as we go through life?

當我們渡過此生

If you were going to invest now

是什麼讓我們保有健康跟幸福呢？

in your future best self,

為了將來過得最好的自己，

where would you put your time and your energy?

假使你們現在正要下本錢的話，

There was a recent survey of millennials

你會把時間和精力投注在哪兒呢？

asking them what their most important life goals were,

有個對千禧世代的近期研究

and over 80 percent said

問他們人生最重要的目標是什麼？

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

超過八成說主要的目標是變得富有；

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

以及同一批未成氣候的成年人

said that another major life goal

另有五成說另一個主要的目標 是變得名聲響亮。

was to become famous.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

而且我們不斷地聽人講要傾心工作、

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

更賣力些以及取得更多的成就；

and achieve more.

我們被灌輸概念－為了有美好的生活，

We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

這些東西是我們需要追求的。

in order to have a good life.

周齊的人生圖景－

Pictures of entire lives,

大家做出的選擇以及這些選擇 為他們帶來什麼結果－

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

幾乎無從得知；

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

我們對人生所知道的絕大部份

Most of what we know about human life

來自於訴請別人記起過往。

we know from asking people to remember the past,

如同我們所知－事後很容易有後見知明， 但是要預測未來是很難的；

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

我們記不住一生當中 大多數發生在我們身上的事情，

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

而且有時候記憶是極其不切實際的。

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

不過要是我們能夠看見齊全的人生－

But what if we could watch entire lives

當它們穿越時間展開來呢？

as they unfold through time?

要是我們能夠研究大家 －從他們少年一路直到老朽－

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

來看是什麼確實讓人保持幸福和健康呢？

all the way into old age

我們做過了！

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

哈佛大學的成年人生涯進展研究

We did that.

或許是前所未見最長久的 成年人生涯研究，

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

75 年來我們已經追查了 742 位男士的生活，

may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.

年復一年問及其工作、居家生活、健康，

For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,

當然了這一路問下來

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

對他們人生的故事即將如何 翻轉我們也毫不知情。

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

像這樣的研究計畫微乎其微，

were going to turn out.

幾乎所有這種研究在十年內就破局了；

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

因為太多人放棄了研究，

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

或者金援研究的資金沒了著落，

because too many people drop out of the study,

或是研究負責人琵琶別抱，

or funding for the research dries up,

或是研究負責人死亡 而且無人讓該計畫再做出進展。

or the researchers get distracted,

不過透過好運加上幾個世代 研究人員的堅毅，

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

這個研究並未中斷。

But through a combination of luck

我們原先的 724 位男士大約有 60 人

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

仍然還活著、一直參與著這個研究，

this study has survived.

他們大多都 90 多歲了，

About 60 of our original 724 men

而且我們現在正要開始研究

are still alive,

這些男士 2,000 多名的子女們；

still participating in the study,

而我是本研究的第四位主持人了。

most of them in their 90s.

從 1938 年來我們已經追蹤了 兩組男士的生活，

And we are now beginning to study

第一組當他們在哈佛大學二年級時

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

就開始在這個研究裡；

And I'm the fourth director of the study.

二次世界大戰期間他們全部念完大學，

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.

之後大多數都離家效力於戰場上。

The first group started in the study

第二組我們密切關注的－

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

是一群來自波士頓最窮澀 里坊的男孩子們，

They all finished college during World War II,

被這研究選到的男孩子們

and then most went off to serve in the war.

特別是因為他們來自三零年代

And the second group that we've followed

波士頓一些最困頓和弱勢的家庭－

was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

大多數住在低品質的公寓大樓， 很多人家還都沒有自來水和熱水。

boys who were chosen for the study

當他們進入這個研究時

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

這些十來歲的孩子全都有 接受採訪、做健康檢查、

and disadvantaged families

我們去到他們家採訪其雙親。

in the Boston of the 1930s.

然後這些青少年長大成人 進入社會各階層，

Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

他們成了工廠工人、律師、 泥水匠、醫師，

When they entered the study,

以及一位美國總統。

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

有的人染上酒癮、 偶有人罹患精神分裂症、

They were given medical exams.

有一些從社會底層 攀越社會梯階一路飛黃騰達、

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

有些人則背道而馳了。

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

這個研究的發起人們絕對意想不到

who entered all walks of life.

－即便最狂縱的夢想中－

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

75 年後的今天我會站在這裡，

one President of the United States.

正在告訴你們這個研究仍然未中斷。

Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.

每兩年我們有耐性 跟認真賣力的研究人手

Some climbed the social ladder

致電給我們的研究對象，

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

問說我們是否能再寄送給他們 一份有關他們生活的問卷。

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

許多波士頓化外之地的受訪者問我們：

The founders of this study

「為什麼你一直想研究我？ 我的人生一點就是不精采呀！」；

would never in their wildest dreams

哈佛大學的受訪者們從未問過該問題。

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

（笑聲）

telling you that the study still continues.

為了取得這些人生最清楚的寫照，

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

我們不只是寄送給他們問券；

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

我們在他們家的客廳做訪談、

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

從他們的醫生那裡取得病歷、

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

跟他們抽血和做腦部掃描、

"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."

跟他們的子女聊、

The Harvard men never ask that question.

拍攝下他們跟老婆談論最憂心的事情。

(Laughter)

然後大約在 10 年前 到頭來我們問了他們的老婆：

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

「妳們是否會參與我們 作為研究受訪者成員呢？」；

we don't just send them questionnaires.

許多婦女說：「也該是時候了啦！」

We interview them in their living rooms.

（笑聲）

We get their medical records from their doctors.

所以我們學到什麼了呢？

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

從數萬頁的資料－我們已經從 這些人生中收集到－

we talk to their children.

裡面有何前車之鑑呢？

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

此前車之鑑與財富、名氣、 賣命工作無關，

And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives

我們從這個 75 年的研究裡得到 最明確的訊息是這個：

if they would join us as members of the study,

「良好的關係在其期間內 讓我們保持更幸福、健康！」。

many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

我們已經學到關於關係的 三大前車之鑑：

(Laughter)

第一個是人際聯繫確實對我們是好的，

So what have we learned?

而孤獨是要命的。

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

最終發現與家庭、朋友、社群

of information that we've generated

較有人際聯繫的人是較為幸福、

on these lives?

身體比較健康的，

Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

而且比起聯繫沒那麼好的人活得較長久。

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

孤獨的經歷結果發現到是非常折磨人的，

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

比起自己所設想與外人更無牽扯的人

We've learned three big lessons about relationships.

察覺到他們比較不幸福，

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

他們在中年時健康較早下滑、

and that loneliness kills.

腦功能下滑更快，

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

比起不孤獨的人他們比較短命。

to family, to friends, to community,

令人遺憾的事實是在任何時間點

are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer

多過 1/5 的美國人會白紙黑字 說他們是孤單的！

than people who are less well connected.

我們知道你們有可能在人群裡、

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

一段婚姻中是孤單的，

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

所以第二個我們學到的前車之鑑則是：

find that they are less happy,

不只是你擁有的朋友人數、

their health declines earlier in midlife,

無關你到底是否正投入 在一段感情之中，

their brain functioning declines sooner

你的品質才重要。

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

結果發現到生活在相爭不讓下 對我們的健康實在是不好，

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

例如沒有太多的情愛、時常爭吵的婚姻

more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

結果發現對我們的健康是非常不好的， 或許比起離婚還要更糟糕。

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

而生活在良好、溫暖的 關係之中是受到保護的。

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

自從我們密切關注完我們的受訪 男士們一路直到他們 80 多歲，

so the second big lesson that we learned

我們想要回過頭來看中年時的他們，

is that it's not just the number of friends you have,

來看我們是否能夠預知

and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,

誰將會邁入幸福、健康的八旬之年，

but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

以及誰就不是這樣了。

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

當我們備齊在他們五十歲時 我們已知的每一項東西，

High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,

並非是他們中年的膽固醇水準

turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.

預知他們即將如何變老；

And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

是他們對於自己的關係有多滿意－

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

在 50 歲最滿意人際關係的人，

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

在 80 歲時是最健康的。

and to see if we could predict

良好、親密的關係看似舒緩了 我們不住變老的大小打擊變故，

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

我們最樂於有人相伴的男士與婦女們指出

and who wasn't.

－在他們 80 幾歲較多病痛的日子裡

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

他們的心情維持就是一樣幸福；

at age 50,

不過處於不幸福之關係的人，

it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels

在該期間他們說有較多的病痛－

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

病痛因情緒的苦楚增烈了。

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

還有我們學到有關關係 與健康的第三個前車之鑑就是：

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

「良好的關係不光保護我們的肉體，

were the healthiest at age 80.

它們還保護了我們的頭腦」。

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

最終結果是在你八十幾歲時

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

與另一個人處於 安穩依靠的關係是有保護的，

Our most happily partnered men and women

處於確實覺得需要的時候

reported, in their 80s,

可以仰賴另一方之關係的人，

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

那些人的記憶力維持較明晰、更久遠；

their mood stayed just as happy.

處於感到無法仰賴另一方之關係的人，

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

那些人蒙受比較早的記憶力衰退。

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

而那些良好的關係 不必隨時隨地都很融洽；

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

有些我們的八旬夫妻們可能 日復一日與彼此在小事上爭執，

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

但是就跟他們覺得可以真的在日益險峻的 情勢中仰賴另一方的時候般長久，

is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,

這些爭端無損於他們的記憶力！

they protect our brains.

所以這則訊息：

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

「良好、親密的關係對 我們的健康與福分是有益的」，

to another person in your 80s is protective,

這是由來已久的智慧，

that the people who are in relationships

為什麼該訊息如此難得 卻又這麼容易輕忽掉呢？

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

這麼說吧－我們是人類！

those people's memories stay sharper longer.

我們真正喜歡的東西是便宜之計，

And the people in relationships

某種我們可以到手

where they feel they really can't count on the other one,

會使得我們的生活變好 以及保持下去的東西；

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

人際關係棘手又複雜，

And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.

以及要留心家人 與朋友這等不輕鬆的事情，

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

這檔事並不迷人或扣人心弦，

day in and day out,

它還是一生長久的事情、永遠沒完沒了。

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

在我們長達 75 年的研究裡 退休後最快活的受訪人

when the going got tough,

是積極地用新玩伴取代同事的受訪人們。

those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

就像千禧世代在最近的調查，

So this message,

許多我們的受訪人當他們身為 未成氣候的成年人開始出社會時

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

確實曾深信「名氣、財富與高成就」

this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

是他們為了要有美好的人生需要追求的。

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

但是長達這 75 年來我們的 研究接二連三呈現出

Well, we're human.

過日子過得最好的受訪人

What we'd really like is a quick fix,

是傾重於與家人、朋友、社群 人際關係的人。

something we can get

那麼你又如何呢？

that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.

假定說你是 25 歲、40 歲、60 歲吧，

Relationships are messy and they're complicated

傾重於人與人的關係會是如何的呢？

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

可能性幾乎是無限大的，

it's not sexy or glamorous.

它也許是如同以真人來取代 螢幕的時間般簡單的一些事，

It's also lifelong. It never ends.

或共同做些新鮮事來為 了無新意的關係增添幾分顏色－

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

長行漫步或是夜間約會。

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

或是找上你已好幾年 沒講過話的家庭成員；

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

因為那些司空見慣的家庭紛擾

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

在放不下嫌隙之人的身上 造成嚴重的損害。

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

我想要帶著馬克．吐溫的 一句引言來收尾，

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

100 多年前他在回顧人生的當下，

But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown

他寫下這引言：

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

「生命如此短暫，我們沒有時間

with family, with friends, with community.

添進吵鬧、辯解、怒火中燒、克盡職志；

So what about you?

時間僅是用來愛人，

Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.

不過稍縱即逝， 看在愛的份上就說出來。」

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

好樣的人生建立在良好的人際關係上！

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

謝謝大家！

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

（掌聲）

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

long walks or date nights,

or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,

because those all-too-common family feuds

take a terrible toll

on the people who hold the grudges.

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.

More than a century ago,

he was looking back on his life,

and he wrote this:

"There isn't time, so brief is life,

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

There is only time for loving,

and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

The good life is built with good relationships.

Thank you.

(Applause)