to have a girlfriend until you're like 35.

在 35 歲前交女友

She is loving, but very strict.

她很有愛，但是很嚴格

She's constantly moving, constantly working,

她常跑來跑去、工作、

constantly offering you food.

不斷給我食物

I would say my mom is wild.

我覺得我媽滿狂放

She's very energetic and very silly.

她充滿活力而且很愚蠢

She can yell.

她會大叫

Like, across like a football stadium.

可以穿越足球場那樣大聲

"Sissy Joanne!"

「Sissy Joanne！」

What have I done in my past life

我上輩子做了什麼

to deserve this?

要受這種罪？

She'd be like, "Huh?"

她會說：「蛤？」

"Huh? What did you say?"

「蛤？你說什麼？」

"Can you say that again?"

「你再說一次？」

"Say that to your mother."

「跟你媽說這種話！」

I always just figured I would just like never date when I was in high school,

我在中學的時候，總覺得我不可能去約會，

or that if I was gonna do it,

或是我要約會的話，

I'd have to do it in secret behind her back.

我就會背著我媽偷偷來

They want you to focus on schoolwork,

媽媽想要小孩專心課業，

and then by like 25, they're like,

在 25 歲以前約會，媽媽會說：

"What's wrong with you?"

「你有什麼問題？」

"Kevin, if you had a girlfriend, you would tell me, right?"

「Kevin 如果你交女友，你會跟媽媽說的，對吧？」

I'm just like, "Yeah, sure."

我就說：「嗯，當然。」

"You don't need any other man in your life besides your father."

「你的生命中除了爸爸不需要有別的男人。」

Discussions with my mom about dating

和我媽討論約會這種事情

were basically nonexistent.

根本不存在

When I go shopping with her, she'll be like,

我和她去購物時，她都說：

"Nothing past $10."

「不能買超過 10 美金的東西。」

My mom has basically taught me

我媽告訴我

that I don't have to pay anything at full price.

不要買沒打折商品

"You have a shirt just like that, Sissy."

「你已經有一件那種衣服了，Sissy。」

"Why would you spend any more money on another shirt like that?"

「為什麼要再多花錢買一件差不多的？」

"Kevin, you need to think about the family."

「Kevin 你必須為家庭想想。」

"It's not just about you."

「不能只在乎自己。」

Up until college, I wore exclusively JCPenney clothes.

大學以前，我只穿傑西潘尼百貨的衣服

With career, my mom was just always like,

對於工作，我媽每次都說：

"Are you sure you don't want to be a nurse?"

「你確定你不當護士嗎？」

"Well, you studied something Englishy, you could go to law school."

「你學了跟英文有關的東西，你可以去念法律。」

When my mom met my roommate,

我媽有次見到我室友，

who is a programmer, she was like,

他是個程式設計師，然後我媽說：

"Chris could have been a programmer too."

「Chris 也可以當程式設計師。」

"He majored in programming, but you know, he's not a programmer."

「他主修寫程式，但是，他不是程式設計師。」

"You know, you should get your master's degree."

「你應該去念碩士。」

"Oh, you know, there's still time to be a pharmacist."

「噢其實要當藥劑師為時不晚。」

"Doctor" still gets thrown around.

醫生這個職業還是很受歡迎

"Oh, why don't you become a doctor?"

「你為什麼不當醫生？」

She wanted me to kind of grow in her footsteps

她想要我跟隨她的腳步

and do that same career,

然後做一樣的工作，

but it never really worked out,

但是我沒被她說服，

and I think she just got over it after a while.

她一段時間後就打消這個念頭了

Sometimes moms just have a hard time accepting the fact that

有時候媽媽很難接受一個事實

they can't help you with everything.

就是他們不能幫忙你所有事情

I think that's also a really good opportunity

我覺得這也是個很好的機會

for you to like bond with each other.

讓你們關係更緊密

I'd resented it when I was younger,

我小時候討厭媽媽這樣，

but I appreciate it now, and I wouldn't change anything.

但我現在會感激，也不想要去改變

And so I don't think I could ever thank her enough

我覺得對媽媽的感謝永遠不夠

for always just looking out for me and making sure that

她一直關心我，並且確保

had my head on straight, had money in my pocket, and my stomach was full.

我腦袋清醒、口袋有錢、吃飽喝足