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  • Imagine if Netflix, Youtube and Hulu...

    想像Netflix, Youtube 跟 Hulu 從沒存在過

  • Imagine if Netflix, Youtube, & Hulu never existed.

    你現在會是在看什麼東西?

  • Never existed.

    你會是在看這個嗎?

  • What would you be watching right now?

    我不這樣認為。 你會看著我身旁的這個盒子 , 一台電……視?

  • What would you be watching right now?

    你不能選擇自己要看什麼, 什麼時候看,電視會替你決定一切。

  • Would you be watching THIS?

    而且你還不能只看一個,

  • Would you be watching...

    5秒就能跳過的廣告

  • THIS?

    你得要看5個,

  • I don't think so.

    30秒長還不能跳過的廣告

  • I don't think so. You'd be watching this box

    你能想到比這更煩人的事情嗎?

  • You'd be watching THIS box right here.

    在你看節目看到一半時直接出現的廣告?

  • Right here. A te-lo-vi-sion?

    我不知道我爸媽是想省錢,

  • A...

    還是不想讓我變成電視兒童

  • t[h]ell-o-vy-zion?

    我的成長過程中, 我爸媽都沒有裝有線電視,整棟房子都沒有。

  • On this device,

    現在,在這個網路爆炸的時代

  • On this device, instead of picking, what you wanna to watch,

    你們某些人就算沒有線電視也過得很好。

  • instead of picking what you wanted to watch

    我就是這樣

  • 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:19,600 and when you wanted to watch it,

    但你們必須了解,

  • the tell-o-vysion would decide all that for you.

    在西元兩千年早期,沒有線上影片這種東西

  • And instead of watching a single

    是啦,Youtube是在2005年創立的,

  • 5-second skippable ad in the beginning,

    但他們那時有什麼?

  • you'd have to watch 5

    這個在動物園的人?遜斃了

  • 30-second long UNskippable ads.

    所以,做為一個千禧兒童

  • Can you think of anything more annoying?

    你得看你想看的卡通,在電視上看。

  • An advertisement right in the middle of your show?

    而且,如果妳爸媽沒有每個月付65美元買有線電視

  • I don't know if my parents were being cheap

    那你就看不到很多節目, 包括海綿寶寶、天才小子吉米、膽小狗英雄

  • or trying to discourage an unhealthy

    你只會看到這個

  • habit of watching too much TV,

    綠色的兄妹

  • but growing up,

    他們叫 PBS(美國公共電視台)兒童

  • my parents didn't have cable television

    還有這些鬼東西

  • at ALL in the house.

    PBS兒童是指「公共廣播電視服務……

  • Now, in this modern day & age

    兒童」

  • of online content, some of you are

    那代表所有 PBS兒童 上的所有節目

  • living perfectly content lives without cable.

    都是政府或民間資助的

  • I know I am.

    所以 PBS 上的節目其實並沒有自己賺到錢

  • But you have to understand,

    但他們在每個節目開始前都會撥放相同的贊助廣告

  • in the early 2000's,

    如果你是看PBS長大的

  • online video wasn't a thing.

    那「多汁果汁」

  • Yeah, Youtube was created in 2005,

    跟「這是孩子們的天地(查克起司廣告詞)」

  • but what did that have?

    都會深植你的記憶

  • This guy at a zoo?

    另外,每個節目都會感謝你們觀眾的觀看, 我覺得很棒

  • That's lame.

    所以,現在在看的各位……

  • So, being an early 2000's kid,

    不客氣!

  • you had to get your cartoons

    我還滿慶幸我爸媽沒買有線電視的

  • through the TV.

    因為比起花幾個小時的時間去看沒意義的節目

  • And, if your parent's didn't pay

    我把那幾小時花在……看電視……

  • 65 dollars [USA] a month to get cable,

    有寓意的。

  • then you didn't GET the channels with

    和數學!

  • Spongebob,

    是的,PBS上的很多節目都是有教育意義或教導你向善的

  • Jimmy Neutron, or

    我將提到的節目都有瘋狂的概念

  • Courage the Cowardly Dog.

    但每集發生的衝突都是很現實和生活化的

  • The only thing YOU got was this

    就好像這些節目是做給孩子看的

  • green brother & sister,

    像是Clifford the Big Red Dog(超級紅卜卜)

  • called PBS Kids.

    這個節目是在講一個小女孩的狗沒理由的長大, 長得扯到跟房子一樣大

  • And,

    除了因為小女孩太愛他了,愛到他長大變成一隻怪獸

  • whatever THESE things were.

    所以這表示如果你的狗是正常大小……那你就是不夠愛他

  • PBS Kids stands for "Public Broadcasting Service..."

    而且他大概也不愛你

  • "Kids."

    所以,對,一隻紅色巨狗是個很奇怪的設定

  • That meant all the shows on PBS Kids

    但每集都是很日常的內容

  • were government or privately funded.

    像是,這隻藍色的狗很愧疚因為他撕破了主人的毛衣

  • So the shows on PBS didn't really have any

    而他的朋友告訴他要誠實以對, 他也做了,所有人都開心了

  • commercials per se,

    或是這集,這隻新來的狗搬進了城鎮

  • but they did have the same

    但他少了一條腿

  • sponsorship ads that would play a message

    而 Clifford (主角克萊福)和他的朋友 學到了只有3條腿也能完成「正常」人能做的事情

  • before every show.

    我是說,狗

  • If you grew up on PBS Kids,

    我給這部10/10分

  • then "JUICY JUICE"

    下一部是 Dragon Tales (龍的故事): 一部所有龍都對小孩很友善的節目

  • and "Where a kid can be a kid!"

    ♫ 這是Ord,他最大尾,不太勇敢 ♪

  • is just engraved in your memory.

    ♪ 這是Cassie,她很害羞,但很聰明 ♫

  • And also,

    ♫ 這是Zak和Wheezie,愛講故事,充滿樂趣 ♪

  • every show would thank you, the viewer, for watching...

    ♪ 你懂的,因為兩顆頭比一個好 ♫

  • and I think that's really nice.

    ♫ 龍的故事、龍的故事 ♪

  • So,

    ♪ 龍的故事時間ㄉ… ♫

  • everyone watching this...

    這個節目跟剛剛的Clifford很像

  • You're welcome.

    角色們會花一集學習日常事物,

  • I'm kinda glad my parents didn't buy cable.

    像是怎麼翻跟斗, 或是試著讓天上下雨好讓朋友看看彩虹的樣子

  • Because instead of spending hours of my time

    另外也有一個龍爺爺,他不知道為甚麼會講西班牙語?

  • watching mindless television,

    別離的太近,niños(孩子)

  • I spent hours of my time...

    而這其實是這節目最奇怪的事情了。

  • watching television

    還有一條龍……坐在輪椅上?

  • with MORALS.

    他,就像Clifford, 是個很好的角色來教導小孩,

  • And MATH!

    殘障人士還是能做很多事情

  • Yep, a lot of shows on PBS

    但是,我覺得把兩種元素合在一起..很奇怪

  • were either educational

    龍,一種神奇的野獸,被認為能摧毀城市…… 坐在輪椅上?

  • or taught you how to be a good person.

    如果你想防止龍破壞你的城市, 你只要不裝殘障坡道就好。

  • The shows I'm gonna mention had pretty crazy concepts,

    我好像不該再說下去了

  • but the conflicts in each episode were very down-to-earth and slice of life-y,

    我給這節目10/10分

  • almost like the shows were made for children.

    現在我們來說說Arthur(亞瑟小子)

  • Like in Clifford the Big Red Dog!

    順便講個冷知識

  • It's a show about this girls dog who grew up to be the size of a freaking HOUSE for NO REASON

    Arthur其實是一隻「土豚」

  • except for the fact that the girl loved the dog SO MUCH that he grew up to be a MONSTER.

    我是看不出來啦

  • So that means if your dog is normal sized... you don't love it enough.

    基本上這個節目是在講 Arthur 跟他的獸人朋友學習教訓,

  • And it probably doesn't love you.

    但亞瑟小子處理的情境比剛才那兩個節目更為嚴肅

  • So, yeah. A GIANT red dog is a pretty weird premise,

    像是有一集 Dora Winifred 聽到他爸媽在爭執, 而她很擔心他們會離婚

  • but the episodes were about every-day things.

    或是有一集 Arthur 對她妹妹使出飛隼拳

  • Like, this blue dog feels bad that he tore up his owners sweater,

    甚至是你身邊的人得了癌症

  • and his friends tell him to just BE HONEST and he does and everyone's happy.

    「什麼?癌症?」

  • Or the episode where this NEW dog moves into town,

    不過,那個角色接受治療後活下來了

  • but he's MISSING a leg

    因為是兒童節目

  • and then Clifford and his friends have to learn that having 3 legs

    10/10分

  • still means you can accomplish a lot of things any "NORMAL" human can do.

    接著,我們來說說我最在PBS上最喜歡的節目:

  • I mean dog.

    Cyberchase (網路大追擊)

  • And I rate this show a 10/10.

    ♫ Cyberchase,我們順移,擊敗駭客 ,贏得比賽、賽~ ♪

  • Next is Dragon Tales: the show that made dragons kid-friendly.

    ♪ 別告訴我,%!*)*[email protected]^&|@,總能逮到你 ♫

  • There's Ord, he's the biggest! Not so brave of heart. ♪

    這節目不是教導小孩向善或是如何對待殘疾人士……

  • There's Cassie! She's so shy, but so very smart! ♫

    它教導孩子們更為重要的東西

  • There's Zak & Wheezie and they're tales of fun! ♪

    數學。

  • ♪ 'Cause you know two heads are better than onnNEEEE

    Cyberchase 的設定是在一個虛擬的電腦世界裡

  • DRAGON TALES, DRAGON TALES

    有個角色叫 Motherboard (主機板、母板) 她是這個世界的女王兼保護者

  • IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR DRAGON TA- ♫

    但她搞砸了,因為節目裡的反派Christopher Lloyd用病毒感染了她

  • This show was pretty similar to Clifford.

    所以現在這3個小孩子得踏上旅程並運用數學技巧

  • The characters would spend an episode learning every-day things like...

    來破解壞人的計畫並守護媽咪板……

  • how to do a cartwheel, or they would try to make it rain so they could show their friend what a rainbow looks like

    母…母板、母…母板?ㄇ…媽咪、

  • and there was also this grandpa dragon who knew Spanish for some reason?

    媽咪,快回來!

  • "Don't come too close, niños."

    我們要拯救媽咪板!

  • And that wasn't the weirdest thing on the show, actually.

    啊啊啊啊啊啊

  • There was also a dragon character... in a wheelchair?

    而不同於其他節目,這個節目有主線劇情

  • Which, just like Clifford, is a good character because it teaches kids that disabled people

    孩子們總是差一點就救到母板,但他們沒一次成功

  • are still people who can accomplish a LOT of things.

    我小時候總是想知道他們到底還要多久才能救到她

  • BUT, I think it's a weird... combination of two things.

    他們到現在還沒救到

  • A dragon, a mythical BEAST known for destroying CITIES... in a wheelchair?!

    這節目播了16年

  • If you wanted to stop a dragon from destroying your city, then you just don't install wheelchair ramps anywhere!

    而他們還在學新的數學原理,試圖拯救母板!

  • I should stop talking.

    我猜他們現在在學微積分了

  • I rate this show a 10/10.

    這節目教得比學校還慢

  • Now let's talk about Arthur.

    哪種節目會讓你等結局等16年?!

  • Here's some fun trivia!

    CYBERCHASE 會,而且它是最好的節目之一!

  • Arthur is supposed to be an Aardvark.

    10/10分

  • Personally, I don't see it.

    我最後要提的節目叫Caillou(卡由)

  • Basically it was a show about Arthur and his other furry friends

    你需要知道有關Caillou的事就是我討厭他

  • learning lessons, but Arthur tended to tackle more serious subjects than the other two shows.

    Caillou 4歲大而且是個惡魔

  • Like they have episodes where D.W. hears her parents get in a fight,

    他一直鬧脾氣,每當事情不順心

  • and she worries about them getting a divorce.

    甚至連他的主題曲他都提到他有多像個小屁孩

  • Or the episode where Arthur falcon punches his little sister,

    ♫ 長大沒有那麼難,除了東西不夠玩 ♪

  • and even having to deal with someone you know getting cancer.

    然後他哭的像個幼兒!

  • "What? Cancer?"

    我說你得長大,Caillou!世界不是繞著你轉的!

  • The character gets treatment and lives, by the way.

    現在你可能想說: 「James, 這孩子只有4歲大,他當然像個小屁孩」

  • Cuz it's a kids show.

    而我同意,但Caillou最大的問題

  • TEN OUTTA TEN.

    不只是他是個小屁孩,還有他沒骨氣的家長

  • Next let's talk about my FAVORITE show on PBS Kids:

    Caillou的媽媽不論他做什麼都不處罰

  • Cyberchase.

    當我做錯事時,你知道我會發生什麼事嗎?

  • [ ♫ UNDENIABLY EPIC COVER OF THE CYBERCHASE THEME ♪ ]

    我得去坐在罰座角

  • This show didn't teach kids morals or how to properly treat the disabled...

    你知道Caillou會發生什麼事嗎?

  • it taught them something far more important.

    沒事

  • MATH.

    現在是怎樣?Caillou 有被處罰過嗎?

  • Cyberchase is set inside a virtual computer world,

    這都是因為他媽媽,總是只會像「Caillou ,你說的東西不太好喔,現在乖一點,好嗎?」這樣

  • and this one character named Motherboard was supposed to be the queen/protector of this world,

    0/10分,對這節目,以人類的角度,我討厭它

  • but she sucks at her job because the villain of the show, Christopher Lloyd, infects her with a virus.

    我剛發現我提到的所有節目都是動畫

  • So now these 3 kids have to go on adventures using math principles

    但我也看了很多非動畫節目

  • to thwart the bad guys plans to save Mommyboard...

    但,隨便啦,我可以說這些節目很合我頻道的主題

  • M-Motherboard. M-Motherboard? M-mommy.

    或者我也能做個第二集!我能做任何我想做的

  • Mommm, come back!

    現在,以一個PBS的死忠粉絲,

  • We need to save Mommyboard!

    我想我會對各位說說PBS少了什麼東西……

  • AAAAAAAAAAAA

    就是合作集數。

  • And unlike all the other shows, this show had an over-arching story.

    讓 Clifford 跟 龍的故事 合作個一集是會有多難?

  • The kids would always get THIS CLOSE to saving Motherboard, but nothing they did worked!

    讓3條腿的狗找到一片龍鱗?

  • When I was a kid I always wondered how much longer it would be until they finally saved her.

    可以讓他從沙子裡挖到龍鱗,因為狗最喜歡挖東西了

  • And they never did.

    除非這隻狗不擅長挖東西

  • The show's been going on for 16 YEARS,

    然後讓他遇見坐輪椅的龍,他們就能當好朋友了!

  • and they're STILL learning new math principles, trying to save Motherboard!

    那樣我一定會超喜歡的!

  • I think they're at calculus at this point!

    我不是在開玩笑

  • The show is teaching you slower than an actual school.

    小時候,我其實真的很希望 Clifford 跟 Clifford's Puppy Days 有合作集數

  • What kind of a show makes you wait 16 YEARS for a conclusion?!

    Clifford's Puppy Days 是另一個節目, 在 Clifford 還沒那麼有趣,還很小隻的時候。

  • CYBERCHASE does and it's one of the BEST shows ever created!

    所以,就是 Emily (女主角)還不愛他時

  • TEN OUTTA TEN.

    所以有一堆新角色是在 Clifford 還小時才有的

  • One last show I wanna bring up is called Caillou.

    而這兩個節目是在同一個世界觀底下, 所以並不會那麼難以相信

  • All you need to know about Caillou is that I hate him.

    Clifford 回到他小時候的家鄉,而那些以前總是叫他「小不點、臭小子」的

  • Caillou is a 4-year old and a demon.

    角色現在看到他時表現得像:

  • He constantly throws a tantrum whenever he doesn't get his way.

    「哇塞」