(shrieks)

(尖叫)

Pocahontas, this one's for you girl.

寶嘉康蒂，這是為你準備的！

(dramatic music)

(戲劇性的音樂)

Hey Selorm?

嘿！Selorm

Yeah?

幹嘛？

You know who has really tiny hands?

你知道誰有非常小的手嗎？

My girl scout leader.

我當童軍隊長的閨密？

No, raccoons.

不是！是浣熊！

There's a scene in Pocahontas,

這是風中奇緣的一個片段

it's like a beautiful setting,

有漂亮的環境

and her hair's gettin all breezy 'cause it's like colors

然後她的頭髮飄逸得

of the wind (animal squeaking) happening.

就像是風一樣

So she's like, oh my god I have so much

而她就像在說：「我的天啊

like beautiful long hair.

我有著又漂亮又長的頭髮

Who am I gonna turn to to braid my hair?

但是誰能來幫我編頭髮呢？

Do I have any friends in the woodlands area?

在這森林裡我有朋友嗎？」

No.

沒有

- She has one friend actually. - Who?

- 她其實有一個朋友 -誰？

[Selorm] That girl with the ponytail.

[Selorm] 綁馬尾的那個女生

Okay well, John Smith sucks.

反正， John Smith 爛透了

I need a creature friend that has a thumb.

而我需要個朋友有拇指

It's Meeko, a raccoon, her BFF.

就是 Meeko 啦！那個她的浣熊好朋友

No rubber band needed.

不需要橡皮筋

No hairspray, this was like bllddadeep done.

也不需要髮膠，它就這樣咻咻地綁完了

Then she's just like on her way.

然後她就可以出門玩啦！

It's like straight off of Instagram beautiful

就像是會在 IG 上看到的美照

and I need to know, if a raccoon can do that for me.

所以我想知道，如果也有個浣熊能這樣幫我

I don't like raccoons, I have to be real with you.

我必須要老實說，我不喜歡浣熊

Why?

為什麼？

You want a little raccoon that's been

你想要一個小浣熊

digging through the trash, sharp teeth, rabies,

曾經挖過垃圾，有著尖銳的牙齒、狂犬病

digging through your hair?

來挖你的頭髮？

Yeah.

對啊！

First of all, raccoons are (horn squeaking) cute,

第一點，浣熊超可愛

and I wanna hang out with one.

可愛到我想跟牠們出去玩

And second of all, I wanna see if this is true.

第二點，我想試試看到底動畫片符不符合現實

The only way we're gonna know for sure is

能知道是不是的唯一方法就是

if you try it out so, let's do it.

親自去實驗啦！

Little hands, they're so small.

小手手耶！牠們這麼小隻

(bones clacking)

(骨頭喀喀聲)

(whimsical music)

(怪誕的音樂)

Oh my god who are you?

嗨！你叫什麼名字？

Hi I'm Crystal.

嗨！我叫 Crystal

I train all kinds of different animals

我為電影業

for the movie industry.

訓練各種動物

[Both] Wow!

[Both] 哇！

I've been told that you can't just walk up to a raccoon

我剛剛被告知說「不能直接走向浣熊

and go like hey braid my hair. (animal squeaking)

然後跟牠說幫我綁頭髮 (動物吱聲)

They are way more intelligent

牠們比普遍世人想像的

than most people give them credit for.

還要更聰明

They're kind of like a cross between a cat and a monkey.

大概介於貓跟猴子之間

They're very mischievous.

牠們非常地調皮

They can be very aggressive when they want to be.

同時牠們也會變得很有攻擊性

When do they wanna be aggressive?

什麼情況下牠們會變得有攻擊性

[Crystal] When they want their stuff

[Crystal] 當牠們有想要的東西

and you don't give it to them.

而你卻不給牠們的時候

What are the dangers involved

有什麼樣危險會出現在

with a raccoon braiding your hair?

當一隻浣熊在綁你的頭髮的時候？

[Crystal] If they wanted to,

[Crystal] 如果牠們想要的話

they could do some serious damage.

牠們的確會造成嚴重的傷害

You have an animal with really sharp teeth,

因為浣熊是個有尖銳牙齒

and really sharp claws.

以及尖銳爪子的動物

Like how sharp?

有多尖銳？

Between a house cat and a lion.

大概介於家貓跟獅子之間

(roaring) (gasping)

(低吼) (倒抽氣)

- Do they have rabies?

- 牠們有狂犬病嗎？

- They can carry rabies, yes.

- 牠們有可能帶有狂犬病

- Oh.

- 噢

- [Crystal] One of the raccoons is not a big fan of blondes.

- [Crystal] 其中有一隻浣熊不太喜歡金髮人士

- Guys our director is blonde, what does it mean?

- 我們的導演就是金髮的！這代表了什麼嗎？

- [Selorm] Can a raccoon braid her hair like in Pocahontas?

- [Selorm] 浣熊可以幫她編頭髮，就像是風中奇緣一樣嗎？

- Braids are kinda complicated but maybe,

- 編髮其實有點複雜，但可以試試

I'm just that good of an animal trainer,

我自認是個很好的動物訓練員

and I'll teach my raccoon how to braid your hair.

而我會教我的浣熊如何編你的頭髮

- Oh that's what I like to hear, someone confident!

- 這就是我想聽到的！充滿信心

We're gonna go training.

來去訓練吧

I know that like, death, important.

我知道生命很重要

Raccoon accepting me and loving me, more important.

但讓浣熊接受我、喜歡我，更重要

We're here today, training with Hollywood Animals.

今天，我們要一起來訓練好萊塢的動物們

We're about to meet two raccoons.

見見兩隻可愛的浣熊吧！

That are super smart I hope.

我希望牠們超級聰明

- [Crystal] Daisy!

- [Crystal] Daisy！

(chewing)

(嚼嚼)

The raccoon will have to be on a leash.

浣熊們會戴著項圈跟鏈子

If anything were to happen, we can pull them off.

這樣如果發生事情我們可以立刻拉開牠們

- At first I'm gonna kinda face away,

- 一開始，我要把臉移開

not really make eye contact, because that can be

不直接直視牠們

a little bit intimidating and stressful for them.

因為這樣會讓牠們感覺到威脅和壓力

I love raccoons and I hope they love me

我喜歡浣熊，希望牠們也喜歡我

or I'll be devastated.

或者我會被抓壞

Highlight of my life, lil' tiny hands.

我人生中的的經典！那些小小的手手

Here we go.

開始吧！

(dramatic music)

(超盛大的配樂)

(chewing)

(嚼嚼)

(dramatic music)

(超盛大的配樂)

- We hit the clicker and feed them,

- 我們按一下敲擊器然後再餵牠們

so they understand that every time we click,

這樣牠們就會理解

they get paid with food.

每當我們按一下，牠們可以拿到食物

- I'm really shocked that in the first time meeting them,

- 第一次見到牠們的時候我很驚訝

they were immediately doing pretty close to what

因為牠們立刻就做出類似

it looks like in Pocahontas.

在風中奇緣動作

- [Crystal] Take it over.

- [Crystal] 換一邊

Can you take it over?

你可以把頭髮綁過去嗎？

- Can they actually braid?

- 牠們真的能編髮嗎？

I don't know.

我不太確定

They are talented, smart, beautiful creatures.

牠們是有天分、聰明又漂亮的生物

I can't hug them, which is fine.

雖然我不能抱牠們，但沒差

Kind of like they're a celeb.

感覺牠們就像是名人一樣

But Selorm's gonna lose her mind when she sees

如果 Selorm 看到這些浣熊的話會失去理智的

these raccoons because they're so cute.

因為牠們真的太可愛了

No, actually she hates them, right?

不會齁，因為她其實很討厭牠們對吧

This is the best day of my life.

今天真的是我人生中最棒的一天

(happy music)

(開心配樂)

Ooh, they're so cute!

噢！牠們真的好可愛！

The paws feel like little tiny baby hands.

這手掌感覺像是小寶寶的手

They're beautiful, very smart, very smart.

牠們漂亮，又超級聰明

Oh you wanna play?

哦！你想玩嗎？

(giggles)

(咯咯笑)

I love you so much.

我真的好喜歡你

(giggles)

(咯咯笑)

I get it Pocahontas, this is the (animal squeaking).

我懂你！寶嘉康蒂，這真的好棒

(happy music)

(開心配樂)

Today is the day, my friends.

朋友們！今天真的超棒

We've got drama, we've got danger, we've got Disney.

有戲劇性、有危險，還有迪士尼

You know what else we have?

你知道還有什麼嗎？

- Doritos.

- 多力多滋

- Tiny little hands.

- 迷你的手手們

I spent the entire day training with two raccoons.

我花了一整天的時間訓練這兩隻浣熊們

Sometimes they feel like doing

雖然有時候感覺牠們很 X

(animal squeaking) sometimes they don't.

有時候牠們很...

Which honestly, is like all of us, right?

老實說吧！你們不會跟別人說齁

We just lay it out for you,

我們來仔細跟你們說明

all the stuff that you have to do if you wanna like,

當你想跟浣熊平靜的相處的話，你該做的事情有啥

chill with a raccoon, which you shouldn't do.

但其實你不該做這事

First off, never poach a raccoon in the wild.

第一，不要去野外隨便抓浣熊

They could have rabies.

牠們有可能會帶有狂犬病

- They probably have rabies.

- 牠們「很」有可能帶有狂犬病

- That's not true.

- 才不是勒

They don't probably have it, they might have it.

牠們不是「很」有可能，而是有可能會有

- She's getting rabies today.

- 她今天已經傳染到狂犬病了

- Calm down.

- 冷靜

They have really sharp (animal squeaking) teeth.

牠們有非常尖銳的牙齒

Don't make eye contact,

別做眼神交流

and I am not (animal squeaking) around.

也不在在附近閒晃

Don't make eye contact.

別做眼神交流

They have sharp (animal squeaking) claws.

牠們有爪子！！！

They might be all like pitter pattering around,

也許牠們會小心翼翼地晃來晃去

like eating lil snackies,

吃點小東西

but those things are really sharp and they can literally

但牠們的爪子真的超尖銳

claw through human skin instantly.

尖銳到可以馬上刺破人的皮膚

If you have any food near you, just like, don't.

如果你有食物在附近的話，千萬不要

- Don't do it.

- 不要伸手去碰

- Just like don't.

- 絕對不要

They're like.

牠們會

(slapping and screaming)

(拍打聲 & 尖叫聲)

I'm willing to take this chance for all the Disney fans,

藉著這個機會我想跟廣大的迪士尼粉絲

the nay sayers, the raccoon haters.

和討厭浣熊的人們

- Damn.

- X

- How are you feeling based on

- 你對於我今天一天跟浣熊訓練

my one day of raccoon training.

有什麼感覺？

- Do you know they had us all sign waivers today?

- 你知道他們今天全簽了免責同意書嗎？

Even our sound person signed a waiver.

甚至連音控人員都簽了

There's no going back now, you gotta do the thing.

沒有回頭路了，你必須要做下去

I wish you the best.

祝你好運！

- Pocahontas, this one's for you girl.

寶嘉康蒂，這是為你準備的！

Let's go.

走吧！

I'm here in my fake (animal squeaking) forest.

我現在在假森林裡

Selorm how are you feeling?

Selorm 你現在感覺如何？

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

- 還行，我還行

- You scared?

- 你怕嗎？

- No.

- 不會

- You nervous?

- 你緊張嗎？

- No.

- 不會

- That looks like a lie.

- 一聽就知道是謊話

- Mm mm. (laughs)

- 呵呵

- I need to put my hair into three beautiful strands

- 首先我要把我的頭髮分成完美的三分

for the raccoon to grab just like

所以浣熊就可以直接綁我的頭髮

you would if you were doing a braid.

就像一般人綁辮子一樣

- Very trendy.

- 超潮

- Thank you so much.

- 謝謝你齁

I'm using tiny little rubber bands because their

我要用小的橡皮筋綁

teeny little hands need a teeny little rubber band to match.

因為這樣才可以配牠們小小的手

- You're so creepy with this tiny hands thing.

- 你真的很異常迷戀這些小小的東西齁

- It's not creepy, it's just love.

- 這才不奇怪，這是真愛

Bring in the raccoons.

把浣熊帶進來吧

(tense dramatic music)

(緊張的配樂)

(crunching)

(嚼嚼)

- [Crystal] Pick it up.

- [Crystal] 把頭髮拿起來吧

- Alright dudes, so far so good.

- 大夥們，目前感覺還不錯

- Yeah.

對啊

- I'm very hopeful, very inspired.

- 我現在充滿希望跟感動

- This is not church, can we just do this thing.

- 這裡不是教會，我們能不能專心完成這事？

- This is it baby.

- 來吧！寶貝

- I really hope this works.

- 希望這能成功吧

- [Crystal] Daisy, get up there!

- [Crystal] Daisy，上來這裡！

(clicking)

(敲一下)

Good, pick it up.

非常好，把頭髮拿起來

Put it here.

然後放到另一編

Good.

好棒！

- Ooh, it's a tight grab.

- 噢！這次抓很緊

Daisy's getting it, she's almost there.

Daisy 快做到了！

(record scratching)

(倒帶聲)

(playful music)

(開心配樂)

- Daisy attempted a (animal squeaking) braid.

- Daisy 有嘗試綁綁看

But, she was like, I'm gonna start a braid, I'm done.

但牠就像是，前一秒我要開始綁頭髮，下一秒就完成啦

I'm just gonna do it, that's it.

我要準備做了，還是算了

I need a moment of mourning.

我需要點時間來憂傷

I thought this would happen, and it didn't.

我以為可以成功的，結果沒有

- Okay.

- 好吧

(shimmering)

(換場音效)

- Not to be biased,

不帶偏見地說

but I think this is one of my favorite experiments.

我覺得這是我最喜歡的實驗之一

But, I have some sad news to report.

但我有傷心的事情要報告

This....

這...

(sad music)

(傷心配樂)

was bogus.

是假的

Raccoons can't braid hair.

浣熊不會編頭髮

That's like (animal squeaking) that that's how life is,

完全搞砸了，但人生就是這樣

but a braid involves crossing, weaving,

但編頭髮包括了交叉、編織

all into one beautiful strand.

然後變成一個漂亮的辮子

And raccoons.

浣熊們

- Couldn't do it.

做不到

- Pocahontas, this one's for you girl.

寶嘉康蒂，這是為你準備的！

We did it for you.

為你而做

Even though it's fake.

雖然這是假的

(humming)

(哼歌)