I'm about to head to the Philippines, uh in a couple of days

我正準備在幾天之內出發去菲律賓

So I'm like really, we're like rushing to get this video done

所以我真的..我們很趕著把這部影片完成

I apologise if there's been like a little delay

如果有點延遲我很抱歉

I'll try and post this out there when I'm in the Philippines

我到菲律賓後會試著上傳這部影片

but I have no idea when I'm gonna have time to do that based on our schedule out there

但我還不確定我甚麼時候有空 基本上要看我在菲律賓的行程

I'm in the Philippines, I'm going to the Philippines

可能是我在或要去或離開菲律賓的時候

...or I just came back from the Philippines. So,

可能是我在或要去或離開菲律賓的時候

Mabuhay, Mabubye!

Mabuhay, Mabubye!

okay...what am I doing?

好喔..我到底在衝啥小

Welcome back to another Dear Ryan!

歡迎回到又一集的Dear Ryan

That's not how I start these!

我不是這樣開始的

I need a Dear Ryan theme song, somebody make me a Dear Ryan theme song

我需要一首Dear Ryan主題曲，誰來幫我做一首

I should make my own Dear Ryan theme song.

我應該自己做一首主題曲

♪It's Dear Ryan♪

♪這是Dear Ryan♪

♪eh-eh♪

♪恩恩欸♪

That sounded like a Michael Jackson song.

聽起來像Michael Jackson的歌(?)

*BURP*

(打個隔)

So for those of you that haven't watched my draw my life

還沒看過"畫出我人生"的捧友們

And for those of you that don't know

還有根本不知道那是啥的人

Since I was 5 years old I did Judo my whole life.

我從5歲起就一直練柔道

Growing up when I did Judo, everybody's like, why?

從小到大每當我練柔道時，所有人都納悶為什麼要選柔道?

Why couldn't you take Karate, or like Taekwondo

為甚麼不選空手道或跆拳道

Judo was never a popular sport.

柔道從來都不是個熱門運動

Only up until recently since the rise of like Ronda Rousey

直到最近才出現像Ronda Rousey(女子格鬥家)的人

Judo has even been considered like a legit sport, I feel like.

我覺得柔道一直被視為一項正統運動

Sean and I are actually both black belts in Judo

Sean跟我其實都是柔道黑帶

Crazy right? Doesn't mean we're any good at it.

不可思議吧?不是說我們有多厲害

But we both have our black belts.

但是我們都是黑帶

We may have coloured our white belts with Sharpies, black belts nonetheless.

我們可能有拿麥克筆把白帶塗成黑的..

Call Sean Fujiyoshi.

(打給Sean Fujiyoshi)

Yo, I'm doing a Dear Ryan right now, can I, umm...

嘿我正在錄 Dear Ryan，我可以，呃...

Can I throw you?

我可以丟你嗎?

Like, Judo throws?

柔道那種丟?

*giggles*

00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,000 好喔

Alright! *laughs*

好喔..我猜就這樣了

Alright, here we go, I guess.

忍術之摩托車術

Of course for the really advanced,

最後還有這招

And last but not least...

看到了吧

See?

如果你的柔道跟我一樣猛，你就誰都不用怕了

If you got Judo techniques like this you ain't gonna be afraid of anyone.

就連Ronda Rousey也一樣

Not even Ronda Rousey.

沒錯Ronda

That's right, Ronda.

我公開挑戰你

I'm callin' you out publicly.

地點時間隨你挑

I'll take you out anytime, anyplace, anywhere you want to--

你說甚麼

What did you say?

...我們一起去吃晚餐

--go to...dinner.

時間地點隨你挑...一起去吃晚餐

I-I'll take you out to dinner anytime anyplace anywhere

我請客

My treat!

跟我想的一樣

That's what I thought.

可能還可以約去酒吧?

Maybe even go to a bar.

我其實有一間酒吧

After, I actually own a bar

我很樂意約你去，它叫手臂吧

I'd love to have you in it, it's called the arm bar.

我會折斷你手臂

I break your arm.

噢你死定了

OH YOU'RE DEAD

啊阿快!使出那招忍術之摩托車術!

[gasp] Quick! YamahaMotor-Gatame!

懂了吧?這就是人體 p & o

Get it? It's a human, p & o.

人體 piano

Human piano.

很多人一直問我

People are always asking me about

我覺得我解釋過了

I feel like I've explained it before

但是我看過一遍我的影片然後我不覺得我有解釋過

But I looked through my videos and I don't think I actually have...

所以我決定在現在講

...so I'm gonna do this one.

這道疤，看看他有多大

This scar, look how big this scar is right here.

還有這道

And a scar right here actually.

我某天被一群忍者攻擊

I was getting attacked by ninjas one day and...

好啦不編故事

*sigh* I'm not even gonna bother.

這是真實事件

This is a true story.

這不是我覺得驕傲的故事

It's not a story I'm necessarily proud of.

我6歲的時候，我記得是一年級吧

When I was 6 years old, I was in the first grade I remember...

我跟一群鄰居小孩在騎腳踏車

I was riding my bike with a bunch of my neighbourhood friends...

你知道那個時候有一個不怕死的特技選手

...you know at the time there was this stunt, dare-devil guy

叫Evil Kanival

called Evil Kanival

如果你不知道他誰人的話

If you guys don't who he is

他做過一些很狂的摩托車特技

He did a bunch of crazy stunts on his motorcycle

而我基本上很想跟他一樣，我覺得那是世上最酷的事

And basically I wanted to be him. I thought that was like the coolest thing in the world.

那時有一群鄰居朋友而我們都在騎車

There was a few of my neighbourhood friends and we were all riding our bikes

在我家附近的街上有個巨無霸水溝

On my street, there's this gigantic ditch.

差不多有2公尺深

I would say, about a 6 foot, 6 and a half foot drop.

然後莫名其妙的

And out of nowhere...

我騎著我的腳踏車，直直往水溝前進

I rode my bike, straight towards the ditch

想要提起腳踏車把手，做個帥氣的後空翻

Tried to lift up the handle bars, tried to do a backflip and land

但現實有點小差距

But it did not quite go that way.

所以我反而是

So instead I did [chuckles]

有點像成功做了一半的後空翻，然後在空中我覺得

...kind of like a half backflip then halfway through towards the end I was like...

死定了

OH MY GOD

我要掉下去了

I'M GONNA FALL

於是我就比把把手朝向一邊傾斜

But instead of bailing, I turned sideways

然後直接手臂著地，手整個斷掉

And basically I landed exactly on this arm, and completely broke my arm.

我打了石膏，而且顯然事情出了點差錯

I got it casted, and apparently I don't know, something went wrong with the casting

所以我一直到高中的時候都有手腕的問題

So by the time I was in high school, I kept having these wrist issues.

好像每彎一下手腕都會有一點痛

Like everytime I just bent it a little, it started to hurt.

我去照X光的時候，他們發現

When they got it x-rayed they realised

你知道就是從第一次傷害

that, you know from that first injury

我的手就被搞砸了

My arm got messed up.

因為這塊骨頭比較長

What they had to do because this bone was longer

所以他們就必須

What they had to do was they had to CUT

切除很大部分的骨頭

All the way through the bone and take out a chunk of bone

讓骨頭變短一點

To make this bone shorter.

這就是問甚麼這裡有這麼大一個一片

That's why there's big slices there.

然後他們幫兩根骨頭接了一根金屬支架

And then what they did is they went in and they attached a metal rod to the two bones

讓骨頭正常癒合

So that the bones would heal properly.

然後他們又放了另一根支架在這

And then they put another metal rod in here.

你知道，我手腕裡有兩根金屬兩年了

You know, I had metal in my arm for like, 2 years

有些金屬還在裡面

There's some metal actually still in there.

我之前其實覺得很難為情

I was actually really self-conscious about this

我之前都喜歡穿長袖的衣服

I used to always like wanna wear long sleeve shirts

你其實沒辦法做甚麼，還有其他更糟的事

There's nothing you can do about it. It couldn't, it could be worse

你鼻子搞不好也會留下傷疤阿

You could have a scar on your FRIKIN NOSE

等等

wait...

你要我先去地獄再自殺?

You want me to go to hell FIRST and then kill myself?

不合邏輯阿你要怎麼做到

That doesn't make any sense! How do you even do that?

因為如果你在地獄代表你已經死了，你要怎麼在地獄自殺?

'cause if you're in hell you're already dead. Can you even kill yourself in hell?

你如果活著根本沒辦法下地獄吧?沒道理阿

There's no way you can go to hell if you're still alive. That doesn't make ANY sense...

除非..

unless...

(抽一口氣)

[gasp]

天啊這是地獄!!!

OH MY GOD THIS IS HELL

認真你就輸了

Seriously though.

呃恩...

uhm......

我不知道怎麼做欸(笑)

I don't know how to do that. [chuckles]

我的饒舌其實很國小五年級

My rapping is basically 5th grader poetry.

我都直接隨便找押韻的字

I just look for words that rhyme as fast as I can

就算組合起來根本沒有意義

And then I just, even if doesn't make sense I'll just say it. [chuckles]

這就是我的freestyle

That's how I freestyle

但我就試試看吧

...but I'm just gonna go for it.

00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:54,060 YO，我坐在這裡做Dear Ryan

[AHEM]

叫我MGM，因為我都在對你"說謊" (註:說謊與獅子音近)

Yo, I'm sitting right here, doing this Dear Ryan

當我坐在這裡亂編一通

Call me MGM, 'cause Imma straight lyin'. To you.

我其實把歌詞寫在我的杯子上

When I say that I'm making this up.

騙你的其實我沒寫

I got all the lyrics written out on the back of this cup.

其實我已經做過這集Dear Ryan (註:dear與deer音近)

I'm just kidding there's nothing really on there.

我甚至不知道為甚麼他還在這

In fact, I already did this Dear Ryan

我告訴你因為我懶

I don't even know why it's still here.

我有點狂

I'll tell you why, because I'm lazy.

當我張大眼睛，你是向日葵我是雛菊

I'm a bit crazy.

完全說不通

When I open my eyes big you got sunflowers I got daisies!

因為我趕時間，點點點..

That made no sense.

好喔

Because I need to buy time now...dot dot dot...

好現在我知道這首饒舌要怎麼結束了

OK

我要繼續押n結尾的字

Okay, now I know how this rap's gonna end.

像 abbreviation還有condensation

I'm just gonna keep rhyming words that end with "n"

從一到十(ten), IGN

Like abbreviation, and condensation

給十(ten)分

On a scale from one to ten, IGN

還有你們這些不覺得這是真饒舌的人

Raised a ten out of ten

你們這些不相信我在即興發揮的人

And for all of y'all who don't think I'm really rapping

你是對的，我沒有

For all of y'all that don't think I'm really freestyling

我其實把歌詞寫在我的杯子上

You're right. I'm not.

我的天阿我好弱

I've got all the lyrics on the back of this cup

好啦我剛是真的在自由發揮

*laughs* Oh my god that was so bad

但是我很遜

Okay I was, I was, I was freestyling

我道歉我對不起你們

But the- I-I I'm not good

所有真正的饒舌歌手們

I'm sorry, I'm sorry guys

真是不好意思冒犯了你們

To all the real rappers out there

你們不知道找Marley(可愛的臘腸狗室友)合作有多難

That was such an insult, I'm sorry guys

很好

*sigh* You guys have no idea how difficult it is to work with Marley

聽起來根本不向迴響貝斯(dubstep)

Cool.

迴響貝斯是這樣...

That doesn't even sound like dubstep

Dubstep sounds more like...