Name: 感情世界的自我矛盾 (Take Your Birth Control)
Uploaded: 2018-03-31T21:01:01.000Z
Duration: 10 min 42 s

分詞構句

When I got pregnant, I was young, broke and dating this guy that we'll call Dick.

當我懷孕時，我還年輕而且很窮，正在跟一個叫 Dick 的傢伙約會

[Sound of him patting her thigh, white noise]

I met Dick while working on a TV show. I was a background artist,

我在一個電視節目工作時認識了 Dick 。當時我是個場佈美術

and I remember walking on to the studio lot and feeling awestruck.

我還記得走進片場時感受到的震撼

I'd watch actors take their mark, and directors call "action."

我看著演員就定位，然後導演會喊「開拍」

I had left the soul-sucking classrooms of Community College behind, and walked onto a living, breathing, filming set.

社區大學枯燥乏人的教室已經被我拋諸腦後，我現在可是走入了眼前生氣蓬勃的電影片場

A: Hi, hi. I'm here for background. I'm so sorry I'm late.

Anna ： 嗨，我是負責場佈的。很抱歉我遲到了

(豎琴滑奏過的樂音，浪漫音樂)

D: Uh, if you could just hang out here, uh, we're gonna get to you in a second.

Dick ：額你可以在那裡等一下嗎？等等就叫到你

(當她打量他的臀部時，性感音樂奏起)

Do you think you might want to work the show again?

I was buying my groceries at the 99-cent store to supplement Costco mac and cheese packs my parents had bought me.

我那時候只能從便宜雜貨店購物，還有仰賴父母買給我的 Costco 起司卷心麵過活

I wanted all the work and free hot meals I could get.

我想盡可能工作，還有享受工作場所提供的免費熱食

Dick asked for my number so he could book me directly, and every week, he called me in for work.

Dick 和我要電話，這樣他就能直接委派工作給我。每個禮拜，他都把我叫去工作

I loved it. And then one day, when I was signing out…

我開心極了。然後有一天，當我在簽退時...

I hadn't known this was on the table; if he was flirting that meant I could now relentlessly pursue him.

我不知道他是不是故意的，但要是他真的在和我調情，表示我可以開始瘋狂追求他了

It didn't take long before I was bombarding Dick with messages.

過不了多久我開始用許多訊息轟炸 Dick

And imagining what his butt looked like underneath those baggy cargo pants.

我開始幻想在那條鬆垮褲子的底下他的屁股長怎樣

-And then I found out...  - "My brother died."

-接下來發生了這件事... -我的兄弟過世了

-I'm sorry.  -And since I had lost a sister as well, my delusional self

-我很遺憾。-因為我有個姐妹也過世了，我的白日夢大頭

immediately created an entire romance novel starring us.

馬上開始幻想一部我們主演的羅曼史小說

Two survivors, we were meant to be together. We would

兩個生還者，我們註定要在一起。我們會...

In my head, we had an insanely deep connection.

在我腦袋深處，我們有超乎想像的連結

I was an insane person. From that point on I bugged Dick a lot.

我窮追不捨，從那一刻開始我密切注意 Dick

Over dinner, I learned he liked to meditate, loved the outdoors

用餐時，我得知他喜歡冥想，喜愛戶外活動

-and he said,  - "I don't believe in monogamy."

-然後他說... -我不相信一夫一妻制

It's an outdated concept that no man could possibly uphold.

這是個過時的概念，沒有任何男人能夠堅持的

I, like most hopelessly infatuated idiots, just figured; he hadn't met the right person yet.

我，就像其他熱戀中無可救藥的傻子一樣，單純認為他只是還沒遇到對的人

Dick and I dated for a year and a half, and every three months, he would cheat on me.

Dick 跟我交往了一年半，每三個月他就會劈腿一次

Every three months, he would admit his infidelity, and say he was sorry.

每三個月，他就會來坦誠他的不忠，然後跟我道歉

He blamed his behaviour on his brother's suicide, saying it had left him broken and damaged.

他把他的行為歸咎到他兄弟自殺的事，說那件事對他打擊極大

I told myself I understood the whole self sabotage thing, and instead of walking away…

我告訴自己我了解整件事只是在自虐，但我並沒有離開...

…I found out his phone's passcode. I would wait until he fell asleep and whore over his messages.

我破解了他的手機密碼。我會等他睡著了再偷看他的聊天記錄

He would get mad that I violated his privacy, and the cycle would repeat.

他會因為我侵犯隱私而抓狂，這樣的流程還會再發生

Despite these very clear red flags, we stayed together,

儘管有這些征兆，我們還是在一起

I was working four jobs, attending comedy, and acting classes and filming videos every week.

我有四份工作，每週還要參加話劇、表演課程還有錄影

I would go to sleep late and wake up early, often forgetting to take the pill. But whatever, right?

我晚睡早起，經常忘了吃藥。但有什麼大不了的？

I wasn't going to get pregnant. I'd already lost my sister; surely the universe would give me a break.

我才不會懷孕。我都已經死了姐妹，這個世界應該會待我和善一點

但是一天早上，我的乳頭感覺怪怪的

Smiley face? Smiley face. Smiley fucking face.

笑臉？大笑臉。去他的該死笑臉

This is not a great time for me to have kids, right, and you should be older,

我現在還不是有小孩的時候，而你也應該等年紀再大一點

you don't wanna have a baby! You should be much older.

你不會想要小孩！你年紀應該還要再大一點

Hey, look. You should probably have a baby with another guy.

嘿，聽著，你應該和別的男人生小孩

Seriously. He told me I should probably have a baby with another guy.

認真的。他竟然跟我說我應該和別的男人生小孩

Are we not even gonna have a conversation about this?

I'm not gonna go have an abortion without at least, like, talking thr-

我才不會沒有好好談過，就去墮...

[Abrupt silence, then sad music which continues under this section]

(突然的沉寂，接下來都是悲傷的音樂)

I had spent years secretly judging my friends for getting abortions.

過去幾年，我都會私底下議論我墮胎過的朋友

她們怎麼可以就那樣毀了一條生命？

I thought of them as selfish human beings who killed something that never stood a chance.

我把她們想成是自私的人類，不給任何機會就把胎兒殺掉

The view was great from that high ass horse.

But of course, when it happens to you, you go through the same reality check.

不過當然的，當事情降臨到自己身上，就會必須經過同樣的事實評估

Do I have the financial means to support a child?

我的經濟能力足夠養育一個小孩嗎？

No, I can barely afford to feed my three cats.

才怪，我連自己的三隻貓都快養不起

I eventually came to the same conclusion as Dick.

They told me I was only seven days pregnant.

The doctor was very impressed when I told him my clairvoyant nipples story.

當我和醫生說我的乳頭預知故事時，他感到印象深刻

I am very impressed with your clairvoyant nipples story.

What the doctor didn't tell me about the pill, is that it makes you nauseous.

醫生沒告訴我的是，墮胎藥會讓人噁心

I'll admit that I liked being thought of as pregnant.

我必須承認我喜歡被認為懷孕了

It made me want to walk around with a pregnant belly and see how I would be treated.

我會想挺著懷孕的大肚皮到處走，看他人會有什麼反應

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感情世界的自我矛盾 (Take Your Birth Control)

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