from doing anything that might hurt you.

If you notice that you daydream about being a writer,

if you notice that you daydream

about starting a tech company,

if you notice you daydream about building bridges,

follow your curiosity.

So if it were easy to get what you wanted in life,

Google would have all ready figured out an app.

- She's an American speaker, TV personality,

coach, and author.

Her TEDx talk on how to stop screwing yourself over

has over 10 million views on YouTube.

Her book, Stop Saying You're Fine is a business best seller.

She's Mel Robbins, and here's my take on her top 10

rules to success.

Also guys, as you're watching, if you hear something

that really resonates with you, please leave it down

in the comments below, put quotes around it so

other people can be inspired by your sharing,

and also when you write it down, you're much more likely

to lock it in for yourself too.

Enjoy.

(intense deep music)

(strong inspiring music)

- We bought into this complete falsehood that at some

point, you're going to have the courage, at some point

you're going to have the confidence,

and it's total bull (beep) frankly.

Are we allowed to swear on this show?

- Absolutely. - Okay.

It's complete garbage and so there are so many people

in the world and, you know, you may be watching this

right now and you have those incredible ideas,

and what you think is missing is motivation,

and that's not true because the way that our minds are

wired, and the fact that human beings is that we

are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable,

or scary, or difficult.

Our brains are designed to protect us from those things,

because our brains are trying to keep us alive.

And in order to change, in order to build a business,

in order to be the best parent, the best spouse,

to do all those things that you know you want to do with

your life, with your work, with your dreams,

you're going to have to do things that are difficult,

uncertain, or scary.

Which sets up this problem for all of us,

you're never going to feel like it, motivation's garbage.

You only feel motivated to do the things that are easy,

right?

- Why do you think that is?

- Oh, I know exactly why that is because I've studied

this so much because, for me, one of the hardest things

to figure out was why is it so hard to do the little things

that would improve my life.

And what I've come to realize, and what we'll talk a lot

about today, is that the way that our minds are designed

is our minds are designed to stop you at all costs

from doing anything that might hurt you,

and the way that this all happens is it all starts

with something super subtle, that none of us ever catch,

and that is with this habit that all of us have

that nobody's talking about.

We all have a habit of hesitating.

We have an idea, you're sitting in a meeting,

you have this incredible idea, and instead of just,

you know, saying it, you stop and you hesitate.

Now, what none of us realize is that when you hesitate,

just that moment, just that micro moment,

that small hesitation, it sends a stress signal to your

brain, it wakes your brain up and your brain

goes all of a sudden goes oh, wait a minute,

why is he hesitating?

He didn't hesitate when he put on his killer spiky sneakers,

he didn't hesitate with the really cool track pants,

he didn't hesitate with the NASA teacher.

Now he's hesitating to talk, something must be up.

So then your brain goes to work to protect you.

It has a million different ways to protect you,

one of them is called the spotlight effect,

it's a known phenomenon where your brain magnified risk.

Why, to pull you away from something that it perceives

to be a problem.

And so, you can truly trace every single problem,

or complaint, in your life to silence and hesitation.

Those are decisions.

And what I do, and what's changed my life,

is waking up and realizing that motivation's garbage,

I'm never going to feel like doing the things that are tough,

or difficult, or uncertain, or scary, or new,

so I need to stop waiting until I feel like it.

And number two, I am one decision away from a totally

different marriage, a totally different life,

a totally different job, a totally different income,

a totally different relationship with my kids.

Not like one decision, I'm divorcing you,

in the marriage example, but one decision on, you know,

you could be having a conversation with your spouse

and you feel your emotions rise up,

and within a tiny window, those emotions can take over

and can impact how your marriage goes.

Or you can learn how to take control of that micro moment,

and make a decision to act in a way that actually

shifts your marriage.

Your life comes down to your decisions,

and if you change your decisions,

you will change everything.

When I was 22, right after I graduated from Dartmouth,

I was so focused on making everyone happy,

that I almost chose the worst possible career

for my personality.

It's not a bad career,

it just could've been horrendous for me.

I was interested in the environment, so I decided,

oh yeah, I'll go get a law degree.

And then I'll go work in Washington, and I think maybe

I'll work on environmental policy, and I'd probably

end up in some cube farm.

And everyone was thrilled with the plan, everyone,

it turns out, but me.

So here I am, I'm driving a U-Haul across country to

go to law school and to get a degree in environmental law,

and something started to gnaw at me.

And with every single mile that I drove,

my thoughts were getting louder,

and doubts were starting to pour in.

My gut was telling me, Mel, turn the damn U-Haul around,

but the problem was that everything was all ready in place.

I mean, I'm all ready in the U-Haul,

the thing is all ready packed, I'm all ready 10 miles

into my drive, the tuition had been paid for

the first semester, I had signed a lease.

I mean, I could not undo these things.

Isn't that why it's so difficult for you to make changes

in your life?

Because you think that things can't be undone?

The fact is any excuse you come up with you can undo.

Tuition can be reimbursed, apartments can be leased,

plan B can be invented.

So I got up, I repacked that U-Haul,

and I drove out of town.

I let myself make a U turn in life.

If you ever find your gut battling your head,

save yourself the drama.

I guarantee you your gut is right.

Guarantee you your excuses can be undone,

and I guarantee you you can make a U turn in your life

right now if you want to.

You can be asking for assignments that are above your level.

So there's work that you do at your level,

and then there's work that you do above your level.

And the only way that you're going to be promoted to do

work above your level is A, if you can demonstrate

that you're capable of doing the work at your level,

and B, if you are proactive in seeking out opportunities

that expand your capability and give you a chance to

work above the level that you're at.

Nothing's going to happen unless you take that initial action.

Nothing's going to happen, nothing's going to change

unless you put down that pen in the meeting

and you sit up and you pay attention,

and you listen for your opportunity to speak.

Nothing's going to happen unless you push yourself to go in

and make the ask for that assignment that scares you

to death.

One night Chris had gone to bed, I'd been struggling,

struggling, struggling.

We still had all the same problems, we still had a lean

on the house, still facing bankruptcy,

still fighting like crazy, I was still unemployed,

they still hadn't figured out the solution yet

for the business, and I was about to turn off the TV,

and there on the TV, there was this rocket launching,

and I though oh my gosh, that is it!

I am going to launch myself out of bed like a rocket ship,

like NASA, right here!

Had launched me out of that bed, and I'm going to move so fast

that I don't think.

I'm going to beat my brain.

Now here's a really interesting point,

I talk a lot about your instincts and inner wisdom.

And we can get into this a little bit later,

but a lot of us talk about the fact that you have a gut

feeling, but what all this research that I've done

for the book and all the speaking that I do,

what I've discovered that's fascinating is actually,

when you set goals, when you have an intention on

something that you want to change about your life,

your brain helps you.

What it does is it opens up a checklist and then your

brain goes to work trying to remind you of that

intention that you set.

And it's really important to develop this skill,

and I say that work purposefully, the skill of knowing

how to hear that inner wisdom and that intention kicking in,

and leaning into it quickly.

So for me, my brain saying that's it, right there,

move as fast as a rocket, Mel.

I wanted to change my life, and I think most people that

are miserable, or that are really like dying to be great,

and dying to have more, we want to change,

we want to live a better life, we want to create more

for our families, we want to be happier.

The desire is there, again, it's about how do you

from knowledge to action.

So the first thing in this story that's important

is realizing that the answer was in me,

and my mind was telling me pay attention.

It could have also been the bourbon.

(people laughing)

I had a couple manhattans that night.

Anyway, the next morning, the alarm goes off and

I pretended NASA was there.

It's the stupidest story, I literally went five,

four, three, two, one.

I counted out loud and then I stood up.

I'll never forget standing there in my bedroom,

it was dark, it was cold, it was winter in Boston.

And for the first time in three months,

I had beaten my habit of hitting the snooze button.

I couldn't believe it, and I thought wait a minute,

counting backwards, that is the dumbest thing

I've ever heard in my entire life.

Well the next morning I used it again, it worked.

The next morning I used it again and it worked.

The next morning I used it again and it worked.

And then I started to notice something really interesting,

there were moments all day long, all day long,

just like that five second moment in bed,

where I knew knowledge what I should do.

And if I didn't move within five seconds,

my brain would step in and talk me out of it.

Every human being has a five second window,

it might even be shorter for you.

You have about a five second window in which you can