Imagine if Netflix, Youtube, & Hulu never existed.

你現在會是在看什麼東西？

Never existed.

你會是在看這個嗎？

What would you be watching right now?

我不這樣認為。 你會看著我身旁的這個盒子 ， 一台電……視？

What would you be watching right now?

你不能選擇自己要看什麼， 什麼時候看，電視會替你決定一切。

Would you be watching THIS?

而且你還不能只看一個，

Would you be watching...

5秒就能跳過的廣告

THIS?

你得要看5個，

I don't think so.

30秒長還不能跳過的廣告

I don't think so. You'd be watching this box

你能想到比這更煩人的事情嗎？

You'd be watching THIS box right here.

在你看節目看到一半時直接出現的廣告？

Right here. A te-lo-vi-sion?

我不知道我爸媽是想省錢，

A...

還是不想讓我變成電視兒童

t[h]ell-o-vy-zion?

我的成長過程中， 我爸媽都沒有裝有線電視，整棟房子都沒有。

On this device,

現在，在這個網路爆炸的時代

On this device, instead of picking, what you wanna to watch,

你們某些人就算沒有線電視也過得很好。

instead of picking what you wanted to watch

我就是這樣

00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:19,600 and when you wanted to watch it,

但你們必須了解，

the tell-o-vysion would decide all that for you.

在西元兩千年早期，沒有線上影片這種東西

And instead of watching a single

是啦，Youtube是在2005年創立的，

5-second skippable ad in the beginning,

但他們那時有什麼？

you'd have to watch 5

這個在動物園的人？遜斃了

30-second long UNskippable ads.

所以，做為一個千禧兒童

Can you think of anything more annoying?

你得看你想看的卡通，在電視上看。

An advertisement right in the middle of your show?

而且，如果妳爸媽沒有每個月付65美元買有線電視

I don't know if my parents were being cheap

那你就看不到很多節目， 包括海綿寶寶、天才小子吉米、膽小狗英雄

or trying to discourage an unhealthy

你只會看到這個

habit of watching too much TV,

綠色的兄妹

but growing up,

他們叫 PBS（美國公共電視台）兒童

my parents didn't have cable television

還有這些鬼東西

at ALL in the house.

PBS兒童是指「公共廣播電視服務……

Now, in this modern day & age

兒童」

of online content, some of you are

那代表所有 PBS兒童 上的所有節目

living perfectly content lives without cable.

都是政府或民間資助的

I know I am.

所以 PBS 上的節目其實並沒有自己賺到錢

But you have to understand,

但他們在每個節目開始前都會撥放相同的贊助廣告

in the early 2000's,

如果你是看PBS長大的

online video wasn't a thing.

那「多汁果汁」

Yeah, Youtube was created in 2005,

跟「這是孩子們的天地（查克起司廣告詞）」

but what did that have?

都會深植你的記憶

This guy at a zoo?

另外，每個節目都會感謝你們觀眾的觀看， 我覺得很棒

That's lame.

所以，現在在看的各位……

So, being an early 2000's kid,

不客氣！

you had to get your cartoons

我還滿慶幸我爸媽沒買有線電視的

through the TV.

因為比起花幾個小時的時間去看沒意義的節目

And, if your parent's didn't pay

我把那幾小時花在……看電視……

65 dollars [USA] a month to get cable,

有寓意的。

then you didn't GET the channels with

和數學！

Spongebob,

是的，PBS上的很多節目都是有教育意義或教導你向善的

Jimmy Neutron, or

我將提到的節目都有瘋狂的概念

Courage the Cowardly Dog.

但每集發生的衝突都是很現實和生活化的

The only thing YOU got was this

就好像這些節目是做給孩子看的

green brother & sister,

像是Clifford the Big Red Dog（超級紅卜卜）

called PBS Kids.

這個節目是在講一個小女孩的狗沒理由的長大， 長得扯到跟房子一樣大

And,

除了因為小女孩太愛他了，愛到他長大變成一隻怪獸

whatever THESE things were.

所以這表示如果你的狗是正常大小……那你就是不夠愛他

PBS Kids stands for "Public Broadcasting Service..."

而且他大概也不愛你

"Kids."

所以，對，一隻紅色巨狗是個很奇怪的設定

That meant all the shows on PBS Kids

但每集都是很日常的內容

were government or privately funded.

像是，這隻藍色的狗很愧疚因為他撕破了主人的毛衣

So the shows on PBS didn't really have any

而他的朋友告訴他要誠實以對， 他也做了，所有人都開心了

commercials per se,

或是這集，這隻新來的狗搬進了城鎮

but they did have the same

但他少了一條腿

sponsorship ads that would play a message

而 Clifford （主角克萊福）和他的朋友 學到了只有3條腿也能完成「正常」人能做的事情

before every show.

我是說，狗

If you grew up on PBS Kids,

我給這部10/10分

then "JUICY JUICE"

下一部是 Dragon Tales （龍的故事）： 一部所有龍都對小孩很友善的節目

and "Where a kid can be a kid!"

♫ 這是Ord，他最大尾，不太勇敢 ♪

is just engraved in your memory.

♪ 這是Cassie，她很害羞，但很聰明 ♫

And also,

♫ 這是Zak和Wheezie，愛講故事，充滿樂趣 ♪

every show would thank you, the viewer, for watching...

♪ 你懂的，因為兩顆頭比一個好 ♫

and I think that's really nice.

♫ 龍的故事、龍的故事 ♪

So,

♪ 龍的故事時間ㄉ… ♫

everyone watching this...

這個節目跟剛剛的Clifford很像

You're welcome.

角色們會花一集學習日常事物，

I'm kinda glad my parents didn't buy cable.

像是怎麼翻跟斗， 或是試著讓天上下雨好讓朋友看看彩虹的樣子

Because instead of spending hours of my time

另外也有一個龍爺爺，他不知道為甚麼會講西班牙語？

watching mindless television,

別離的太近，niños（孩子）

I spent hours of my time...

而這其實是這節目最奇怪的事情了。

watching television

還有一條龍……坐在輪椅上？

with MORALS.

他，就像Clifford， 是個很好的角色來教導小孩，

And MATH!

殘障人士還是能做很多事情

Yep, a lot of shows on PBS

但是，我覺得把兩種元素合在一起..很奇怪

were either educational

龍，一種神奇的野獸，被認為能摧毀城市…… 坐在輪椅上？

or taught you how to be a good person.

如果你想防止龍破壞你的城市， 你只要不裝殘障坡道就好。

The shows I'm gonna mention had pretty crazy concepts,

我好像不該再說下去了

but the conflicts in each episode were very down-to-earth and slice of life-y,

我給這節目10/10分

almost like the shows were made for children.

現在我們來說說Arthur（亞瑟小子）

Like in Clifford the Big Red Dog!

順便講個冷知識

It's a show about this girls dog who grew up to be the size of a freaking HOUSE for NO REASON

Arthur其實是一隻「土豚」

except for the fact that the girl loved the dog SO MUCH that he grew up to be a MONSTER.

我是看不出來啦

So that means if your dog is normal sized... you don't love it enough.

基本上這個節目是在講 Arthur 跟他的獸人朋友學習教訓，

And it probably doesn't love you.

但亞瑟小子處理的情境比剛才那兩個節目更為嚴肅

So, yeah. A GIANT red dog is a pretty weird premise,

像是有一集 Dora Winifred 聽到他爸媽在爭執， 而她很擔心他們會離婚

but the episodes were about every-day things.

或是有一集 Arthur 對她妹妹使出飛隼拳

Like, this blue dog feels bad that he tore up his owners sweater,

甚至是你身邊的人得了癌症

and his friends tell him to just BE HONEST and he does and everyone's happy.

「什麼？癌症？」

Or the episode where this NEW dog moves into town,

不過，那個角色接受治療後活下來了

but he's MISSING a leg

因為是兒童節目

and then Clifford and his friends have to learn that having 3 legs

10/10分

still means you can accomplish a lot of things any "NORMAL" human can do.

接著，我們來說說我最在PBS上最喜歡的節目：

I mean dog.

Cyberchase （網路大追擊）

And I rate this show a 10/10.

♫ Cyberchase，我們順移，擊敗駭客 ，贏得比賽、賽~ ♪

Next is Dragon Tales: the show that made dragons kid-friendly.

♪ 別告訴我，%!*)*_@^&|@，總能逮到你 ♫

♫ There's Ord, he's the biggest! Not so brave of heart. ♪

這節目不是教導小孩向善或是如何對待殘疾人士……

♪ There's Cassie! She's so shy, but so very smart! ♫

它教導孩子們更為重要的東西

♫ There's Zak & Wheezie and they're tales of fun! ♪

數學。

♪ 'Cause you know two heads are better than onnNEEEE ♫

Cyberchase 的設定是在一個虛擬的電腦世界裡

♫ DRAGON TALES, DRAGON TALES ♪

有個角色叫 Motherboard （主機板、母板） 她是這個世界的女王兼保護者

♪ IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR DRAGON TA- ♫

但她搞砸了，因為節目裡的反派Christopher Lloyd用病毒感染了她

This show was pretty similar to Clifford.

所以現在這3個小孩子得踏上旅程並運用數學技巧

The characters would spend an episode learning every-day things like...

來破解壞人的計畫並守護媽咪板……

how to do a cartwheel, or they would try to make it rain so they could show their friend what a rainbow looks like

母…母板、母…母板？ㄇ…媽咪、

and there was also this grandpa dragon who knew Spanish for some reason?

媽咪，快回來！

"Don't come too close, niños."

我們要拯救媽咪板！

And that wasn't the weirdest thing on the show, actually.

啊啊啊啊啊啊

There was also a dragon character... in a wheelchair?

而不同於其他節目，這個節目有主線劇情

Which, just like Clifford, is a good character because it teaches kids that disabled people

孩子們總是差一點就救到母板，但他們沒一次成功

are still people who can accomplish a LOT of things.

我小時候總是想知道他們到底還要多久才能救到她

BUT, I think it's a weird... combination of two things.

他們到現在還沒救到

A dragon, a mythical BEAST known for destroying CITIES... in a wheelchair?!

這節目播了16年

If you wanted to stop a dragon from destroying your city, then you just don't install wheelchair ramps anywhere!

而他們還在學新的數學原理，試圖拯救母板！

I should stop talking.

我猜他們現在在學微積分了

I rate this show a 10/10.

這節目教得比學校還慢

Now let's talk about Arthur.

哪種節目會讓你等結局等16年？！

Here's some fun trivia!

CYBERCHASE 會，而且它是最好的節目之一！

Arthur is supposed to be an Aardvark.

10/10分

Personally, I don't see it.

我最後要提的節目叫Caillou（卡由）

Basically it was a show about Arthur and his other furry friends

你需要知道有關Caillou的事就是我討厭他

learning lessons, but Arthur tended to tackle more serious subjects than the other two shows.

Caillou 4歲大而且是個惡魔

Like they have episodes where D.W. hears her parents get in a fight,

他一直鬧脾氣，每當事情不順心

and she worries about them getting a divorce.

甚至連他的主題曲他都提到他有多像個小屁孩

Or the episode where Arthur falcon punches his little sister,

♫ 長大沒有那麼難，除了東西不夠玩 ♪

and even having to deal with someone you know getting cancer.

然後他哭的像個幼兒！

"What? Cancer?"

我說你得長大，Caillou！世界不是繞著你轉的！

The character gets treatment and lives, by the way.

現在你可能想說： 「James, 這孩子只有4歲大，他當然像個小屁孩」

Cuz it's a kids show.

而我同意，但Caillou最大的問題

TEN OUTTA TEN.

不只是他是個小屁孩，還有他沒骨氣的家長

Next let's talk about my FAVORITE show on PBS Kids:

Caillou的媽媽不論他做什麼都不處罰

Cyberchase.

當我做錯事時，你知道我會發生什麼事嗎？

[ ♫ UNDENIABLY EPIC COVER OF THE CYBERCHASE THEME ♪ ]

我得去坐在罰座角

This show didn't teach kids morals or how to properly treat the disabled...

你知道Caillou會發生什麼事嗎？

it taught them something far more important.

沒事

MATH.

現在是怎樣？Caillou 有被處罰過嗎？

Cyberchase is set inside a virtual computer world,

這都是因為他媽媽，總是只會像「Caillou ，你說的東西不太好喔，現在乖一點，好嗎？」這樣

and this one character named Motherboard was supposed to be the queen/protector of this world,

0/10分，對這節目，以人類的角度，我討厭它

but she sucks at her job because the villain of the show, Christopher Lloyd, infects her with a virus.

我剛發現我提到的所有節目都是動畫

So now these 3 kids have to go on adventures using math principles

但我也看了很多非動畫節目

to thwart the bad guys plans to save Mommyboard...

但，隨便啦，我可以說這些節目很合我頻道的主題

M-Motherboard. M-Motherboard? M-mommy.

或者我也能做個第二集！我能做任何我想做的

Mommm, come back!

現在，以一個PBS的死忠粉絲，

We need to save Mommyboard!

我想我會對各位說說PBS少了什麼東西……

AAAAAAAAAAAA

就是合作集數。

And unlike all the other shows, this show had an over-arching story.

讓 Clifford 跟 龍的故事 合作個一集是會有多難？

The kids would always get THIS CLOSE to saving Motherboard, but nothing they did worked!

讓3條腿的狗找到一片龍鱗？

When I was a kid I always wondered how much longer it would be until they finally saved her.

可以讓他從沙子裡挖到龍鱗，因為狗最喜歡挖東西了

And they never did.

除非這隻狗不擅長挖東西

The show's been going on for 16 YEARS,

然後讓他遇見坐輪椅的龍，他們就能當好朋友了！

and they're STILL learning new math principles, trying to save Motherboard!

那樣我一定會超喜歡的！

I think they're at calculus at this point!

我不是在開玩笑

The show is teaching you slower than an actual school.

小時候，我其實真的很希望 Clifford 跟 Clifford's Puppy Days 有合作集數

What kind of a show makes you wait 16 YEARS for a conclusion?!

Clifford's Puppy Days 是另一個節目， 在 Clifford 還沒那麼有趣，還很小隻的時候。

CYBERCHASE does and it's one of the BEST shows ever created!

所以，就是 Emily （女主角）還不愛他時

TEN OUTTA TEN.

所以有一堆新角色是在 Clifford 還小時才有的

One last show I wanna bring up is called Caillou.

而這兩個節目是在同一個世界觀底下， 所以並不會那麼難以相信

All you need to know about Caillou is that I hate him.

Clifford 回到他小時候的家鄉，而那些以前總是叫他「小不點、臭小子」的

Caillou is a 4-year old and a demon.

角色現在看到他時表現得像：

He constantly throws a tantrum whenever he doesn't get his way.

「哇塞」

Even in his theme song he mentions how much of a brat he is!

「你他X發生什麼事了」

♫ "Growing up is not so tough, EXCEPT when I've had enough" ♪

超好笑 因為這是兒童節目 所以你不會想到他會說那句話

And then he's crying like a child!

我很有耐心的等待合作集數

Well you're gonna have to grow up, Caillou! The world doesn't REVOLVE AROUND YOU!

但從來沒出現

And now you might be thinking, "James, this kid is 4 years old. Of COURSE he's gonna be a brat."

但至少我有同人小說

And, I AGREE. But a big problem with Caillou

Jorge？他搖著尾巴微笑著。

isn't the fact that he's a brat, but it's with his SPINELESS PARENTS.

Clifford…… 見到你真是太好了

Caillou's mom just lets him get away with EVERYTHING.

他摩蹭他作為打招呼

Whenever I misbehaved, you know what happened to me?

我也很高興見到你……

I had to go sit in the time-out corner.

上次我見到你以來已經超過七年了

You know what happens to Caillou?

對啊…… 這麼久了

NOTHING.

Clifford 開心的說著

Not ONCE does Caillou ever get PUNISHED.

Jorge 轉向背對山丘

It's always his MOM, just being like "Caillou, what you said wasn't very nice. Now go behave, okay?"

我來了

ZERO OUT OF TEN WITH THE SHOW WITH JUST THE HUMANS, I HATE IT.

對了，這裡沒有引號

I just realized that all the shows I mentioned were animated,

他準備好摩蹭他了

but there was a lot of non-animated shows that I still watched.

他打了 Jorge 一拳

But, whatever. I could just say that these shows fit the theme of my channel.

然後他們滾下了山腳

Or I could make a part 2! I can do whatever I want.

Jorge 壓著 Clifford 喘氣

Now, as a die-hard PBS fanboy,

其他三個看著他們兩個

I think I speak for everyone when I say that what PBS was missing...

看起來像在玩乾瞪眼比賽

was a crossover episode.

所以他們決定先去別的地方

How hard would it have been for the Clifford people and the Dragon Tales people to coordinate an episode

兩個都笑了

where the 3-legged dog finds a dragon scale?

Clifford 起身離開他

He could dig it up out of the sand 'cause dogs like to dig.

他坐著等 Jorge 站起來

Except, this dog wouldn't be that good at digging.

所以，我們要做什麼？

And then he would meet up with the wheelchair dragon and then they could be best friends!

紅色的狗說，快速的擺出了玩樂姿勢

I would've LOVED that!

好啦，夠了。

As much as I'm joking about it,

哈囉各位，我回來了

as a kid, I actually REALLY wanted a crossover episode between the shows Clifford and Clifford's Puppy Days.

你們有人小時候也看過這些節目嗎？

Which is another show that follows Clifford before he was interesting, when he was tiny,

很酷呢，我猜

so, before Emily Elizabeth loved him.

就跟你們猜到的一樣，我整個五月都沒PO東西

So there was a bunch of new characters that all knew Clifford when he was little,

這是因為五月是我生日，所以我生日這個月都沒做事

and the two shows existed in the same UNIVERSE, so it wouldn't have been THAT UNBELIEVABLE

沒啦，說真的，我是在忙書的事情

for Clifford to visit his childhood home, and then all the other characters who used to call him

我知道 Youtuber 出的書似乎都負評不斷， 但這本不會這樣

"small" or "squirt" would see him now and be like,

這本裡面有很多插圖

"WOW!"

會在八月上市，但你可以現在就在Amazon上預購 （連結在說明欄）

"WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED TO YOU?!"

而且你也能在我 Vidcon 的攤位預購

You see it's funny because it's a kids show and you wouldn't expect them to say that.

而我正在想要給在 Vidcon 上預購的人一些殺必死

I waited patiently for that crossover episode.

例如給他們親筆簽名書， 如果你沒在上 Vidcon的話，很抱歉

But it never came.

所以如果你想預購，又要參加 Vidcon 的話，等到時候再在那裡預購吧，一樣很對不起那些沒來 Vidcon 的人

But at least I have fan-fiction!

喔對，我會去 Vidcon，我記得我沒有公開說過這件事

There's no quotation marks by the way.

我接下來會製作下一部影片專門推廣這本書， 我會在那裡提到更多，所以...很棒吧

O.K that's enough.

感謝你們的觀看 也謝謝幫這部影片的圖片著色的優秀的人們

Hello everyone, I'm back!

你該去看看他們，他們都是很有天分的藝術家

Did any of you watch these shows as a kid?

在此致意 Deklin 並繫好安全帶！

That's cool, I guess.

As you can probably tell, I didn't post anything at all in the month of May.

That's because May is my birthday month so I didn't do any work in my birthday month.

No, but for real though, I've been busy working on a book!

I know youtubers have a bad reputation of making crappy books, but this ones gonna be DIFFERENT.

This one has PICTURES in it.

It's gonna be on sale in August but you can pre-order it right now on Amazon (link in the description)

and you'll be able to pre-order it at my booth at Vidcon,

and I was thinking of doing something special for the people who pre-order it at Vidcon

like giving them a signed copy. Sorry if you're not going to Vidcon.

So if you wanted to pre-order it and you're going to Vidcon, wait to pre-order it there... also sorry for the people not going to Vidcon.

Oh yeah! I'm gonna go to Vidcon, I don't think I ever officially announced that.

I'm gonna make a dedicated video next officially announcing the book, and I'll talk more about it there, so... cool.

Thanks for watching and thanks to the amazing people who helped color the pictures in this video.