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But then I thought maybe I'd eaten too much humus,
but I really don't think that's possible.
Oh yeah.
Ever thought of humus as just sort
of like a chick pea pudding.
I think that's kind of what it is.
Huh, somebody just looked me up on LinkedIn.
What nobody uses LinkedIn.
I know right.
That's crazy.
Your profile is viewed by a 55 yer old woman
in Tampa, Florida.
Shit my stalker's back.
You have a stalker?
Yeah, my Mom.
Well that's just your Mom.
You don't understand.
She is obsessed with me. Look!
Every day for weeks my profile was viewed
by exactly one person,
a 55 year old woman from Tampa, Florida.
Oh my God you're right, this is really creepy.
That is nothing,
you should see her house.
It's filled with pictures of me,
mementos, she's even got scribbles
that I did when I was a kid.
That stuff's trash.
I know.
But when it comes to me,
she even loves my garbage.
I mean she watches all my videos,
she likes all my posts,
even when I tweeted dumb shit like I fardok.
I don't get it.
No, it's a typo.
There's nothing to get,
it's a typo.
It's not just my stuff she showed up
at my Dad's job it's like boundaries.
Okay this might be weird but are you sending her
any signals or anything?
I don't know.
We used to be close.
But I moved on, she didn't.
And you told her it was over.
I mean I tried,
as soon as I graduated I was like peace
but she kept calling.
How could you be clearer?
I know, I mean since
then I've moved five times.
Wake up, I changed my email address,
I got a new phone number.
She always finds me,
sends me baked goods and shit.
Oh my God, she sent these?
Gross, these could be poison are you crazy?
Come on my Mom wouldn't...
Oh wait she did used to tell me that she brought
me into this world and she could take me out.
You don't think she could hurt me?
I don't know.
But I do know we need to call the police.
No, no, no,
I don't want to get her in trouble.
Look she's not bad okay.
She's just acting crazy,
look she said.
You've been talking to her?
I went home for Christmas.
Are you kidding me?
That will fuel her obsession.
How was I supposed to know,
I felt bad for her.
She was sitting at home alone,
staring at a box full of my old teeth.
Are you kidding me?
They're baby teeth, they are baby teeth.
Are you kidding me, are you kidding me.
They are baby teeth, they came out
on their own it's not like--
Listen to yourself!
You're right, you're right.
I'll file a restraining order.
Good.
Let me tell you about
this garlic humus, it was insane.
Raph this came for you.
No mailing label?
A lady in the lobby gave it to me.
She's here.
Surprise!
Run Raph.
Oh.
Your cookies were really good though.
Thank you baby.
Hi I'm Raphael from College Humor.
Click here to subscribe,
click here for more fun stuff
and if you could just click here
it would really
satisfy my OCD.
Ah, thanks a lot.
That really hit the spot.
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超爆笑!我的跟蹤狂老媽 (My Mom Is Stalking Me | Hardly Working)

5269 分類 收藏
Arissa Wang 發佈於 2018 年 7 月 23 日    Stephanie 翻譯    Evangeline 審核
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