his hair?

他頭上有東西？

Yeah.

對啊

I didn't see anything.

可我啥都沒看到

It was there.

剛剛有

Well what was it?

剛剛有啥？

(Over earpiece) Fucking stop it!

(聲音穿透耳機) 該死的快停下來！

What was that?

那是啥？

Uh, you know what?

呃

I think that was my phone.

應該是我的手機啦

Hey, maybe it was my Grindr?

也許是我的 Grindr ？

You guys ever seen Grindr?

你們看過 Grindr 嗎？

Here take a look.

來看看

That's my profile.

這是我的自介

Are you really 24?

你真的二十四歲？

Yes.

沒錯

You know, maybe it wasn't Grindr.

也許不是 Grindr 的聲音

I think it was a text from my ex-boyfriend.

應該是我前男友的訊息

Yeah, boy friend.

沒錯，男--朋友

My ex boyfriend, whose a boy.

我前男友，男的

That's so sad.

太令人難過了

When did you break up?

你們何時分手的？

Uh, a long time ago.

很久以前了

Ugh and he still texts you, hmm?

然後他還在傳訊息給你？

Yeah he's kinda clingy.

對，有點黏人

Is that your type?

他是你的菜嗎？

My type is any guy, okay?

只要是男的都是我的菜好嗎！

Any guy.

男的

Just, uh, any guy.

任何男的都是

Do you have low standards?

你標準很低嗎？

What are you doing?

你在幹嘛？

What's happening?

到底是怎樣？

Are you a shrink?

妳是心理醫師？

Are you a therapist?

妳是心理治療師嗎？

Are you giving me therapy right here?

妳現在在治療我嗎？！

(continues ranting)

(繼續大聲嚷嚷)

Excuse me, sir?

先生不好意思打擾一下

You have a phone call.

您有一通電話

No, I don't.

並沒有

Hey, how about after this,

嘿 (派對) 結束之後

we could, um,

我們可以...

Hey, uh, you gotta a little something right there.

嘿，你頭上有東西

Got it.

弄掉了

God damnit.

該死的！

(outro sting)

(片尾響起)

Hey it's Grant from CollegeHumor.

嘿我是 CollgeHumor 的 Grant

Click here to subscribe to the channel.

按這裡來訂閱本頻道

Click here for more fun stuff.

按這裡看更多有趣新鮮事

And, sorry,

等等不好意思

guys, it feels like I'm out.

各位，我覺得我超出螢幕了

Am I out?

超出去了嗎？

Because I can like,

因為我可以...

I can see the top of the camera,

可以看到攝影機的頂部

so it's...is this better?

所以...這樣有比較好嗎？

Alright, it feels worse.

好吧，感覺更糟了

Okay, well, thanks for watching.

反正，謝謝收看囉