I used to think that pork chops and karate chops

我一直以為豬排和空手道的劈掌

were the same thing.

是一樣的事情

I thought they were both pork chops.

我以為他們都是豬排

And because my grandmother thought it was cute

而且因為我奶奶覺得這樣很可愛

and because they were my favourite

豬排又是我的最愛

she let me keep doing it.

她便讓我持續這樣下去

Not really a big deal.

這其實並不是什麼大事

One day,

但有一天

before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees

在我意識到胖子是不適合爬樹的之前

I fell out of a tree

我從一棵樹上摔了下來

and bruised the right side of my body

而且擦傷了整個右邊身體

I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it

我並不想把這件事告訴奶奶

because I was scared I'd get in trouble

因為我害怕我惹上麻煩

for playing somewhere that I shouldn't have been.

因為我去了不該去的地方玩

A few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise

幾天之後，體育老師發現了那些擦傷

and I got sent to the principal's office.

於是我被送到了校長辦公室

From there I was sent to another small room

之後我又被送到了另一個小房間

with a really nice lady

有一位非常和藹的女士

who asked me all kinds of questions

她問了我各種問題

about my life at home.

關於我的家庭生活

I saw no reason to lie.

我沒有說謊的理由

As far as I was concerned

我當時只覺得

life was pretty good

生活是很美好的

I told her, "Whenever I'm sad

我告訴她，當我傷心時

my grandmother gives me karate chops."

我奶奶會用空手道劈我

This led to a full scale investigation

這導致了一次全面調查

and I was removed from the house for three days...

我還被迫搬離了家三天

until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises.

直到他們終於決定問我到底當初是怎麼弄傷的

News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school

這個愚蠢的小故事立刻在全校散播開來

and I earned my first nickname:

我得到了第一個外號

Pork Chop.

豬排

To this day...

時至今日

I hate pork chops.

我仍然討厭豬排

I'm not the only kid

我並不是唯一一個孩子

who grew up this way.

有過這種成長經歷

Surrounded by people who used to say

沒有人理解

that rhyme... about sticks and stones

外號帶來的傷痛

As if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called,

就好像斷裂的骨頭比那些外號更令人痛苦

and we got called them all.

那些我們全被叫過的外號

So we grew up believing no one

所以我們一直相信

would ever fall in love with us.

永遠不會有人愛上我們

That we'd be lonely forever.

我們將永遠孤獨下去

That we'd never meet someone

我們永遠不會遇到有人

to make us feel like the sun

能夠讓我們感到太陽的溫暖

was something they built for us in their tool shed.

是由他們賜於我們的

So broken heart strings bled the blues

所以斷了的心弦流淌出憂鬱的鮮血

as we tried to empty ourselves

我們試圖清空自己

so we would feel nothing.

這樣我們就什麼也感受不到了

Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone.

別對我說這比斷骨還好受

That an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away

這痛苦像一顆瘤，不斷生長、擴散

That there's no way for it to metastasize It does.

卻非醫療科技可以治癒

She was eight years old...

她當時只有八歲

Our first day of grade three

三年級開學第一天

when she got called "ugly."

就被人罵作醜八怪

We both got moved to the back of the class

我們的座位被調到了教室最後

so we would stop getting bombarded by spit balls

為了躲避紙團的轟炸

But the school halls were a battleground

學校彷彿是戰場

where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day.

在那裡，一天天我們發現自己寡不敵眾

We used to stay inside for recess

我們試圖躲在教室裡

because outside was worse.

只因外面更糟

Outside we'd have to rehearse running away

在外面，我們要練習逃跑

or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there.

或是像雕像一樣肅靜，不至於被人發現

In grade five they taped a sign to her desk that read

五年級時，他們在她桌上貼了這樣一張紙條

"Beware of Dog."

「小心惡狗」

To this day,

時至今日

despite a loving husband,

除了深愛她的丈夫

She doesn't think she's beautiful

她仍然不認為自己是美麗的

because of a birthmark

只因為一個胎記

that takes up a little less than half of her face.

侵占她的小半邊臉

Kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer

孩子們曾說她長得像一個錯誤的答案

that someone tried to erase

有人試圖想擦乾淨

but couldn't quite get the job done.

但卻怎麼也擦不乾淨

And they'll never understand

他們永遠不會理解

that she's raising two kids

她扶養的兩個小孩

whose definition of beauty

對美的定義

begins with the word "Mom."

始於兩個字：「媽媽」

Because they see her heart

因為他們看到的是她美好的內心

before they see her skin. That she's only ever always been amazing.

而不是她的外表。她一直是如此令人驚豔的

He was a broken branch

他是一枝斷枝

grafted onto a different family tree.

被移植到另一顆不同的家庭樹上

Adopted

被收養

but not because his parents opted for a different destiny.

但並不是因為他的父母選擇了一個不同的命運

He was three when he became a mixed drink

三歲時，他的生活已成了一團糟

of one part left alone and two parts tragedy.

悲慘的命運混雜著寂寞

Started therapy in 8th grade.

他從八年級開始治療

Had a personality made up of tests and pills.

人生充斥著試驗和藥丸

Lived like the uphills were mountains

生活的高峰都是高不可攀的大山

and the downhills were cliffs.

低谷則是深不可測的懸崖

Four fifths suicidal,

八成都是毀滅性的

a tidal wave of anti-depressants,

潮水般的抗憂鬱藥物

and an adolescence of being called "Popper."

和被稱作「藥癮者」的青春期

One part because of the pills

1%是源自那些藥物

and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty.

而99%卻是因為殘酷

He tried to kill himself in grade ten

十歲時，他嘗試了自殺

when a kid who could still go home to mom and dad

當一個有家有溫暖的孩子

had the audacity to tell him "get over it."

大膽地告訴他：「熬過去」

As if depression is something that can be remedied

彷彿憂鬱症可以被急救包中

by any of the contents found in a first aid kit.

找到的任意一件物品輕鬆治癒似的

To this day,

時至今日

he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends,

他就像一個兩端點燃著的炸藥

could describe to you in detail the way

還可以對你清晰地描述

the sky bends

天空是如何變得陰沉

in the moments before it's about to fall

在一瞬間又即將坍塌

and despite an army of friends

除了一群

who all call him an inspiration,

將他當成勵志故事的朋友

he remains a conversation piece between people

他還能和一些人說得上話

who can't understand

但那些人不會明白

sometimes becoming drug free

擺脫毒癮

has less to do with addiction

跟沉溺毒癮並無太大關係

and more to do with sanity.

更多的，靠的是理智

We weren't the only kids who grew up this way.

並非只有我們是這樣成長的

To this day

時至今日

kids are still being called names.

仍有孩子被叫著外號

The classics were

最經典的是：

"Hey stupid"

「嘿！笨蛋」

"Hey spaz"

「嘿！怪人」

Seems like each school has an arsenal of names

似乎每一個學校都有一個由外號組成的軍火庫

getting updated every year

年年更新

and if a kid breaks in a school

如果一個孩子闖入學校

and no one around chooses to hear

周圍的人卻都選擇無視

do they make a sound?

他們能做出改變嗎？

Are they just the background noise of a soundtrack stuck on repeat

還是淪為那句不斷重複的背景噪聲

when people say things like "kids can be cruel"?

：「孩子也可以是很殘忍的！」

Every school was a big top circus tent

學校就像是個大馬戲團

and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers,

尊卑等級是從雜技演員到訓獸師

from clowns to carnies.

從小丑到巡迴演出

All of these were miles ahead of who we were.

各個都比我們光彩

We were freaks.

我們是怪胎

Lobster claw boys and bearded ladies

蟹鉗手男孩和長鬍子的女人

Oddities. Juggling depression and loneliness,

賣弄著陰鬱和孤獨的怪人們

playing Solitaire, spin the bottle,

自娛自樂

Trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves

舔舐自己的傷口

and heal.

自我痊癒

But at night,

但到了晚上

while the others slept

當他人都沉沉睡去

We kept walking the tightrope.

我們默默行走在鋼絲上

It was practice

那是一種練習

and yeah, some of us fell.

我們當中有人失足墜下

But I want to tell them

但我只想

that all of this

告訴他們這一切

is just debris,

都不過是碎屑

leftover when we finally decide to smash

當我們終於決定改變一切時

all the things we thought we used to be.

遺留的一絲殘骸

And if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself,

如果你不認為自己有任何美麗之處

get a better mirror.

找一面更好的鏡子

Look a little closer.

看得再仔細一些

Stare a little longer.

注視再長久一些

Because there's something inside you

因為你內心有一股力量

that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit.

當所有人叫你放棄時，帶動著你前行

You built a cast around your broken heart

你為自己受傷的心靈打上石膏

and signed it yourself. You signed it,

並自己留了言。你寫下了：

"they were wrong."

「他們是錯的！」

Because maybe you didn't belong to

因為或許你不屬於

a group or clique.

任何一個團體或組織

Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything.

或許他們在籃球隊或其他什麼的總是最後一個選你

Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth

或許你總是帶著傷口和斷牙

to show and tell but never told

一肚子委屈想要傾訴卻從未開口

because how can you hold your ground

你該如何捍衛自己的領土

if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it?

當所有人想要深埋你的時候？

You have to believe that they were wrong

你必須相信他們都錯了！

They have to be wrong. Why else would we still be here?

他們必然是錯的⋯不然為什麼我們還在這？

We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog

我們從小被教育要同情弱者

because we see ourselves in them.

可我們自己就是弱者

We stem from a root planted in the belief

我們從這種堅定的信仰中茁壯成長

That we are not what we were called

我們並不是他們所叫的那樣

We are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway.

我們並不是一輛被廢棄的拋錨舊車，空空的停在高速公路上

And if in some way we are,

即便我們有時候是這樣

don't worry.

不必擔心

We only got out to walk and get gas.

我們只需前進並加滿油

We are graduating members from the class of

我們都是這個班級的畢業生

"we made it."

「我們做到了。」

Not the faded echoes of voices crying out

而不是那漸漸消散的回音陣陣哭喊

"names will never hurt me."

「外號永遠不會傷害我⋯」

Of course, they did.

當然，它們會

But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act

可我們的生活始終只能持續下去找到平衡點

that has less to do with pain...

痛苦不會是主角

and more to do with beauty.

美麗才是