Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • What is a parent?

    譯者: Ann Chen 審譯者: Ellen Tung

  • What is a parent?

    什麼是父母?

  • It's not an easy question.

    到底什麼是父母?

  • Today we have adoption,

    這是個不容易回答的問題。

  • stepfamilies,

    現在我們有領養、

  • surrogate mothers.

    繼父(母)家庭、

  • Many parents face tough questions

    代理孕母。

  • and tough decisions.

    許多父母面臨棘手的問題與抉擇。

  • Shall we tell our child about the sperm donation?

    我們是否應該告訴自己孩子 有關捐精的事情?

  • If so, when?

    如果是,什麼時候說?

  • What words to use?

    又該如何說呢?

  • Sperm donors are often referred to as "biological fathers,"

    捐精者通常被視為「親生父親」,

  • but should we really be using the word "father?"

    但我們真的應該用 「父親」這字眼嗎?

  • As a philosopher and social scientist,

    身為一位哲學家與社會學家,

  • I have been studying these questions about the concept of parenthood.

    我一直在研究有關 父母身份概念的問題。

  • But today, I will talk to you about what I learned

    但今天我要談的是我從與父母 及小孩交談中學到了什麼。

  • from talking to parents and children.

    我將告訴各位他們知道 一個家庭最重要的是什麼,

  • I will show you that they know what matters most in a family,

    儘管他們家庭與其他家庭有些不同。

  • even though their family looks a little different.

    我將告訴各位他們以創意 來處理棘手問題的方式,

  • I will show you their creative ways of dealing with tough questions.

    但我也將告訴各位 這些父母的疑惑。

  • But I will also show you the parents' uncertainties.

    我們訪問在根特大學附設醫院 接受生育治療的夫婦,

  • We interviewed couples

    他們接受來自捐精者的精子。

  • who received fertility treatment at Ghent University Hospital,

    在這治療時間表中,

  • using sperm from a donor.

    各位可以看到 我們進行訪談的兩個時間點。

  • In this treatment timeline,

    我們納入異性戀夫婦,

  • you can see two points at which we conducted interviews.

    男方因某種原因 沒有良好品質的精子,

  • We included heterosexual couples,

    以及顯然需要自別處 取得精子的女同性戀夫婦。

  • where the man for some reason did not have good-quality sperm,

    我們也納入小孩,

  • and lesbian couples who obviously needed to find sperm elsewhere.

    我希望知道

  • We also included children.

    那些小孩如何界定 諸如父母身份與家庭的概念。

  • I wanted to know

    這些就是我詢問他們的事,

  • how those children define concepts like parenthood and family.

    只是我沒有那麼直接。

  • In fact, that is what I asked them,

    我改為畫蘋果樹,

  • only not in that way.

    這樣我就能問些抽象、 哲學性的問題,

  • I drew an apple tree instead.

    這樣孩子們不至於跑掉。

  • This way, I could ask abstract, philosophical questions

    如各位所見,

  • in a way that did not make them run off.

    這蘋果樹是空的,

  • So as you can see,

    而這正是我的研究方法 。

  • the apple tree is empty.

    藉著這樣的設計技巧,

  • And that illustrates my research approach.

    我盡可能不在訪談中 帶入意圖與主題,

  • By designing techniques like this,

    因為我希望聽到他們的心聲。

  • I can bring as little meaning and content as possible to the interview,

    我問他們:

  • because I want to hear that from them.

    如果你的家是一顆蘋果樹, 那會看起來像什麼?

  • I asked them:

    接著,用一個紙蘋果 代表他們眼中的家庭成員之一,

  • What would your family look like if it were an apple tree?

    寫上名字,並將它掛在 他們想掛的位置,

  • And they could take a paper apple for everyone who, in their view,

    然後我會問些問題。

  • was a member of the family,

    大多數的孩子會以 父母或兄弟姐妹開始。

  • write a name on it and hang it wherever they wanted.

    有一位以「布克瑟」開始,

  • And I would ask questions.

    那是他祖父母一隻已逝去的狗。

  • Most children started with a parent or a sibling.

    此時,沒有任何小孩以捐精者開始,

  • One started with "Boxer,"

    所以,我詢問他們出生的故事。

  • the dead dog of his grandparents.

    我說:「在你出生前,

  • At this point, none of the children started mentioning the donor.

    只有你的媽媽和爸爸,

  • So, I asked them about their birth story.

    或是媽媽和媽咪。

  • I said, "Before you were born,

    你能否告訴我 你如何來到這個家庭呢?」

  • it was just your mom and dad,

    然後他們開始解釋。

  • or mom and mommy.

    有一位說:

  • Can you tell me how you came into the family?"

    「我的父母沒有好的種子,

  • And they explained.

    但有些善心男士有多餘的種子,

  • One said,

    他們把它們帶到醫院,

  • "My parents did not have good seeds,

    然後裝在一個大罐子裡。

  • but there are friendly men out there who have spare seeds.

    媽咪到那兒,

  • They bring them to the hospital,

    她從罐子裡拿了兩粒,

  • and they put them in a big jar.

    一粒是我的,一粒是我妹妹的。

  • My mommy went there,

    她把種子放進她的肚子──

  • and she took two from the jar,

    不知怎麼地──

  • one for me and one for my sister.

    她的肚子變得很大,

  • She put the seeds in her belly --

    然後就有我了。」

  • somehow --

    嗯!

  • and her belly grew really big,

    所以只在他們開始提到捐精者後,

  • and there I was."

    我會用他們的字眼, 詢問有關捐精者的問題。

  • Hmm.

    我說:

  • So only when they started mentioning the donor,

    「假如這蘋果代表那位 給種子的善心男士,

  • I asked questions about him, using their own words.

    你會怎麼放這蘋果呢?」

  • I said,

    其中一位男孩說出他的想法,

  • "If this would be an apple for the friendly man with the seeds,

    他拿著蘋果,

  • what would you do with it?"

    然後說:

  • And one boy was thinking out loud,

    「我不會把這粒和其他的放在一起,

  • holding the apple.

    他不是我家庭的一份子。

  • And he said,

    但我不會把他放在地上,

  • "I won't put this one up there with the others.

    那裡太冷也太硬。

  • He's not part of my family.

    我想他應該擺在樹幹上,

  • But I will not put him on the ground.

    因為他造就了我的家。

  • That's too cold and too hard.

    假如不是他這樣做,

  • I think he should be in the trunk,

    那會很糟榚,因為我的家將不存在,

  • because he made my family possible.

    而我也不會在這裡。」

  • If he would not have done this,

    同樣地,父母也編了家庭故事

  • that would really be sad because my family would not be here,

    來說給他們孩子聽。

  • and I would not be here."

    一對夫婦解釋他們的受精,

  • So also, parents constructed family tales --

    是帶他們的小孩到一座農場,

  • tales to tell their children.

    去看一位獸醫給母牛做授精。

  • One couple explained their insemination

    為何不可呢?

  • by taking their children to a farm

    這是他們的解釋方式;

  • to watch a vet inseminate cows.

    他們自助式的家庭故事,

  • And why not?

    自助式!

  • It's their way of explaining;

    另外還有一對夫婦製作圖書──

  • their do-it-yourself with family narratives.

    每個小孩各一本。

  • DIY.

    它們真的是藝術品,

  • And we had another couple who made books --

    內容有他們對 整個治療過程的想法和感受,

  • a book for each child.

    甚至還有醫院的停車票在裡面。

  • They were really works of art

    這就是自助式:

  • containing their thoughts and feelings throughout the treatment.

    找出方法、詞語和圖像 把你的家庭故事告訴孩子。

  • They even had the hospital parking tickets in there.

    而這些故事非常多樣化,

  • So it is DIY:

    但它們有一個共同點:

  • finding ways, words and images

    就是一個渴望和冀求有小孩的故事,

  • to tell your family story to your child.

    是有關他們既特別又摰愛的小孩。

  • And these stories were highly diverse,

    研究至今顯示這些小孩都很正常,

  • but they all had one thing in common:

    他們並沒有比其他孩子 有更多的問題。

  • it was a tale of longing for a child

    不過,這些父母還是想要 透過敘述的故事,

  • and a quest for that child.

    來證明他們的決定是對的。

  • It was about how special and how deeply loved their child was.

    他們希望孩子們 會理解用這方式來建立家庭。

  • And research so far shows that these children are doing fine.

    潛在的原因是擔心孩子們 可能反對並排斥非親生的父母,

  • They do not have more problems than other kids.

    而那種擔心是可理解的,

  • Yet, these parents also wanted to justify their decisions

    因為我們生活在一個 非常異性戀和基因化的社會──

  • through the tales they tell.

    這個世界依舊相信

  • They hoped that their children would understand their reasons

    真正的家庭是由媽媽、爸爸

  • for making the family in this way.

    和他們基因相關的小孩所組成。

  • Underlying was a fear that their children might disapprove

    那麼,

  • and would reject the non-genetic parent.

    我要跟你說一個青少年男孩的事,

  • And that fear is understandable,

    他是捐精受孕的, 但並非我們研究中的一員。

  • because we live in a very heteronormative

    有一天,他和他的父親起爭執,

  • and geneticized society --

    他大嚷:

  • a world that still believes

    「你幹嘛指使我?

  • that true families consist of one mom, one dad

    你根本不是我的父親!」

  • and their genetically related children.

    那正是我們研究中的 父母所擔心的。

  • Well.

    男孩不久後感覺內疚, 接著他們就言歸於好。

  • I want to tell you about a teenage boy.

    但他父親的反應是最有趣的了。

  • He was donor-conceived but not part of our study.

    他說:

  • One day, he had an argument with his father,

    「這次爆發衝突與缺少基因無關,

  • and he yelled,

    與青春期有關──

  • "You're telling me what to do?

    鬧彆扭。

  • You're not even my father!"

    他們在這個年齡都會這樣,

  • That was exactly what the parents in our study feared.

    會度過的。」

  • Now, the boy soon felt sorry, and they made up.

    這位男士告訴我們當事情出錯時,

  • But it is the reaction of his father that is most interesting.

    我們不應立即認為

  • He said,

    是自己家和別人家有點不同的緣故。

  • "This outburst had nothing to do with the lack of a genetic link.

    這些事情在所有家庭都會出現。

  • It was about puberty --

    而且偶而

  • being difficult.

    所有父母都可能會懷疑:

  • It's what they do at that age.

    我是一個夠好的父母嗎?

  • It will pass."

    這些父母也是。

  • What this man shows us

    總之,他們想做對孩子最好的事。

  • is that when something goes wrong,

    但有時他們也會困惑:

  • we should not immediately think

    我是真正的父母嗎?

  • it is because the family is a little different.

    而他們的困惑是早在成為 父母之前就存在了。

  • These things happen in all families.

    在剛開始接受治療,

  • And every now and then,

    初次見輔導員時,

  • all parents may wonder:

    他們非常仔細聆聽輔導員所說,

  • Am I a good enough parent?

    因為他們希望把事情做對。

  • These parents, too.

    即使 10 年後,

  • They, above all, wanted to do what's best for their child.

    他們仍然記得輔導員給予的建議。

  • But they also sometimes wondered:

    所以當他們回想輔導員 及他所給的建議,

  • Am I a real parent?

    我們討論了這些。

  • And their uncertainties were present long before they even were parents.

    我們面談的一對女同性戀夫婦說:

  • At the start of treatment,

    「當我們的兒子問我們,

  • when they first saw the counselor,

    『我有父親嗎?』

  • they paid close attention to the counselor,

    我們會說:『不,你沒有。』

  • because they wanted to do it right.

    但除非他問,我們不會多說什麼,

  • Even 10 years later,

    因為他可能還沒有心理準備。

  • they still remember the advice they were given.

    輔導員是這麼對我們說的。」

  • So when they thought about the counselor

    嗯!

  • and the advice they were given,

    我不知道;

  • we discussed that.

    這和我們回答孩子 問題的方法有很大不同。

  • And we saw one lesbian couple who said,

    例如孩子問: 「牛奶是在工廠製造嗎?」

  • "When our son asks us,

    我們會說:「不,它來自母牛。」

  • 'Do I have a dad?'

    而且我們會談到農夫,

  • we will say 'No, you do not have a dad.'

    以及最後牛奶是怎麼到商店的。

  • But we will say nothing more, not unless he asks,

    我們不會說:

  • because he might not be ready for that.

    「不,牛奶不是在工廠製造的。」

  • The counselor said so."

    這有一點奇怪,

  • Well.

    當然孩子們也注意到了。

  • I don't know; that's quite different

    一位男孩說:

  • from how we respond to children's questions.

    「我問我父母許多問題,

  • Like, "Milk -- is that made in a factory?"

    但他們的舉動真的很奇怪。

  • We will say, "No, it comes from cows,"

    所以我有位同學, 她和我一樣是捐精受孕的。

  • and we will talk about the farmer,

    當我有問題,我就去問她。」

  • and the way the milk ends up in the shop.

    聰明的傢伙!

  • We will not say,

    問題解決了。

  • "No, milk is not made in a factory."

    但他父母並沒注意到,

  • So something strange happened here,

    而且肯定這不是他們心中盤算的,

  • and of course these children noticed that.

    也不是當他們在談論開放溝通 是如何重要時,輔導員心中盤算的。

  • One boy said,

    而那就是「建議」奇怪的地方。

  • "I asked my parents loads of questions,

    當我們給人們藥丸, 我們會先收集證據。

  • but they acted really weird.

    我們會做測試、

  • So, you know, I have a friend at school, and she's made in the same way.

    做追踪研究。

  • When I have a question, I just go and ask her."

    我們希望正確地知道 這藥丸的作用,

  • Clever guy.

    以及如何影響人們的生活。

  • Problem solved.

    而建議呢?

  • But his parents did not notice,

    對建議或來自專家合理或善意的 建議而言,都是不夠好的。

  • and it certainly was not what they had in mind,

    建議應該是有證據支持──

  • nor what the counselor had in mind

    可真正改善病人的生活品質。

  • when they were saying how important it is to be an open-communication family.

    所以身為哲學家的我 現在要提供各位一個悖論:

  • And that's the strange thing about advice.

    我建議各位停止遵循建議。

  • When we offer people pills, we gather evidence first.

    但是,就是這樣。

  • We do tests,

    (掌聲)

  • we do follow-up studies.

    我不會用「出了什麼差錯」 來結束演講;

  • We want to know, and rightly so, what this pill is doing

    否則對那些家庭的熱情不公。

  • and how it affects people's lives.

    記得那些自製圖書 和帶孩子到農場去嗎?

  • And advice?

    當父母做了對他們管用的事情,

  • It is not enough for advice,

    他們就做了明智的事。

  • or for professionals to give advice that is theoretically sound,

    我希望各位記住, 作為家庭的一份子,

  • or well-meant.

    無論以任何方式或形式,

  • It should be advice that there is evidence for --

    家庭所需要的是溫暖的關係。

  • evidence that it actually improves patients' lives.

    我們不需要成為專家才能製造那些,

  • So the philosopher in me would now like to offer you a paradox:

    我們大多已做得不錯,

  • I advise you to stop following advice.

    雖然可能很辛苦的。

  • But, yes.

    有時我們可以依一些建議去做,

  • (Applause)

    如果那樣的話,

  • I will not end here with what went wrong;

    請謹記三件事。

  • I would not be doing justice to the warmth we found in those families.

    採用對你家庭有幫助的建議去做。

  • Remember the books and the trip to the farmer?

    記住──你是專家, 因為你生活在你家庭中。

  • When parents do things that work for them,

    最後,

  • they do brilliant things.

    相信你自己的能力和創造力,

  • What I want you to remember as members of families,

    因為你自己可以做到。

  • in no matter what form or shape,

    謝謝大家。

  • is that what families need are warm relationships.

    (掌聲)

  • And we do not need to be professionals to create those.

  • Most of us do just fine,

  • although it may be hard work,

  • and from time to time, we can do with some advice.

  • In that case,

  • bear in mind three things.

  • Work with advice that works for your family.

  • Remember -- you're the expert, because you live your family life.

  • And finally,

  • believe in your abilities and your creativity,

  • because you can do it yourself.

  • Thank you.

  • (Applause)

What is a parent?

譯者: Ann Chen 審譯者: Ellen Tung

字幕與單字

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

A2 初級 中文 美國腔 TED 父母 家庭 輔導員 夫婦 建議

【TED】Veerle Provoost:孩子們把捐精者當做家人嗎?(Do kids think of sperm donors as family? | Veerle Provoost) (【TED】Veerle Provoost: Do kids think of sperm donors as family? (Do kids think of sperm donors as family? | Veerle Provoost))

  • 22 3
    Zenn 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
影片單字