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  • (marker squealing on white board)

    (麥克筆寫白板的聲音)

  • (jazzy music)

    (爵士樂)

  • One time, when I was in College,

    有一次,當我還是大學生的時候

  • I went to knock on the bathroom, it was last call,

    當酒吧準備打烊時,我去敲廁所的門

  • everyone was gone, but I knew

    每個人都走了,但我知道

  • that there were two people inside who left their tab.

    廁所裡面有兩個人還沒付帳

  • And I had of an idea where they were.

    然後我就猜他們在哪裡

  • (laughs)

    (笑聲)

  • I knocked on the door, and as I open the door,

    我敲門,而當我打開門時

  • the guy turns around and then,

    那個男生轉身

  • proceeds to throw up all over the girl

    然後接著吐在那個

  • that he's having sex with.

    剛剛跟他發生關係的女生身上

  • That happened.

    真的就這樣發生

  • (swoosh)

    (颼颼聲)

  • I was actually closing the bar

    我那時其實正要關酒吧

  • at one of the places I worked in Hell's Kitchen.

    在地獄廚房 (美國的曼哈頓) 的某一個地方

  • Usually typical, when you're closing the bar,

    通常,當你正要關酒吧

  • wrapping everything down, and then all of a sudden,

    整理所有東西,然後忽然之間

  • three guys walk in, and one of the guys goes,

    三個男生走進來,其中一個說:

  • "Hey, are you open?"

    「你們酒吧還開著嗎?」

  • My manager and I were both like,

    我的經理跟我兩個都說:

  • "Oh, actually we're really sorry but we are closed."

    「真的很不好意思,但我們打烊了。」

  • The registers are shut down, like, everything.

    我們都已經把招牌和其他的所有東西關掉

  • Our boss has started to mop the floor, like, we were done.

    我老闆已經開始拖地板,我們幾乎都快整理完

  • One of the guys turns around to leave and he goes,

    其中一個男生轉頭準備離開然後說:

  • "You don't know what you just did."

    「你不知道你剛剛做了什麼。」

  • And we're like, wait, what?

    我們就想:「蛤?什麼?」

  • Like what, like what just happened?

    到底發生什麼事?

  • He was like, "That was Bruce Willis you just closed on."

    他說:「你剛剛拒布魯斯威利於門外。」

  • And I was like,

    我很震驚

  • (makes surprise sound).

    (發出驚訝的聲音)

  • - Was that really Bruce Willis?

    - 那是真的布魯斯威利嗎?

  • - It was really Bruce Willis.

    - 那真的是布魯斯威利

  • - Oh.

    - 喔我的天

  • - And so we actually felt really bad.

    - 所以我們心情真的很差

  • The owner of the bar ended up

    最後我老闆

  • sending him a bottle of tequila, a bottle of mezcal

    送他一瓶蒸餾酒和一瓶梅斯卡爾

  • just to say sorry.

    以示道歉

  • I feel terrible.

    我真的很難過

  • - That would have been a great tip.

    - 我原本可以拿到很多小費

  • - Right?

    - 對吧?

  • So yeah, I closed the door on Bruce Willis.

    所以,我就拒布魯斯威利於門外了

  • (swoosh)

    (颼颼聲)

  • - So the other day, I actually had

    - 有一天

  • a group of four people come in.

    有四個人進來酒吧

  • Right off the bat, the one guy wanted to know

    接下來,其中一個男人想知道

  • what our most expensive champagne was,

    我們店裡最貴的香檳是哪一支

  • which is not a question that you get very often.

    那不是一般客人會問的問題

  • I was like, well, Dom Perignon like, $455 a bottle.

    我說:「唐培里儂香檳王 ,一瓶 455 美金」

  • And he just went, "Great, we'll take two."

    然後他接著說:「好,那我們要兩支。」

  • That's such a strange way to just start balling out on your evening.

    這樣在下午大肆花錢的方式真的很奇怪

  • The people he was with were like, "No, no, don't do it."

    他身邊的人都說:「不要這樣做。」

  • And he was like, "No, I'm Jay-Z tonight, I'm balling out."

    他卻說:「我今晚就是 Jay-Z (美國嘻哈藝術家),我就是要大肆花錢。 」

  • So I grabbed my manager 'cause I was like,

    所以我抓住我的主管

  • I think this is a little suspicious.

    因為我覺得他很奇怪

  • And he was like, oh no, if he ordered it, like,

    但我的主管說:「不會啊!如果他點的話」

  • let's do it, let's go.

    「就賣給他。」

  • By the end of the couple hours that they were there,

    在幾個小時之後

  • the guy who had ordered the champagne was like,

    那個點香檳的男生

  • laid back in his chair, just drinking

    就癱軟在椅子上,一直喝酒

  • straight out of the bottle.

    直到瓶子見底

  • Absolutely hammered.

    他完全喝到爛醉

  • You know that look on someone's face, when like,

    當你看到那些喝到爛醉人的臉你就知道

  • they can puke at any second.

    他們隨時都會吐

  • That's the world he's living in.

    那就是他當時的狀態

  • He tried to walk out without paying.

    他嘗試吃霸王餐

  • I grabbed my bouncer so fast.

    我快速地拉著我們酒吧的保全去抓他

  • And he was just like, "Oh wait, come on, (muffled sounds)."

    但他卻說:「拜託!(用低沈的聲音說) 」

  • And I was like, Dude, I have your credit card,

    我就說:「老兄,我有你的信用卡。」

  • I'm gonna swipe it for this amount

    我就是要刷你剛剛消費的金額

  • and I'm gonna give myself 20% gratuity.

    我要給我自己 20% 的小費

  • We caught him real fast, and made him pay,

    我們很快地抓到他,逼他付錢

  • and I'm sure, even though that was several days ago,

    我很確定,即使這是幾天前的事情

  • he's still hungover.

    他現在一定還在宿醉

  • (swoosh)

    (颼颼聲)

  • - I had this couple come in.

    - 有天一對情侶走進來

  • They were so sweet, I guess it was a regular date,

    他們非常甜蜜,我猜他們那天就是正常的約會

  • she looked really nice.

    女生看起來非常好

  • The guy waited till she got, kinda got buzzed,

    那個男生等她喝到有點醉

  • where she was like, semi-walking straight in her heels.

    她已經開始搖搖晃晃地踩著高跟鞋走路

  • - Uh-oh.

    - 噢不

  • - She went to the bathroom, he's like,

    - 當女生去廁所

  • Hide this ring in a red velvet cupcake

    男生就把戒指藏在紅絲絨杯子蛋糕

  • that we served at that place.

    而我們會送上桌

  • So, we, all the bartenders are like,

    所以,我們所有酒保們都想

  • Oh my God, this guy's gonna propose,

    天啊!這個男生要求婚了

  • we're about to be all snapped,

    我們準備好要狂拍照

  • we're about to be on camera, blah blah blah.

    我們也準備好相機,之類的

  • - Yeah.

    - 對

  • - We hide it in, we put the candle in.

    - 我們把戒指藏起來,放在蠟燭

  • The guy gets down on one knee, he's all excited,

    那個男生單腳下跪,他非常興奮

  • you could tell he was like, nervous,

    也非常緊張

  • 'cause all cameras in the whole restaurant are on him.

    因為全餐廳所有的相機都聚焦在他身上

  • And the lady's like, "Hum, can we talk about this first?"

    但那個女生卻說:「我們可以先談談嗎?」

  • (surprise breathing)

    (倒抽一口氣)

  • I was like, uh-oh, because we can't move.

    我就想:「噢不!」因為我們不能動

  • - Oh my God.

    - 我的天

  • - Oh no, what do we do?

    - 我們能做什麼?

  • 'Cause we still had to stay smiling.

    我們還得持續站在那微笑

  • (laughs)

    (笑聲)

  • It was so awkward.

    那真的很尷尬

  • - I'd be devastated.

    - 我會超震驚的

  • - He looked like he was gonna cry.

    - 他看起來快哭了

  • - Oh, poor baby.

    - 噢,可憐的男人

  • (laughs)

    (笑聲)

  • - I guess the truth comes out when you're drunk, right?

    - 我想總是酒後吐真言,對吧?

  • - Girl, woo.

    - 女生,呼

  • - I was like, how can I handle that situation without laughing?

    - 我怎麼能不笑地處理這個情況?

  • - Oh my God. (laughs)

    - 我的天 (笑聲)

  • - Without being like, I wanted to be part of it

    - 我想要參與這一切

  • until it went into shambles.

    直到情況變得如此地混亂

  • (jazzy music)

    (爵士樂)

  • (wind blowing)

    (風吹聲)

  • (metal squeaking)

    (金屬聲)

(marker squealing on white board)

(麥克筆寫白板的聲音)

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    Judy Huang 發佈於 2018 年 06 月 07 日
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