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  • I'm going on a date with Jim.

  • I've been staring at my mirror for the past hour, at least.

  • What am I going to wear?

  • Ann - my 'friend' - has a lot of opinions.

  • If I wear something too revealing Jim will think I'm a slut.

  • If I dress up he'll think I'm trying to impress him - and I am trying to impress him,

  • obviously, but isn't it shallow to dress fancy on a first date?

  • Shouldn't he like me for me?

  • I'm running out of time to decide.

  • Clothes are everywhere.

  • I didn't even know I still had that bra.

  • If you don't decide soon you're not even going to be there on time.

  • You can't show up late - he's already going to think you're shallow" says Ann;

  • and I try to ignore her.

  • I feel a lurch in my stomach.

  • My palms are sweaty.

  • I want to be sick.

  • She's right - Ann is usually right.

  • I'm going to be late.

  • I leave in jeans and a sweatshirt.

  • Hey, isn't this a dinner date?

  • Who wears jeans and a sweatshirt to a dinner date?”

  • Ann tells me, but only once I'm actually on the train, and my wardrobe is miles behind.

  • I wonder if the train's going to break down.

  • I wish that the train will break down.

  • When I get to the place, I almost forget our reservation.

  • I ask the server for Jim, but the server's smile falters.

  • Maybe it's not Jim,” Ann texts me, at just the wrong time.

  • She's trying to get me to leave.

  • Maybe it's Jarrod.

  • It started with a J, are you sure that's his name?

  • Maybe he booked it under James.

  • Maybe he isn't here at all.

  • They'll kick you out!”

  • My heart is hammering in my chest.

  • For a second it's so overwhelming I can't breathe, and I look around desperately,

  • and then - there!

  • At the back of the room, that's where he is: Jim.

  • He lifts a hand, so I can see him.

  • It's so relieving for a second I forget that I'm scared.

  • “I'm with him. I'm just sitting with him, I've found him. Thanks.”

  • I drop into my seat after crossing the restaurant and being stared at the entire way there.

  • It's a relief.

  • I managed.

  • I got here.

  • I'm okay.

  • Jim's still there, you know.

  • You still have to talk to him,” Ann reminds me.

  • She's somewhere in the building - she sees everything.

  • She's always with me.

  • Oh my god, have you looked around?

  • Everyone's dressed nicely.

  • Why are you wearing jeans?!”

  • Hi,” Jim says, warmly.

  • He's trying to smile.

  • Trying to be nice.

  • I don't need to ask Ann what she thinks about this: he thinks I'm a freak.

  • Hello,” I answer.

  • Shake his hand,” Ann eggs me on, because that's how you greet people,

  • and without thinking I shoot a hand out across the table.

  • It hits Jim's wine glass, which wobbles, then topples over,

  • The wine spills all out over the tablecloth and over him.

  • Oh, nice going,” Ann is sarcastic, “real good job, there.”

  • Oh, god, I'm sorry!

  • I'm so sorry -” I start, already grabbing some napkins.

  • Jim interrupts me.

  • He's laughing, and he doesn't seem mad.

  • It's okay!

  • Really -”

  • The napkins are all soaked through, now, and I throw them down, exasperated.

  • God, I'm sorry, I can't do anything right.”

  • Sit down,” says Jim.

  • He's more sincere now.

  • He catches my hands, to stop them moving.

  • Really.

  • Honestly, it's okay.

  • I can wash the suit; I'm not angry.

  • Okay?”

  • That's easy for him to say.

  • I sit back down, and try to ignore the way it feels like chains are tying me to the chair,

  • pulling tighter and tighter.

  • It's time that I say something else, but I'm still watching him.

  • He takes his phone out and sets it on the table,

  • so that the wine doesn't soak through and ruin it.

  • I open my mouth, and the phone starts ringing.

  • I snap it shut again, to avoid interrupting.

  • Ann smiles.

  • Oh,” Jim says, when he looks at the caller ID.

  • He stands at the same time, like 'oh' and standing go together.

  • He looks at me and my cheeks burn.

  • “I need to - something's come up. I'm really sorry.

  • Can I call you? I need to take this, it's my aunt. She's really sick. I just - need to take this.

  • He doesn't wait for an answer.

  • Already, Jim is walking out the door.

  • Already, he is running away.

  • I stare after him.

  • Well, that lasted,” says Ann, unkindly.

  • Hello, bedroom. Hello, pajamas.

  • If I just stay in you forever I don't need to visit the outside world, right?

  • I groan. God, he hates me! What was I thinking?!

  • I throw the covers off me. Stupid.

  • Stupid, stupid, stupid! It would have been fine!

  • If I didn't have to scare him off with being anxious then none of this would have happened!

  • She's on the end of my bed. I want to cry. “I hate you!”

  • You need me.” The answer is immediate.

  • "You need me because Jim hates you.

  • Because everyone hates you and I'm the only one who sticks by your side.

  • Don't you remember? We've been together since day one, Ann.”

  • "Stop! You always make me doubt myself."

  • I cover my face with a pillow and resist the urge to scream.

  • This is impossible. I hate it. I hate this - living with her, like this.

  • Every single day I have to pretend I don't hear her. I have to convince myself she's lying.

  • The entire day's been ruined.

  • I hate dating with anxiety.

  • How will Ann overcome her anxiety?

  • Follow us to find out.

I'm going on a date with Jim.

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A2 初級 美國腔

焦慮是什麼感覺 (What Anxiety Feels Like)

  • 302 7
    eason 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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