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  • - Our minds are designed to stop you at all costs

  • from doing anything that might hurt you.

  • If you notice that you daydream about being a writer,

  • if you notice that you daydream

  • about starting a tech company,

  • if you notice you daydream about building bridges,

  • follow your curiosity.

  • So if it were easy to get what you wanted in life,

  • Google would have all ready figured out an app.

  • - She's an American speaker, TV personality,

  • coach, and author.

  • Her TEDx talk on how to stop screwing yourself over

  • has over 10 million views on YouTube.

  • Her book, Stop Saying You're Fine is a business best seller.

  • She's Mel Robbins, and here's my take on her top 10

  • rules to success.

  • Also guys, as you're watching, if you hear something

  • that really resonates with you, please leave it down

  • in the comments below, put quotes around it so

  • other people can be inspired by your sharing,

  • and also when you write it down, you're much more likely

  • to lock it in for yourself too.

  • Enjoy.

  • (intense deep music)

  • (strong inspiring music)

  • - We bought into this complete falsehood that at some

  • point, you're going to have the courage, at some point

  • you're going to have the confidence,

  • and it's total bull (beep) frankly.

  • Are we allowed to swear on this show?

  • - Absolutely. - Okay.

  • It's complete garbage and so there are so many people

  • in the world and, you know, you may be watching this

  • right now and you have those incredible ideas,

  • and what you think is missing is motivation,

  • and that's not true because the way that our minds are

  • wired, and the fact that human beings is that we

  • are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable,

  • or scary, or difficult.

  • Our brains are designed to protect us from those things,

  • because our brains are trying to keep us alive.

  • And in order to change, in order to build a business,

  • in order to be the best parent, the best spouse,

  • to do all those things that you know you want to do with

  • your life, with your work, with your dreams,

  • you're going to have to do things that are difficult,

  • uncertain, or scary.

  • Which sets up this problem for all of us,

  • you're never going to feel like it, motivation's garbage.

  • You only feel motivated to do the things that are easy,

  • right?

  • - Why do you think that is?

  • - Oh, I know exactly why that is because I've studied

  • this so much because, for me, one of the hardest things

  • to figure out was why is it so hard to do the little things

  • that would improve my life.

  • And what I've come to realize, and what we'll talk a lot

  • about today, is that the way that our minds are designed

  • is our minds are designed to stop you at all costs

  • from doing anything that might hurt you,

  • and the way that this all happens is it all starts

  • with something super subtle, that none of us ever catch,

  • and that is with this habit that all of us have

  • that nobody's talking about.

  • We all have a habit of hesitating.

  • We have an idea, you're sitting in a meeting,

  • you have this incredible idea, and instead of just,

  • you know, saying it, you stop and you hesitate.

  • Now, what none of us realize is that when you hesitate,

  • just that moment, just that micro moment,

  • that small hesitation, it sends a stress signal to your

  • brain, it wakes your brain up and your brain

  • goes all of a sudden goes oh, wait a minute,

  • why is he hesitating?

  • He didn't hesitate when he put on his killer spiky sneakers,

  • he didn't hesitate with the really cool track pants,

  • he didn't hesitate with the NASA teacher.

  • Now he's hesitating to talk, something must be up.

  • So then your brain goes to work to protect you.

  • It has a million different ways to protect you,

  • one of them is called the spotlight effect,

  • it's a known phenomenon where your brain magnified risk.

  • Why, to pull you away from something that it perceives

  • to be a problem.

  • And so, you can truly trace every single problem,

  • or complaint, in your life to silence and hesitation.

  • Those are decisions.

  • And what I do, and what's changed my life,

  • is waking up and realizing that motivation's garbage,

  • I'm never going to feel like doing the things that are tough,

  • or difficult, or uncertain, or scary, or new,

  • so I need to stop waiting until I feel like it.

  • And number two, I am one decision away from a totally

  • different marriage, a totally different life,

  • a totally different job, a totally different income,

  • a totally different relationship with my kids.

  • Not like one decision, I'm divorcing you,

  • in the marriage example, but one decision on, you know,

  • you could be having a conversation with your spouse

  • and you feel your emotions rise up,

  • and within a tiny window, those emotions can take over

  • and can impact how your marriage goes.

  • Or you can learn how to take control of that micro moment,

  • and make a decision to act in a way that actually

  • shifts your marriage.

  • Your life comes down to your decisions,

  • and if you change your decisions,

  • you will change everything.

  • When I was 22, right after I graduated from Dartmouth,

  • I was so focused on making everyone happy,

  • that I almost chose the worst possible career

  • for my personality.

  • It's not a bad career,

  • it just could've been horrendous for me.

  • I was interested in the environment, so I decided,

  • oh yeah, I'll go get a law degree.

  • And then I'll go work in Washington, and I think maybe

  • I'll work on environmental policy, and I'd probably

  • end up in some cube farm.

  • And everyone was thrilled with the plan, everyone,

  • it turns out, but me.

  • So here I am, I'm driving a U-Haul across country to

  • go to law school and to get a degree in environmental law,

  • and something started to gnaw at me.

  • And with every single mile that I drove,

  • my thoughts were getting louder,

  • and doubts were starting to pour in.

  • My gut was telling me, Mel, turn the damn U-Haul around,

  • but the problem was that everything was all ready in place.

  • I mean, I'm all ready in the U-Haul,

  • the thing is all ready packed, I'm all ready 10 miles

  • into my drive, the tuition had been paid for

  • the first semester, I had signed a lease.

  • I mean, I could not undo these things.

  • Isn't that why it's so difficult for you to make changes

  • in your life?

  • Because you think that things can't be undone?

  • The fact is any excuse you come up with you can undo.

  • Tuition can be reimbursed, apartments can be leased,

  • plan B can be invented.

  • So I got up, I repacked that U-Haul,

  • and I drove out of town.

  • I let myself make a U turn in life.

  • If you ever find your gut battling your head,

  • save yourself the drama.

  • I guarantee you your gut is right.

  • Guarantee you your excuses can be undone,

  • and I guarantee you you can make a U turn in your life

  • right now if you want to.

  • You can be asking for assignments that are above your level.

  • So there's work that you do at your level,

  • and then there's work that you do above your level.

  • And the only way that you're going to be promoted to do

  • work above your level is A, if you can demonstrate

  • that you're capable of doing the work at your level,

  • and B, if you are proactive in seeking out opportunities

  • that expand your capability and give you a chance to

  • work above the level that you're at.

  • Nothing's going to happen unless you take that initial action.

  • Nothing's going to happen, nothing's going to change

  • unless you put down that pen in the meeting

  • and you sit up and you pay attention,

  • and you listen for your opportunity to speak.

  • Nothing's going to happen unless you push yourself to go in

  • and make the ask for that assignment that scares you

  • to death.

  • One night Chris had gone to bed, I'd been struggling,

  • struggling, struggling.

  • We still had all the same problems, we still had a lean

  • on the house, still facing bankruptcy,

  • still fighting like crazy, I was still unemployed,

  • they still hadn't figured out the solution yet

  • for the business, and I was about to turn off the TV,

  • and there on the TV, there was this rocket launching,

  • and I though oh my gosh, that is it!

  • I am going to launch myself out of bed like a rocket ship,

  • like NASA, right here!

  • Had launched me out of that bed, and I'm going to move so fast

  • that I don't think.

  • I'm going to beat my brain.

  • Now here's a really interesting point,

  • I talk a lot about your instincts and inner wisdom.

  • And we can get into this a little bit later,

  • but a lot of us talk about the fact that you have a gut

  • feeling, but what all this research that I've done

  • for the book and all the speaking that I do,

  • what I've discovered that's fascinating is actually,

  • when you set goals, when you have an intention on

  • something that you want to change about your life,

  • your brain helps you.

  • What it does is it opens up a checklist and then your

  • brain goes to work trying to remind you of that

  • intention that you set.

  • And it's really important to develop this skill,

  • and I say that work purposefully, the skill of knowing

  • how to hear that inner wisdom and that intention kicking in,

  • and leaning into it quickly.

  • So for me, my brain saying that's it, right there,

  • move as fast as a rocket, Mel.

  • I wanted to change my life, and I think most people that

  • are miserable, or that are really like dying to be great,

  • and dying to have more, we want to change,

  • we want to live a better life, we want to create more

  • for our families, we want to be happier.

  • The desire is there, again, it's about how do you

  • from knowledge to action.

  • So the first thing in this story that's important

  • is realizing that the answer was in me,

  • and my mind was telling me pay attention.

  • It could have also been the bourbon.

  • (people laughing)

  • I had a couple manhattans that night.

  • Anyway, the next morning, the alarm goes off and

  • I pretended NASA was there.

  • It's the stupidest story, I literally went five,

  • four, three, two, one.

  • I counted out loud and then I stood up.

  • I'll never forget standing there in my bedroom,

  • it was dark, it was cold, it was winter in Boston.

  • And for the first time in three months,

  • I had beaten my habit of hitting the snooze button.

  • I couldn't believe it, and I thought wait a minute,

  • counting backwards, that is the dumbest thing

  • I've ever heard in my entire life.

  • Well the next morning I used it again, it worked.

  • The next morning I used it again and it worked.

  • The next morning I used it again and it worked.

  • And then I started to notice something really interesting,

  • there were moments all day long, all day long,

  • just like that five second moment in bed,

  • where I knew knowledge what I should do.

  • And if I didn't move within five seconds,

  • my brain would step in and talk me out of it.

  • Every human being has a five second window,

  • it might even be shorter for you.

  • You have about a five second window in which you can

  • move from idea to action before your brain kicks into

  • full gear and sabotages any change in behavior.

  • Because remember, your brain is wired to stop you

  • from doing things that are uncomfortable, or uncertain,

  • or scary.

  • It's your job to learn how to move from those ideas

  • that could change everything into acting on them.

  • I think you have to be really in tune with your impulses

  • and with your natural state of curiosity.

  • And your curiosity, and the things that you're naturally

  • drawn toward, that's the guide.

  • If you could spend hours singing, if you could spend hours

  • baking, if you could spend hours writing,

  • if you could spend hours learning code,

  • that's a huge