Name: 我們只是朋友！這樣有什麼優點呢？(The Advantages of Being 'just Good Friends')
Uploaded: 2021-05-12T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 5 min 1 s

One of the most subtly hurtful and quietly damning of all remarks, perhaps sweetly delivered on the doorstep at the end of a long evening,

你可能聽過一種說法，很巧妙地會讓你默默感到受傷、心痛，可能在度過一個漫長的傍晚後，陪對方到了家門口，靜默中瀰漫著甜蜜的氣息，

程度副詞

with the taxi still hovering somewhere just out of sight, is the suggestion that we should in the end probably remain 'just good friends'.

計程車還在看不見的某處徘徊著，這時對方卻給了我們一個暗示，或許最後我們就該「只是好朋友吧」。

情態副詞

We know exactly what to understand by this.

我們清楚地知道這是什麼意思。

The path towards a tender future is being gently but firmly closed off. We are, with a smile, being shunted into the category of the failed, the ignored and the lightly despised.

就這樣輕輕地但卻堅決地封閉了一條通往美好未來的道路。我們被歸類為失敗者、邊緣人，甚至是有點被瞧不起的，但我們也只能一笑而過。

The other must in some way have worked out the despicable truths about us – all the ones that we tried so hard to disguise and even to believe didn't exist –

另外一方，一定多少也看出了一些我們較卑劣的一面—儘管我們多努力想去掩飾，甚至去說服自己那一面根本不存在—

and has logically decided to take their leave.

而就邏輯上來說，他們也決定要離去。

We return crushed to an apartment which we had left with butterflies and elevated hopes only a few hours before.

我們帶著碎了一地的心回到家，想起幾個小時前，我們還滿心充斥著期待和高漲的期望準備出門。

We hear the invitation to a friendship as synonymous with insult because our Romantic culture has continuously,

我們直接把這份友誼的邀約看作是一種侮辱，因為在我們的愛情文化裡，

from a young age, made one thing sharply clear to us: love is the purpose of existence; friendship is the paltry, depleted consolation prize.

打從我們小時候，就一直和我們強調一件事：愛情是我們存在的目的；而友情則是毫無價值、遭人唾棄的安慰獎。

Though this seems like unsurprising common sense, what should detain us and encourage us to probe a little at the claims made on love's behalf is one basic source of evidence:

雖然這看似理所當然的常識，但能讓我們停下腳步而促使我們去探究人們對愛情的一些論點，是一個很基本的證據來源：

the behaviour, level of satisfaction and state of mind of those engaged in love.

行為、滿意度以及戀人雙方的心態。

If we were to judge love chiefly by its impact, by the extent of the tears, the depths of the frustrations, the viciousness of the insults that unfold in its name,

如果我們只根據愛情對我們影響、讓我們流淚的多寡、使我們沮喪的程度，或是它本身可能對我們產生的惡意侮辱，來去評斷愛情，

we wouldn't continue to rate it as we do and might indeed mistake it for a form of illness or aberration of the mind.

我們可能就不會再給愛情這麼高的評價而且甚至會將之誤解為一種心理疾病或是心理失常。

The scenes that typically unfold between lovers would scarcely be considered imaginable outside of conditions of open hostility.

那些情侶間才會有的浪漫場景已經少得無法想像，尤其是在這種不宣而戰的狀況下。

Those we love, we honour with our worst moods, our most unfair accusations, our most wounding insults.

對於我們深愛的人，我們反而把最差的情緒、最不公的控訴，還有最傷人的侮辱都發洩到他們身上。

It's to our lovers that we direct blame for everything that has gone wrong in our lives, it is they we expect to know everything we mean without bothering to explain it,

我們反倒直接把所有生命中的不順遂怪罪到我們愛的人頭上，只因為我們期望即使不多做解釋他們也能理解，

it's to their minor errors and misunderstandings that we respond with sulks and rage.

對於他們小小的失誤和誤解我們就生悶氣或是暴怒。

And, by comparison, in friendship, the supposedly worthless and inferior state whose mention should crush us at the end of a date,  we bring our highest and noblest virtues.

相反地，在友情的世界裡，因為怕被對方在約會後提起關於我們那些沒用又差勁的心態，而讓我們感到沮喪，我們選擇亮出我們最高尚的美德。

Here we are patient, encouraging, tolerant, funny and – most of all – kind.

這時的我們很有耐心、很能激勵人心、很寬容、很有趣而且—最重要的—很善解人意。

We expect a little less and therefore, by extension, forgive an infinite amount more.

我們期望的不多，因此，可想而知，我們更願意去諒解很多事情。

We don't presume that we will be fully understood, and so treat failings lightly and humanely.

我們不會去假設能夠被完全理解，所以也就以慈悲的胸懷，看淡了那些缺點。

We don't imagine that our friends should admire us without reserve and stick by us whatever we do,

我們不敢去假想我們的朋友會毫無保留地崇拜我們或是無論我們做了什麼都不會離開，

and so we put in effort and behave, pleasing ourselves as well as our companions along the way.

所以我們很努力地好好表現自己，試圖取悅對方也讓自己舒心。

We are, in the company of our friends, our best selves.

在朋友的陪伴下，我們就是自己最好的一面。

Paradoxically, it is friendship that offers us the real route to the pleasures that Romanticism associates with love.

矛盾的是，是友情讓我們得到真正的生活樂趣而不是浪漫主義中所說的愛情。

That this sounds surprising is only a reflection of how underdeveloped our day to day vision of friendship has become.

這可能聽起來令人驚訝，但這只不過反映了我們平常對於友情的看法變得如此淺薄。

We associate it with a casual acquaintance we see once in a while to exchange inconsequential and shallow banter.

我們把友情看做是一位久久才照一次面的朋友，只會聊一些無足輕重的話或是開一些膚淺的玩笑。

But real friendship is something altogether more profound and worthy of exultation:

然而，真正的友情其實帶有更深奧的涵義，而且更讓人值得驕傲：

it is an arena in which two people can get a sense of each other's vulnerabilities;

因為在友情的世界裡，兩個人都能了解到彼此脆弱的一面；

appreciate each other's follies without recrimination, reassure one another as to their value and greet the sorrows and tragedies of existence with wit and warmth.

知道彼此做過的蠢事而不多加批判，讓彼此都看到自己的價值，也在面對苦痛和困境時能把智慧和溫暖帶給彼此。

Culturally and collectively, we have made a momentous mistake which has left us both lonelier and more disappointed than we ever needed to be.

就整體文化而言，我們犯了個很大的錯誤，而讓雙方都陷入更寂寞也更失望的情境中。

In a better world, our most serious goal would not be to locate one special lover with whom to replace all other humans,

在更美好的世界裡，我們最重要的目標並不是讓我們最特別的愛人取代掉身邊所有的人，

it would be to put our intelligence and energy into identifying and nurturing a circle of true friends.

反而是要把我們的智慧和能力拿來用心觀察、用心對待那些真正的朋友。

At the end of an evening, we would learn to say to certain prospective companions, with an embarrassed smile as we invited them inside –

在度過了一個美好的傍晚後，我們能學著去告訴那個我們認為有希望的另一方，在我們害羞又尷尬地笑著邀請他們入內時—

knowing that this would come across as a properly painful rejection – 'I'm so sorry, couldn't we just be… lovers?'

已經知道我們是有可能會被殘忍地拒絕—「很抱歉，我們難道就不能當...情侶嗎？」

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