human, but it is also the source of considerable anxiety. Chiefly, we worry whether we are

但它也是諸多焦慮的來源

entirely normal because it frequently feels as if we are not experiencing love the way

首先，我們擔心自己究竟正不正常? 因為我們好像沒有一直體驗到我們應有的愛

we should be. Society is subtly highly prescriptive in this regard. It suggests that to be a decent

社會在此對我們給予了高度規範

person, we should all be within sexual relationships and furthermore, that within these, we should

我們必須正常的有性關係才能被認為是個像樣的人

'love' in a very particular way: we should be constantly thrilled by our partner's

不僅如此，我們還必須以某種特定的方式去「愛」

presence, we should long to see them after every absence, we should crave to hold them

我們必須隨時對伴侶的在場感到興奮 必須對重逢感到渴望

in our arms, to kiss and be kissed by them and – most of all – want to have sex with

我們必須想要與他們擁抱、親吻， 更不用說，還必須時常想要和他們做愛

them every day or so. In other words, we should follow the script of Romantic ecstasy throughout

也就是說，我們一生必須遵循著癡迷的羅曼蒂克劇本

our lives. This is beautiful in theory and hugely punitive in practice. If we're going

這在理論上看來很美，實際上做起來則很嚴苛

to define love like this and peg the idea of normality accordingly, then most of us

如果我們要那樣定義愛，並且以此定義正常。

will have to admit to ourselves (with considerable embarrassment) that we don't know much about

那麼多數人都得羞愧地承認我們不太懂愛

love – and therefore don't qualify as decent, sane, or normal people. We've created

而因此不能算是個像樣的、神智正常的、普通的正常人

a cult of love radically out of line with most of our real experiences of relationships.

我們依照著親密關係的經驗塑造出了愛情的神祕儀式

This is where the Ancient Greeks can help. They realised early on that there are many

這時候古希臘人就幫得上忙了 他們很早就明白愛有許多不同形式

kinds of love, each with their respective virtues and seasons – and that a good society

每一種愛都有各自的美德和風味

requires us to append a correct vocabulary to these different states of the heart, lending

而一個好的社會需要我們對這些不同的心理狀態給予不同詞彙

each one legitimacy in the process. The Greeks anointed the powerful physical feelings we

讓每種愛都得到正統性

often experience at the start of a relationship with the word 'eros' (ἔρως) . But

希臘人稱熱戀之初的強烈生理感受為eros (ἔρως) (慾望)

they knew that love is not necessarily over when this sexual intensity wanes, as it almost

但他們知道，大約一年過去，感情中的強烈性慾淡化後 並不意味著愛一定就結束了

always does after a year or so in a relationship. Our feelings can then evolve into another

這時候我們的感受可能發展成philia (φιλία)

sort of love they captured with the word 'philia' (φιλία) normally translated as 'friendship'

時常翻譯成友誼

though the Greek word is far warmer, more loyal and more touching than its English counterpart;

但是在希臘文中比在英文中更溫暖、忠誠和動人

one might be willing to die for 'philia'. Aristotle recommended that we outgrow eros

一個人可能願意為philia而死 亞里斯多德建議我們在年輕時就結束eros

in youth, and then base our relationships – especially our marriages – on a philosophy

然後以philia的哲學來建立關係，特別是婚姻

of philia. The word adds an important nuance to our understanding of a viable union. It

philia為我們對這種結合的理解增添了重要的差異

allows us to see that we may still love even when we are in a phase that our own, more

它讓我們看見當另一個較狹隘的詞失效的時候 我們仍然可以繼續去愛

one-sided vocabulary fails to value. The Greeks had a third word for love: agape (ἀγάπη).

希臘人還有第三個形容愛的詞: agape (ἀγάπη)

This can be best translated as a charitable love. It's what we might feel towards someone

這可以翻譯成慈愛

who has behaved rather badly or come to grief through flaws of character – but for whom

這是對表現不好的人 或對性格缺陷者依然具有同情心的感受

we still feel compassion. It's what a God might feel for his or her people, or what

那是上帝對祂的子民的感受

an audience might feel for a tragic character in a play. It's the kind of love that we

或是觀眾對悲劇人物的感受

experience in relation to someone's weakness rather than their strength. It reminds us

那是我們對一個人的弱點而不是其強處的感受

that love isn't just about admiration for virtues, it's also about sympathy and generosity

它提醒我們愛不只是對美德的仰慕 也是對弱點和不完美的同情與寬容

towards what is fragile and imperfect in us. Having these three words to hand – eros,

有了eros、philia、agape三個詞 強化了我們對愛的理解

philia and agape – powerfully extends our sense of what love really is. The Ancient

希臘人睿智的將混淆了的愛的概念分解成了不同的要素

Greeks were wise in dividing the blinding monolith of love into its constituent parts.

在他們的指引之下， 我們便能看見， 我們的生命中有比我們原來單一的詞彙所帶給我們的， 還要更多的愛

Under their tutelage, we can see that we probably have far more love in our lives than our current

請點擊連結來更深入了解我們的頻道

vocabulary knows how to recognise.

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