Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

已審核 字幕已審核
  • Have you ever wondered what kind of love you have?

    你有沒有想過你有什麼樣的愛情?或者其他人的愛情和他們的運作模式?

  • Or what kind of love other people have and how on earth do they make it work?

    我的意思是,有些情侶不怎麼吵架,而你覺得這是最完美的模式

  • I mean some couples never really argue, which you would think is the perfect situation.

    但是他們最後還是分手了

  • But they somehow end.

    但有些情侶卻一天到晚都在吵架,可是他們卻在一起好幾年——甚至是好幾十年

  • Whereas some couples never stop arguing and they've been together for like years...decades even.

    至於那些無時無刻不膩在一起的情侶呢?他們又是怎麼做到的?

  • What about the couples that spend every single waking and sleeping hour together?

    還有,拜託,我們都見識過那些遠距離戀愛卻好好的情侶,和一般人想像的完全不同

  • How do they even do that?

    所以我們試圖找出一些可以回答這些問題的方法

  • And come on, we've all seen some long-distance relationships that actually work so well contrary to popular belief.

    但我們必須先讓時間倒轉才行,必須回到童年

  • So we tried to figure out if there is a way to maybe answer some of these questions.

    John Bowlby 的依附理論提供我們一個解讀感情關係的方法

  • But in order to do that, we have to go back in time, all the way back to your childhood.

    該理論指出:當我們還小的時候,我們渴望被父母、監顧人等照顧我們的人疼愛

  • The Attachment theory developed by John Bowlby, suggests one way we can look at our relationships.

    而我們小時候所得到的愛和關注就會決定我們未來的感情關係

  • It says that from when we are a child, we expect love and attention from our caretakers like our parents, guardians, so on and so forth.

    聽起來有點耳熟,對吧?

  • The amount of love and attention we receive when we're a child determines how we will be in our future relationships.

    為了解釋這個理論, 我要向你介紹我的三個好朋友

  • Sound kinda familiar, right?

    他們分別呈現三種不同的依附類型, 我們可以從他們小時候的經歷推測出他們分別是哪種

  • To explain this theory, I would like to introduce three of my good friends to you.

    這是 Lilly, 她屬於安全型依附

  • They each represent the different types of attachments we can have from when they were a child.

    Lilly 來自一個溫暖又充滿愛、細心照顧她的家庭, 以至於她從來不覺得自己缺乏愛和關注

  • This is Lilly, she's the secure type.

    當她長大,她成為一位堅強且自信的女人, 因為她知道,不管怎樣她都會得到愛和關注

  • Lilly comes from a very warm, nurturing, loving family where she never felt like she lacked love and attention.

    第二位,Jane,她屬於逃避性依附

  • When she got older, she became a strong, confident woman because she always knew that she will somehow receive love and attention.

    Jane 來自一個不論是身體上或心靈上都比較冷漠的家庭。在有些案例中,逃避型依附的家庭也可能和暴力有關

  • This is Jane. Jane is the avoidant type.

    當 Jane 長大,她會比較拒絕愛或是新的關係,因為她內心深處總是害怕受傷害

  • Jane grew up with a family that was distant, either physically, emotionally or both.

    但她卻堅決地認為自己不需要任何人

  • In some cases, the families of the avoidant types can also be abusive.

    第三位,Paul 他是焦慮性依附

  • When Jane got older, she closed herself off to love and relationships because deep down she's always afraid of getting hurt.

    Paul 在一個對他態度時冷時熱的家庭中長大

  • But she strongly believes that she doesn't need anyone.

    有時候他們表現出愛他的樣子, 有時候又對他冷漠、甚至蠻橫的一面

  • And this is Paul. Paul is the anxious type.

    當他長大,他變得非常沒有安全感, 而且不斷地擔心自己不會被愛

  • Paul grew up with a family with irregular behaviors.

    或者擔心會失去他所得到的愛

  • Sometimes they showered him with love, and other times they're distant and overbearing.

    接下來,來談談他們感情關係的構成

  • When he got older, he became extremely insecure and worried constantly that he won't be loved or that he will lose the love he has.

    親密關係

  • Now let's talk about the components of their relationships.

    在親密關係這一塊, Lilly 樂於多花時間陪伴對她的另一半,

  • Intimacy.

    但當他們需要分開時, 她也不會感到煩躁或是憂慮

  • When it comes to intimacy, Lilly was always happy to spend as much time as she could with her significant other.

    「寶貝,我相信我們的感情, 我知道我們都會一直在一起。」

  • But when they had to be apart, she would never fret or worry.

    另一方面,Jane 會因為覺得私人空間被侵犯而感到不舒服

  • "Baby, I trust in our relationship, I know that we will always have each other."

    她會一直讓對方知道自己不需要任何人

  • Jane on the other hand would panic when she felt her personal space was being invaded.

    「不要一直試著控制我!

  • She always had to let it be known that she didn't need anyone.

    我需要自己的空間!」

  • "Stop trying to control me! I need my space!"

    但事實上, 她只是太害怕去信任任何人

  • Truth is, she's just too afraid to trust anyone.

    至於 Paul,他想要一直和他女友在一起

  • As for Paul, well Paul ALWAYS wants to be with his girlfriend.

    他總是感到不安全、害怕女友會離開他

  • He's always scared and insecure that she will leave him.

    「寶貝,你為什麼不回我訊息? 拜託不要離開我,還是你生我的氣了?」

  • "Baby, why haven't you texted me? Don't leave me please, are you mad?"

    甚至當他應該多花點時間陪陪朋友,他都不敢說些甚麼因為他害怕失去女友

  • Even when he should spend some time with his friends, he wouldn't dare say anything because he's always afraid that he would lose her.

    控制和經營感情

  • Control.

    Lilly 會很輕鬆自在地看待

  • Lilly would be super chill.

    「感情的基礎建立在信任和理解上。」

  • "It's all about working together through trust and understanding."

    Jane 會被嚇壞

  • Jane would freak out.

    「儘管試著控制我!

  • "Just try to control me!"

    我會跑得比閃電波特還快, 你將再也見不到我!」

  • "I will run away faster than Usain Bolt and you will NEVER see me again"

    Paul 會完全任她擺佈

  • Paul would just give in.

    「這完全取決於你,我不會有任何的意見,因為你可能會因此不愛我而去找比我更好的人。」

  • "It's completely up to you, I would rather not voice my opinions because you might not love me anymore and find someone better."

    當事態變得糟糕

  • When something goes wrong.

    Lily 不會太放在心上:「別擔心寶貝,我們可以一起解決這個問題。」

  • Lilly would just shrug it off, "Don't worry baby, we can fix it together."

    Jane 已經準備好離開這段關係

  • Jane (would be) already halfway out the door.

    「我就知道我不能信任任何人。我就知道我應該在還未受傷前聽從自己的內心,告訴自己應該孤單一人。」

  • "I knew I couldn't trust anyone."

    Paul 會開始懷疑自己, 然後整個人沉浸在質疑自己的負面情緒中

  • "I knew that I am alone and had I just listened to myself before I wouldn't have gotten hurt."

    「我到底做錯了什麼?

  • Paul would start to question himself and drown in his own negative thoughts about himself.

    「我應該好好地精進、改變自己, 讓自己成為更配得上她的人。」

  • "What did I do wrong?"

    首先,我們先來談談像 Lilly 這種安全型依附的類型

  • "I have to fix myself and change so that I can be better for her."

    如果你屬於安全型依附,愛情對象取決於你的偏好, 對於每種依附型對象你都很適合

  • Firstly, let's talk about the secure types like Lilly.

    當然,通常來說,同樣屬於安全型依附的伴侶最合適

  • If you are the secure type, depending on your preferences, it's mostly easy for you to be with any other attachment types.

    但如果你很珍惜你的私人空間和與朋友家人相處的時間,那麼逃避型依附的伴侶會是你的最佳選擇

  • Of course, being with another secure type will generally be the easiest.

    因為你們會得到比較多私人時間,而像 Jane 的那種依附類型

  • But if you value your own space and time with your own friends and family, then the avoidant type may be the best type for you.

    也不會對感情感到快窒息或者覺得自己被控制

  • Because you'll both get to easily have time for yourselves and the Jane's of the Attachment Theory will not feel like they're suffocating or being controlled.

    但如果你比較喜歡和你的另一半花多一點時間在一起

  • But if you prefer to spend most of your time with your significant other, then a relationship with the Anxious type will be great for you both.

    那焦慮型依附會對你們都是一個好選擇

  • The fact that you prefer to be with them for most of your time will give them a sense of security and build confidence in the relationship.

    你比較喜歡多花時間在他們身上會帶給他們安全感,

  • And who knows? Maybe even in themselves.

    也會更鞏固你們的關係,甚至帶給他自信

  • Alright, so what happens when Paul meet's someone who's also an Anxious type?

    那麼如果 Paul 遇到焦慮型依附的人或者 Jane 遇到逃避型依附的人呢?

  • Or Jane meets someone who's also an Avoidant type?

    Paul的話,和焦慮型依附的伴侶在一起,會讓他們都變得常常黏在一起,

  • Well, for Paul meeting someone who's also the Anxious type can lead to them both becoming extremely codependent and having to spend every single waking hour together.

    花費每一分每一秒和對方待在一起

  • On top of that, they both might also start acting out even more to get more attention from each other.

    除此之外,他們會越來越表現自己來取得對方的注意

  • Because they need to find other ways to be shown that they're loved.

    因為他們需要找出另一種方式來表達自己的愛意

  • As for Jane, well meeting another Avoidant type will be as if two people built a new great wall of China just between them and never spending time together.

    至於 Jane,碰到和她一樣類型的伴侶,會像是兩人之間

  • They end up doing what they want by themselves or with their own group of friends, and are completely separate from each other.

    建構新的中國萬里長城,而且永遠不花時間與對方相處

  • They'd rather not get close just in case they would fall in love and just in case they would get hurt.

    他們會因為想做各自的事、或者待在自己的朋友圈等等,不和對方在一起

  • And lastly, and probably the most difficult of all the Attachment types to put together would be the the Jane's and the Pauls, or the Anxious and Avoidant types.

    他們不會想要變得太親近, 為了不讓自己陷入愛情後受到傷害

  • One would need so much space and easily feels suffocated while the other needs so much love and a thunderstorm of attention.

    最後,所有依附類型中最困難的組合

  • That could be a pretty difficult case.

    就是 Jane 和 Paul這種組合了:逃避型依附和焦慮型依附

  • Of course these could also be the extreme cases of the attachment styles.

    其中一個會需要大量的私人空間,而且容易對感情感到窒息, 另一個則會需要大量的愛和關注

  • And it's not to say that everyone who's a Jane is a constant flight risk, or everyone who's a Paul is going to be so clingy.

    他們會成為很難實現的戀愛組合

  • It's more of a guideline of one way our childhood can affect our relationships.

    當然也有可能成為依附理論中的特別例子

  • And when it comes the the different attachment styles there is no right or wrong.

    不是每個人都會像 Jane 一樣快速離開一段感情,也不是每個人都像 Paul 一樣緊緊黏著不放

  • The point is, this isn't something you can choose.

    這只是顯示童年如何影響著我們的感情關係的其中一種方法

  • Your childhood and experiences brought you down this path.

    而且不同的依附類型也沒有對跟錯

  • It's much bigger than just little personality quirks, it's a big effect on how you were raised.

    重要的是,你沒辦法選擇,你的童年和成長歷程帶你走上這條路

  • But on the bright side, it's not something that you have to be stuck with forever.

    這種事遠比奇怪的人格特質還來的大多了, 畢竟它是來自你成長中的巨大影響

  • It's really just important to recognize who you are and who your significant other is and try to understand both of your feelings and where those feelings come from.

    但往好處想, 那並不是什麼會纏著你一輩子的東西

  • As we mentioned before, every relationship is work.

    就只是認識自己和你喜歡的人是一件很重要的事

  • Some more than others, but if you are both working on yourselves for yourselves and for each other, it really doesn't matter what attachment type you are.

    試著去了解你們的感情和那些情緒的來源

  • Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

    就像我們之前說過的, 每段感情都是很辛苦的

Have you ever wondered what kind of love you have?

你有沒有想過你有什麼樣的愛情?或者其他人的愛情和他們的運作模式?

字幕與單字
已審核 字幕已審核

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

A2 初級 中文 美國腔 感情 關係 在一起 類型 情侶 愛情

你是哪一種依附型態?

  • 25016 1745
    Rachel Kung 發佈於 2018 年 04 月 27 日
影片單字