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  • s9oMr. James, On Saturday morning at 10:03 AM,

    成步堂龍一:詹姆斯先生,在禮拜六上午十點零三分,你被觀察到當時你在給一張恐龍圖片著色,是真的嗎?

  • You were observed to colouring a picture of a dinosaur.

    小小詹姆斯:...嗯啊

  • Is that true?

    我們可以休西(休息)一下嗎?

  • *Loud*: YEAH,

    成步堂龍一:就算你媽那時一直要你整理玩具,你還是當作耳邊風?

  • Can we go to wecess?

    仍舊著你的色?

  • Even though your mom had repeatedly asked to clean up your toys,

    小小詹姆斯:痾......

  • you disobeyed her and coloured ANYWAY?

    我有權保持緘默

  • Uhh....

    成步堂龍一:法官大人,我再無提問

  • I plead the fifth.

    法官:詹姆斯,我特此宣判你禁足十五分鐘

  • Your Honour, I have no further questions.

    小小詹姆斯:我才不要回去禁足哩!!

  • James, I hereby sentence you to 15 minutes in the time-out corner.

    我不是科學家

  • *SMACC*

    但我認為母親在社會上扮演了舉足輕重的角色。要是沒有媽媽,誰會開車載你去踢足球呢?

  • I'M NOT GOING BACK TO TIME-OUT!

    誰會告訴我們早餐吃杯子蛋糕不健康?又有誰會指著建築工人,對我們說:

  • I'm no scientist, but I think moms play a very important role in society.

    「這就是為什麼你要接受高等教育,詹姆斯。」

  • Without moms, who would drive us to FOOTBALL* practice?

    噢!

  • Who else would tell us that it's not okay to eat cupcakes for breakfast?

    我想除此之外她們還把你生下來並且照顧你

  • And who else would point at construction workers and say:

    只不過,噗~大家都做得到啊!現在,在我開始講我長大的過程之前

  • Mom: That's why you need to get a college education James.

    我要先說個但書,就是我媽是個好媽媽

  • O O F

    她很愛我,至少,她曾經愛我。要是你在我十五歲時問我這個問題

  • Oh and I guess they also give birth to you and take care of you, but like...

    十五歲的我會說:

  • PHHFFT.

    「才怪。」比方說,當時我還小,我會跟朋友們聊天

  • Anyone could do that.

    而我們會聊到我們父母,然後他們會說:

  • Now before I talk about how I was raised,

    「對啊我媽准我很晚才睡,而且她還讓我打真正寫實低級的電動耶。」

  • I just wanna give out this disclaimer,

    「我媽才不管我穿的衣服上有沒有骷髏頭,」

  • That my mom is a great mom.

    「而且她還讓我吃整桶冰淇淋當晚餐呢。」「我媽讓我玩刀子。」

  • She loves me.

    我以前認為他們的媽媽們讓他們玩得很開心,比我媽好太多了

  • At least she used to.

    但現在作為一個成年人,我了解到殘酷的真相就是這些小孩的媽媽並沒有比較好

  • If you asked me when I was 15 if my mom was a great mom,

    她們只不過是懶得管他們。我不會說天下的母親都是完美的

  • 15 year old me would've said:

    一個花很多時間才變成社會上負責任的成員的母親

  • NO.

    在「好媽媽清單」的排名上是很高的

  • Okay, but like...when I was a little, I'd be talking with my friends,

    總歸一句

  • and we would be talking about our parents and they would say stuff like:

    媽我愛妳,而現在我會用妳給我的愛來成為傳奇,並且用它來賺些錢

  • Brownie: Yeah, my mom lets me stay up till midnight, and let's me play really graphic and vulgar video games.

    在我還小,還需要「家長監護」的時代

  • Blackie: Yeah, my mom doesn't care if I wear clothes with skulls on them.

    我媽會帶我跟我雙胞胎姊姊去買東西,而且正如你想的,我們兩個那時很喜歡亂跑去做想做的事

  • And she let's me eat an entire tub of ice-cream for dinner.

    但我媽可是有備而來喔!她會帶兩袋裝了十粒M&M巧克力的袋子,每當我姊或我

  • Gingy: My mom let's me play with

    行為不好,她就會當著我們的面吃一粒M&M,而且她會確保我們兩個都看到她吃下去

  • KNIVES!

    她也不會給我們一點警告!如果我們做任何有一點點壞的事情,她就會說:

  • And I used to think that their moms were so much cooler, for letting my friends have that much fun.

    「嘿!嘿!看著我喔!」

  • But NOW,

    (吞)

  • as an adult,

    (倒抽一口氣)

  • I realized the sad truth.

    我想這種管教方法有其心理上的根據,因為M&M是我最喜歡的糖果

  • But these kids' moms weren't cooler...

    (QQ 嗚嗚嗚)

  • They just cared about them less.

    我是好孩子!我是好孩子!

  • I'm not saying every mom out there is perfect.

    (QAQ 嗚嗚嗚嗚)

  • But a mom who takes the time to make a responsible member of society,

    我跟我姊很愛做的一件事

  • is pretty high up on the good mom list.

    就是躲在百貨公司的圓形衣架裡面

  • Anyways,

    身在圓形衣架裡面

  • I love ya mom!

    簡直是種超現實的體驗,我非常推薦這麼做。但我媽不喜歡我們玩得這麼開心

  • And now I'll immortalise and monetise some of that love.

    所以她把手伸進裡面試著把我們拖出來。「妳需要什麼嗎?」

  • When I was younger and still in need of adult supervision,

    「哦,沒有啦,我只是在試著把裡面的某個東西抓出來。這裡有一條不錯的皮帶,」

  • My mom would take me and my twin sister out to run errands with her.

    「如果能用它來抽我不守規矩的小孩,」

  • And, as you would expect,

    「那該有多好!」

  • we were rowdy and wanted to do our own thing.

    我小時候被打過屁股,其實沒那麼糟啦

  • But my mom was PREPARED for this.

    那大概是我應受的懲罰

  • She would bring two plastic baggies filled with 10 M&Ms,

    我不大記得我做過什麼

  • and every time my sister or I misbehaved,

    讓我賺到被打的機會

  • She would eat an M&M right in front of us.

    但我記得

  • And she made SURE, we saw her eat our M&Ms.

    我絕大多數都在逃離我媽的追打

  • She didn't give us a warning either!

    在我很小的時候我媽有做過另外一件事

  • If we did anything remotely bad, she would say:

    就是有時候她洗完手她會

  • Mom: Hey, HEY!

    轉過來,然後開始「啊啾~」把她手上的水甩到我臉上

  • *snap snap*

    我真的很討厭這樣,但我從不說出來

  • Look at me!

    而有一天,我終於受不了了

  • *nom*

    所以我哭了起來

  • *GASP!*

    你在哭什麼?

  • And I think that parenting technique is the psychological reason that M&Ms are my favourite candy bar.

    我當時太難過了沒有辦法準確地表達

  • *distressed noises*

    我真正的感受如何

  • *still distressed*: I'm a gooD Boy!

    (小小詹姆斯哭到語無倫次)

  • I'M a GoOd BoOoOyY

    要是你現在問她這件事情

  • Something me and my sister really like doing,

    她八成會說她不記得那件啊啾的事了,但我還記得...非常清楚。所以為了報復她

  • was hiding in those circular racks of clothes that they have in department stores,

    我用橡皮筋綁住洗盤子的水龍頭,所以當你打開水龍頭時

  • Being in the middle of one of those racks is such a surreal experience.

    它就會直直朝著你噴水。想到這件事,我想起其中一個

  • I totally recommend it.

    被打屁股的原因了...

  • But, my mom didn't like when we had fun, so she had to reach out and try and grab us.

    每當我兄弟姊妹互相對嗆,或叫對方閉嘴

  • Do you need any help?

    我們都必須付對方五十美分,這導致一些非常詭異

  • Oh, no! I'm just trying to get something in the back.

    的局面,當有人嗆人時,我們就會很興奮

  • There's a really nice belt that would be great for

    「媽~!路克罵我屁眼!!」

  • spanking my MIS-BEHAVING CHILDREN!

    「你要跟他收五十美分喔!」

  • I was spanked as a kid.

    「哇喔!我發財了!!」

  • Nothing,

    但很多時候我們這些小孩就只是在胡鬧而已

  • TOO bad.

    我們並不是有意要罵對方的,所以我們若因此拿了對方的五十美分會感到不舒服

  • I probably deserved it anyway.

    像是有人說:「嘿,詹姆斯,」

  • I don't remember any specific actions I did that earned a spanking.

    「六加六等於多少?」然後我會說:「呃...九啊,你白癡喔。」我媽就會聽到我說的話,然後說:「詹姆斯,」

  • But I do remember

    「你要付五十美分喔!」我姊就覺得這樣不好,所以她就反過來罵我:「詹姆斯,你- 你- 你是個」

  • outrunning my mom a lot.

    「令人不快的人。」

  • Another thing my mom did when I was very little,

    哦~

  • was sometimes when she was washing her hands,

    罵髒話會罰你五美元

  • She would turn to me and go

    這也是為什麼我從不在影片裡罵髒話,但我現在付得起了,那就...(消音)媽,妳這個(消音)

  • Atchoo!

    (消音)(消音)(消音)(消音)

  • And flick water at my face.

    我媽不會罰我用香皂洗嘴巴

  • It really bothered me, but I never spoke out about it.

    她不是「那種人」,但她會用這招威脅我們。而有次我說了一個相當下流的字眼

  • And one day, I just...couldn't handle it any more and I started crying.

  • Mom: Why are you crying?

    她說:「如果你不管好嘴巴,我就要去拿香皂喔!」然後我說:「我才不管哩,香皂很好吃!」

  • But I was too sad to articulate how it was really feeling.

    「好吧,你這個小淘氣,把這個香皂吃進去,你絕對不敢,沒種的小子。」於是我就咬了一點進嘴裡,然後......

  • *sobbing*

    我馬上就後悔了

  • Yo--*sobbing*

    現在竟然有人拍吃香皂的影片(汰漬香皂),我想就是有人永遠學不乖

  • *still sobbing* were flicking water at me and

    其他人的爸媽是不是也會鎖住家用電腦呢?

  • ATCHOO!

    因為我爸媽就有這麼做,而我當時不知道我家是唯一這麼做的家庭

  • *SOBBING INTENSIFIES*

    我們家有家規,就是

  • If you ask about her about this today, she'll say that she doesn't remember doing that sneeze gag ever.

    我們讀書讀多久才能玩多久,但幸好

  • But I remember it.

    我讀一本書只要十五分鐘,接下來只要讓我媽打開電腦

  • Vividly.

    然後她就會忘記我在玩電腦,我就可以連續玩好幾個小時

  • So to get back at her, I put a rubber band around the dish sprayer...

    我玩了很多的尼奧寵物(Neopets)跟RuneScape

  • So when you turn on the sink it would spray water at you.

    況且我房間內不能有電視跟電腦,因為如此一來我就很容易去看...

  • Come to think of it, I do remember one reason I was spanked.

    兒童不宜的動漫...

  • Every time one of my siblings insulted another sibling, or told them to shut up,

    我還小的時候還流行智障型手機,但我媽不讓我有手機,所以我要打電話

  • We would have to pay them 50 cents.

    給我朋友都必須用家用電話

  • This resulted in a really weird dynamic when it came to insults.

    我希望我不用解釋家用電話是什麼,因為用那個打電話讓我覺得我好老

  • We would get excited when someone called us a name.

    而我現在應該正處於巔峰呀

  • *distant*: MOOOM!

    基本上我要說的是,要是我在樓上的房間跟朋友講電話,我媽在樓下廚房

  • LUKE CALLED ME A BUTT-HOLE!

    她可以拿起電話完全不請自來地加入我們的話題,

  • Mom: That's fifty cents!

    我跟誰講電話不重要,我大致會有像這樣的話題:

  • *distant*: WOOOOOOOOOOO!

    (唉)「我覺得我之所以很內向而且總是逃避問題是因為我媽實在是太介入我的私生活了。」

  • I'M RICH!

    「詹姆斯,掛掉電話然後下來洗碗。」

  • But sometimes, us kids would just be messing around with each other or we didn't really mean the insults.

    「媽,我在講電話耶!」

  • So we would feel bad taking someone else's fifty cents.

    「哇,我簡直不敢相信你竟然對生你的人講這樣的話!」

  • Like someone would say:

    「所以你們兩個魯蛇剛剛是在說什麼?」

  • Faith: Hey James, what's 6+6?

    好家在我從來沒跟女生講過電話

  • and I would say:

    所以至少

  • James: Uh nine, idiot.

    這種情形從未發生。又有一次我媽載我跟我姊去上課,而收音機放著音樂

  • and my mom would hear me and say:

    她當時在聽難聽的的次文化類型的搖滾樂

  • Mom: James, that's fifty cents!

    福音搖滾(Christian Rock)?

  • and my sister would feel bad so she would insult me back and say:

    (開玩笑的啦,你喜歡聽你就聽啊。)總之

  • Faith: JAMES!

    我們當時要下車了

  • Y-y-you're an...

    我叫我媽把音樂關小聲一點

  • Unpleasant person.

    蛤?為什麼?

  • Aww :) .

    因為我不想要讓別人知道我會聽「這種音樂」,媽~!

  • Swear words cost ya five dollars.

    你可以看出,我那時候在讀國中,所以我很在乎別人對我的看法

  • That's why I don't swear in videos.

    然後她把音樂轉小聲了,但正當我們兩個踏出車外

  • But now I can afford it.

    她突然把音樂開到最大聲,讓每個人都聽得到

  • Soooo...

    ♫「主啊請與我同在!!!」♫ (Jesus take the wheel)

  • F— you mom!

    ♫「請握緊我的雙手!!!」♫ (Take it from my hands)

  • You piece of ————————————————————

    現在回顧這些情境,我真覺得很愉快呢,媽,做得好!其實這些不是全部我媽讓我很尷尬的情境

  • ___________________

    但這些都是我想放進這支影片的情境

  • My mom never washed out our mouths with soap, she wasn't /that/ kind of person.

    我甚至沒講到我四歲時我的雙胞胎姐姐開始想去學芭蕾

  • But she did threaten to if we swore.

    但她不想自己去,於是我媽就幫我一起報名了

  • And one time after I said a pretty naughty word,

    這會是另一支影片的故事了,而那支影片將會叫做《我是gay的十大原因》

  • P E N I S

    那是...那是開玩笑,媽

  • She said:

    我愛妳喔,媽,是妳造就今天的我!

  • Mom: If you don't behave, I'm going to get the soap!

    好了,大家,這就是我媽

  • And I said:

    我想再說一次,儘管我在影片中說了多少我媽的不是,我媽仍舊是最棒的

  • James: I don't care, soap tastes good!

    要不是她我就不會在這了。她還有讀過我這支影片的全部腳本,所以這可是詹姆士的馬麻核准的喔!

  • Mom: Alright you big dingus, shove this in your mouth. You won't do it. No balls.

    好吧,我不該這麼說,其實她只是看了看叫我把很多笑話砍掉,我就說:

  • So I bit into it, and...

    「才不要!它們明明很有趣啊!」

  • immediately regretted it.

    另外,說到我媽,我媽生日快到了,所以...預祝妳生日快了,媽!而你們大家也想祝她

  • Now people are eating soap for views.

    生日快樂的話,那一定也會很酷的。我先前說這些不是全部我媽讓我很尷尬的情境,是認真的

  • So I guess we never grow up.

    我絕對有足夠的材料來做part 2

  • Did any one else's parent's put a password on the family computer?

    再次,

  • Because my parents did, and I didn't know we were the only family that did that.

    媽我愛妳

  • We had a rule in the house that we were only allowed to be on the family computer for however long we read a book for.

    很感謝妳不是那種「不可以!我不准你當畫家,你必須讀完大學,成為博士...」的媽媽

  • But luckily, I would just read a book for 15 minutes,

    另外還有一點就是,如果你覺得 TheOdd1sOut 這個頻道的影片不夠你看的話

  • get my mom to type in the password,

    那你應該去 TheOdd2sout 看看

  • and then she would just forget that I was on the computer,

    前幾天我上傳了一支猜謎的影片喔,那影片滿好玩的

  • and let me stay on for hours.

    我還要感謝幫我上色的四個大大們

  • And I played a lot of Neopets and Runescape.

    他們幫我這支影片上色喔,你們大家應該去他們的頻道逛逛

  • Also I wasn't allowed to have a TV or computer in my room,

    而要說你從這支影片學到什麼的話,那就是你應該經常

  • Because than I would have easy access

    打電話給你媽...而且

  • toooo...

    要繫好安全帶喔!

  • Inappropiate.

  • Animes...

  • When I was little, cellphones were a thing.

  • But my mom didn't let me have one,

  • I had to talk to all my friends over a landline.

  • I hope I don't have to explain what that is,

  • cuz that would make me feel very old,

  • and I'm supposed to be in the

  • Prime of my life.

  • But basically it meant, if I was upstairs in my room talking to a friend,

  • My mom could grab a phone downstairs in the kitchen,

  • And just join in our conversations completely uninvited.

  • Didn't matter who I was talking to,

  • I'd be having a converation like this.

  • *sigh*

  • I think the reason I internalise and hide away all my problems,

  • is because of how invasive my mom is in my personal life.

  • Mom (on the phone): James, get off the phone and do the dishes.

  • James: Mom!

  • I'm on the phone!

  • Mom: Wow! I can't believe you said that to the person who gave birth to you!

  • So what are you two losers talking about?

  • Luckily, I would almost never be talking to a girl.

  • So at least,

  • /that/ didn't happen.

  • This other time, my mom was giving me and my sister a ride to school and,

  • on the radio, she was listening to the worst sub-genre of rock music.

  • Christian rock...

  • *whispers*: Just kidding, you can like whatever you want.

  • Anyway, we were pulling up to the school, and I told my mom to turn the music down.

  • Mom: What?

  • Why?

  • James: Because I don't want people to think I listen to this mom!

  • You see, I was in Junior High, so I cared a lot about what other people cared about.

  • So she turned the music down,

  • But as we stepped out of the car,

  • She turned the volume all the way back up, and blasted the music for everyone to hear!

  • JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEL!!!

  • *LOUD CHRISTIAN ROCK*

  • *INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCREAMING*

  • Looking back at the situation,

  • I think that's pretty hilarious.

  • GG mom.

  • These aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me,

  • But those are all the ones I'm gonna include in this video.

  • I didn't even mention the time when I was 4 when my twin sister wanted to do balle lessons

  • But, she didn't want to do them alone,

  • So my mom signed me up for lessons too.

  • But that's a story for another video.

  • And that video will be titled,

  • Top 10 Reasons I'm

  • Gay.

  • That was- That was a joke mom.

  • Love you mom! You made me like this!

  • And there you have it everyone! That was my mom.

  • Again I just wanna say that, despite whatever I say in my videos, that my mom is a great mom.

  • I wouldn't be here without my mom.

  • She also reads all of my scripts so,

  • all of my videos James' mom approved.

  • Okay, well I shouldn't say that, she does tell me to take out a lot of jokes, and I'm like:

  • Oh their-but their funny!

  • And also speaking of my mom,

  • my mom's birthday is coming up,

  • So happy early birthday mom!

  • and if you guys wanted to wish her a happy birthday, that'd be cool too.

  • I was serious when I said these aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me.

  • I definitely have enough material to make a part 2.

  • Again, I love you mom.

  • Thanks for not being one of those moms that are like:

  • Those moms: NO! You're not allowed to be an artist, you have to finish college and be a doctor.

  • eyhh!

  • In other news, if you can't get enough odd1sout videos, then you should check out theodd2sout.

  • A couple days ago, I posted a video where I answer riddles, so that was a lot of fun.

  • Also thank you to my 4 colourers who helped colour this video, you guys should all check them out.

  • And if there's anything you should take away from this video,

  • Is that you should always...

  • call your mom.

  • And wear your seatbelt.

s9oMr. James, On Saturday morning at 10:03 AM,

成步堂龍一:詹姆斯先生,在禮拜六上午十點零三分,你被觀察到當時你在給一張恐龍圖片著色,是真的嗎?

字幕與單字

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

A2 初級 中文 美國腔 詹姆斯 影片 電話 美分 媽媽 情境

我媽特別的處罰方式 (My Mom's Cruel and Unusual Punishments)

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    羅苙銨 發佈於 2018 年 05 月 21 日
影片單字