- but are some of them stupid? - Let's talk about that.

♪ (theme music) ♪

Good mythical morning!

If you're the kinda person who does Google searches

and keeps up with things that happen on the Interwebs,

you may have seen that there is this list of secret rules

for Disney employees that has been floating around.

Now, these rules are fascinating, so I hope, if you haven't seen them,

that you're gonna be fascinated by them.

- I have not seen them - Okay. Well, that's good,

because our duty today is to not just see how secret they are,

but to see how stupid they are. Because I think that some time

in the near future, we should open our amusement park.

- I've been thinking about this for years. - Really?

Yeah. Well, maybe just like a little stand at a state fair.

We'll start with that, but eventually, it will grow

- into its own amusement park. - Okay.

And we gotta know what rules we're gonna have for our employees.

Okay, so this is a cheat sheet for us in our planning phase,

but it's also an opportunity for you to cast judgement

on the most entertaining places on earth. The world or the land.

But I will say I'm an annual pass member, a holder.

I'm not holding it right now. My wife has it,

but we go as a family. We love Disneyland.

We love Disney World. And so I appreciate all these rules

- that add to my personal experience. - Hmm.

But when I got into this list, I was like, "Really?

- Really, that's a rule?" - Okay.

Okay, let's start with the fact that you can't call them employees.

Everyone is considered a cast member.

That is officially what you are considered. A cast member.

- What's the scope of this? - Everyone.

- You're talking someone in costume? - If you get a check,

if you get a check from Disney, you're a cast member.

- So you're not acting as a character. - Janitor.

- Cast member. - Okay, well let's--

And it's not a guy playing a janitor. Well, he is playing a janitor,

but he also happens to be the janitor.

That's convenient.

Alright, so what're you? I'm a Disney cast member.

What's your job? What's your role?

- I play a janitor. - In what movie?

- In the park. - (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I actually do it. - Okay.

- I clean the toilets. - And then if you're the CEO,

- if you're-- - You're an important cast member,

but, you know, you are a cast member.

- I like this because it-- - Oh, you like it.

- There's a leveling factor. - Oh.

No matter who you are, you're somebody special

and you can be somebody you're not.

And isn't that what this life is all about?

- Let's just be honest. - How can you be somebody you're not?

(crew laughs)

Like, you be a janitor as a hoax.

- (scoffs) - Not a hoax.

- But you ARE the actual janitor. - Yeah.

I don't think you understand.

- Well, I don't think it's stupid. - But you like the rule.

- It's not stupid. - I think it's a leveling

- and elevating thing for-- - Now, if you ask somebody

at Disneyland or Disney World where something is,

and they are required to point, they will not point with a finger.

They will point with a minimum of two fingers,

and often just sort of a gesture.

- Just a... - A full hand?

- Yeah. - So they cannot point with a finger?

- Right. - They have to point with two fingers

- or a hand? - Go around that corner,

and the Corn Dog Castle will be there in all its glory,

which I highly recommend. Oop, gulp!

- I highly recommend. - If a cast member points

at anything with a full hand, I'mma be like...

I think I'm about to get slapped or something.

- Don't point with the whole hand. - You're gonna get backhanded?

- Yeah, I'd rather be poked-- - Don't ask where the Corn Dog Castle is!

- You should know it! - Yeah, see, I'd rather get...

I'm the janitor! I play the janitor.

- ...poked in the eye. - Do I look like I know where

the Corn Dog Castle is?

I'd rather get poked in the eye than get slapped by a cast member.

Incidentally, they are allowed to give the bird to people they don't--

- No, they're not! - (Rhett chuckles)

- So, it's basically-- - But the bird is Tweety Bird.

I think they should all give the politicians--

- Is that a Disney character? - Politician gestures, only.

- I'm sorry. - (crew laughs)

This way, this way, this way.

What's a bird in Disney?

Name a bird. A Disney bird.

The birds around Snow White.

Yeah, they can give those kinds of birds to people they don't like.

Okay, I could--(blows) Here's one dove.

I'm gonna say... pointing is offensive to people

in other countries, and when they visit Disney, you don't want

to offend them. I think this is not stupid.

- You just want to backhand 'em. - This is thoughtful.

- No, you want to tell them where to go... - Okay.

- ..in a non-offensive way. - All right!

- So far, nothing stupid for you. - Yeah, I think that one's good.

What about this? If you play--

now, this is difficult-- if you're a cast member that plays

- an actual Disney character-- - Okay.

Which is still a cast member. You play Snow White.

You have to learn how to sign Snow White's name

in a very specific way, so that no one, no matter who's playing

Snow White that day, they all give an exactly

- identical autograph. - Now, this is a perfect example

of one of the greatest things about Disneyland/World.

The thoroughness and commitment that they have.

Yeah, when you're playing somebody, you should be able signature

the way that they do.

And you should also be able to use the word signature as a verb.

I don't like this rule. Here's why:

Because I want to be able to collect all of the signatures.

You got Snow White's signature? Yeah, I got all 17--

But there's a kid... there is a kid who got

- Snow White's signature-- - The kid doesn't think

- it's actually Snow White. - Will you go with me here?

- Okay. - 2013, getting the signature.

Wow, autograph, I'll call it. And then a year later,

2014, gets Snow White's autograph again.

(gasps) Let's compare the two. (incredulous noises)

World crushed.

- But as a collector-- - You don't--

I got 2014's Snow White. Yeah, her breath stunk a little bit,

- and she writes a little bit darker. - Yeah, but you're talking

about the mid-thirty year old man collecting Snow White signatures.

- That's just plain creepy! - Okay.

I don't want to foster that at Disney!

- We're split on this one. - I don't want to crush kids!

- Not stupid. - Well, at our amusement park,

we'll talk about that. We'll discuss it.

Okay, now, if they see trash on the ground, they're instructed

to pick it up-- every cast member--

but you cannot bend over to pick it up. You have to pick it up

in a swooping motion, meaning that you come up on it

and approach it, and you grab it and you swoop it up like an eagle.

And then you deposit it in a trash can.

- Without bending over? - They don't want to see your--

- Butt-- - Plumbers crack.

Well, I don't want to see Mickey's butt in the air, but Minnie?

What?

She's a mouse.

Okay, I take that back. I don't want to see anybody's butt

in the air either.

I just got myself into trouble. Thanks, Disney...

for this stupid rule!

People should be able to pick something up,

unless it's heavy, and then your back'll be thrown out.

- Maybe that's the genius part. - But they don't wanna draw attention

to the trash.

But I think this is dumb, too. I see Mickey picking up trash,

I'm like, "Thanks, Mickey! Thanks for making this a better place."

This is the happiest place on earth!

I need more rational for this one. I just don't know.

I'm very skeptical of this one.

Okay, so you're skeptical on that one, and I think it's--

I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.

If a guest throws up, cast members used to call it a "protein spill".

- So did I. - Now, they just call it Code V.

- For vomit? - Code V for vomit.

- Uh, well-- - This is good.

Code V is stupid because it's obvious. Everyone--(mimics walktalkie)--

Code V--everyone in parks gonna know somebody vomited.

Protein spill, I'm like, "What? Did somebody drop a burger?"

(Rhett laughs) Yeah.

- That's good! - Somebody got a protein-style burger.

- It slipped out of the lettuce wrap. - Used to not be stupid,

now kind of stupid, because people know what you're talking about.

You're grossing people out.

If the pool my kids go to, when somebody dookies in the water,

they say, "Code Brown." And then everybody gets out for an hour.

And sometimes 24 hours if it's diarrhea--

- A big one? - Like a Code D.

Code D Brown. (chuckles)

- Gosh. - Code Brown D.

(awkward silence)

What happens if somebody craps on the sidewalk at Disney World?

Is that a Code Brown?

What?

- I don't know, but you gotta scoop it! - (Rhett laughs)

- Yeah, that's another-- - Mickey gotta run and scoop it!

If somebody craps on the ground, Goofy has to pick it up

- in a scooping motion. - Code Number Two!

- Scoop it! - (voice cracks) Code Brown!

Okay.

Now, cast members are not allowed to say, "I don't know."

You ask them a question, they have to direct you to a place

or a person that can answer that question.

If you ask them about the concept of Dark Matter--

- What's up with black holes? - They cannot say, "I don't know."

If you ask Pluto, he's not gonna do anything 'cause he doesn't speak,

but if you ask Goofy, he's gonna be like, "A-hyuk! Go ask that guy!"

No, no, no. Like that.

Go ask that guy, next to the Corn Dog Castle.

I think this is good.

If I need to know something, like, "Where is the soft serve ice cream,

not the hand dipped ice cream?" I want an answer.

I don't want an "I don't know". Sniff it out, you know?

So you agree with most of these.

- Yeah. - Maybe we should just go be cast members.

- There's a reason why-- - We shouldn't open our own place!

- We should just work at Disney! - There's a reason why they're so successful.

There's nothing more frustrating than not getting answer

from somebody who's supposed to know.

What about this one?

You cannot shave your eyebrows.

Male and female cast members, pretty much everybody,

cannot shave their eyebrows. I don't know if this was a result

of an incident in the past, or in 1972...

- Walter--well, probably not Walter-- - (Link laughs)

- Because Walter-- - Let's go with Jeb.

Jeb shaved his eyebrows, came to work the next day,

- and everybody was embarrassed. - But they couldn't fire him

- because there was no rule on the books. - Right.

You know, you can't do anything about that.

Why would people want to shave their eyebrows anyway?

- Does that need to be a rule? - Lots of people do it,

and get them tattooed in different places.

Well, as long as they replace it with something comparable--

No, no, no, no, no. You cannot shave 'em.

You can't have eyebrew tats.

- "Eyebrew tats." - (Rhett cracks up)

(foreign accent) You cannot have eyebrew tats.

- (Link) Again-- - (Rhett) Eyebrew tats.

Again, if I'm getting on the teacups, last thing I want to turn

and see is some dude and like, "Oh, god, what's wrong

with that guy? Oh, he doesn't have eyebrows.

What?!"

I don't wanna be thinking about that when I'm about to hurl.