of the Parkland, Florida shooting.

A 19-year-old who had purchased multiple weapons

walked into his high school that he was expelled from

and shot and killed 17 students and teachers.

And even though these shootings

are happening more and more frequently,

I refuse to get used to it.

I also refuse to accept the idea that nothing can be done.

And look, my first instinct-- I'm gonna be honest--

my first instinct is to talk about limiting guns,

but-but I'm an idiot. I get it.

You know, yeah, in my dumb mind,

I keep thinking that gun violence

is somehow related to guns.

Haven't quite figured it out yet.

But the one thing I am sure about

is that a lot of people in America

think that after a shooting,

that is not the time to talk about guns.

Yeah, apparently it's way too soon.

You see, there needs to be a waiting period

before you can just get a gun conversation going.

It's a lot more responsible.

And now, if-if you told someone

that they had to solve gun violence

but they couldn't talk about guns,

most people would be like, "Well, then,

there's nothing I can do."

But most people are not Fox News.

Because over the last few days, Fox showed us

that once you remove the obvious solution,

you have no choice but to get creative.

We need to protect kids,

and that means we've got to have metal detectors,

we've got to have experienced cops--

I don't care if they're retired or they're still cops--

working in the schools,

and we've got to be able to have perimeter controls.

Wait, wait, wait. Is she still speaking about schools?

'Cause it sounds like she-she wants to build a compound

in The Walking Dead.

"Protect the kids. Build a perimeter around the wall!

I need them dead now!"

So her idea is don't touch guns--

just turn the school into a fortress. Yeah.

And, hey, wh-why stop with cops and perimeter controls?

Why not post snipers on the roof? Yeah.

Dig a moat. Fill it with gun-eating sharks. Yeah.

Stick the heads of other school shooters on spikes

outside the school to deter another attack!

But, I don't know, that-that seems like a crazy idea.

You can't have a school with snipers and armed guards

patrolling the perimeter.

No, apparently, we need those guns in the classroom.

We should start thinking about arming teachers.

A minimum of six to eight teachers and administrators

who are trained in the use of firearms.

It's an issue of not enough superior firepower

to stop these killers.

So now you want teachers to have guns.

Like, my teacher didn't even know who was talking in class.

Now you want to trust them to shoot the right kid?

Think about it, how many times did your teacher yell at the kid

next to the kid who was talking? Huh?

Like, one time, my teacher tried to hit one of the kids

with a blackboard eraser, missed completely,

and hit the kid next to him.

You want to give those people guns?

These ideas are so absurd.

It's like a game show host walked into Fox News

and just said, uh, "The next category is

Worst Ways to Solve Gun Violence. Go!"

Like, it might be kind of fun to live in their world,

you know, when you think about it.

Like, it's a world free of embarrassment.

No idea is too ridiculous.

'Cause I've-I've got tons of those ideas.

In fact, I'll-I'll give you one right now.

All right, so, look, the problem is school shootings, right?

So let's just get rid of the schools. Yeah.

Stick with me. Stick with me, people.

You can't school-shoot without a school!

Everyone gets homeschooled--

that way, no one can shoot their friends,

because homeschooled kids don't have any friends.

Problem solved.

(cheering and applause)

Actually, uh...

that was kind of fun. Yeah.

All right. All right, Fox News, it's your turn again.

-Self-defense classes are the best thing for a kid. -Okay.

So it's time that we actually think about this rationally

and go, "How do you improve upon this?" Well, you train them.

Learning combat, learning hand-to-hand combat.

Hand-to-hand combat?

Does this guy know what a gun is?

You see, it's only hand-to-hand

if both people agree to use their hands.

Hand-to-hand combat will only help you

if the other person isn't armed

or if their weapon of choice is a wooden board.

Like, "Relax, everyone,

"I've trained for this very specific moment.

Come here! Hi-yah!"

These ideas are just priceless, man.

Ah! That gives me another one.

All right, I got it.

I got a few complaints about my homeschooling idea,

so scratch that. We keep the schools

and equip them with huge super magnets, right?

Then, when a shooting starts,

a teacher presses a button

and the magnet grabs everything metallic.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, we'll lose a few kids with braces, but...

that's the price of freedom!

(cheering and applause)

Now, look, look, the truth is

we can't blame people on Fox for coming up with ridiculous ideas.

Right? It's not their job to be responsible

or even solve problems at all.

So they can just shut up and dribble.

Solving problems is the job of Congress.

Or at least I thought it was

until Florida Senator Marco Rubio schooled all of us.

Someone's decided I'm going to commit this crime,

they'll find a way to get the gun to do it.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a law that makes it harder.

It just means understand, to be honest,

it isn't going stop this from happening.

Ah. Nothing inspires more confidence

than a lawmaker who doesn't believe in the power of laws.

Yeah, it's like your pastor saying,

"Hey, man, I would pray for your cancer,

"but, I mean, who knows if this shit really works?

(laughing): I don't... I don't know."

(laughter)

And by the way, it's weird how Marco Rubio is super confident

in laws and their power when it comes

to restricting drugs and terrorism and abortion

and literally everything else,

and it's only when it comes to guns

that these people suddenly become all Zen.

"Look, man, if the universe wants it to happen,

"it's gonna happen, man.

Yeah, we're all just flowing down the river of time."

(laughter)

So another mass shooting, and we're in exactly the same place.

Don't talk about the guns and don't bother changing the laws.

It feels like nothing's ever gonna change,

except this time, there was one big difference--

those meddling kids.

Six days after the school massacre in Parkland, Florida,

the nation's youth are seizing the megaphone.

They are demanding changes to America's gun laws.

WOMAN: On Tuesday, students meet with state lawmakers

in Tallahassee, and from there, prepare for rallies

this week in Parkland, Florida,

and across the country next month,

including a march on Washington.

It has to be more difficult for somebody who is mentally ill

and disabled like him to acquire weapons of mass...

weapons like an AR-15.

We don't want to disarm America.

We want to make America have to work for their weapons.

A 19-year-old who can't purchase an alcoholic beverage

should not be allowed to purchase an AR-15.

They say that tougher gun laws do not decrease gun violence.

We call B.S.!

Goddamn, these kids are not messing around! Wow!

Yeah!

(cheers and applause)

I mean...

this also just goes to show how upside down everything becomes

when guns are involved.

Like, now, kids are acting like adults,

and adults are acting like children,

cause you've got senators like, "You're taking my favorite toys!

This is so unfair!"

And the kids are like, "You can't have them

if you're not responsible enough to handle them!"

-"I hate you!" -(applause and cheering)

"You're not even my real founding father!

I hate you!"

You know, these kids are inspirational.

They're doing town halls, they're marching on Congress,

all while mourning the loss of their fellow schoolmates.

So what they may lack in experience,

they seem to be making up for with sharp moral clarity.

And I know some people think "They're just kids.

Can they really make a difference?"

Well, think of it this way.

Their generation found a way to make it cool to eat Tide pods.

(laughter)

So there's nothing they can't do.