I'm a performer.

我是約書亞•華特斯

(Beatboxing)

我是位表演家

(Laughter)

【口技表演】

(Applause)

【笑聲】

But as far as being a performer,

【掌聲】

I'm also diagnosed

但身為表演家的同時

bipolar.

我也被診斷出

I reframe that as a positive

患有躁鬱症

because the crazier I get onstage,

我換個想法把它當成件好事

the more entertaining I become.

因為我在舞台上越瘋狂

When I was 16 in San Francisco,

我就越有娛樂性

I had my breakthrough manic episode

我16歲那年在舊金山的時候

in which I thought I was Jesus Christ.

我的躁症發作了

Maybe you thought that was scary,

我以為自己是耶穌基督

but actually there's no amount of drugs you can take

也許你們覺得那挺可怕的

that can get you as high

但老實說 想靠嗑藥

as if you think you're Jesus Christ.

High到以為自己是耶穌基督

(Laughter)

還不容易咧

I was sent to a place,

【笑聲】

a psych ward,

我被送到一個地方

and in the psych ward,

一間精神病院

everyone is doing their own one-man show.

在那間精神病院

(Laughter)

每個人都在唱自己的獨角戲

There's no audience like this

【笑聲】

to justify their rehearsal time.

那裡不像現在，有觀眾

They're just practicing.

來讓他們的「排演」看起來正式

One day they'll get here.

他們不斷地練習

Now when I got out,

好像有一天 他們也會站上舞台

I was diagnosed

在我出院後

and I was given medications

我接受了診斷

by a psychiatrist.

也拿了藥

"Okay, Josh, why don't we give you some --

精神科醫師開的藥

why don't we give you some Zyprexa.

「好吧 喬許（暱稱） 不如我開個......痾.....

Okay? Mmhmm?

那個......金普薩（常用精神藥物）給你好了

At least that's what it says on my pen."

好嗎? 嗯?

(Laughter)

至少藥商送的筆上是這個名字」

Some of you are in the field, I can see.

【笑聲】

I can feel your noise.

我看得出來你們有人在這個領域工作

The first half of high school

我聽到你們的笑聲了

was the struggle of the manic episode,

在我高中的前半段

and the second half

我都因為躁症發作而掙扎著

was the overmedications of these drugs,

後半段

where I was sleeping through high school.

則是服藥過量

The second half was just one big nap, pretty much, in class.

而讓我一路睡到畢業

When I got out

後半段差不多就是在學校睡一場很長的午覺

I had a choice.

畢業後

I could either deny

我有個機會抉擇

my mental illness

我可以排拒

or embrace

我的精神病

my mental skillness.

或者是擁抱

(Bugle sound)

我精神病症的「優點」

There's a movement going on right now

【口技表演喇叭聲】

to reframe mental illness as a positive --

現在有一個趨勢

at least the hypomanic edge part of it.

要人們正面看待精神疾病

Now if you don't know what hypomania is,

至少正面看待輕躁症的優勢

it's like an engine that's out of control,

如果你問我輕躁症是什麼

maybe a Ferrari engine, with no breaks.

它就像是失控的引擎

Many of the speakers here, many of you in the audience,

可能是法拉利的引擎 但沒有剎車

have that creative edge,

台下許多講者及聽眾

if you know what I'm talking about.

就有這樣的創意優勢

You're driven to do something

如果你們懂我在說什麼

that everyone has told you is impossible.

你們被驅使著去做一些

And there's a book -- John Gartner.

大家都說不可能的事

John Gartner wrote this book called "The Hypomanic Edge"

有一本書 約翰‧嘉納寫的

in which Christopher Columbus and Ted Turner and Steve Jobs

約翰‧嘉納寫了這本《瀕臨輕躁》

and all these business minds

在書中 哥倫布 泰德‧透納（CNN創辦人） 和賈伯斯

have this edge to compete.

這些頭腦精明的人

A different book was written not too long ago

都有這樣的優勢

in the mid-90s

不久前還有另一本

called "Touched With Fire" by Kay Redfield Jamison

在90年代中期寫的書

in which it was looked at in a creative sense

凱‧傑米森的《為火所染》

in which Mozart and Beethoven and Van Gogh

這本書就創意的角度來探討躁鬱症

all have this manic depression that they were suffering with.

提到莫札特 貝多芬以及梵谷

Some of them committed suicide.

都深受躁鬱症折磨

So it wasn't all

他們之中有幾位自殺了

the good side of the illness.

所以 這種病

Now recently,

並不只有好的一面

there's been development in this field.

最近

And there was an article written in the New York Times,

這個領域有了新的發展

September 2010,

紐約時報刊登了一篇文章

that stated:

2010年9月登的

"Just Manic Enough."

標題是

Just be manic enough

〈瘋得剛剛好〉

in which investors who are looking for entrepreneurs

瘋得剛剛好就好

that have this kind of spectrum --

文章談到有些投資人在尋找企業家

you know what I'm talking about --

有躁鬱症狀的企業家

not maybe full bipolar,

你知道我在說什麼

but they're in the bipolar spectrum --

或許不是完全的躁鬱症

where on one side,

而是有一點那樣的症狀

maybe you think you're Jesus,

或許一方面

and on the other side

他們覺得自己是耶穌

maybe they just make you a lot of money.

也可能同時

(Laughter)

他們就幫你賺了一堆錢唷

Your call. Your call.

【笑聲】

And everyone's somewhere in the middle.

完完全全看你怎麼想

Everyone's somewhere in the middle.

每個人其實都介於躁跟鬱之間

So maybe, you know,

都不是在躁鬱的兩極

there's no such thing

你們知道嗎 也許

as crazy,

根本就沒有

and being diagnosed with a mental illness

發瘋這回事

doesn't mean you're crazy.

即使被診斷出精神疾病

But maybe it just means

也不代表你真的瘋了

you're more sensitive

或許這只意味著

to what most people can't see

你比較敏感

or feel.

對於多數人看不到

Maybe no one's really crazy.

或感覺不到的事物敏感

Everyone is just a little bit mad.

或許沒有人真正瘋

How much

而每個人都有那麼點狂

depends on where you fall in the spectrum.

而你有多瘋狂

How much

就要看你離躁鬱的兩極有多遠

depends on how lucky you are.

而你離躁鬱的兩極有多遠

Thank you.

就要看你多幸運了

(Applause)

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