if we can be kind and grateful to others, if we're not addicted or very drawn to killing ourselves,

如果我們可以心存善念，並對他人心懷感恩；如果我們沒有成癮於任何事物，或是產生想自殺的念頭，

then it's likely that someone somewhere, early on, loved us very much.

那很可能代表著，在我們小時候，曾經有某個人，在某個地方，非常愛過我們。

They may live quite far away from us now, they might share none of our interests,

他們現在可能離我們很遠，或是和我們完全沒有共同興趣

and could in many ways be a little boring to spend time with – and yet we will continue to be deeply loyal to them, and know in our hearts that we owe them everything.

甚至和他們相處起來可能會覺得有點無聊—但我們仍會一直忠於他們，而且打從內心知道這一切都歸功於他們。

When we say that someone 'loved' us, what we're really referring to is the acquisition of a set of skills.

當我們說有人「愛過」我們時，我們實際上指的是獲得一套技能。

These were not transferred in any formal way, we imbibed them in the ordinary bustle of daily life.

我們從日常忙碌的生活中，吸收、汲取這些技能，而它們都是無法被轉讓的。

It might have been in the kitchen, on a walk out in the woods or at night-time in the bedroom after a story.

可能當我們在廚房、在林間散步時，或是晚上聽完床邊故事後，不經意地接收到。

It would have been easy to miss what was really going on, the vital nectar that was being imparted,

不過這些不可或缺的人生精華，還有支持著我們的生命養分，在我們吸收的過程中，很容易就被忽視了，

all the life-sustaining goodness we received when it looked like it was just another conversation about homework or the plans for the weekend.

因為當下看似只是恰巧談及回家作業，或是剛好在討論週末的行程。

But in the course of being loved, we got an encyclopedic emotional education nevertheless,

然而，我們在享受著被愛的過程中，也正不經意地接收到一份情感的教育

in which some of the following was learnt: – Endurance.

從中我們可以學到：—耐力，

Sometimes, it all looked very bad indeed. We were in a state, soaked in tears, or red with fury.

有時情況的確看似很糟，我們可能悲傷得以淚洗面，或是慍怒得面紅耳赤

We felt the world was coming apart and that we would not survive.

感到世界正分崩離析，已然無法生存。

But they kept the tragedy at bay until we could breathe calmly once again.

但他們卻極力阻擋悲劇的發生直到我們有再次喘息的機會。

They may not have had all the answers, but they promised us – and they were right – that a few would eventually emerge.

他們可能沒辦法解決所有的問題，但卻向我們保證，而他們是對的，答案終究會浮上檯面。

They held us through the night and guaranteed that there would be a dawn.

他們將我們擁在懷中度過黑夜，要我們相信黎明就要來了。

And ever since then, it's become just a little easier to keep catastrophic dread at bay. – Self-Love

自從那時開始，對於悲劇的發生也就不再那麼畏懼了。—自愛

They lent us a sense that we were of value to them and therefore could one day be to ourselves as well.

他們總讓我們知道自己對他們來說多重要，如此一來，有天我們也能了解到自己的價值

If we made something or had an idea, we could share it with them

如果我們發揮創意做了一樣東西或是有了一個不錯的想法，都可以和他們分享

and though it wasn't perhaps entirely accomplished already, they were guided by our underlying intentions and promise.

雖然可能只做好了一半，但他們卻能從那半成品看出我們真正想表達、想呈現的。

When we entered the kitchen, not every time, but enough times to form a protective layer over our ego, they looked up and lit up.

我們走進廚房時，雖然不是每次，卻足以替我們的自尊心鋪上了一層防護罩，他們抬起頭，看著我們便開朗了起來。

They might have had a name for us: little champion, button chops, or sweet sheep.

他們可能起了一些小名給我們：小戰士、小肉排，或是小綿羊。

At one point in adolescence, we certainly didn't want that name used any more, and it would be mortifying if colleagues knew it today,

待我們到了青春期，我們當然不會想再被那樣叫，而且要是被工作上的同事知道了更是羞愧不已，

but it remains a secret symbol of an emotional bedrock upon which all our later poise and confidence was able to emerge.–Forgiveness

但那卻成為了我們獨有的神祕幸運符，奠定了日後逐漸展現出沉著、自信的情感基石。—寬恕

At points, we did something very wrong: we forgot a book, we scratched a table, we were nasty to someone or exploded in fury.

有時候，我們犯了些嚴重的錯誤：忘了帶書、割花了桌子、惡整了某人，或是氣極敗壞之下到處發飆。

The punishment could have been very strong, and yet it wasn't. They came up with reasons that cast our misdeeds in a generous light:

本該受到嚴厲的懲罰，卻不盡然。他們總能夠想辦法以寬恕的眼光來看待我們犯下的錯誤：

we were tired, everyone does that sort of thing.

我們一定累壞了，每個人都會那樣，

No one is perfect. They taught us about mercy, towards others and ourselves.

沒有人是完美的。他們教會我們以慈悲心對待自己和他人。

They let us know that we would not have to be perfect to deserve to exist. – Patience

他們讓我們知道我們不需要十全十美，也能活出自己的生命價值。—耐心

We didn't master much immediately.

這是我們沒能馬上拿手的。

It took us a while to get long division, it was ages till we found our way with the piano or learnt to make biscuits.

我們花了很長時間才學會多位數除法，我們花了很長時間才學會彈鋼琴或做餅乾。

But they didn't shout or mock or get irritated. They taught us the art of waiting till the good could emerge.

但他們也不會嘲諷我們或是感到不耐煩。他們教會了我們等待柳暗花明的藝術。

They didn't demand immediate results – and so spared us the need to panic or bluster our way through life. – Repair

他們不要求馬上就要看到成果，讓我們在人生道路上免於過度焦慮或是過度恐慌。—修復

There were sometimes some pretty bad scenes. They said nasty things and we did too.

曾經有過些很糟糕的情況。他們說了些難聽的話而我們也頂撞回去。

We felt we hated them a lot sometimes. But they stuck around. They took the anger

我們當下非常怨恨他們。但他們卻都沒有走遠。他們吞下了憤怒，

– and thereby taught us about repair: how things can go very wrong and yet can be fixed,

也由此教會了我們如何修復：情況可能變得很糟，但卻仍有辦法補救，

how resilient people can be, how many second chances there are when love is involved.

我們有這麼大的包容力，在所愛的人面前總願意再給予一次機會。

With some of these lessons and more, we grew up into people who could be kind to ourselves,

他們教會了我們這些人生的道理準則，讓我們成為了懂得善待自己，

tolerant of our faults, sympathetic to others, and capable of keeping going.

犯了錯懂得寬恕，對他人施以同理心，並能夠堅持努力不懈的人。

We weren't just 'loved', we got an education, whose presence we can feel every time we can care for someone else,

我們並不只是「被他們愛著」，也從他們身上學到了我們有能力去關懷、照料他人，

address a kind word to ourselves or feel strong enough to face a difficult tomorrow.

懂得多鼓勵自己，還有未來在面對難題時，能夠堅強面對

We hope you enjoyed this film. For more from The School Of Life you can subscribe to our channel and take a look at our range of products on our website.

希望你喜歡這部影片。想看更多生命學園的影片可以訂閱我們的頻道，或是到官網瀏覽一系列相關的產品